A/N: Hi, everyone!

Here I am doing something I thought I would never do in my entire life: post a m/m story. Not my usual fix, but what could I do when I rewatched season 15-16 and the interaction between these characters just gripped me and pulled me in in a way I couldn't possibly deny their wishes for a story. So, here I am.

This fic is inspired by the song "California King Bed" by Rihanna, but it won't exactly follow it in details - I just really thought it fit everything pretty well.

The story takes place during 16x23 ("Surrendering Noah"), so, there are some major spoilers from this episode. There are some mentions of Rolivia, but nothing that will upset you if you don't ship the couple.

Forgive me for my Spanish, it's really not that good. And on that same note: yeah, I may or may not use too much Spanish, but it's my headcanon for them, plus it's fluffy and hot, so, I see no harm.

Part 1 of "todos los caminos llevan al corazón (y a Nueva York)".

Since it's the first work of a series, so, I truly hope you enjoy it and want to follow up what I have in store for the characters!

"Nick?", he asked softly.

The man laying beside him seemed to be in another country. Once bright and lively, the black eyes were now a shade darker, blankly watching the ceiling while a troubled mind wondered elsewhere, far, far away from the king sized bed where his body now laid.

"Nick?", Rafael asked again, this time his voice filled with concern.

The second calling was enough to snap him out of his thoughts.

"Mm", Nick Amaro muttered, "Sorry".

"It's okay", he was ever so gentle, "Que passa? Another nightmare?".

"Not really". He was quiet. Too quiet. Rafael worried.

This wasn't the first day that Nick had been acting strange, too distant, too coiled. They were chest to chest, naked bodies tangled, air still filled with the scent of the love they had made hours before, but still he remained stranded, and Rafael felt as if he was drifting each second further away. He didn't know if he should finally invade Nick's space and pull him closer; remove him from these haunting thoughts; or if he should just let the man figure it out on his own time. He decided for the first option.

"What is it, Nick?", Rafael sat up on the bed and watched his lover with that objective calm he applied to the courtroom. It was better if he didn't get carried away with his own worries before knowing what was happening, he told himself, hoping it was enough for his heart to remain still.

"Liv called me over to her office to talk about the sergeant's exam", he started, still not looking directly at the ADA.

Rafael already knew the course this conversation would take. With Nick's track record and how IAB worked, he had been sure the sergeant's exam was already a lost cause, but he hadn't dare tell the detective that. Not when the man had been so hopeful and so excited about it. Rafael didn't feel the right to crush his lover's hopes until it was all said and decided, and God, if he thought it possible he would knock on the mayor's door himself - or on whoever's could pull the strings to make it happen. If only his friend Alex Muñoz hadn't turned out to be such a crook he would have been able to ask for a favor.

"And?", he couldn't look him in the eye, so both men stared at the wall before them, "What did she say?".

"That Tucker told her I shouldn't even try", Nick banged his fist on the bed, startling Rafael, "That they would never promote me. Considering my track record".

Despite hearing what he predicted he'd hear he still didn't know how to react. ADA Barba was the man who always knew what to say, the guy who always had a sharp comeback to deliver, the man whose closing arguments all attorneys dreaded. But Rafael Barba felt like a totally different man from the composed and collected ADA, especially now. Rafael Barba was the man who didn't know what to say to the broken guy that sat beside him, the guy he had grown so fond of in the last few years, the guy he dared to admit he loved.

"Yo lo siento mucho", he whispered.

Before he could dismiss Rafael a firm hand gripped over his arm, stopping the harsh words that clogged his throat.

"You know I mean it. I'm not just saying it for effect", Rafael swallowed dry, "You're hurting. So I'm hurting".

Nick abruptly turned over, placing his hand over the one that held his arm and gazing into the serious firm eyes that softly watched him. They stayed like that for a few moments, in a silent dialogue, in mutual understanding.

The connection was broken when Nick's raven eyes lost their shine and he let his chin drop as he pursed his lips, holding back words he didn't wanna say, words that could potentially destroy everything they had.

"Nick...?", he started. Rafael was getting

tired of saying his name on such a worried note, with such a heavy air of fear behind such a beautiful four letter word.

"I've been thinking about moving to California", Nick blurted out all at once, as if he was ripping a band-aid.

Rafael's first instinct was to feel betrayed and hurt, but he tried to push past that and think about the subject with a mature head.

"When did you start thinking about it?", the man's voice was thin and frail.

"Well, Cynthia has decided she will move to San Diego. And now that the sergeant thing blew up...", he felt ashamed, almost as if he was talking about throwing everything into the air and running away, "I'm not going anywhere here", suddenly he felt angry all over again: he was back at that prison cell, being investigated by IAB, driving a patrol car, listening to Olivia saying he'd never make sergeant.

Nick straightened his back and clenched his jaw. Rafael could see the fury pass through his eyes, as if a mist or a fog, clouding all his reasoning.

"What am I supposed to do with my life?", he didn't even notice but by then he was already shouting, the thick blue vein pulsating on his neck, "Stay a detective forever? See Zara and Gil only once a month? Or worse?". His face turned redder and lividity rose to his head as he remembered Amanda's words; "You write, you call, like you do with Zara". He couldn't cope with that. It wasn't enough. He wasn't enough.

Rafael opened his mouth but quickly closed it before any words could be formed. He couldn't refute what Nick had said, there was a point to all of it and he was hardly the appropriate person to pretend otherwise. He had had to be ambitious throughout all his life, he had had to want to climb each time higher: to go from El Barrio to Harvard to the DA's office. He couldn't just pat Nick on the back and tell him that he had all the reasons to be content with being stuck with the detective career and with having his two kids a thousand miles away. All he knew was that his lover wasn't alone in NYC: Nick had his squad family and had him. He just didn't know if he was enough. But he knew he'd never stand in the way between his family and him.

"The truth is", his tense voice interrupted Rafael's train of thought, "I don't know what to do, Rafi. Estoy perdido".

He caressed Nick's face just enough to send shivers down the man's spine, and watched as a stray tear rolled down his cheek.

"What do you wanna do, Nick?", he asked.

"I don't know. I just wanna be able to have it all. The job, my two kids here", black eyes flickered up, "And you".

Rafael embraced Nick, bringing him as close as humanly possible. The detective's head rested on his shoulder, with his hand placed on top of it, as if it was a shield.

"Oh, mi amor", he bit his lip strongly enough to draw blood and sighed through gritted teeth, trying to hold back the waterfall of tears that insisted on attempting to pour down his green eyes, "If only I could I'd give you it all. I would".