Special thanks to TonuraAtsuke who gave me this fantastic inspiration to the below story.
Italics = past
Italics and bold = Lyrics
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
This is surely not what you thought it would be
I lose myself in a daydream
Where I stand and say
Don't say "Yes", run away now
I'll meet you when you're out of the church at the back door
Don't wait or say a single vow
You need to hear me out
And they said, "Speak now"
The place was gorgeous. It was decorated with white lilies and purple lacings, the type of wedding you knew for couples who were made for each other. The sun shone brightly and the air was filled with the fragrance of autumn.
The wedding bells rang painfully and Quinn felt a punch in her stomach. She wished she could occupy herself with something, to ignore the dull pulsing pain in her heart. So she gazed unfocused at Finn's cousins playing on the field. And for the first time since the drop of the bomb, a sense of calmness sipped through her.
It didn't last long.
A buzz from her phone snapped her out of her trance and her chest constricted with a shuddery breath. She stared at Santana's message screaming through her phone.
Where the fuck are you?
She puffed out a humourless laugh and gazed into space. The pulsing pain back in full force as the echo of the bells resounded mockingly at her.
xoxoxoxo
It was spring and they were in a park situated somewhere between Rachel and Quinn's house. Rachel was engrossed in her ipod, a small frown playing on her face. She scribbled so hard and punched a hole at the music sheet. She heaved a frustrated sigh.
Quinn peered up from the top of her book and waited.
And then it happened.
"How could he leave this all to me when he is the co-captain?" She ranted and punched another hole on the music sheet. Quinn winched. "Granted I am more musically inclined as compared to him, but I didn't expect him to be so irresponsible. Forgoing the chance to win Sectionals over a football game?" She scoffed the last word like it was dirty. "I hope he got knocked off by that damn ball." Quinn wanted to say the ball would probably not even cause a dent but chose to remain quiet.
"I am so frustrated!" She whined and finally looked up from the 3 neatly punctured holes on her musical sheet. A moment passed as chocolate brown eyes boring into hazel eyes. A gentle wind caressed their faces. The birds were chirping at the background and Rachel felt a weird serenity of calmness swept through her. She could practically hear her heartbeat pumping slower and slower.
She perked an eyebrow.
"How did you do that?"
Quinn placed the book which she had been reading away and laid on the mat with a lazy yawn. She stretched like a cat before a shit-eating grin crept up her gorgeous face.
Rachel swept the things on the mat aside and occupied the empty space beside Quinn. She snuggled closer to her as her head dipped slightly towards Quinn's shoulder. She laid there, contented to hear their heartbeats synchronizing into one pulse. A comfortable silence filled them. The afternoon sun painted the sky with a mixture of orange and blue and a small sigh of contentment escaped Quinn's lips.
She could lay there all day.
"Do you think Finn and I are made for each other?" She broke the silence with a small voice, a hint of insecurity lacing it. Quinn felt her heartbeat quickened, a big fat "NO!" flashed like a warning alarm in her head. But, would honesty be too brutal for Rachel? Afterall, Rachel had her eyes fixed on Finn the moment they landed upon him. How do you tell somebody that the fairytale which they had all her hopes and dreams on were, actually, non-existent?
When Quinn made no intention to reply, Rachel pushed herself up from the mat and with her hand supporting her head, she gazed at Quinn. Fear and doubt swimming in large brown eyes made her choked on her words.
Maybe she could protect her, just for awhile.
"Why not?" Her voice came out small and shallow and she looked away to focus on the shimmering orange across the sky.
Maybe if they both believe in it.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
When Quinn returned, the whole world was buzzing around Rachel. Her makeup artists was busy touching up; Her hairstylist was tugging her hair into place; Her tailor was frantically adjusting her gown; Her wedding planner was reciting the plan to her for the third time that day.
Everybody was scrutinizing her imperfection from head to toe.
Quinn couldn't fathom with all the fuss. Could Rachel ever be imperfect?
"Where the hell are you Q?" A pissed off Santana puffed out through gritted teeth when her eyes landed upon her. "Rachel made it sound like I've just killed all her bride's maids or something, although I would very much wanna kill all of you right now. This would be the last time I am gonna be anybody's head of bride's maid. Thanks for pushing this damn role to me." Santana folded her arms across her chest and fumed.
