Title: Fatherhood
Rating: T
Fandom: Inu Yasha
Summary: Lord Sesshomaru reflects on his relationship with Rin, and comes to a decision: should he be a father, a ruthless warrior, or perhaps even both?
Warnings: Language, rated T just in case.
I found this on my computer, and I decided to put it up. Written in the peak of my Inu-Yasha craze. (It has been a while since I have read Inu-Yasha!)
Disclaimer: Characters, names and places belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
Enjoy!
Only the gods could have twisted my destiny into a sick, tormented life of blood and death, a path I was fated to walk since the day I first witnessed the way of an assassin
Only the gods could have twisted my destiny into a sick, tormented life of blood and death, a path I was fated to walk since the day I first witnessed the way of an assassin. The battle cry of my father still rings clear in my mind to this day, and I have no other choice but to be entranced by its call, the haunting note of my victims screams that I am not willing to hear, not willing to give mercy to those who I have slaughtered. Yes, I am heartless; yes- cut me down and kill the cruel, soulless monster who wanders these lands, bringing death and destruction before I have even drawn my sword. How I pity those who think I am the great and undefeated lord, the heir of my father's lands, the one who has insurmountable powers. But they do not know the hell I walk.
Every sunrise I wake in still silence, the creatures of the night giving way to the birds of the day, the cold mist lifting as the sun rises. My body needs no nourishment; only movement to satisfy the hunger inside. I leave my tagalong companions in search of a field where I can start my morning ritual, a practice I have fallen into in the past nine hundred years. I pass through the thick bushes and enter into a small meadow bordered by a river. Here I stop, strip myself of amour, mokomoko, and unsheathe Tokijin.
Here, in the morning light and stark stillness, I fight an invisible enemy, my mind and body relishing the strength in my kata, my silent battle. I feel it- the power inside building up and pouring out into every move I make, the blade singing through the air. My heart contracts and the longing for more power overtakes me, and I move faster, trying to find where my strength flows from, eager to feed it. Recklessly I continue, ignoring the fatigue that slowly creeps over my body.
The lust my heart feels for more strength grows with each passing day; it is a quest I have chosen, and the only way to find it is to walk this path- this path of wandering, a path of solitude. A being like me cannot have earthly attachments. But- gods be damned- I have been given the role of a guardian. Curse the day I was conceived- what fool thought I had the heart to care? The heart to—love? Eternity has granted me a life with which I can have complete and utter control over my future— to do as I please, whether it be slaughtering my enemies or simply controlling my kingdom. But to care…?
But still I return to them, waiting for her to wake and eat before once again walking the lands, my companions following faithfully behind. I could leave in the night, abandoning them for the creatures that haunt the darkness- but even though I have tried, something always pulls me back, drawing me closer- to her- by Tensiega's aura. I realize this is my crossroad to choose- a human life to cherish and nourish, or a life to abandon? Fearless am I, careless and horrifying to any other human her age; she does not cower or run from my presence. Instead she embraces it, beaming up at me, face shining with admiration. So much she has seen- hell was never meant for her. Yet she still smiles…! I do not understand. Humans are weak and cowardly. She defies that every day as she tends and obeys her master, guardian, and father.
Father?
Caught between two emotions…
Now, as I sit beside the fire watching the skies above, she walks over and sits cross legged beside me. I continue my silent watch, content to hear her comments of what she had seen during our travels earlier in the day. Before long, I hear her tired yawn and she crawls closer. So small and venerable… before long my arm is around her and for the first time I let her curl up against my side. She utters a happy sigh and latches on, clinging to me. I start at her sudden embrace. She wants you to care…
She walks my hell. Countless times I have told her to leave, to find a better life. Every time I hear her feet patter towards me and she continues her pilgrimage. If it is my hell she is to walk, then I must promise her protection. I must give her a life she deserves- not this darkness I have known. So here I swear that I will protect and watch over her. She cannot understand that my heart does not have the endurance to give anything more, but even the smallest thing I give her, she is endless in gratitude. I must become what she expects me to be, and I -curse my damn heart for its coldness- cannot break it, no matter how hard I try.
Hear me now… you are my charge, and I'll keep you safe even if I have to sacrifice my own life for yours.
Hear me little Rin, and forgive me, for I am still trying to understand…
I'll watch over you…