A/N: So this story is one I've wanted to write for a while and when the IRBB (IchiRuki Big Bang) opened up, I waffled on whether or not I wanted to join. I don't do well with deadlines (at all) and school has been my main concern. But I signed up thinking, oh I'll have plenty of time to write and finish this!
I'm a fucking liar.
Anyway. Here's my IRBB Star Wars AU. Enjoy, my lovelies.
Screaming was generally not a good sign. In any situation. And when the screaming was being done by every single sensor, alarm, and siren on a ship, it was especially not good. Bad things usually followed.
Like crash landings.
"You fool! I thought you said you fixed this problem before we left!" Jedi Knight Kuchiki Rukia screeched at a pitch to rival the sirens. The tiny woman clung with all the force she contained to the arms of her seat. This was not part of the plan. All they were trying to do was land in Dangai, ask a few questions, find a retired Jedi, convinced him to go back to Corusant with them, and save the galaxy.
Simple.
Of course, the Force almost always threw a wrench in Rukia's well-laid plans, something she should've been used to by now.
Was she? Of course not.
"I thought I did!" Her Zabrak copilot howled back. Abarai Renji, fellow Jedi Knight and copilot of the Seireitei, was half wedged into a a panel running along the side of the cockpit. Frantic long-nailed fingers worked at sparking wires with a haste that normally was abhorrent to him. Emergencies always called for exceptions. He hadn't died yet and wasn't planning on dying today. "Everything was working fine when we took off and during the flight, I don't know why it's acting up now! You must've done something!" Renji was a mechanical genius but even he couldn't mend a serious problem amid a stomach-dropping fall.
Rukia took extreme offense to that statement and tried to burst Renji's eardrums in retaliation. Her astromech droid, R4-D7, matched her pitch with little trouble.
The ship continued to spiral downward, dropping pieces and wailing like a demon from the pits of hell as it went. To those on the planet below, if anyone had happened to look up into the wide lavender sky, they would have seen a streak of red, orange, and pitch black burning up the atmosphere.
On Phyrrus, no one ever looked up.
It took an hour for the ship to succumb to gravity and finally crash into the planet's surface and stop skidding across the desert. In the Serieitei's burning wake, the skid marks had turned the sand to black glass. The Jedi made it out of the ship with minimal injuries, their packs, and Rukia's droid, but that was it.
Renji and Rukia stood outside the burning wreck of their ship, surveying it with mingled concern and sinking dread. R4-D7 whistled a mournful tone, shaking its head back and forth.
The Serieitei didn't actually belong to either of them, having been a loan from the Jedi Order for this mission specifically. Technically, they weren't even supposed to have it. Only the pull of Rukia's adopted older brother, Master Kuchiki Byakuya, and the seriousness of the mission had enabled the two junior Knights to use the ship. Now it was good for nothing but scrap metal and spare parts. There was no way they'd be able to return to Corusant in it.
The crash of an Order ship meant they'd be reimbursing the Order from their own pockets. That, more than anything else, led Renji to mutter, "Well, shit," and kick the smoking wreckage. Naturally, having just been consumed in flames, it was hot and burned his foot. As he hopped about swearing and muttering, Rukia sighed and began preparing for the long trek ahead of them.
They still had a mission to complete, after all.
There was only one man who looked up into the sky to see the faintest wisps of black.
Kurosaki Ichigo tugged off his goggles, squinting up into the darkening horizon with a confused look. Had…there just been smoke crossing the sky? Or had it been an approaching sandstorm? He shrugged, curiosity piqued but decided it wasn't worth pursuing. Nothing worth caring about ever happened on his backwater homeworld. "Besides," he said aloud. "It's probably just Uryu being stupid with the Karakura again." Ichigo never got tired of mocking his cousin. He was just so easy to provoke, what with his uptight Quincy heritage and high-strung manner. Thankfully he had started to calm down a bit after his marriage.
Kon nudged him from behind, breaking his contemplation of the sky. Ichigo grinned and replaced his goggles. Patting the nexu's head, he sent one last look toward the sky to a chorus of Kon's purrs. "C'mon, Kon, let's get home. Goat-face'll be waiting for these supplies."
Within moments, Ichigo's footprints vanished in the blowing wind. No sign of human or nexu passage was left.
"Your sense of direction sucks."
Renji ground his teeth together and continued to trudge onward. Ignore her…you can't throttle your partner…murder is wrong…goes against the tenants of the Jedi Order…
"Seriously Renji, how did you pass astro-navigation during the Academy? Master Zaraki has better directional sense than you do!"
If she says anything else about my navigational skills, I'm going to run her through with no regret. Little midget needs to bite her tongue. Damn noble best friend. Why is she like this. I hate her so much sometimes. No, no, hate is wrong. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. But ugh am I suffering now. Rukia, if you value your life, SHUT UP.
"Actually, I think you're about on Jedi Yachiru's level. That girl can get lost in an empty room and you're not much better."
Before Renji could spin around and strangle Rukia in aggravation, a voice broke through the blowing wind.
"Need some help, strangers? You look lost."
Their reactions were instantaneous. R4 squealed like a stuck sandpig as Renji and Rukia dropped their packs, lightsabers igniting as they whirled to face the newcomer. He merely grinned at them, paws up to show his lack of weapon.
"Now, now, is that how you greet someone who's simply trying to assist you?" His fanged muzzle twitched in unhidden amusement. Neither Jedi dropped their guard. He sighed dramatically, whipping out a fan to wave in front of his face. "Please, if I wanted to hurt you, I would've done it already. You stand out a bit too much to be from around here." Beady eyes peeked knowingly over the fan, shadowed by his striped hat.
Slowly, Rukia lowered her humming lightsaber but didn't deactivate it. After a few moments and an intensely odd stare-off with the strange alien he'd identified as a Bothan, Renji followed suit. Reluctantly, but Rukia was lead on this mission. He had to obey her.
"What is it you want?"
"Oh, nothing, nothing at all. I just thought to my self that it would be terribly tragic if you came all this way and couldn't reach your goal because you got swallowed up by a sandstorm and couldn't, in fact, save the galaxy."
The two Jedi stared. The Bothan continued on blithely.
"If you follow this trail for a few miles, you'll come across a farmer and his family who should be willing to help you. I make no guarantees, and if they aren't going to help you, you'll soon find out. The farmer's eldest is a crack shot with his blaster rifle." He winked at their nervous expressions. "Just shout 'Hello the camp' before you get too close to the house. Got to give something for them to shoot at, after all! Ta-ta!" With that, he vanished in a swirl of dust and sand.
Renji stared at the place he'd stood, brow horns twitching. "That…was really weird."