I feel so much better. Now that you're gone forever, I tell myself that I don't miss you at all, I'm not lying, denying that I feel so much better now
That you're gone forever~

Southpark. God, that name still sounds as sour as it did as a child. I mean honestly, it's a rundown Podunk little piece of shit town. Every person living there is ignorant, judgmental, religious in some rude way, and ridicule any form of "different" even though their the ones as over the top ridiculous as it gets. I never once thought in my comic/sci-fi fantasy infatuation ran world I of all people would have wanted to get the fuck out of there. Growing up as Kevin Stoley no one really paid any attention to you. I guess it wasn't all a bad thing. It gave me a lot of time to reflect on myself. Ponder my behavior. It's just, they consistently teased, prodded, and constantly found new ways to label me as an outcast . I was just a cure for boredom. No one ever gave a damn about me. After they were done with me, they'd just scramble away like it never happened in the first place. The only people that were truly invested in me was my parents and family who's aspirations were and are ridiculously high on my behalf. They spent all their time with me, making me study, forcing me on the honoroll, student counsel, volunteering at any place possible, and it was all just to get me ready for college. I lost all of my time to myself. And honestly, going to college? For what? Some crappy little routine high-paying job? That's not going to make me happy. I was forced to put down my comic books and step foot in such a cruel disgusting reality. It made me for the most part an angrier kid all throughout senior year. Then just as easily it lit my fuse to scramble away as soon as I hit legal age to do so.

I talk like I'm some fucking reject, really, I'm not. I'm just overly frustrated with it all. But there really isn't a reason to be. It's all in the past. I keep holding on to it like its the only life I've lived. I clearly know why I do that, but that's another story all together. And I'd rather not talk about it. I just hate this place. But no matter how badly I trash talk the place.. It's home. It's my childhood. I grew up here, it was what I knew, and what I loved as a kid. So I can't just plain up hate the place all together. Cause its got that cozy label on it. That warm and fuzzy feeling of home, and I'm not able to shake it away no matter how hard I struggle. It's got me cocooned in it's wrap of cozy wool. Okay, I'm getting carried away here. There is another reason why I keep coming back. It's the one activity here that's fucking grand and makes me enjoy my bi weekly visits. Southpark Raves. I don't drink, smoke, do any kind of drugs, or have any addiction at all really. I just, love to dance. It's so exhilarating. It's that one thing that keeps me smiling when the Con's aren't available. I am so invested in it, I even have my own little image. Call me a dork, but I wear a mask. It makes me feel like a smug talented jerk. Cause that's what I am as this persona. So as I'm standing here with my hands in the pockets of my fleece fox hoody, dorky as ever I wait at the edge of the circle. The thrumming music reverberating through my feet traveling its way up my legs, it was powerful enough to feel in my chest. It was so familiar now. I used to be so goddamn nervous at these places, I heard so many fatal stories. But when I step foot in here now, I don't even think twice. Its all about caution and making the right choices. It's second nature. And at this current moment, I'm waiting for the right chance to jump in the circle and wipe them out with dance. It's not an official competition, its just a little circle on the floor, yet I'm pumped and ready to call it a personal competition. I like the look on their faces. The surprise when I'm out there giving it all, but I'm officially getting known around here as of lately. There's many people who are already waiting for me to strike. I'm challenged quite often, but no ones ever seen my face.

I like it that way. it gives me a feeling of power, and a sense of security. I am no one, I'm just a symbol of good dance. I'm that imaginary guy people get to make a face for. I'm an anonymous. I love it. And it's just about my time. The floor seems scattered at the moment, and people are waiting for anyone to just jump in. Which was my intention. I couldn't help but have this sly smirk on my face. No one could see it, but I'm sure they could sense it once I was on the floor.

My feet just know what to do. I feel the music. Quite literally, I'm not telling my body to do this. I just feel it. Its fucking great, it's like a release. I'm always holding back so much in everyday life. I hardly ever get to just, let loose. No one ever likes what I do, I build Gundams, play magic the gathering, 3d chess, sculpt model figurines, I do all sorts of digital artwork, commissions, I sew and make my own cosplays, I can play guitar/bass/keyboard/harp, and I was a straight A student. Nothing was ever enough. No one, ever gives me any recognition for the stuff that I do. I loved Star Wars, and people even ridiculed me for that. I'm nerdy? When half the town was living under infatuation with Lord Of The Rings. I never fit in. So when I'm dancing my heart out, like right now, and hearing the cheers of everyone around me. It's very euphoric. They love what I do here. And I'd never let that go.

