Disclaimer: I own nothing. J. K. Rowling does.

Note: This is a very weird fan fiction I wrote during French, which may be why it probably won't make sense. It's only to be laughed at. So happy readings!

One day, Harry was sitting with Ron in the Gryffindor Common room, complaining about Voldemort as was usual for him when an owl with a very large letter landed before him. He recognized the writing as Voldemort's at once. "Here we go again," He told Ron as he took the letter, bracing himself for the worst.

POTTER!

The idiot that won't die, I am writing to tell you that I have found a way to kill you! I have sold your soul to the DEVIL! THIS plan is full proof! I have sold your soul to the DEVIL! THIS plan is full proof! You have pissed me off for the last time! You are the annoying cockroach brat! Forget the boy-who-lived! LEARN TO DIE ALREADY!

Satan, we are close friends you know, will come to collect your soul in a few days. Which will be Christmas Eve by the way. I will be happy when there is peace in my life cockroach! I can be evil in peace and not have to worry about killing you!

You're faithfully, hatefully and forever,

The Dark Lord

Harry quickly dismissed the letter, finding it stupid. He didn't think he would be killed. Voldemort was crazy, as everyone knew.

So to Harry's surprise two days later, he woke up to find Satan standing over him. He stared in shock, wondering if he should have told Dumbledore of this plan. He had laughed at all of the others. But this one did seem full proof to him now. "I thought he was just insane like when he tried blowing up Hogwarts," He had succeeded, but Harry was a cockroach and happy about it.

"You are Harry James Potter, right?" Satan asked.

"Yes," Harry replied, rolling his eyes.

Satan hated him right off the back. He always hated winter and he hated brats. But he did owe the old insane friend of his a few hundred dollars and he promised to take his debt away if he killed a brat. "Than your soul is now mine," Satan said. "You've pissed Voldemort off for the last time."

"So I'm your…. Slave now?" He asked slowly.

"No, not my slave; my soul!" he said. "This is now your room," He added, taking Harry to Hell and putting him in a glass room with the magic chalk. "You'll only have chalk. Try and amuse yourself with it," He said, glancing at the black table tops before walking away.

Five days later Satan went to check on Harry. Five really small monsters were running around Voldemort, who was being attacked, and eaten, by even more little man eating monsters.

"He really has pissed off Voldemort for the last time." He said, watching him fall over and die, unable to come back. Satan glanced at where Harry was talking to himself, slowly backing away and leaving the insane boy there to draw stuff with the magic chalk.