Stan and Kyle walk down a hall toward their lockers in between classes, dodging students as Kyle reads a piece of paper.
"What did you get on yours?" asks Stan.
"A B minus."
"B minus? I thought you studied for it."
"I did," Kyle stops at a water fountain, "but Mr. Krautklinger took off half a grade for being Jewish," Kyle presses the water fountain button and begins to drink.
While drinking, Kyle notices something out of the corner of one of his eyes. He looks left and sees Eric's head close to his, with Eric smiling.
Kyle stops and turns his head to look at Eric, "What are you doing" Kyle asks suspiciously.
"Nothing much, just experiencing life with my good friend Kyle," Eric smiles.
There's a sound effect of a camera taking a picture. Eric stops smiling and moves away. Kyle stops sipping water and turns to look at Eric.
"What the hell is that?"
"It's a selfie stick, Kyle," Eric stops positioning it and as he stands in the middle of the hall, he takes a picture.
"I know that. I mean – why the hell do you need one?" Kyle asks.
"Kyle, selfie sticks are like Apple TV, Apple watches, and a set of John Tesh's greatest hits – nobody really needs one."
"An you have one because…?" Kyle retorts.
Kenny stops nearby Stan.
"They're the wave of the future, Kyle."
"You look like a douchebag."
"You're just jealous because I have one and you don't," Eric mocks lightly.
Butters joins them as well.
"Why, that's a mighty fine rod you have there, Eric," says Butters.
"It's a selfie stick, Butters. Yup – it was the longest one they had. I hear size matters. Isn't that right, Wendy," Eric stands aside Wendy as she spins her locker's lock, "size matters," he positions the selfie stick and takes a picture, "Yeah, you like my long titanium shaft, don't you, Wendy?"
"Get away from me, weirdo," she belts out loudly.
"Cool, cool, check you later, Wen'," he then steps back to the group and whispers to them, "She's just jealous, 'cause her shaft isn't as big as mine."
Kyle says with heavy sarcasm, "Ah huh, yeah, that's probably it. Or she thinks you look like a douchebag. Right, Stan?"
"Well, I guess…" Stan says with a little hesitation.
"What – you don't think he looks like a douchebag?" Kyle asks Stan.
"I don't know. Right now they're the wave of the future. Back in the '80's and '90's people used to carry around portable boom boxes since that was the best technology had to offer. Did that make them douchebags?"
"Yes. Total douchebags," Kyle replies bluntly.
Eric comments, "It's okay to be jealous, Kyle. They see me selfying, they hatin'."
"Actually, it's not okay in my religion; envy not," Kyle responds back.
"Ah huh, sure. Whatever, I know what you all think."
They all finish swapping out their books and head to their next classes.
"Keep telling yourself that – maybe it'll come true one day," Kyle says with sarcasm.
"Why, ah, I don't think you look like a douchebag, Eric," says Butters.
"See?" Eric says to Kyle.
Butters continues, "I think you kind of look cool."
Kyle quickly speaks up, "Congratulations, Cartman, you've been deemed 'cool' by Butters. Maybe if you hurry up you can catch Tweek and he can second the opinion."
They enter the classroom and get seated at their desks.
"Figures. In history there's always been men who held back causes. They said nobody would ever want a computer in their house; VHS tape recorders would kill Hollywood; ships would sail off the edge of the world; and Gandhi did whatever it is Gandhi did," says Eric.
"You seriously did not just compare yourself to Gandi," says Kyle.
Mr. Garrison walks into the classroom and shuts the door, "All right class, shut the hell up – it's time to learn shit. Okay, back in the '60's, '70's, and '80's Hanna Barbara made countless animated cartoons marketed toward easily appeased minor intellects such as yourselves. Then in the 1970's the company branched out and tried a live-action series," Garrison turns around to write on the chalkboard as he speaks, "called 'Korg: 70,000 B.C.', it followed the lives of a family of Neanderthals," he puts the chalk down and turns around to see Eric sitting backwards, positioning his selfie stick, "Eric, what are you doing?"
"Me?" Eric asks innocently.
"No, the other fat bastard named Eric; of course you."
"Don't mind me – just takin' a selfie in class," the sound of a camera flashing goes off from the iPhone on the selfie stick.
"What the hell is that thing?" Mr. Garrison asks.
"It's a selfie stick, Mr. Garrison."
"Oh. Well, you look like a douchebag," says Mr. Garrison.
