The year was 1973. American president Jimmy Carter sat in the Oval Office, reviewing a recent letter from the Israeli prime minister. Suddenly, the door to the office burst open and a fuming young man marched in.

"Damn it, Jim!" he shouted.

Jimmy sighed and pushed away his papers. He knew this would take a while. "I suppose you heard about the press conference?"

America tried his best not to trip over his bell-bottoms as he stomped up to he desk. "'Cannot be released at this time'? Man, you gotta be joshin' me! That is so bouge, dude, fur real!"

"America, you know exactly why we can't tell the public about you-know-who." Jimmy gestured over at the indifferent alien who had wandered in after the Nation.

"You mean Tony?" America laughed, "Whatever, man, you know we's tight!"

"It would cause widespread panic..."

"When did you become so yagalicious, home slice? You saw that spacecraft with your own eyes!"

"Yes, I know, but..."

"And you promised you would tell them! We pinkie swore, Jimmy!"

"That was before I knew the extent of..."

"That's whacked, dude, and you know it! You're just as bad as Truman!"

"America..."

The young blonde put his hands up in a mocking expression. "Look at me, my name is Jimmy, and I'm a big, fat PHONY!"

"I don't sound like that."

"They call me Mr. Peanut because that's how big my trustworthiness is."

"ALFRED, FOR GOD'S SAKE YOU ARE OVER 200 YEARS OLD! QUIT ACTING LIKE A CHILD!"

America stood there for a moment, frozen with shock. Then he spotted something out of the corner of his eye and made a smug expression. "Oh ,yeah? he said, slowly shuffling over to his right, "Would a child do...THIS?" He stuck out his hand and knocked a lamp to the floor.

"Yes!" Jimmy exclaimed, "That's exactly what a child would do!"

America stuck his tongue out.

"Alfred, get out of my office."

"Make me!"

"I'll take away your Atari."

America scowled. "I'm leaving because I want to, not because you told me to!"

Jimmy pointed towards the door. America backed away, flipping him the bird the entire time. "Catch ya on the Flip-side, ya damn square!" He left the room, Tony following closely after him.

Jimmy put his hands on his head. He did not sign up for this.

Author's note:

I wrote this after reading an article about Jimmy Carter's UFO sighting. Apparently, one of his campaign points was unveiling the truth about aliens in the U.S., however, once he was in office, he claimed he could not disclose any information because it was deemed classified. He still sticks to his original story though, even to this day.

Please enjoy America's awkward 70's lingo.