A/N: Yay new story! To be truthful, there are parts of this story that I have had sitting in the dust for over a year. It was on my mind one day and I struggled to come up with a reasonable connection between the pieces of the puzzle/ pieces that I wrote down. Apparently, all I required was a little nudge and an experimentation into a new style of romance fiction to figure out what I needed to do. So, for those who have read my Zutara story "A Heated Rain"- this story, much like that one, is also angsty and sad. Yet, at the same time, I am a romance author- no matter what I do, I always end up there. So this is the result. I probably won't upload the next chapter until I'm done with my LSAT in October but until then, enjoy this one. I promise to get the rest of the story up in a timely manner but until then here is the first part of a hopefully decently long and noteworthy story.

Chapter 1: A Double Loss

Neat white walls, and a sterile odor: these were smells that Suzume came to associate with visits to her mother. She didn't know a lot about what was going on, just that her mother was sick and that according to her daddy God might take her back. But still, she was never told the reason why and it scared her. It scared her enough that she hated hospitals and wanted nothing more than to never set foot into one again. She walked through the hallways and huddled closer to her father as her thoughts circled her head yet again. If her mother was going away then who was going to be her new mother? Would someone else take her place? Suzume held on to her father's hand tightly as they finally made their way to a door that she recognized- Uncle Kenshin's office.

She didn't want to go inside- her uncle was always sad and her father always sent her away after the first few minutes. Maybe today would be different she wondered as she noticed her uncle stand up to greet her- that was new! She followed her daddy inside and grinned at her uncle waving a hello to him. He greeted her back and helped her into the chair as he told daddy about her mommy. But he didn't smile and it put a frown on Suzume's face. So both her uncle and daddy were going to be sad again and she was going to be sent away while they talked about her mother. Lost in her thoughts, she didn't pay attention to much of the conversation going on around her.

"Kenshin," Katsura began tucking the sleeping Ayame closer to him and chancing a quick glance towards Suzume, "how is she?"

He saw the fatigue behind his cousin's eyes and the guilt festering inside of him. So it wasn't good news today, was it? Katsura smiled weakly though he knew Kenshin saw through it. He didn't blame Kenshin, no he couldn't really blame anyone for this. Hadn't he known going in that Tomoe was dying? Kenshin had tried but no one could alter a process that was too far gone.

"Two weeks." Kenshin finally spoke unable to really say anything else. "I've tried but-"

Tears came to Katsura's eyes and Suzume noticed even if she hadn't been paying much attention to the conversation. She patted her daddy's arm absently as she wondered on the implications. Turning to his astute daughter, Katsura tried to put on a brave face. He knew Suzume wasn't falling for it though. Something indicated to the little girl that her daddy was sad because something was wrong- was it things to do with her mother? Was God finally taking her back to where angles came from? And what did Uncle Kenshin mean when he said two weeks?

"Suzume?" Her daddy said his voice gravelly. "Why don't I take you and Ayame visit Grandpa Hiko for a bit? I have to talk to Uncle Kenshin alone."

"Is everything okay Daddy? Do you want me to stay?" The little girl asked. She doubted she'd get an answer though; her father had been hiding things from her recently.

Suzume knew that whenever Uncle Kenshin and her daddy talked it usually had to do with her mommy and the fact that her mommy was still sick. But she also knew that she needed to find Grandpa Hiko. He would answer her questions or at least try to. It hurt the little girl that her daddy didn't tell her about her mother but her grandfather had explained that it was because he didn't want them to worry. Still, she didn't want to leave and tried to prolong her stay in the office but her father wouldn't hear of it.

"I'm not sure about certain things right now Suzu. Let's go find your grandpa first all right?" Suzume nodded clambering down from her chair and following her daddy through the hospital.

They passed nurses and doctors, some of them greeting the young girl whom they recognized and others merely shuffling out of the way. But she didn't have much time to dwell on it since they soon came to another door- one that she recognized. Her father ushered her inside and her grandfather lifted his head up to see who his visitors were, standing up when he saw them. He took the still slumbering Ayame from Katsura and gave Suzume a small nod which she returned with a grin. Her mother may be sick and her daddy may be lying to her but her grandfather was always the same- strong and honest.

