Fear of the Father
"Tobias," the deep voice muttered the name in a serious and subtly menacing tone that sent young Tobias into a state of panic. No matter how hard he tried to please his father, he always managed to anger him somehow.
"Tobias." The sound of his father's voice bounced off the grey concrete walls of their home, accompanied by the thud of his shoes against the steps as he slowly descended the staircase. Tobias crept into the corner of the room and sat with back resting against the cold concrete wall. He brought his knees up to his chest, as if doing so provided him with some kind of shield. His hands began to tremble violently and his chest tightened, constricting his lungs and making breathing difficult. He closed his eyes and pretended he was invisible, that the gloomy darkness created by the overwhelming presence of the colour grey, and the slight shadow that loomed over him in the corner where he sat, somehow concealed him from prying eyes.
As soon as his father, Marcus, reached the bottom of the staircase and entered the room, Tobias no longer felt invisible. Instead, he felt the complete opposite. He felt exposed. His father glared at him, his eyes like fiery lasers focused directly on him. Tobias knew attempting to escape was pointless. As a child, family was not something easily avoided. Even if he fled the house, he would have to return eventually and, when he did, his father would be waiting.
"This is for your own good, Tobias," the grey-haired man drawled through a menacing grimace, but Tobias was not listening. His eyes were focused on the thick black leather belt coiled around his father's hand like a snake.
Tobias raised his already bruised hands in front of his face and clenched his eyes tightly shut. "Please, Father, " he begged in a barely audible, quavering whisper. "Not again."
Within seconds, Tobias felt the leather belt thrash against his hands and forearms. The all too familiar sharp, painful stinging sensation burned his skin. He braced himself for a second attack, this time with his eyes open, as if watching what he feared most somehow proved him brave. The leather belt licked him once more, its harsh tongue leaving painful red welts on his tender skin. Tears began to well up in his eyes. They threatened to fall, to prove his weakness.
The belt lashed against him once more, and this time it nicked his cheek, just below his left eye. Unable to hold them back any longer, Tobias allowed his tears to fall. The drops of water flooded down his cheeks.
Despite his clouded vision, Tobias caught a glimpse of the cupboard across the room. Desperate for an escape, he stumbled to his feet and raced as fast as his trembling legs would carry him. He threw open the cupboard door, clambered inside and closed the door.
"Well, since you want to hide in the cupboard so badly, you won't mind staying in there a little while." The muffled voice of the furious Marcus Eaton was followed by the click of the cupboard being locked. Tobias peered around in the darkness. Suddenly, the cupboard walls began to close in on him. He had no space to move. The air was limited, leaving him struggling to breathe. He could no longer control the trembling of his limbs. Panic had taken over.
"Let me out!" Tobias cried out desperately, banging his aching hands continuously against the inside of the cupboard door. "Please Father! Let me out! I can't stay in here! I'm scared! Please Father! Let me out!"
oOo
As a child, Tobias never hated his father, but he feared him more than anything else. That paralysing fear of his father never left him, though he managed to skillfully avoid facing the fear in reality by leaving Abnegation. Dauntless provided him with a new life, a new place to call, but not exactly new people to call family. In a place thriving on bravery, his fears became his worst enemies. He was forced to face them in training, in his Fear Landscape. After facing the monster numerous times, suffering through the childhood torment he so desperately wanted to forget, his fear of his father gradually transformed into despise. He made every effort to assure he never had to face Marcus in reality ever again.
Unfortunately, Tobias could not hide from his father forever. The grey-haired monster of a man stood within metres from him on the train, headed for Amity. Tobias stood with his arms around Tris in a tender embrace, attempting to comfort her as she silently mourned the loss of her parents. He tried to focus his attention solely on her, but the image of his father looming in his peripheral vision caused him a great deal of discomfort. He could feel the dampness of sweat beads forming on the back of his neck, and his skin began to prickle with goose-bumps.
"What's wrong, Four?" Tris asked softly as she pulled away from his hold. Although she'd finished sobbing, her piercing blue eyes were still damp and tinged red.
"Nothing's wrong," he murmured unconvincingly in response. He knew Tris had somehow picked up on his discomfort. No doubt it was obvious. His mask of bravery and nonchalance was crumbling, his Dauntless bravery reduced to ruins by his fear, by the man he'd once called family.
"You're shaking," Tris informed him, gently running her hands up and down his muscular arms.
Tobias suddenly became aware of his trembling. Anxiety and anger were spreading through his body like an infection, intensifying every time he caught a glimpse of his father. "I... um..." he attempted to explain his actions, but his words came out as a stuttering jumble of meaningless sounds.
"He's not going to hurt you, Four. I won't let him," Tris told him, staring directly into his eyes.
"He should've died instead of them," Tobias admitted, after a long silence. "Your parents were innocent, good-hearted people, Tris. They didn't deserve to die. You and Caleb didn't deserve to lose your family."
Tris looked up at him sympathetically. Though the harsh Dauntless training had transformed her into a warrior, it hadn't taken away her good Abnegation heart and urge to help those in need, something Tobias truly loved about her. "I don't blame you for wanting him dead, after all the pain he caused you. It must've been hard."
Looking at Tris, with her beautiful long golden hair and fierce yet compassionate blue eyes, Tobias made the decision to let go of the past, at least for the moment. Instead of wasting precious thoughts on the man who'd caused him nothing but pain, he decided to focus on the more important person in his life, the person that loved him. The person he hoped someday in the future to call family. "It doesn't matter", he shrugged. "I may not have grown up in a loving household, but now I have you. You're my family now, the person I love and care about and who loves and cares about me in return. That's all I need. Just you."
A/N:
Written as part of The Hostile Takeover's Theme Writing Challenge for the theme "Family".