Title: Beyond the grave
Author: Allyaneedislove
Rating: M
Pairings: Chibs/Juice (one-sided)
Warnings: Mentions of suicide and drugs, spoilers for season 4/5
Disclaimer: I do not own SOA.
Summary: Juice writes a letter before he attempts to hang himself.
Dear Chibs,
I cannot fucking go on. I have done something terrible and I truly am sorry. I wish I had the fucking balls to tell you in person but I don't. After tonight you will never see me again. I stole the coke from the warehouse. The ATF had leverage on me. They know that my biological father is black. They were going to tell the club if I didn't do as they asked. I knew the club would kill me if they knew I was black. I doubt you would want be killed but I hate disappointing you. You mean everything to me. Even more than the club. Miles caught me returning the coke and he shot me in the leg. I killed him. He was going to tell everyone in the club.
I know now that you will hate me. I don't blame you. I would hate me too. But Chibs, you really are the best man out there. I am just a failure. I know that I was your prospect and you expected better of me. I hope you don't every find or read this letter. I don't plan on sending it to you. I always thought highly of you. We were like family. You always had my back and I just wish I had always had yours.
Chibs, I love you. And I don't mean in the brotherly way or like family. I have always been in love with you. But you have a wife though. I know you could never return my feelings. That is why I have never told you. I was trying to save myself from the rejection. Most people in this world have left me and I didn't want to add you to that list. I love you with every fiber of my being.
-Juice