Author: Regency
Title: Seeds in a Garden (You Never Get to See)
Spoilers: vague ones for S1927, "For You May Be the Next to Die"
Contains: references to canonical character death
Summary: Bernie and Serena meet their first grandchild and reflect briefly on the past.
Author's Notes: Come squee about Berena with me on Tumblr at sententiousandbellicose!
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters recognizable as being from Holby City. They are the property of their actors, producers, writers, and studios, not me. No copyright infringement was intended and no money was made in the writing or distribution of this story. It was good, clean fun.
Serena is in theater when Cameron's first child is born. Bernie is on hand, having passed over her share of the AAU reins to Ric for the day to be at Morven's side.
Cameron has been running back and forth delivering updates to Serena wherever he can find her, not because she can't find out herself but because Morven finds his hovering aggravating in her current condition and keeps sending him out of the delivery room. Serena knows better than to tell him he looks like a kicked puppy whenever he comes to see her, that he pouts like his mother when she comes out on the wrong end of a domestic squabble.
The last time he appears he's practically sprinting into the observation room to tell her it's time. He's gone before Serena can react. Ric, who's scrubbed in to assist, offers his congratulations on becoming a grandma. A phantom pang goes through her, as it always does when a reminder of her girl comes to mind, but she doesn't let it stop her. She's going to become a grandmother today, but first she has a life to save.
By the time Serena has scrubbed out and changed, Bernie is counting her granddaughter's fingers and toes. The littlest Dunn is perfect.
Serena slips into the nursery after a quiet word with the head nurse. 7 pounds, 5 ounces. A healthy weight. Good vitals. An admirable set of lungs if the rumor mill is to be believed. Morven is being checked over for minute tearing from an arduous labor, but she's expected to be perfectly fine. Cam is already with her. Serena will check in with the surely exhausted couple later; she has her eyes on two other souls at the moment.
Bernie is sitting in a rocking chair with a tiny swaddled bundle in her arms. A small hand waves about with a Holby wristband denoting her as Baby Girl Dunn. Bernie taps the hand and its little fingers clutch hers mightily. Bernie laughs with happiness, though she's probably repeated this maneuver countless times since getting her granddaughter in her arms, and Serena's heart lightens. Today was going to be painful for her no matter what, but that doesn't detract from how beautiful it is, or how joyful either. That's why the tears wetting Bernie's face startle her.
"You all right there, Nan?"
Bernie only just manages to tear her eyes away from the baby's upturned face to acknowledge Serena. To her relief she smiles brighter and reaches out for Serena. "Come see her."
Serena comes round to see the little poppet that's stolen her partner's heart. She takes after Morven in some ways and Cam in others. She's a perfect combination of two young people Serena loves as much as she ever loved Elinor, and a woman she loves more than herself.
"Will you look at that? She's got your nose."
Bernie lifts the baby for a closer look. "You think?"
"Mhm. And maybe your chin. Hard to tell at this stage."
Bernie ducks her head to kiss the baby's hair, humming softly as she takes in her granddaughter's new baby smell. "She's perfect, isn't she?"
Serena finds it hard to believe anybody that came from Bernie wouldn't be. "Did you expect anything else?"
"No. I didn't expect to love her so much already."
"You loved her father instantly; I'm not surprised."
Bernie sighs. "It's hard to believe how much pain it took to get to her."
Serena rubs her back. "That's life, darling. There's a lot of pain between where we start and getting anywhere." She brushes the arch of the baby's brow and chuckles when her arms start flailing at being disturbed. She'd been settling into Bernie's arms for a nap. Very relatable, my girl.
"She's beautiful. Think of all the hearts she'll break."
Bernie shakes her head. "No more heartbreak for a while, I think our hearts could use a reprieve, don't you?"
Serena no longer thinks there's any such thing, but this isn't about her heart, this is about their family. The years haven't been kind to the AAU bunch and certainly no more to the extended Campbell-Wolfe clan. They could do with some good times to make sense of the bad. "We'll be all right. We take care of each other and there's nothing we can't face when we do."
"I wish I'd known that when Cam and Lottie were small. It would have made everything hurt so much less."
"You got through it and you're stronger than ever."
"All that wasted time."
Serena knows from wasted time and she knows better than any of them how much more time can be lost regretting it. "Don't think about it. Think of the future." She points to their family's newest member, still pink at the cheeks from screaming her introduction to the world. "Could it be brighter?"
Still, Bernie vows she'll be a better grandmother than she was a mum.
"You were a good mother. I don't think this one would exist if you weren't. She's going to be so lucky to have you."
Bernie adjusts the baby in her arms to stroke Serena's hip. "And you. She's going to know both of us as her grandmother. You're part of our lives. I know it's not the same as it would have been, but–but I hope that means something to you."
"Of course it does." Serena squeezes her shoulders and kisses the top of her head. "Now forget about me and give that girl a dozen cuddles from her gram. Once I get my arms around her I don't intend to hand her back till her mum comes calling."
"Oh, I intend to." Bernie beams at the baby as she yawns wolfishly and settles back to sleep, disinterested in their talk of sad things and regrets. That's children at this age; all you have to do is be there. All they need is a warm bottle and love. Serena's arms ache for being empty, but she ignores it. Just phantom pain.
"Is Morven still set on the name?" Serena's voice cracks a little more than she'd like and Bernie looks up at her with thinly veiled concern. Serena shakes her head, she'd rather not address it now. She doesn't want this joyous event tainted with old grief. She's happy now as she'll ever be, and that's so much happier than she thought possible a few years ago.
Bernie follows her unspoken cue. "She is. Cam got on board when he held her."
"Good. It's a good name."
Bernie's eyes are drawn like magnets back to their grandchild and Serena knows she's met one of the few people in the world who can entirely steal her partner's attention from her. Bernie's heart is in their granddaughter's diminutive grasp forevermore.
"You're going to be brilliant," Bernie tells the little girl in genuine awe.
"Just like your grandmother," Serena interjects. She kisses Bernie's hair again and then addresses her new granddaughter, her voice colored with already unspeakable love and a touch of bittersweet reflection: "Welcome to the family, Jasmine. We can't wait to watch you grow."