Katsura said a few words to Hiko, words that the young girl couldn't comprehend, and then left with a smile towards his eldest daughter. And Suzume just knew that her life was never going to be the same again after that moment. There was a resigned air about her father and while she didn't know much about it, she understood its implications. Turning to her grandfatherly figure, she noticed that he didn't welcome her into his lap or try to tell her about her mother and the hospital like he usually did. She didn't understand what was happening but she realized what it meant: her mother was being taken away from her and she was never going to have the chance to give her a proper goodbye.

"Grandpa Hiko?" She asked watching her father walk away. "Mommy's going away isn't she?"

The older man chanced a glance towards the young girl standing in front of him. Shuffling to take a seat, he beckoned Suzume over and waited until she was seated in his lap before he spoke.

"Suzume, do you remember what I told you yesterday?" The little girl nodded, tear tracks running down her cheeks and making her small face look even more vulnerable. "Your mother- the disease inside of her has won. She's going to heaven soon."

Hiko didn't believe in concepts of heaven or hell. He didn't even really know how to care of kids for that matter. But ever since his son had taken to Tomoe's case he found himself unable to do anything but go along with things. He admired the tenacity with which Kenshin had approached Tomoe's case but he also wished that there weren't two little girls involved. Suzume and Ayame were like his grandchildren and ever since the elder had asked him about her mother he couldn't help but refuse to tell her the answers.

Hiko refused to follow Katsura's advice on the subject. Suzume wouldn't understand words like "death" or "cancer" but the little girl understood that her mother was being taken away by something and it scared her. Rather than traumatize her about hospitals, he decided to explain it to her using words she would understand. And she did to some extent. She knew that her mother was sick with a disease and that her mother's disease unlike others was hard to get rid of. He'd explained the situation to her in terms of good and evil. The bad guy had won in this case but Hiko hoped that the girls would move on from the tragedy. They had him, Kenshin, Genzai, and their father after all.

By the time Katsura made it back to Kenshin's office his resolve had crumbled. Tomoe had asked that her condition be kept a secret from the girls but he knew the girls weren't believing his excuses. They knew that their mother was dying, albeit they had no idea how or why or what it meant. And that thought made him cringe- how could be raise them without her- she had always been the one to take care of them when he was at work. He entered his cousin's office and collapsed in a chair before dissolving into tears.

Why him? Why now? The girls needed her, he needed her! Why couldn't he help Tomoe? He looked up at the face of his cousin, weary and exhausted. Why wasn't Kenshin saying anything?

"Katsura?" Kenshin questioned judging the mood of his cousin and deeming it safe to speak. "Tomoe wants to talk to you. She's- she's been asking for you all morning."

It hurt Kenshin to say those words but he hid the quaver and depression in his voice. Tomoe was Katsura's wife not his, it was obvious she'd ask for him when she found out she was on her deathbed. And really- who was he to refuse her? He knew the effect his words had on his cousin and schooled his face so that his cousin would see the hurt in his face but not the heartbreak. His cousin needed his best friend right now, not the man who loved his wife and let her go for her own happiness.

Katsura buried his face in his hands and tried to control his tears and breathing. Crying was something he rarely did but right now he didn't care- there were no daughters he had to be strong for and Kenshin understood his pain. Kenshin had been there when he had met Tomoe, fallen in love with her, and when she was diagnosed with cancer. He could afford to lose control in front of his cousin. When he felt like he had most of his emotions under control, he finally looked up and met the redhead's gaze.

Kenshin was a wreck- bags under his eyes which were rimmed red with unshed tears all set into a melancholy pale face. He wasn't faring that well either was he? And he was a doctor- not allowed to show emotions. But he was also his brother- his cousin- his best friend. And because he was all of those Katsura let loose his emotions.

"What do I do Kenshin?" He asked, for once lost. "How do I tell her? What about the girls?" Their little girls, how was he going to tell them that their mother was dying?

"I don't know. I-I'm sorry, I should have done better." And Kenshin wished that he could have. He turned away from his cousin and bit back the bitter tears that came when he thought about a patient whose life he couldn't save.

Tomoe was never his and never would be but he still loved her. Something inside of him was breaking- had been breaking since the day Tomoe and Katsura had fallen in love- and had now reached the rupture point. Tomoe was dying and no matter what he did, what he could do she was going to die in a matter of days when her body would eventually give in to the cancer. In spite of his three yearlong research on bone cancer, nothing he had learned could help her. He felt like a failure. He'd only wanted to give one thing to Tomoe- happiness and so he had never interfered when she was with Katsura and vowed to protect what little happiness she had. So much for that.