Although I was at the beginnings of being a panting mess. And just as I was finishing up with an abrupt flare, another dancer entered the floor. I had just enough time to stand up, and take a look at the man before he broke into an all out rhythmic shuffle. He was so in tune with the music, and dressed casual as ever. He was a shaggy haired stalky brunette, his legs were covered in some worn out light wash jeans, his shirt was just some plain burgundy T, and his shoes were so incredibly worn out that his white socks were visible through holes in his faded checkered Chucks. I was surprised, cause I never seen someone dance like that before. He had his hands in his pockets displaying a slack nature, but his facial expression was kind of on the goofy side. He had this weird little half smirk, clearly proud of himself. I thought about jumping back in, but it was getting hot under this thin layer of plastic. The atmosphere was muggy, and making it hard to breathe. I needed a break, and besides, another person joined. So I took my leave for the back door.

The stairwell to the outside was something out of a horror movie I swear. It was so worn down, the pathway up was very thin and dark, the only light was flickering, and the stairs were just cement. The door itself looked more on the newer side though. I took note to how cold it felt under the heat of my bare clammy hand. And once it opened, the feeling of the crisp cool mountain air rushed along my neck, it was relief. I couldn't keep this on any longer, so I ripped the mask off my face and replaced it with my black rimmed glasses I've been prescribed with since I was thirteen. After that I just stood there and relished in the feel. I stood against the back wall, the brick was hard and sturdy supporting my weight like a good friend, the little fibers of fleece managed to stick to it when I shifted my weight over to the other side of my body. But it didn't exactly cool me down as much as I thought it would so I went the extra mile and unzipped the beast, giving a sigh as it sagged down my shoulders exposing my skin to the cool air. I was in a black wife beater and happy I wore it instead of a t-shirt. That thing would have been a sauna. And within a few moments I was able to shake the heat.

There was a second great thing about this town, and that was its glorious stars. They were so clear. In a city it was so muggy you could barely even see them. I bet someone who was born in the city and visiting a country or small mountain town would actually be frightened at the sight for the first time. Moving away to a city, this was one of the things I missed most. I just couldn't help but loll my head back and gander the bright specks of light glistening in the clear sky. It was a cool thought to know that there was a star as many light years away as the month I were born. There was a star for everyone for that matter. Light that traveled as many years as I am old. I'm a dork. But astronomy interests me to the max. Looking up at the sky it had me wondering if the light from my birth star, was being absorbed into my retina as it's last journey tonight. 21 years of traveling. Same age, born the same month as me, and it's last journey being my own eyes. It had me grinning like an idiot. I was having some kind of nerdgasm, I dunno. I got bubbly the more I thought about my birth star. So much so that I kinda just zoned out at the sky, its huge array of scattered white dots on its midnight blue canvas. The moon was a beautiful crescent shape tonight, gently moving a center meter away from earth every year. It was grinning at me, and I gave it a smile back. No wonder why people call me weird.

"Kevin?"

"Huh?" Without even thinking I responded to my name. The last thing I wanted was to be noticed by a familiar in this town. I wanted to be the guy who just left. And as of right now, I completely blew that off. So, trying for nonchalant-- when really on the inside I was in a maze of panic--I gazed through the side of my eyes in the direction I heard my name. And the least expected of all was there. Stan Marsh. I don't even speak to Stan. But I gave him my attention anyways so I wouldn't come off as rude. "Yeah?" I couldn't help my voice to be a bit uneasy.

He gave me this golden boy smile that everyone always praised him for, his pale skin so prominent under the nights natural light. His eyes a dazzling blue like they always were. I hadn't seen Stan in years, He grew rather tall, and his shoulders squared out. He was no longer that boyish figure, he was a man. His face was defined, sports done his body good, and he had this small hint of stubble on his jaw line. Almost like he forgot to shave recently. I can't picture this guy being the facial hair type. When he spoke out, I took notice to how much his voice deepened, though it still had that soft gentle feel to it, just quite a few notches lower and he must have been a bit sleepy judging by the huskiness and the fact it was around 3 am in the morning. "I haven't seen your face in a few years."

I stood there blinking like an idiot for a couple moments. I wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Y-yeah" I managed to stutter out, it was followed by a nervous chuckle.