Quinn sighed and before she could respond, the red sea parted and all eyes were landed upon Rachel.
And she was heartwrenchingly beautiful.
Brown hair fallen nicely on her shoulders, ending with soft gentle curls. The lace ran around her waist gave her the symmetry of longer legs. White gown hugged her at all the right place and gently flare at the end.
Quinn drew in a sharp breath. It was exactly the way Quinn had remembered. Yet, it was even more. The nausea feeling at the bottom of her pit intensified itself. How could somebody so beautiful inflicted such pain on her?
"Oh my god, Rachel, you looked gorgeous!" Tina exclaimed and hurried to her side and swirled her around.
"Don't turn her at that speed!" Her hairstylist reprimanded but was ignored.
"Berry, didn't know you could actually looked decent." Santana nodded approvingly with a tight smile.
But Rachel was staring at Quinn, her eyes flickered with uncertainty. She smoothed her dress.
"How do I look?"
Quinn felt all eyes were on her and for a moment, she was robbed out of speech.
"Well..." She started, the gushing of the blood exploding in her ears.
"You looked amazing." She whispered, drawing her eyes up to meet the brown eyes.
A small tight smile appeared on her face as she spun around to the full length mirror.
"I'm getting married."
XOXOXOXOXOXO
It was one of the hottest summer ever.
Quinn was in Rachel's room, munching on popcorns as they watched their second movie of the day. Rachel was in the mood for romance and thus (a not so mutual) decision to watch Titanic.
Jack: Don't do it.
Rose: Stay back! Don't come any closer!
Jack: Come on, just give me your hand. I'll pull you back over.
Rose: No, stay where you are! I mean it! I'll let go!
Jack: [He approaches slowly, gesturing to his cigarette to show that he is approaching merely to throw it over the side into the ocean] No, you won't.
Rose: What do you mean, "No, I won't"? Don't presume to tell me what I will and will not do, you don't know me!
Jack: Well, you woulda done it already.
Rose: You're distracting me! Go away!
Jack: I can't. I'm involved now. You let go, and I'm, I'm 'onna have to jump in there after you.
"Yeah right." Quinn scoffed. Rachel was abnormally quiet and if Quinn noticed it, she did not comment. Moments later, Rachel leaned her head against Quinn's shoulders and intertwined their fingers together.
Rose: Jack, I...
Jack: No, let me try and get this out. You're ama-
"I'm not an idiot, I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now. You jump, I jump remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right... That's all that I want." Quinn heard Rachel murmured the exact same line under her breath and for a moment wondered how many times had she watched the show.
Then, a small tug in her heart which she couldn't dismiss was screaming to her that something was amiss. As the show proceeded, Quinn could almost feel the air thickening till her breathing labored.
Then she heard her, voice so small and unsure. Her heart skipped a beat. She felt adrenaline pumping into her veins. The urge to flight overwhelmed her and she swallowed a lump. Her stomach twitched in a painful way which she couldn't comprehend. Or maybe it was her heart, but she wasn't sure. All coherent thoughts were flunked out of the building and her eyes were staring at the television blankly. Nothing was registered.
Then she felt the weight on her shoulder lifted and she was now staring into the chocolate brown eyes which she had grown to love. Her words repeated itself like a broken recorder.
I'm getting married.
I'm getting married.
I'm getting married.
She could mildly register the dialogue from the show and it made her feel like puking.
Jack: Do you love him?
Rose: Pardon me?
Jack: Do you love him?
Rose: Well, you're being very rude. You shouldn't be asking me this.
Jack: Well, it's a simple question. Do you love the guy or not?
Rose: This is not a suitable conversation.
Jack: Why can't you just answer the question?
Rachel was looking at her, waiting for her reaction. But Quinn couldn't. She couldn't do anything except to stare into those trusting brown eyes. The tears were stinging her eyes and she was thankful for the lack of light. She swallowed her fear and pain into her stomach and they burnt like fire. She bit her lips to stop herself from screaming 'NO!'. She couldn't. She couldn't burst her bubble.
Invisible hands clenched tightly on her throat and she consciously took in a deep breath.
"It was great." She whispered, mustering all her energy to sound as happy as she should. But all she sounded was broken. And she was, as she pulled Rachel into her arms and repeated herself.