Katsura let out a bitter laugh, one that was more of longing than anything else. "Leave it Kenshin." He sighed and then stood not looking at his cousin but not turning to the door yet either. "I'll go see her now. Can you- do you mind checking on the girls?"

Kenshin nodded and Katsura walked out to make his way to his wife's bedside to face the reality that awaited him. The hospital was a sickly place and the pristine white walls seemed to mock him. Nurses, some of whom he recognized, greeted him along the way while a stray doctor or two who had heard about his situation would glance at him briefly with a grimace and then move on. The hall that housed Tomoe's room was set apart from others. It was in the cancer ward, yes, but it had always been in the hospice part of the cancer ward and that wasn't going to change anytime soon.

Stopping in front of her door, he hesitated for a moment not sure if his emotions were in check as they should have been. Katsura hated to see this, to live this. A nurse scurried by him with an IV drip clutched tight in her hands while a weeping woman left another room escorted by a doctor. That would be him in a few days wouldn't it? Steeling himself together, he opened the door and stepped inside.

Tomoe's room was plain- a white hospital bed, a large window that opened up to the hospital courtyard, and machines- so many of them hooked up to her and monitoring her health. When Katsura opened the door, she turned from her view of the window to look at him- the window that showed her an outside that she hadn't seen in months. Her eyes were sunken and her beautiful pale skin wasn't beautiful anymore, but sickly white. And her hair- the hair that she prided herself on- was gone making her look so sad and vulnerable. It broke his heart to see his wife, his love like this. She didn't deserve to be in a place like this, in a hospital where she was dying. Katsura longed for the days when he came home to a laughing wife with their daughters by her side.

"You came." Her voice was the same, the soft sweet voice that he loved so much and that had sung his daughters to sleep although now it was gravelly from the medicines being dripped into her system. Crossing the distance to her, Katsura sat in the chair next to her bed and held her hand as practiced words flew from his mouth.

"Silly woman, I'll always come for you."

The phrase was something he'd said to her when they first started dating, now it was more of a hollow empty promise that hung in the air and was waiting to be shattered. It reminded them both of days that were long gone- days of their youth when they didn't have to worry about anything but getting their university degrees and falling in love with each other. But it was a time that had passed and as Katsura squeezed the hand he was holding, he finally said the words that he'd needed to say when he entered the room.

"Kenshin told me Tomoe."

Tomoe smiled softly reaching forward with her other hand and patting his cheek. The action caused a strain on her and she winced when the IV's attached to her hand pulled a little. Katsura noticed it and made a move to help her but her smile disarmed him.

"Katsura," she began her voice raspy from a lack of use, "what's done is done. You have to- you have to stay strong for the girls remember?" A few tears escaped Tomoe's eyes at her last sentence and she cringed at the pain that the words caused her. She hadn't seen her two daughters for almost ten days- but she hadn't been able to do much with them in over six months. Now, she wanted to spend every last second with them; she wanted to tell them that she loved them and that she would always watch over them.

"Tell them I'm sorry." She sobbed collapsing on Katsura's shoulder. "And tell them I love them."

Gently wiping the tears she shed, Katsura stood and brought her closer to his chest as he did so. How could he tell Ayame and Suzume what his wife wanted? How could he, when every time he looked at them he would think of her? How could he when all that he would think about were memories of her tucking them into bed or playing with them? But she was asking him, and Katsura had never been able to deny his wife requests like these. It was rare of Tomoe to ask for anything and he would do whatever she wanted for as long as he still could.

"I'll tell them Tomoe, I promise."

That night, he held her and kissed her and told her how much he loved her. He and Tomoe spent the night together in the hospital bed and when the morning nurse came to find them, she was surprised by his presence. And as much as she wanted to tell the man to move, she found herself unable to do so. It was obvious to her that this was the husband that Miss Tomoe talked about and now that she knew what was happening she couldn't find it in herself to break the two apart for their last few days.

She didn't know the effects of her actions that day. The nurse had no idea that that morning Katsura had made a promise to a still sleeping Tomoe; a promise that she would have heard had she stayed in the room for just a moment longer. She had no idea that when Tomoe would die a week later, the man in the room would also die with her.

