A/N: I was so bummed that that this show got cancelled. Male pregnancy is actually canon and it got cancelled before the birth . Anyway, I wrote my own version of how it might have happened. This is all written from different points of view by various characters. I tried to make it pretty obvious whose thoughts were whose. I also changed the fact that Dick wasn't born on earth. According to what was said on the show he wasn't, but according to the timelines in the show, he should have been. In the first episode it says that they have been on earth for ten years. In the season one finale Dick himself states that he is eight years old. Hence, he must have been born on earth. I also got rid of the back bump idea, just because I don't like it. Enjoy and let me know if the points of view aren't obvious. I can go add names before each paragraph or something :D
Stay or go? A baby adds a whole other dimension to that decision. I miss Zabvron. It's been so long since we left, but this is home too. If we leave, I'll miss being here. I've explored whole new sides of myself here. I've even managed to hold down a job. And now we're going to have another baby. Apparently, according to Debbie Weaver, I want a little girl. Her name will be Shannon Miller. But even that…In my mind I pictured her here, playing with the Weaver children and Amber and Reggie's plant. I want to experience a pregnancy on earth while having someone who understands what I'm going through. I'm the only one of our group who has ever been pregnant. This time would be different. I could talk to Debbie Weaver. She's had three children. She would understand and sympathize. She could offer me advice. Like how to quell nausea for instance. I'm afraid I'm already in need there. Pregnancy is so different in these human forms. I was never sick with Reggie. But, with Dick, I spent almost every morning feeling as though I was going to turn inside out; Dry heaving into that retched trash bin. Do human women have to go through that? If we didn't get fixed into our current state for the duration of the pregnancy I would have just changed back into my Zabvronian form and stayed in the house the whole time. Now it would appear that I am doomed to a repeat performance. Even if we leave, I can't change back. Not until after the baby comes. That's the other down side. Human male bodies just aren't made to give birth. My labor with Reggie was a breeze. A few slight pains, a few pushes, and he was out. Less than two hours in total. With Dick, it was three days of the most horrendous pain I have ever endured and hours of pushing to get him out. The poor child had the most misshapen head when he finally came out. Luckily it righted itself quick enough, for the most part. I can have help this time. Jackie was so frightened for me when I had Dick. No one knew what to do for me or how to help. We all just had to pray that it would end eventually. I honestly thought I might not make it through. Why the hell did I agree to go through this again? They won't know what to do for me on Zabvron either. I don't want to go. I want to stay here. The Weavers are the best friends we have ever had, on either planet and as much as it pains me to say it, I need Debbie Weaver. I don't think I'll be able to make it through this pregnancy without her help.
Okay…I think I'm in a bit of shock here. Larry Bird has just asked me to help him get through his pregnancy if they decide to stay. God, how weird is that to say? His pregnancy; men aren't supposed to have pregnancies! But I guess you can never know what to expect from them, can you? He actually seemed a little scared of it. He said he had a hard time with Dick and was hoping that I would be able to help him through this one since I've got three kids of my own. Apparently they get stuck in whatever form they're in when they get pregnant. He said having a baby in his real form is a cake walk, but that he thought he might die when he had Dick in his human form. I guess I can understand that. I mean, men just don't have the hips for it. I already recommend some ginger tea for his nausea. They don't eat real food, but they do drink so hopefully the tea will help him some. I guess I should feel honored that he would trust me to help, but really where else can he turn. I asked him about when he had Dick. He said he was in labor for three days with that boy, I mean holy cow. No wonder he thought he was dying. And I don't even want to think about where the baby comes out! Marty was a hoot when Larry asked though. He just can't seem to wrap his mind around the thought that Larry's having a baby. I really hope they decide to stay. I want to help him through this. I'm going to need to read up on it. It's been quite a while since I had Abby. I wonder if I still have my old "What to Expect When You're Expecting" book? That thing is like a pregnancy manual. I'll go look for it. Might be in the attic….I'll need some sangria if I'm going in the attic.
