Love,
When I first saw you I immediately wanted to know you. When you spoke, it was with interest. You truly wanted to know what my thoughts were. "I'm listening" were your exact words. Then we sat together and talked. It was like finding myself in someone else. We thought the same, had the same humour and feelings. We sat talking about everything on the swings even the littlest things you said consumed me. Even though someone else had my heart, even though I barley knew you, I felt compelled to snatch my heart back and give it to you. I felt completely free in your presence. I was able to say anything and not feel embarrassed because I knew no matter what I said you'd love me unconditionally. I would never be able to hurt you because by doing so I would injure myself. I was you and you me. Without you I am incomplete. I wondered how I had functioned before without you. I suppose when you don't know what you could have you don't long for it, yearn for it so much that when you can't have it, it hurts. The pain feels like daggers impaling your skin, ripping you into threads. When we have our little fights over silly things I lose the plot because I'm so scared that this is it and I'm not letting you go without a fight. I camouflaged my feelings because I'm afraid if you knew all this you'd run a mile. I wouldn't blame you because I would do the same. Whenever someone shows me affection I feel like I don't deserve it, I'm not good enough but you keep going with the compliments and the "lovie dovie" stuff . No matter how much I tell you I hate it, you know I like it deep, deep, deep down. You wear your heart on your sleeve, which makes me feel like I don't have one. Your open, you get to the point where as I shadow it and pretend such things don't exist. Love, one word, four letters , two vowels. Yet it is near impossible for me to say and truly mean out loud . I believe it shouldn't be frequently used unless you do truly love the person and feel compelled to say it so much. I believe love should be said in moments of great happiness. Moments when nothing else in life matters but that person because they have made you so incredibly happy. You could also use it in moments of great danger, someone dying or when you are about to lose that person . It shouldn't be said when you don't mean it, like those people who are obligated to say it at the end of every conversation, text, phone call, e-mail to people they don't even know…They make my stomach turn. Those are the type of people who don't even know love when they have it. Now that I am somewhat in love or am blinded by lust I understand the true meaning of it. Love is when I'm so excited to see you. Even though you've seen me at my worst I try my best to look good for you. I feel safe. I am invincible. I'm super-woman. I'm blessed. I'm the happiest person on the planet. I can't bare to see you leave. I always want to be with you and when I'm not I can't stop talking about you to anyone who will listen. That's how I know I'm in love, with you.