Disclaimer: You cannot sue me for using Sirius Black!!! He's dead! AH HAH HAH! YOU HAVE NO CLAIM!!! [please don't sue]

Summary: this is a kind of stupid, spur of the moment type thing. Have we all watched Blind date?

It is presented by Cilla Black. One person sits behind a wall and asks questions to three other people he can't see. Then he chooses the one who's answers he likes best, and then they go on holiday together. Quite straight forward, no?

I am fully aware that Blind has been changed from the tradition thing, but I still like the old one. Plus its more straight forward.

Warnings: it has some mild language, and something that could be taken as slash, though I don't really think so. ~*~*~*~*~

Sirius Black: Welcome to this weeks showing showing of Blind Date! Today we have three lovely blind dates who will be vying for the attentions of one contestant! Stay tuned to find out who picks who!!!

Adverts...

(On the set)

Director: Everyone get in places people! Black, here! And we're on in five... four... three... ah! We're on!

Sirius Black: I am Black, welcome back. Today we have a lovely contestant to choose one out of three amazing dates! Please welcome... THE NEW CONTESTANT!!!

Audience: *cheers crazily*

Sirius Black: Welcome contestant, you know your questions - please ask away!

Constestant: Thank you. There are three qualities I like in a girl. One; she has to have nice hair, (*#1 makes indignant noise*) Two; can use a brooms, and three: cry a lot. (Audience: Wooooooo!) What three qualities would you ask for in a guy? This question is to number one.

Blind date #1: well, he has to be lanky, red haired... and, er... of minimal intelligence...er.

Contestant: Number two?

Blind date #2: *high, nervous squeaky voice* Ah! Oh, no... well, he um... has to be famous... um, famous... um... HARRY'S MINE!!! *launches herself onto blind date #1*

Audience: *Wooooo*

Contestant: *tries to ignore shuffling and choking noises* And... er, number three?

Blind date #3: I'm straight you prick. NEXT QUESTION!

Director: *hits #3 around the head*

Blind date: *scowls* Ah, I - I mean - long walks on the beach... a caring - and - and sensitive nature. But most importantly... candle lit dinners...

Contestant: *blissful sigh...*

Audience: Aaahhhhh...

Contestant: *recovers* If you were a house elf, what would you be called? This question is to #2?

#2: Harry's mine! HAH HAH HAH!!!!

Audience: *stare*

Contestant: security!

Sirius Black: Hey! Only I can do that. Crabbe, Goyle - get lost.

Crabbe & Goyle: *blink*

Contestant: weeeeeeell... OK, then... #1?

#1: Harry, I'm sorry, but if I were an house-elf, I probably wouldn't have enough rights to choose my own name! *growls*

Contestant: Does everyone know who I am?

Sirius Black: Er... I don't.

Contestant: *rolls eyes*

#3: Stop whining scarhead.

Director: *hits #3*

#3: Get. Lost

Contestant: *sniffles* and... and... what would you be called -- Ferret face!

#3: I resent that!

Director: *hits #3*

#3: Hey! Crabbe! Goyle! Get your useless asses over here and protect me from this mad man!

Crabbe & Goyle: *blink*

Contestant: WHAT WOULD YOU BE CALLED?!

#3: I think if I were a house elf, I would just about die

director: *whack!*

#3: Get off father you good for nothing lay-about! No wonder mother left you for that pathetic Knight Bus Driver!

Audience: Jerry! Jerry!

Contestant: Malfoy, answer the God damned question!

#3: Oh, yes. Right sir! I'd just about die. Sir.

Director: *WHACK*

Contestant: OOOOOOOOK. On with the next question - What' type of food represents you - this is to #1.

#1: This underminds my intelligence.

Audience: *blink*

Sirius Black: Harry, your questions are abviously stupid.

Contestant: Shut up dogface! Number two!!

#3: Why the hell am I always last?!

Sirius Black: Atleast you were called dogface. *sulks*

#2: The type of food that represents me... is... er... is...

#3: You can't afford food, Weasley. MY TURN!

Contestant: Er... OK... what type of food best describes you?

#3: Does the chocolate frog card with the famous people on it count?

Contestant: Er... I dont...

Sirius Black: IT DOES!

#3: *Punches the air* Oh yeah... Oh yeah...

Director: *whack*

#3: Bloody hell!

Sirius Black: So contestant! Will it be red-head lovin' blind date number one (#2: eek!), fame seeking blind date number two... or the dead house-elf number three! Take your pick!

Contestant: Oh, Cilla... the choice is so hard...

Sirius Black: *grumbles* I thought it was 'dogface' a minute ago.

Contestant: I don't know... it's... no... no... OK... I... no... its... OK! Number three!

Audience: *Applauds crazily*

Sirius Black: Ohhh... your turned down our lovely... NUMBER ONE! Come in number one and meet the your date-not-to-be!

Contestant: Hermione! I didn't know it was you!

Hermione: *Sulks* sure you didn't, Harry; I like Ron better anyway. *storms off*

Contestant: Liar.

Sirius Black: and you turned down contestant number two! Come in!

Contestant: Ginny! What a... surprise *eyes dart around*

Ginny: *Cries* I suppose its no surprise... *mutters to herself* insensitive pig I'm not lovely though am I?

Sirius Black: Now get ready for your blind date Harry! Harry Potter! Meet... Draco Malfoy! *Reads card* Draco Malfoy is an Evil DarkLords Servants son, and is currently attending Hogwart's School of Witch and Wizardry, although his highest goal in life is to... to...

Draco: Read it.

Sirius Black: Is to... erm, destroy us all! *cackles evil*

Draco: *rolls eyes*

Harry: It's you!!! *hugs Draco* your answers were just so sensitive

Draco: *dryly* I can imagine

Sirius Black: Now, here I have five envolopes; pick one, and we'll wizz you off to your choosen destination for a whole week! Now how does that sound.

Draco: I'm choosing

Harry: Go ahead, sweetie.

Draco: Don't call me that. *picks letter, and Black takes it*

Black: You are going on holiday to sunny Romanaia where you can go for leisurely rides on Dragons, drink warm butter beer under the full moon, and meet an experienced Dragon trainer! How does that sound?

Harry: Wonderful, Cilla!

Audience: * Appluads*

Black: Don't call me that.

Draco: We better be travelling by flu powder.

Black: Alas not, dear Draco! The finest, most comfy modern travel ever!

Draco: No brooms?

Harry: No brooms, honey.

Draco: SHUT THE HELL UP!

~*~*~*

(Camera zooms in)

Black: Not too close. (zoom out) So there we have it folks, a match made in heaven. Tune in next week for a new couple, and find out how these got on! Tune over to Channel two for a full History of Magic with guest star Bathilda Bagshot! *perky voice* What a treat

Blind date, sponsored by Droobles Best Blowing Gum! In association with Chocolate Frogs