Stan was not easily shied away, and took a confident stride and leaned up against the wall beside myself. For some reason it was making me self conscious, my height stopped at his shoulder. Stan was a tall guy, either that or I was a short person. I stood here in all my 5'8 glory. It didn't feel as free anymore, the air that is. It felt awkward. Like some kind of tension. I'm not sure if it was just me feeling it or not, but I wanted to have some excuse to leave. I was fiddling with my sweater sleeves now, out of a nervous habit.

"Why'd you leave?" He piped up. I felt his eyes boring at the side of my head. I wanted to ignore the question and all out avoid that blaze blue stare of his. "During grade 12, you really came out of your shell. You had a few friends, I just kinda thought you'd stay with your parents and go to college." That had me laughing. Talk about Mr Analysis.

"Yeah.. So did a lot of people." I dared to catch his eyes. But I honestly didn't want to talk about this right now. Or at all for that matter. "I didn't think of you as the raver type." It was the best thing I could come up with. So I shoved my hands in the soft fleece of my pockets and awaited a reply.

"I'm not." At that I looked at him, and he was still looking in my direction before he smiled and trailed it towards the sky. "That look you have is saying 'What the fuck?'" He laughed. "I have stupid friends."

"I already knew that." I looked away.

He gave an exasperated sigh. "And I'm not even talking about those ones. But you did get me there. And honestly the originals really take the cake." I raised an eyebrow allowing a small smile to find its way to my features. "Different ones tonight. Still idiotic." I nodded along. "Would you care to meet them?"

"Huh?" He caught me off guard.

"You looked lonely. We can all have some fun together if you'd like."

I politely shook my head. He gave a nod in response. And another silence creeped over, it wasn't as uncomfortable as it was before though. So my panic was set aside.

"Marsh!" My heart skipped a beat. In quick and stupid thinking I pulled my sweater on as fast as possible and hooded my figure. The obnoxious fox ears now currently pointing up right, they were probably pulling more attention my way.. But it wasn't fast enough, I ended up seeing the person emerge from the dark. He was so, so tall. Standing above 6 foot for sure. I was in a small bit of denial with who it was. "You fucking moron." His voice was deep, and had just a hint of a nasally childish nature to it. My heart was racing a mile per minute at this point.

"Shut it Tucker." Stan responded.

"Were taking off, Clyde's getting too ridiculous. If you'd like a ride home, Id suggest dragging your ass along." The conversation faded from my conscious mind.

I was stuck on that name. Clyde. It made my blood chill. I needed to get out of there before I had to face him again. Oh, did I mention I was friends with him all through senior year? We had a few same interests and I was one of the only ones who he could share that with. He's such a great guy. I mentioned earlier about how no one gave a damn. I'm technically a liar cause Clyde was always there for the endings of high school telling me how fucking amazing the things I could do were. He was such a huge part of my life, and gave me so many realizations. He was even encouraging me to take on cosplay commissions for money when I needed a job but was terrible at customer service in food establishments. My parents down talked my hobbies but he was that one person encouraging them. He was that one person I cared for just a bit to much. I couldn't have it, and didn't want to make things fucking weird. I didn't want to throw my parents world upside down by telling them my supposed sexual orientation. I wasn't even sure if it was legit yet. All I could do was label it to myself as a phase. I just wanted to get away and hopefully find a girl that I can be happy with. I began to distance myself from him. I hadn't given any explanation as to why. And I've been doing good with it, I don't want to end that now. It'll be a painful reminder of what is left in Southpark, that one thing I can't have or shake away. And as I clue in to the conversation again, and gently lift my gaze from the ground to what I think is the two of them, it's too fucking late when I catch a pair of milk chocolate orbs. Everything in that moment froze for me. And my memories flooded with things I had pushed back for years. I hate it when it does this. Cause it ends up reminding me that I'm 20, and this "phase" is still fucking lingering. The brunettes eyebrows raise significantly, and his plump pink lips stretched into a smile.

"Keven Stoley?" Hearing my name from him snapped me back to reality. Although I couldn't find my voice. I gave a sheepish nod, and Clyde's loudness caught Craig's attention too. Cause he turned towards me to get a look and see if it was really the Asian nerd from his childhood. I felt like a rat in a restaurant at that moment. I was so lost, I had no fucking idea what I should say. I looked around then back at Stan. In a lack of anything that made sense I scraped something up.

"I, thought you hated each other." Nerves getting the better of my voice, cracking it mid sentence. I sounded like a pubescent boy, and I felt the heat flare in my cheeks. To my luck they didn't mention it, and Stan went to open his mouth but Craig actually interrupted him.