Dr. Genzai sat across the dining table from his smiling assistant and her fiancé. Another young woman sat next to him and rolled her eyes at something that her friend's fiancé said when the phone rang. Excusing himself, Dr. Genzai went to pick it up. A few minutes later, a clatter sounded from the living room and the young woman stood before making her way to his location with the other two following. The doctor's assistant immediately raced to his side and asked him why he had collapsed. However, it wasn't her he answered. Instead, he turned his eyes to the young woman from earlier.

"They're dead." He muttered as though unable to believe it. "Tomoe died this morning and Katsura- they found Katsura at her bedside. He- he committed suicide."

No one knew what to say. Dead- the doctor's son was dead. The thought brought a sudden chill into the room and it was a few moments before anyone was able to do anything. Holding up a hand to her face, the young woman shook her head from side to side murmuring unintelligible words as the tears flew down her face. Katsura and Tomoe dead- Katsura dead. She had long ago given up on ever having her love returned from the man but it still didn't make the pain any less poignant. And as the others watched, she stood and left the room to go collapse on the engawa outside and mourn there.

A half-hour later, the tall lanky man, the assistant's fiancé stepped out to join her. He took a seat next to her and slung a careful arm around her shoulders. He may have only been in the town for seven years but he knew Katsura and what he was to both Dr. Genzai and Kaoru.

"You okay missy?" Sano asked softly.

He knew it was a pointless question to ask but he also knew it was the question that would propel the young woman to let out her feelings. And being as close to her as a brother he would offer her what he could. When he had first arrived in Tottori as a young and unemployed college graduate, he had met Kaoru first. She had befriended him and gotten him a job with a local construction company and he in turn had decided to look after her to show her his gratitude. Being as close as she was to Dr. Genzai, he had found himself more often than not interacting with the two of them. And that was when he realized things.

Sano had noticed her feelings for the doctor's son, had seen her heart break when the son had told them of his upcoming marriage, and had been there when she cried about her unrequited feelings to Sano. He had heard her words and held her to his side, calming her and helping her get over the pain. She had never really moved on from Katsura but she had decided to adjust. It made Sano feel guilty especially when shortly after Tomoe's arrival Megumi had come to do her residency in Tottori. Sometimes, he berated himself for finding such true love when Kaoru was suffering. And she was right now but all Sano could do was offer her his arms. So he held her as she sobbed and spat curses.

"It's not fair Sano! It's not fucking fair!" Kaoru knew her words were harsh and that she had no reason to spout curses. But she was hurting and it was a hurt that wasn't going to go away anytime soon.

She had squared her features and moved on; she had done everything she could to be happy for them but now- how was she supposed to do anything? Katsura was a coward for leaving- he had a family- he had two little girls. For one strong moment Kaoru felt the same anger towards him that she felt to her father but she pushed that thought aside. Both men had only wanted to join their loves. Still, Kaoru wondered would anyone ever do the same for her? She had loved her father only to see him die as an alcoholic when she was but a teen. And now Katsura- why couldn't he see that there were others that needed him- that she needed him?

"Why does everyone I love leave Sano?" She asked tired and spent from the crying.

Sano didn't know what to say. What could he say? He and Megumi had just announced their engagement that night. That thought made him feel more guilty than he had been- who was he to be happy with his loved one when Kaoru sat here crying? And so he didn't say anything else but just held her, letting her cry herself to sleep. When she did, he carried her to the guest bedroom and joined his fiancé and a grieving Doctor Genzai on the couch. The doctor looked up at him with red rimmed eyes.

"How is she?"

The doctor had known how much Kaoru loved his son and how much she had suffered in her life already. While he grieved, he was only too glad that he had two lovely granddaughters that reminded him to look to the future. Kaoru- she had loved Katsura and her future had now been robbed from her twice.

"She cried herself to sleep." He looked at Megumi and then at the doctor. "Do you need a ride to Kyoto?"

Dr. Genzai looked at the couple in front of him. Yes, he had lost a son, but both Megumi and Sano were orphans and often times he found himself looking at the two of them as though they were his children as well. While Katsura was not a brother to either of them, during the time that he and Tomoe had lived here, both Megumi and Sano had often interacted with the couple. They care just as much as I do, the doctor realized as a new wave of tears left him to join the others that had trailed down his cheeks. Once he felt more in control, he spoke once again though his words were still a little choppy.