"What? No I don't. It's just something new and different. Did guys who wore biker jackets and slicked back their hair look like douchebags?"
"Yes, total douchebags," Mr. Garrison replies.
"Well, I think I look fine," says Eric, then looking at his photo on the iPhone.
"I imagine most douchebags do. Anyway, this isn't picture-taking time, it's educational time. Can you even spell Korg?"
"Nooo…" Eric says, rolling his eyes.
"Really, Eric – how do you expect to get head in life if you can't spell Korg? As I was saying: the series revolved around Korg, his brother, his wife, and children…"
.
Later that day. Kids pour out of the front entrance doors to the lined up school busses. Eric, in front of Kyle, Kenny, and Stan, lifts his selfie stick up and out front of himself.
"Hey guys, Eric again. Today I'm just-"
"What the hell are you doing, Cartman?" says Kyle.
"Shhh, Kyle, I'm making a selfie video for my youtube channel."
"But you're not doing anything."
"Sorry about that, guys. I'm just headin' onto the bus after a day of hard learning. Heh – a hard day of learning or hardly learning. He he he. Check ya later," he pulls the selfie stick back and stops recording, "Oh, I should totally record the bus trip," he fiddles with the iPhone again and then extends the selfie stick as jhe climbs up into the school bus.
"Hey, kid, what are you doing?" asks the school bus driver.
"Just making a video with my rad selfie stick," Eric replies.
"I don't know, it looks a little douche."
"Ay!"
"Anyway, no photo sticks while riding on the bus," says the driver to Eric.
"Since when?" Eric asks.
"New school policy implemented this afternoon. Sorry."
"Oh, man," Eric grumbles as he walks to a seat, "what is this – NAZI Germany?" he sits.
Kyle comments to him, "I guess you'll just have to restrain yourself to normalcy for one short bus ride."
"Don't you think you're being a little hard on him over it?" Stan asks Kyle.
"No. All selfie sticks do is over stimulate one's already self-important ego and facilitate their need to showcase to everybody how important they supposedly are."
"People have been taking pictures for over a hundred years – how is this any different?" Stan asks Kyle.
"Pictures used to be novelties, then when they became something affordable anybody could own, they became yet another way people captured their history and had something documenting important and interesting moments in their lives. Some photo of you on the beach alone smiling for no reason so you can post about how cool your life is on Facebook, is not the same. A picture of a person and their best friend at some kind of event is a personal keep sake with sentimental value. Some douchebag videoing themselves in WalMart is life-wasting garbage."
"Okay, so it's a little different…" says Stan.
"A little different? A dad passing down his personalized old car he made memories in to his son, is a bonding moment; some douchebag giving his son his self-driving car he rented out as an Uber while he worked, is like getting an un-washed neck tie from Good Will."
"Oh, poor Kyle, I totally wish I could memorialize your butt-hurt with a selfie right now," says Eric.
"Only if you want to memorialize me flipping you off."
"NAZI," Eric says, then turns back around in his seat.
.
A short time later. Stan walks up to the Marsh house and lets himself.
"Hey, dad," Stan says as he passes bt.
"Hey, Stan."
Stan stops, turns around, and walks back to Randy.
"Dad."
"Yeah, Stan?"
"Have you ever owned a selfie stick?"
"Huh – Stan! You shouldn't be talking about such things at your age."
"Why not?"
Randy sees Stan is legitimately confused, "Wait – a selfie stick isn't dirty?"
"No."
"Then what is it? It sounds dirty."
"It's a long metal pole you can attach their phones to so they can record themselves or take a picture of themselves without anybody helping."
"I've never heard of that before. Is that a thing now?"
"Do you think that would make somebody look like a douchebag?" Kyle asks again.
"I don't think so. Does owning a Ford Mustang Shelby even though all you do is go to work and WalMart, make you a douchebag?"
"Ahhh…"
"It's just the newest trend. Used to be timers, now it's sticks," says Randy.
"You're probably right. Thanks, dad," Stan heads upstairs to his room.
Randy contemplates, rubbing his chin, "Hummm … selfie stick…"
.
Kyle sits in his room, doing his homework. He stops and reaches for his iPhone after hearing it alert him about an instant message with some beeps. He picks it up off the desktop and fiddles with it, finding a message from Eric with a picture attachment. He opens it to find a selfie of Eric on the toilet, smiling excitedly.
"Damnit," Kyle exclaims with annoyance, closes I and tosses the phone to the side.