Debbie Weaver has given me the most amazing book. I've read through it three times already. I know exactly what to expect now that I'm expecting. None of it's pleasant. I really hate being pregnant. I don't know why I agreed to this. The urge to vomit has been helped by the tea Debbie recommended, but It's not gone away altogether. Unfortunately I've been fired from my job. I just don't have the energy to go in and how do you explain to your human boss that you, his male employee, have morning sickness? We've decided we're staying. The rest of the community leaves in a few days. Their houses have already been put up for sale. I asked Debbie Weaver how we'll explain the huge stomach I'm going to get to the new neighbors. She says we'll just tell everyone it's a tumor. If I were in my zabrvonian form I'd carry the baby in the back. It's much easier to protect that way and it doesn't make your back feel like it's going to break apart. Dick was small when he was born, but all that weight hanging in the front and pulling at my spine made it ache constantly. I have given Debbie money for a machine that will allow us to hear the child's heartbeat while it's still inside. I guess it will be good to know that the child is doing well. It's certainly growing. My trousers are getting tight already. I'll have to go up a size soon. I wish I could enjoy this experience, but I feel so sick right now and just the thought of having to go through another labor like I had with Dick…it terrifies me.
My poor husband is an emotional mess. He wants so badly to be happy about the new baby, but the memory of what he went through when he had Dick won't let him. I can hardly blame him. I thought I was going to lose him. He was so exhausted by the end. He barely had any strength left to push and Dick was so pale when he came out. It took a few moments to get him to cry. They were both so weak. Debbie Weaver says that labors usually get shorter with each child. I hope she's correct. Larry Bird is nine years older than when he had Dick. I don't know that he would make it through this time if it's as bad as before. The baby seems healthy at least. Debbie bought a machine that allows us to hear its heartbeat. Larry Bird had tears in his ears when we heard it for the first time. Debbie Weaver was worried when she heard it. Apparently it sounds very different from a human fetus' heartbeat, but it sounded perfect to me, just like Reggie's sounded back on Zabvron. My husband has a genuine bump now. We had to get out the trousers he used during his last pregnancy. His regular ones don't fasten any longer, at least not comfortably. The morning sickness is starting to get better, thank goodness, but his taste in books has completely changed. He's developed an intense craving for romance novels that I'm afraid will go straight to his hips if he isn't careful.
I hit the library the other day and borrowed some old Lamaze tapes for Larry to watch. I think if he feels that he can do something to help with his labor he won't be so scared of it. He looks like a terrified little boy every time it's brought up. I also let him and Jackie watch the video we made when Abbie was born. Don't worry, none of the naughty bits show. I think he was comforted a bit to realize that it's not easy for us either. It's hard work and it hurts, even when you are built for it. I found out that he spent most of his labor with Dick lying flat on his back and not moving. That's probably why it took so long. He's going to be up and walking around and moving for this one, at least as long he physically can. We might try a labor pool too. That might be comforting for him. I always thought I'd like to try a water birth. The baby is really growing. Larry looks like he's getting a big beer belly. It started moving a couple of weeks ago. At least that's one thing that Larry actually enjoys about pregnancy. He said he's always liked feeling his baby's move. We listen to the heart beat at least once every day. It sounds so strange to me. An odd whap whap whap sound for each beat. Jackie says it's normal. I'll have to take her word for it. The houses are starting to fill up again. I think there are only four of them that are still empty. Larry stays inside most of the time. The few people who have seen him easily bought into the tumor story. Even if they didn't, I don't think they'd ever come up with the real reason for it.
By my calculations I only have about three weeks left until the baby comes. I'm getting huge. I look like I have a basketball stuffed up my shirt. The child is quite active. I'm going a bit stir crazy I think. I don't go anywhere anymore, unless it's to the back yard or over to the Weaver's. I've grown quite fond of Abby Weaver these last couple of months. She loves to place her hands on my bump and feel the baby move. She even rests her ear against it so that she can hear the heart beating. She asked what the baby will look like when It's born. She wanted to know if it would look like a human or like the green things we can turn into, her words, not mine. I told her that it will look like a Zabvronian when it's first born, but after a couple of days it will change to resemble whatever species it sees the most of. It will stay that way until it is about one year old at which point it will be able to change its appearance at will. She said that was cool and asked if she could be the baby's big sister. She's a sweet child and the smartest of the Weaver children. Perhaps she and Dick will marry when they get older. I've been watching the childbirth tapes from Debbie Weaver and I feel a bit better about the prospect of giving birth again. I have to remember to relax and to breathe. Apparently breathing in certain ways is very beneficial. We'll see.
