HermionexRon oneshot. This isn't a very happy fanfic, but I do hope you get a laugh out of Lavender's idiocy. If you couldn't tell, I hate Lavender with a passion.

The characters are slightly OOC, but I did the best I could. Please read and critique with a comment! I need some advice on how to improve my writing. Thanks in advance and I hope you enjoy!

Book: Harry Potter

Couple: Ron x Hermione, (Ugh) Lavender x Ron

Declaration of Love

Hermione stabbed her abused, yellow parchment in silent fury, casting dark glances in the direction of a sheepish looking ginger and Lavender Brown, in the short lapses of time between each act of violence. If looks could actually kill, the physical harm dealt to Ron and Lavender would have been astounding.

The only sounds to be heard in the quiet library was the Lavender's incessant cooing noises mingled with the harsh thumps of Hermione's vicious quill.

"Oh, Ronnie.. Will you not try a pumpkin pastie? I was saving these for Parvati, but you're so much more important! Won't you accept my declaration of love?" Lavender questioned fiercely, perched atop Ron's lap with a frilly box of chocolates in one hand, and the other, repeatedly jabbing Ron's lower lip with a pink, heart-shaped lump. Hermione secretly suspected the sweet to be corrupted with a love potion probably purchased from the shady underbelly of Diagon Alley. She refused to confide in Ron and instead, spitefully awaited the day his face would turn a nasty hue of purple, blue, green, or any other color unnatural to the human skin.

A smug smile played on Hermione's lips as Ron's face twisted in a look of utter disgust, though the persistant girl was blind in her madness and continued to pry the pastry into his mouth. Ron furrowed his eyebrows in irritation and slapped her hand away, sending the box of pastries and her "declaration of love" flying across the room, only to be stopped by Madam Pince's wand before making a crumbly mess on the clean, carpeted floor.

A tense moment passed.

Completely misinterpreting her lover's harsh actions, Lavender squealed girlishly and flung her skinny arms around Ron's neck. "I love you, Ronnie," she sighed dreamily into his ear, receiving looks of absolute horror from both Hermione and Ron, "you'll never leave me, right?"

Lavender buried her face in the crook of his neck and squealed again. Even Hermione couldn't understand the bizarre, puppy-like crush Lavender seemed to have on Ron. With a bang, Hermione stood from the table and folded her arms against her Gryffindor robes defiantly, knocking her chair to the ground in the process. Her face was livid with anger and Ron gazed warily at his friend, holding his wand at the ready. He didn't want another charade of buzzing, yellow pests chasing him around like the last time he had unintentionally made Hermione angry.

"There ARE other people in the room, you know? Perhaps you'd be so kind as to take your business elsewhere? Maybe.. somewhere more PRIVATE?" she hissed dangerously, her eyes flashing in immense dislike.

Ron gawked at her in disbelief, "C'mon, Hermione, you know I tried to get.. you-know-who, away!" he protested, gesturing to the Lavender who seemed to be permanently stuck to him. The ginger exhaled deeply and gazed at Hermione with eyes filled with sudden affection that had never been there before, "You're so smart, yet you're always too dense to realize that.. you, Hermione Granger, are the only one I will ever Love, now and fore-"

"ENOUGH!" Hermione yelled, her usual calm and orderly mask of self-control breaking into bits and pieces as her shrill voice echoed throughout the empty library. The abrupt change effectively stunned Ron into silence as he stared at the girl blankly, eyes widened in surprise; the pain had not registered yet.

Hermione gathered her books and strode gracefully through the doors of the library with her house robes trailing behind her like a pair of beautiful, black wings.

Ron frowned deeply into the unhappy ring of silence that followed after Hermione's swift departure, his hair covering the beginnings of hot tears in his eyes. Lavender was still curled against Ron's slouched body, pouting as she stared cutely into his tortured face. "Soo… Like.. Does this mean you won't eat my pumpkin pastrie?"