"Megumi, take- take Kaoru home and get her ready tomorrow morning. If- If we leave at a reasonable time we'll get there in the afternoon."

"We'll see about tomorrow later." Megumi fussed standing up with the doctor. "Now come, I'm not stepping a foot out of this house tonight. You can sleep, I'll watch over things with Sano."

Dr. Genzai wanted to refuse but he noticed the hardened resolve in his assistant's gaze. So instead, he nodded and took her help to his room. Tomorrow- tomorrow he would be strong and decide what to do. Tonight- tonight he needed to grieve and mourn.

When they arrived in Kyoto, they were led to the house of Katsura's cousin- the house in which Katsura and the girls had spent their days while Tomoe was in the hospital. Both Megumi and Sano had found alternate lodging but the assistant doctor couldn't help it- she visited the house early in the morning and left late at night. She hovered over Kaoru half afraid that the woman would fall apart in front of her if someone wasn't there to keep her together. But it wasn't just that- the house itself was grey and melancholy since they arrived a few hours ago.

The redheaded cousin of Katsura's hardly noticed the intrusion in his home and it made both Megumi and Sano pity the man. What kind of pain must he have been going through to not even realize that there were two- technically four- new arrivals into his home life? The girls meanwhile were smothering their grandfather, afraid that he too would disappear. And Kaoru- she was much like the redhead- locking herself in her given guest bedroom- unable and not wanting to talk to anyone.

Softly, Megumi knocked on the door to Kenshin- the redhead's- room. He shuffled but didn't move from the bed and Megumi entered not sure if it was right. She felt like an intruder, invading a space that wasn't hers. The sight that met her had her nearly turn back around in shock. The redhead was lost- his eyes were listless and staring out the window while his hair and clothing had definitely seen better days. Megumi had seen various people in different stages of grief but this image scared her.

Blinking away the distress, she switched into her doctor persona. She shuffled to the redhead's bedside and set the soup down next to him. When he didn't respond, she gently prodded for his attention with her words.

"I made some soup. Please eat it. I'll be by to pick it up later."

The man didn't say anything and Megumi realized that her words wouldn't have any sway on him. It was hard enough to be in the same room as him- she felt suffocated just being near his melancholy presence. The sooner she sent someone else- someone who knew him- to him the better. She wondered if he cared about anything at the moment. She was a doctor and so she knew how much it hurt to lose a patient. But she also knew that for Kenshin this wasn't just another patient. And so she did nothing but hope that he snapped out of his depression.

If the redhead cared enough, he would eat the soup, otherwise she would let someone else handle it. She didn't know him that well anyway. And instead of wasting time with him she had another person- a friend- who needed her at the moment. Taking her leave, she left the room, closing the door as she did so.

When Megumi came back to the kitchen, Dr. Genzai was talking with another man while the girls clambered all over Sanosuke much as they used to back home in Tottori. She nodded softly to Dr. Genzai and scurried towards the pot on the stove intent on taking another bowl out- this one to Kaoru. She could force feed Kaoru and feel a little more like she was helping if the young woman ate something. As she busied herself, Dr. Genzai appeared by her side.

"Megumi, did Kenshin take the soup?" The young assistant halted her movements and shook her head negatively.

What was she supposed to say- that he didn't even acknowledge her. That she wanted to leave the room the minute she stepped in. She shuddered just thinking of the lost look in his eyes when she had seen him. No one deserved to be in a situation like that. And no doctor she had ever worked with had been so depressed, so lost. She was grateful when the elder doctor didn't probe her and instead continued the conversation by himself. She didn't think she could describe what she saw anyway.

"I see, I'll get Hiko on it. Are you going to Kaoru?"

"Yes." This time, Megumi felt a little more confident about her answer. She had been with Kaoru through a lot and she knew much more than any of the men present just how much this was affecting the young woman. "I'm going to take her some soup. Please, help yourself to some later. I might- I might be a while."

"I see, then I'll let you go." Megumi nodded grabbing the soup and a spoon before placing it on a tray and taking it to the guest bedroom housing Kaoru.

She didn't bother knocking as she entered knowing what she would see. Megumi had known Kaoru only four years but she had become close to the girl. When she had first met the girl she thought Kaoru was a little naïve and childish. Over time, she had instead understood that it wasn't Kaoru's naiveté, rather her loving and open-hearted persona that made her seem childish. And more that, Megumi had come to realize that Kaoru was not just that- she was strong.

