A/N A short piece of fluff to distract from a long multi-chapter fic I'm working on. And the fact that I have to go back to work on Monday. And it's cold. And snowing. Blech. Wrote this in about 40 minutes, then spent another hour proofreading. I usually don't work this fast, thought I'd try to. PLEASE review!
Well, this has grown, hasn't it? Chapter 4 is almost complete - parts 1-3 are up! I reiterate - PLEASE review!.
"Maura."
She looks up from the paperwork in front of her. Her face is immobile. "Yes Jane? I'm rather busy."
"What's your problem?"
Maura looks back at the paper in front of her dashes off her signature. "What makes you think I have a problem?"
"What makes me...Maura you've been...like this...for three days!"
"Like what?"
"Hostile, distant, cold...angry. You face shows it. You're mad. And you're mad at me, because you aren't treating anyone else this way. What'd I do?"
Maura stands, places the tips of her fingers on the desktop, holds her head down as she thinks it over. Then she comes out from behind the desk, with a look on her face and in her eyes that makes Jane Rizzoli, toughest detective in homicide, step back.
She stands a foot from Jane, her arms folded, one foot slightly extended, her weight on her back foot. The glare might just melt Jane into a puddle if she sustains it long enough.
"When were you going to tell me you were gay?"
Jane's jaw drops. Her eyes dull as if she's been hit on the head. She flaps her mouth like a grounded fish, but before he can verbalize, Maura presses on. Relentlessly.
"How long have you been attracted to women?"
All Jane's protests, her defensive perimeter collapses. She drops her eyes. "Forever."
"And you had no intention of telling me this?"
"I..." Jane pauses. Deflects. "How'd you know?"
"I was at Flanagans Saturday night."
"Flana...oh, no."
"Oh, yes."
"But you hate Flanagans."
"Normally, yes. I'm not a fan of pub food. But I had a conference at MIT all day and someone suggested it for dinner, so several of us went there. It was noisy and crowded. And as I was weaving through the crowd to our table, whom should I see but Jane Rizzoli, at a table in the corner, with a fashion-model blonde dinner companion. You were laughing, flirting, the life of the party. And before I sat down and lost sight of you, you kissed that woman. And it was no sweet little peck, either. You were ready to...to fuck her, right there on that table, dishes and all. Needless to say I had no appetite for the rest of the evening."
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see that. I never wanted you to see anything like that."
"So...I'm you're best friend. You say. You were going to hide something so important from me? I'm appalled at your lack of trust, Jane."
"Maura...please..."
"I don't want to hear it."
"You don't even know what I'm going to say."
"You're going to make excuses."
"I want to explain."
"Explain? Explain how you've known me for five years, we've been as physically and emotionally close as friends can be, and you've never even considered me as a romantic partner? How many bimbos like that...person have you gone chasing after, Jane? And I've been right here, in front of you all this time?"
"A few. I don't know." Jane sits down on the uncomfortable designer chair, not meeting Maura's eyes. Maura softens enough to sit near her on the couch.
"All right. Explain. If you want to. Or don't."
"Maura I've never seen you so angry. Not since..."
"What am I supposed to feel, when I'm on the verge of having my heart broken?"
"What do you...?"
Maura waved a hand. "Oh, just say your say."
"I've known I was gay since...oh, I started noticing girls at the same age most girls start noticing boys. All my fantasies were about girls. There were so many times I wanted to ask one of the girls in high school out...I'm glad I was smarter than I was horny, or I would have been in real trouble. I almost did get in trouble when a girl I was seeing – secretly – threatened to turn me in to the priest when she and I broke up. I never heard anything from anybody, so I guess she figured that if she ratted me out she'd get in trouble herself.
"Nobody knows. Not Ma, Frankie...nobody. No one at work. Only the women I go out with. Sleep with. And none of then last more than a few weeks." She paused. "And now you. You've blown my cover."
"But why did you keep it from me? I wouldn't judge you."
I know that. But, look, you appreciate logic. It breaks down to two outcomes. First, you're straight, and then I'd have no hope with you; or you're gay, and that means I might try but...damn, Maura, you're really above my pay grade."
Maura looks quizzical. "I don't understand."
"Look at you. Totally pissed off, and yet not a hair out of place. You're stunning. You're a f...you're a genius. You're rich. You're incredibly competent at what you do. You're probably amazing in the sack. You're so far out of my league that we don't even play the same game. So even if you were gay, we could never..."
"Wait Jane, wait. It sounds like...it sounds like you're giving me reasons why you feel you can't...date me? Have a relationship? Where did that come from?
"After our...fight, after we patched things up, I began to think about what I'd have done if we hadn't gotten back together. And I realized I'd miss you in a way that was more than just losing a friend. My guts ached. I cried a lot. And think I just admitted that I was feeling like that because I was in love with you. I was feeling like I'd broken up with a lover, not a friend. And we'd never been anything of the kind."
Maura sits with her elbows on her knees, silent for a long time absently handing Jane a box of tissues to wipe her teary eyes. She isn't looking at Jane; she's staring off into space. During this silence Jane resists the urge to get up and run, anywhere, as fast as she can; she doesn't want to face Maura's wrath. Finally Maura speaks up.
"Do you have any idea how I felt when I saw you with her? What just welled up in my throat?"
"Anger? Disgust?"
"I was jealous. Ferociously, fiercely jealous. I wanted to grab her by that platinum dye job and drag her out of there and kick her when she was down. It was only for a moment, not even a second, but it felt like fire was rising up from my stomach. I didn't even know her name and I hated her."
Maura Isles never has a bad word to say about anyone. Until now. "Maura...why?"
"I was able to reason it out later. One, she wasn't me. Two, even if you didn't want me, you deserved so much better than someone like her."
"Candace. She was actually very nice. She's the early-morning newscaster on channel 24."
"Are you going to keep seeing her?"
"No. we had dinner, went to her place...and decided we really...there wasn't any chemistry. Despite that kiss. We left on a friendly note."
Maura breathes a deep sigh. Jane asks, "Why would you be jealous? You date guys."
"Lately. I just haven't been able to work up any interest in women, and I do need some sort of sex life. I'm bisexual. All my life. So yes, I am interested in you. I am very attracted to you. I am in love with you, Jane."
Jane brightens, flashes a beaming smile, then her face drops again. "Wait...you hid that from me, but when I hide things from you, you go ballistic? What is that?"
"I just assumed you knew. You've seen me flirt with women. You've seen me flirt with you."
"I never really took that seriously."
"Jane, when will you get it through your head that you and I can have a relationship, that we do have one, and that we need to clear all this foggy foolishness away and get on with it? I've been angry at you all weekend, but part of me has been full of...joy. Yes, joy. Because I knew that I might have a chance with you."
"What if I'd been serious about Candace?"
"I'd have been patient." Maura stands, leans over Jane with her arms on either side of Jane's head, braced against the back of the hard chair. "She clearly was not your type." Maura brings her face within inches of Jane's; they can feel each other's breath on their lips.
Jane cups Maura's cheek with her palm. "And you are?"
Maura moves closer, brushes Jane's lips with her own. "Yes. I am."