Abby Weaver has come to visit again. She brought a book this time and made Larry Bird sit with her so that she could read a story to his bump. We don't think he has too much longer to go. The baby has slowed it's movements a bit, like it's beginning to get too cramped in its tiny room. Debbie Weaver has been visiting a local midwife and going with her on deliveries so that she can be prepared for our baby's birthday. She says she is seriously thinking about trying to become a midwife after all of this is over. I think she'd do well at it. She's been taking such good care of my husband. He isn't quite as frightened these days. He's still worried about it, but he's hopeful that it won't be as bad as before. We are getting him out of the house for a while this weekend. We have a lot of things we need to buy for the baby yet and we will be stuck in the house for a while yet after the baby is born. At least until it adopts it's human form. Larry doesn't really want to go. He's afraid people will stare even if they don't know what they're staring at. He's become very self-conscious these last few weeks. Hopefully it won't take him long to get his figure back once the baby is born. I don't really care about that, but he does. He's always so hard on himself until he gets back to the shape he was before the pregnancy. Sometimes I wish I could go through it for him. At least my human form was meant to carry children.
God, I am so glad we moved in next to Jackie and Larry. If we hadn't come here, I never would have realized that I have a passion for becoming a midwife. I've observed and helped with five births over the last couple of weeks and every time I see one of those chubby little bodies make its way into the world I just want to cry. They are so sweet. Larry's not too far from having theirs. He was so happy the other day when he came to tell me that the baby had shifted somehow and he could suddenly breathe again. I could see that the baby had shifted. It had obviously dropped. He went from happy to scared in about two seconds flat when I told him that meant the baby was coming soon. I felt kind of bad for spoiling his good mood. Apparently Dick had never properly engaged in the pelvis before Larry's labor started last time. No wonder it took so long. At least we finished up the shopping the other day. They should be all prepared. I'll get Marty to take the labor pool over this evening and set it up in their bedroom, then all we'll need to do is fill it and it'll be ready. I'll have to make sure my delivery pack is ready too. I feel bad that I've had to smuggle a few things out of the office when I'm shadowing the midwife, but you can't just go out and buy surgical scissors and umbilical clamps, at least not anywhere that I've found. I took a needle and sutures too, just in case Larry tears when the head delivers. I hope he doesn't, but I want to be prepared. Jackie said he tore a tiny bit with Dick, but not too badly. I really hope I can help make this easier for him.
I seem to have sprung a leak. My clothing is soaked as is our sofa. Dick seems to think that this is it. He's gone over to the Weaver's to fetch my wife and Debbie Weaver. I don't remember leaking when I had Dick. I don't want to do this.
My husband was sitting in a puddle and crying when Debbie Weaver and I ran into the house. I asked if he was having pain and he just shook his head and cried harder. Marty Weaver came in at that point carrying a hose to fill the labor pool. He put the hose down and bent to speak to Larry, resting his hand on his shoulder. He asked him if he was scared and my poor husband said yes, he was terrified. Marty Weaver helped him up and said they were going to get him something dry to wear and suggested that Debbie Weaver and I see to filling the pool. Then he escorted my husband up the stairs.
Okay, I know I've been a bit freaked out by this whole situation and avoiding Larry as much as possible, but I couldn't just leave him like that, sitting in a puddle of water and green ooze from his crying. The poor guy is obviously terrified. I sat him down on the edge of his bed pod garden and started to look through his closet for something for him to put on. He sat there rubbing his stomach and telling me about Dick's birth and I can understand why he's scared. I grabbed a plain white tee shirt and some stretchy sweats and sat them down next to him and telling him that he was going to be okay. Debbie had been telling me all of the things that most likely led to his long ordeal with Dick and none of them applied this time. I told him so while he started to change. Man, his belly is huge! He got as far as getting the new tee shirt on and then stopped and inhaled sharply through his teeth, resting his hand against the side of his belly. I asked if it was a contraction and he nodded looking terrified all over again. I knelt next to him and offered my hand, just like I had with Debbie for every one of our kids. He squeezed it tightly and I reminded him to breath as I checked the time. He was shaking worse than a wet Chihuahua. The contraction only lasted a couple of seconds and once it was passed I helped get his sweats over his feet and helped him stand so he could pull them up. He thanked me and then asked if he could have a few minutes alone. I told him that I'd go check on the girls and to holler if he needed anything.