It had been only a few months into her stay that she had seen the wistful glances that the young woman shot Katsura. She knew of Kaoru's feelings even if Katsura and Tomoe never had- and she wondered how they didn't. It was painfully obvious to anyone who looked that Kaoru had her sights set on Katsura but that she had given him up to see him happy. As understanding as Megumi was, she could never do that. And it was through this that the two girls had become friends.

She had been the one Kaoru confided in all these years. Megumi knew that Kaoru's love was known to all but it had only been with a female that Kaoru had told everything- from the first summers in high school when she realized her crush all the way to the heartbreak that she had faced when Katsura came home with Tomoe a few years later. And now, she knew that Kaoru needed her more than ever. The woman was strong, independent, and struggled to go on in spite of losses that should have crippled her. And now, she needed someone to help her- to bring her out of the bubble she had placed herself in because for once Kaoru was weak and she Megumi was strong. For once, Kaoru needed her help and she was going to give it to her.

"Kaoru." She began glad when the woman in question turned her face to greet her. "I brought soup."

"I don't want any." Megumi huffed- the woman hadn't even had breakfast so there was no way she was going to let her skip lunch as well. And she had been prepared for an unwilling friend. Kaoru's stubborn streak was known to all who called her a friend.

"Too bad, now will you eat or will you make me feed you?"

Kaoru's eyes widened and even if she didn't feel like eating her stomach gave her away. She made to move her hands but Megumi shook her head and instead placed the soup tray on her bedside table. Kaoru had never liked anyone feeding her but her friend did have a point. After not eating much last night and this morning she was a little spent. And part of her wanted this- wanted someone to guide her in baby steps because she was tired of being strong. It hurt and she wanted that hurt to fade- even if just a little.

"You need to have someone take care of you right now. Can I feed you?"

The young woman didn't say anything and Megumi spooned some soup before holding it to Kaoru's mouth. Kaoru hesitated but opened her mouth and drank the soup she was fed. She knew that it was Megumi's way of showing her that she cared enough to let her take a break. It brought a grateful smile to her face.

Megumi didn't know how long she sat there feeding Kaoru but when the last spoon was fed, Kaoru collapsed against her in tears. The young assistant doctor didn't have the heart to push her away. Kaoru was like her own little sister and she wanted nothing more than to hold the girl close and tell her how sorry she was that all this had happened to her. She rocked the two of them back and forth, shedding a few tears of her own, before Kaoru looked up at her through watery eyes.

"It hurts Megumi. I know that it'll ease over time but it hurts." Megumi nodded letting Kaoru talk. It was best that she let out all her frustrations out today. She'd already had the it'll pass with time talk with her. However, it was the next few questions posed by Kaoru that caught Megumi's attention, her sympathy, and her ire.

"What's left for me now? Who am I supposed to be looking forward to?"

Megumi grabbed the woman's face in her hands hastily squashing the tiny bit of compassion she felt. She'd been compassionate with Kaoru and while she knew, could imagine how hurt Kaoru must feel about the loss of her love, she was hurt when the woman in front of her was willing to throw away her life so quickly. She was a doctor and had seen many patients in her time- she was obligated to treat each and every one of them until they refused her and she wasn't about to let her friend join the mold of patients who gave up. Kaoru had more to live for. And she was going to be damned if she didn't show her friend that!

"Kaoru Kamiya! You listen to me right now. I am here for you, Sano and Dr. Genzai are here for you. And if you go- what about the girls?" At her last words, the resolve that Kaoru had broke. The girls- she was their godmother. If she left then there really would be no one there for them but an aging grandfather.

"It hurts Megumi. It hurts."

Her hold and gaze softening Megumi nodded. "I know dear. But when Ayame and Suzume grow up you'll be glad about this decision. Especially when you tell them what their father was like as a teenager and young adult. You'll do that won't you? Remember the good and move on?"

Kaoru's gaze slid down to the hands in her lap as she thought about things. It would hurt but it would be like her father- the pain would ease with time and she'd have to remember the good. It didn't make it any easier but it suddenly made things a lot more clear. She looked up at her friend and gave her a shaky smile. And Megumi knew then that Kaoru would be fine. She'd move on from this tragedy. Her job done, she left her friend to eat some soup herself.