"It's a long story." His eyes were a pale blue, much like Stan, very electrifying. Their eyes were beautiful and not exactly the same, one shade off from one another. And judging by the ferocity of Craig's stare I didn't want to hear about the long story.

Clyde bounded towards me and I found my eyes falling to the ground. And then I caught sight of his worn down checkered Chuck All Stars...

"Whoa!" Clyde's sudden burst had me jump. I looked at him. "You were the one dancing! That's amazing. I didn't know you could dance.. I thought I was the only one with rhythm." He laughed. Apparently his realization hit him at the same time it hit me. "I haven't seen you in so long, how've you been?" His quirky nature shone bright. He was just a bit taller them me, and his hair had always had a messy array of locks strewn about. A constant bedhead like nature. His eyes had a natural smile to them, and the color was this creamy chocolate brown. He was always stocky, it actually fit quite well with his naturally round soft face. I wanted to give him a hug. Or some kind of bro fist. But all I can do is give an honest answer.

"I've been alright. Just getting by." He nodded. Then frowned.

"Remember at graduation, when you said we'd go to comic con the year after?" his face was now in this playful glare. "Then the year after you just kinda like, moved away." He hugged himself, ever dramatic as always. "Left me in the dust.. No comic con for Clyde." He gave a fake pained expression before smirking like a king and dropping his hands back down into his jean pockets. He was right. I wanted to go to San Diego with him for the week of Comic Con the year after grad. But what he didn't know was what how badly my situation was becoming. I wanted to hang around him so often I felt like I had some ridiculous school girl infatuation. It was down right embarrassing for myself. And everyday when we'd meet to hang out, just sitting by him on a park bench I'd find myself thinking to much about how our legs were just barely touching. Or how when he'd whisper something to me, his breath was so warm and welcoming. I was caught up in Clyde Donovan like I've never been caught up in anyone before. And everyday it'd get worse, and the worse it got the more terrified I would feel. I was already ridiculed, and if I came out as a homosexual? I didn't even want to go there. There wasn't away for me to just stop hanging out with him or dare even tell him what was going on with me. I just had to get out of there. I had some second thoughts, but the last straw was how hard my parents were pushing me. I didn't want to learn about business or accounting. I wanted a job in the convention industry. I wanted to even volunteer my time. I wanted to make money with doing something I loved to do. And if no one could support that then I'd find my own life. And right now, I had this guy I was so enveloped in, just standing in front of me awaiting any kind of reply or any kind of input to why I abruptly left that year. I had so many reason and ironically I didn't have one I could tell him. So I went for a lie.

"Yeah." I tried for a laugh. "I had a cousin in the next town over who wanted me to head over for a job opportunity. My parents desperately wanted me to take it. long, long story though." I gave him the most genuine smile. It was so silly, cause my parents really fought against me leaving. I lived with one room mate in the town that's four hours away. And I never met any of my cousins before, most of them lived in Beijing.

"Oh. So how goes the job?" Uhhhhhhhhhhgg. I want to pull my hair out.

"It's going good. Good money. Not the greatest job, but it gets me by." I couldn't keep eye contact. I was actually a terrible liar. But as of the past few years I've been lying to even myself. I'd like to say I've gotten better at it. And he gave a slow nod. I heard an exasperated sigh in the background.

"Donovan, we're leaving. If you're coming, then I'd suggest you take your leave now." Craig muttered. Stan gave a small wave. I gave one back as he and Craig took their leave. I looked at Clyde expecting to smile a goodbye.

"Fuck, I'll be there in a minute." Clyde rolled his eyes. "How long are you in town?" My heart seemed to be hammering in my chest. I wonder how long it's been doing that for.

"The next four days."

"Give me your number so we can hang out."

"Okay..." It sounded very pitiful coming out. He handed me his phone and I punched in my number, I clicked save contact and handed him his device back. He smirked at me, and I was still stuck on our conversation. He held out his fist, and I brought up mine, he knocked them together and my body was full of this annoying giddy feeling I wanted to stuff in a barrel and light a huge bonfire with. Fuck. What kind of man am I?

A/N: Welcome. Thanks for reading, I've had this idea going on for some time now, finally wrote it out. Please tell me what you think, second chapters halfway written out. And the lyrics at the beginning are from Three Days Grace, it really awkwardly fit with what I was writing.. ._. If I missed any spelling errors or if you have any constructive criticism it's appreciated. : I seem to have a love for side characters..