"It was great, Rach." She tightened her grip around Rachel. Hot tears fallen against her cheeks at the trainwreck mess.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Fond gestures are exchanged
And the organ starts to play
A song that sounds like a death march
She watched as Rachel stood beside her Dad, unshed tears in his eyes as he pulled her into an embrace. Finn's mum was sobbing openly while Finn awkwardly tried to pacify her with a pat. She watched as things started to unwind in an awfully painful way.
Her heart stopped and beat faster altogether. It was so surreal. Were all these really happening?
The wedding march began to play and all movement was halted. Attention was drawn to Rachel whose veil was down. But Quinn could see that she was not smiling like how movies always played out. Her eyes roamed to hers and Quinn saw the apprehension in her eyes.
And then it finally occurred to her.
She was not ready.
She floats down the aisle like a pageant queen
But I know you wish it was me,
You wish it was me,
Don't you?
xoxoxoxo
It was almost autumn and the temperature was starting to drop.
Rachel walked out from the dressing room and Quinn eyes widened impossibly. Because Rachel was so gorgeous that it scalded her. She turned around, smoothing her skirt with uncertainty.
Intense brown eyes boring into hazel eyes. Then she asked with so much sudden emotion that Quinn cringed visibly."Was it OK?". Her voice barely a whisper. Quinn couldn't help but feel like she was asking an entirely different question. The brown eyes drawing out words and emotions she knew she never wanted to acknowledge.
The words were at the tip of her tongue until Rachel turned back to the mirror with a half spin. They fell back to the back of her heart with a small thump. She took in a deep breath.
"You looked amazing."
Xoxoxoxo
I hear the preacher say, "Speak now or forever hold your peace"
There's the silence, there's my last chance.
I stand up with shaky hands, all eyes on me.
Horrified looks from everyone in the room
But I'm only looking at you.
"You looked awesome." Quinn could read Finn's mouth and the rock in her chest settled in further. Then the priest started to speak and the music was cut off.
The church was eerily quiet.
"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this company, to join together this Man and this Woman in holy Matrimony." The priest words rang loudly and every word intensified an acute pain. The pain roamed its way up and was now sitting squarely on her chest, ripping them apart with its razor edges. She couldn't breathe and she found herself gasping for air.
But the air fuelled the excruciating pain and it burrowed through her till there was nothing left.
"Into this holy estate these two persons present come now to be joined. If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together, let him now speak, or else hereafter for ever hold his peace."
The priest words echoed through the church and stroke a raw spot in Quinn.
If any man can show just cause, why they may not lawfully be joined together...
A thick fog of mist dispersed in her head and she could finally see it...
Clearly.
She looked up and bored into Rachel's backview and wondered how could she ever be so blind.
Do you think Finn and I are made in heaven?
I'm getting married.
Was it OK?
The priest peered away from his bible and looked up. He watched as the guests fidgeted uncomfortably, but nobody made any attempt to move.
He cleared his throat and focused back to the bible.
Then it happened.
Quinn stood up from her seat abruptly, her shoulders tensed. White knuckles protruding as she gripped onto bench tightly infront of her. The need to run away overwhelmed her, but she couldn't...not anymore. Her chest heaved as she took in a deep breath. A small commotion forced the priest to snap up with a slight frown. She was faintly aware of a small tug from Brittany and her soft whispering that this was not the time to catch the bouquet.
But Quinn's eyes were on Rachel and when she turned around and saw the light in Rachel's eyes, she knew she had to speak now.
"I...I know how the world works. I've got ten bucks in my pocket, I have nothing to offer you and I know that. I understand. But I'm too involved now."Her voice quivered and she bit her lips to recollect herself. "You jump, I jump remember? I can't turn away without knowing you'll be all right..." Her voice trailed off softly but the determination was evident. It pierced through the thick fog of awkwardness.
Small confused mumbling erupted. Quinn felt an overwhelmed pressure sitting on her chest and robbed off her ability to breath. The pressure intensified itself as the second passed and her body tensed as though she was about to suffocate.
But when unshed tears shimmered in Rachel's eyes, a sip of air finally reached her and she recoiled with relieved. All tension drained off from her.
"Titanic."Rachel whispered, their eyes boring into each other's again, a smile crawling up their faces in synchrony.
This time, they had finally got it right.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Movie: Titanic
Song: Speak Now – Taylor Swift
Appreciate all reviews.