Thirty minutes later when a dressed but still distraught Kaoru joined her in the kitchen to help clean up from lunch, Megumi knew she had done the right thing.

Two days later, Suzume held onto her Grandfather's hands- her real Grandfather, Grandpa Genzai, as her parents were lowered into the ground. She wanted to run and tell the people that her parents weren't dead, they couldn't be, but her grandpa held onto her strongly and she stopped her struggling to instead look at the ceremony.

Why did God have to take her daddy away too? Wasn't taking her mommy away enough? Ayame- only eighteen months- didn't understand what was happening from her position in Grandpa Hiko's arms. Suzume looked at her and vowed then and there that she was never going to lose Ayame. God had already taken her parents away; she wasn't going to let him take Ayame away too. Squeezing her grandfather's hand tighter she decided she was going to try to keep him safe too. Grandpa Hiko had told her that you couldn't save people from every disease but that most were treatable. She was going to make sure that for as long as possible Grandpa Genzai and Ayame only faced treatable diseases. Rubbing at the tears in her eyes, Suzume looked around.

Around her were other people she knew and loved. Aunt Megumi and Kaoru nee-san stood behind her with Uncle Sano. Uncle Kenshin stood across from her as she looked at the hole in the ground where her parents' urns had been lowered. After the priest said his prayers, everyone began to leave. Suzume saw her friends from Tottori crying and wanted to join them but her grandfather led her away from them instead. He pushed her towards his redheaded uncle. He hadn't said more than a few words to her over the past few days and she wondered if her uncle was finally going to speak to her.

The entire time she had been with him since her parents' deaths, he had been silent and Suzume, not knowing what was wrong, had blamed herself for it. Now, she cried silently because she was tired of it all.

She had lost her parents. Sure Uncle Sano and Aunt Megumi had tried to do what they could but they weren't the people she wanted most. Those people were Kaoru nee-chan and Uncle Kenshin- her godparents. And while one of them had talked to her, the other hadn't. And yet now, as he approached her in the reception room of the cemetery she couldn't help but flinch. What was he going to do?

"Suzume." The redhead spoke when he approached her. "I'm sorry."

He didn't know what to say to the little girl. Ayame- Ayame realized her parents weren't coming back and cried but Suzume knew what had happened. She was always too astute for her own good and it made Kenshin want to beg for her forgiveness. He knew- some rational part of him knew- that Suzume wouldn't blame him for their deaths but there was still that nagging fear grating at his nerves. And the girls at least needed to see his face. It had been his own father who pointed that out by reminding Kenshin that he was the closest thing the kids had to a father after Katsura's death. The words had been enough to shake him out of his stupor so that he could ask his goddaughter for forgiveness.

"Why are you sorry? Suzume asked unable to understand. Was it because her parents were dead and she had no parents now? She rubbed tears away from her cheeks and addressed her uncle with a firm determination that only came from being Katsura's child.

"S'not your fault." She slurred her words nasally from the crying. "Daddy says-said- that when someone dies it's cause God wants them back."

Kenshin gulped choking down the emotions he felt at her words. Of course, Katsura would say words like that. In fact, it had probably been Tomoe who told him to tell that to the girls. The thought brought up feelings that he was slowly trying to squash. Carefully, he reached forward and cradled the girls face in her hands to look into her eyes. Eyes like Katsura's- endless pools of black that always managed to see right through him. Brushing away another stray tear, he addressed the young girl.

"Yes, God wants your parents back. But he wants your parents back because he wants to make sure you have guardian angels."

He knelt down and brushed some of the bangs away from her eyes. And as he did so, he realized that every word he said was something that he believed. His heart just light enough to piece himself back together, Kenshin stood back up and took her hand in his. Suzume nodded though her grief was still making it hard to comprehend anything. At three years old, all she knew were the basics of what she was told. But, if Uncle Kenshin was saying it, it had to be true. He spoke again, forcing her to tilt her face up to see him.

"Be strong Suzu. You've got to look after Ayame now." Those words resonated within her and Suzume nodded. She was going to take care of her family now.

A young redheaded male took a seat on his living room couch. The house was empty as it usually was these days. The creamy white leather he sank into wasn't as warm and inviting as it had been previously but instead left him feeling dull and lethargic. The glass in his hands wasn't exactly welcoming him either; not the first time that it had happened; but important enough for him to notice. A timer beeped but he never got up to get the food in the microwave. When was the last time he'd had a decent home-cooked meal anyway?