Marty told me that Larry had his first noticeable contraction while they were upstairs and told me the time it happened and that it only lasted about twenty seconds or so. Jackie started to go up to check on him but Marty stopped her and said that Larry wanted a couple of minutes to himself so we finished getting everything set up. I decided not to fill the pool just yet. We probably have a long wait ahead of us. Larry came down a few minutes later and sat on the couch which Jackie had scrubbed and covered with a bunch of towels. She sat and cuddled up next to him, resting her hand on his belly. He covered her hand with his own and tried to smile at her. It was shaky but he managed it.
It's been four hours since Larry Bird's water broke. His pains are coming every five minutes now and it's obvious that he's hurting quite a lot. Debbie Weaver is trying to keep him up and moving for as long as possible. She said being upright means that gravity will help in bringing the baby down. He paces around and around until a contraction comes. Then he'll turn to me and press his head to my shoulder and I hold him and we rock until the contraction passes. They're lasting longer and he's started to vocalize his pain when the contractions peak. Dick and Reggie have joined us. They didn't want to wait at the Weaver's. They wanted to offer their father their support. Dick is just watching quietly from the corner, but Reggie wanted to help and Debbie Weaver showed him how to rub his father's back in a way that might help ease some of his pain. I guess he realizes that he may have to go through this one day. He isn't a child anymore.
We moved Larry into the pool about two hours ago. He's progressing really well. Jackie's actually starting to look hopeful. It's been about nine hours since his water broke. He's hurting, but not anything beyond what's normal and I don't think we're going to be waiting too much longer. His contractions are a little less than three minutes apart now. I think he's going to start feeling the urge to push before too much longer.
Oh God! Oh God! I have to push and this bloody woman is telling me I can't. My nether regions feel like they're on fire and she's telling me to pant! Bloody hell! I'm pushing, I don't care! I have to puussh.
Well, the head is out. He pushed when I told him not to and he tore, but the head is out. It's green and scaly and totally bizarre to look at. Dick and Reggie are watching with a mixture of fascination and horror. Poor Marty is holding one of Larry's hands and trying to look at anything other than what is happening between Larry's legs. Jackie is crying happily and Larry is yelling at her to shut up as he pushes again. The shoulders are coming. I tell him one more push and he takes a big breath, lets go of the hands he's holding to grab his knees, and gives one big final push. Now Larry and Jackie are both crying as I lay the baby on his chest and rub it gingerly with a towel to get it to cry. It gives a little cough, takes a breath, and then lets loose with the cutest squealing cry I've ever heard. I ask Larry and Jackie if they got a boy or a girl 'cause I sure as hell can't tell. Larry lifts the baby enough to look and cries some more as he proclaims that he got his little girl.
I did it. She's here and she's wonderful and healthy. I should have listened when Debbie Weaver told me not to push though. I now have stitches in my nether regions and they hurt like hell but, I'd do it all again. She's well worth it. I was out of it for days after I had Dick and I didn't get to enjoy this time with him. I didn't even get to feed him until he was a few days old. This little lady has had her first meal already and even though I'm sore, I can still care for her. I'm sorry I missed this time with Dick. This baby is going to be just as intelligent as her siblings. She's only a few hours old and she's already beginning to shift her coloring to match the rest of us. Mark my words she'll have her human form in a day or two. I couldn't believe it when Jackie told me that I was only in labor for twelve hours. It felt much longer, but it was definitely not the ordeal that I had been so afraid of. I'm glad we stayed. Debbie Weaver has been a life saver.
Larry Bird keeps thanking Debbie Weaver. She blushes and says it was nothing, but I don't think so. She says that it was just bad luck that Larry had such a rough delivery last time, but I'm not so sure. I do know that we couldn't ask for better friends. Our beautiful baby is here and she and my husband are both healthy. I couldn't ask for anything more.