As he sat there reevaluating his life all his thoughts moved onto a certain topic; one that had continued to haunt him. It amazed him that even three months after their deaths they continued to constantly be in his thoughts the moment he returned home. He never even knew why he continued living in the home they had shared with him for the last few months of their lives. The décor hadn't changed either; remaining as it was when Tomoe and Katsura had come for her first treatment cycles.

Tomoe had been the one to tell him that he needed good furniture in a house. Being the good friend that she was, she had picked out the furniture and worked on the decorating: the white leather sofas, the cream colored walls and everything else. All that was missing were her pictures and presence along with Katsura's. He had been sure, when Tomoe and Katsura had died, that time and work would heal the wounds left by their deaths but now that he looked back on it, that was probably the worst thing he could have done. Instead of moving on, he had sunk himself deeper into the past.

In the past, he was Kenshin- the best friend of Katsura and Tomoe, the godfather of their children, the man who had loved his best friend's wife. Now, he was a doctor who had quit his department after his patient's abrupt death and had instead immersed himself in work at the ER. Her death- his patient's death was something that continued to haunt him. Part of him still blamed himself for her death- not just hers but Katsura's as well. The thought made him clench his hands together.

Eight months- had it already been that much time since Tomoe had come to Kyoto for treatment? Eight months ago, he was different- he was in love with his cousin's wife and vowed to save her. He hadn't been able to though- the cancer had taken control of most of her body by then and she was dying. But he'd tried and failed- and his cousin had paid the price by suicide. Now, here he was after failing- depressed and scared and unable to move on.

He stared at one of the various photos sitting on the mantel. It was a picture of his two little nieces who'd been with him three months ago- Ayame and Suzume. When had he last made time for them? He hadn't he realized- they had come to visit him and even them it was to tell him goodbye. They were going back to Tottori, back to their grandfather, back to a life without scary hospital visits. The only difference was that this time they had no parents to look forward to.

Parents- the word itself suddenly sickened him. He was the closest thing to a parent, a father figure, that the girls had and he'd basically neglected them. The thought made him want to yell or punch something. Had life been continuing on while he stayed stuck in this rut? A rut that he had made himself? It had and while his depression and hurt were not going to disappear so soon, he realized that he could get away from it and come to terms with things. He'd accepted their deaths, now it was time to accept that he had to move past that era of his life.

Kenshin averted his eyes to the glass in his hands and sighed setting the drink down. No, he decided, for once he wasn't going to cool down with a drink- an alcoholic drink- after work. He just wanted to get a grip on things and finally come to terms with the thoughts that had been plaguing him the past few months. And getting a grip on things meant change even though he was afraid of it. Change also meant moving and going away from the things that continued to haunt him. And to do that he had to leave Kyoto. He'd known it was coming but had refused to acknowledge it. Now, it seemed that he had.

The idea shocked him even as a sad smile took over his lips. Kenshin held Kyoto dear to his heart. But he also knew Kyoto held many memories that he'd rather forget or revisit when the pain of them had dulled somewhat. He needed a change of pace and a change of setting would help him with that- help him finally move on from the deaths that were ever present on his mind. But he wasn't sure where to go. His eyes sought out the picture on the mantle again and softened as he looked at the smiling faces of the two little girls. Perhaps it was time to pay his uncle a long overdue and extended visit. Uncle Genzai had been there for the girls since their life had changed. It was time to thank him for that and ask him if, maybe, he could put up with his brooding nephew as well.

His mind made up, Kenshin stood and walked to the kitchen where he dumped the glass's contents down the drain. The liquid was dark and being sucked away from him. In an odd way, it was a ritual cleansing of sorts. A cleansing that opened his mind to new possibilities and brought a renewed sense of vitality to him. Washing the glass and putting it away, he picked up his phone and made some calls. It was time to hand in a resignation and take his life into his own hands once again.

A/N: Please, read and review. It's my second time foraying into slightly depressing/sad fiction in this fandom, but it's the first time I'm actually making it a decent full length story!

As for the reference to Sand- there are a lot of ways I plan on using the word/ material. However, one of the reasons that the title of the story is sand stems from the fact that Tottori, Japan (where I have based a majority of this story) is known for its sand dunes.

I do not own Rurouni Kenshin nor do I have any affiliation with Tottori, Japan.