A/N This is a no-nonsense (but has tons of nonsense) but extremely pointless (it has a point I swear) ranting fic (Oh yeah, it rants, I can tell ya that for sure....Yet my alter egos disagree.....Shut up alter egos!!! Get it? Alter egoS as in plural, get it? got it? Good, keep it that way, for all eternity... *goes off ranting and arguing with her alter egos, comes back and continues*).....I just felt like writing it.... So if you don't like it...SOD OFF!!!! (Go Akili!!!!) This is going to be with help from my best friend!!!! Ms. Alex Riddle herself. AKA Remington's Restaurant and Lounge....Woohoo Anyone up for a game of Quodpot!!! At 11:00 p.m. my time!!! Huh? Anyone? No one? D'MN YOU ALL TO THE PLACE CLOSEST TO HELL!!! TEXADA ISLAND!!!!! PS. it's in British Columbia you twits. I'm sorry, please still read and review!! PLEASE!!!! PPS. I AM A.......POWELL RIVERITE!!! NOT A CANADIAN, GOT IT!!! GOOD!!! ON WE GO!!!! I think.....Ow....it hurts doesn't it...?
Ms. Riddle: Sure looks like it. Now the official Disclaimer.....
Akili:..... It's lost. Please find it and you will be rewarded with a glomping (d..d...do... I mean....don't worry that's not always a bad thing) unless you are a girl. then you will get .... NOTHING~!~ And again, if you are Daniel, you will get glomped to death by Alex after the world implodes.... BAKA!!!!
Ms. Riddle: Please R&R. You will find my friend and I at St. Mungos.^_~*
Akili: Please visit us, we're very, very lonely, at least Ms. Riddle is ^_~*
Ms. Riddle: Are you suggesting something? Seagull! I could rant...
Akili: NO!!! ON WITH THE FIC!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (I must always add an evil laugh at one point or another.) MUAHAHAHAHA (again).
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Alexandrea Riddle was skipping down the hall at her wizarding school in Canada....Cookoocana. She was whistling a tune that she had just recently listened to, Canada is Really Big. Suddenly, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Voldemort jumped out from behind curtains and began to sing the song, (with Voldemort trying to kill Harry and James by adding comments, then finally singing).
When I look around me, (Avada Kedav....)
I can't believe what I see (Ava....)
it seems as if this country has lost its will to live (Stop singing...A....va...)
the economy is lousy, (NOOOOO!!!)
we barely have an army (Fine I'll sing)
but we can still stand proudly 'cause Canada's really big (On second thought....)
We're the second largest country on this planet earth (Shut up!!)
and if Russia keeps on shrinking, then soon we'll be first! (as long as we keep Quebec) (Um...)
The USA has tanks, (Damn them)
and Switzerland has banks (Who cares?)
they can keep them thanks, (Back to killing..)
they just don't amount (Damn straight...Anyways...)
'cause when you get down to it, (Ava...)
you find out what the truth is, (Maybe I won't...)
it isn't what you do with it, it's the size that counts (You know, they aren't that bad)
Most people will tell you (I mean when you get to know them)
that France is pretty large (They're pretty cool)
but you can put fourteen Frances into this land of ours! (And Harry's really cute....)
(it'd take a lot of work, it'd take a whole lot of work) (I mean....He's the most horrible....)
We're larger than Malaysia, (...Stupid little twit)
almost as big as Asia (Damn straight...again)
we're bigger than Australia and it's a continent (No duh)
so big we seldom bother (Um yeah)
to go see one another (Yeah, the others suck)
but we often go to other countries for vacations (Only to kill...maybe see...or pet.....I mean)
Our mountains are very pointy, (Yeah, I poked myself once, it hurt...)
our prairies are not (So does thinking)
the rest is kinda bumpy, (Yeah, REALLY bumpy)
but man do we have a lot! (Oh yeah, tons really, just tons)
(we've got a lot of land, we've got a whole lot of land) (Maybe I should stop commentating...)
So stand up and be proud (Fine I'll sing but not yet...)
and sing out very loud (Now I'll sing)
Everyone including Voldie: we stand out from the crowd, (I despise that nickname)
Everyone including Voldie...I mean....Voldemort: Cause Canada's Really Big (Damn straight, for the third time).
Everyone starts to can-can, with Alex looking strange like she always does....I mean....innocently on.... Yeah, that's right. Alex took out her wand, and everyone scattered like they always did before the very powerful, yet extremely weak, witchling...
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Akili: HEY I FOUND IT!!!! NOT YOU, ME!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA (insert own evil laugh here...) Anyways, I found the disclaimer....wait a minute....No, this is Alex's dry cleaning bill....WHAT!!!! $500 FOR DRY CLEANING!!!! ALEX!!!!!
Alex: You rang?
Akili: Stuff it Lurch, I called you to talk to you about this atrocious dry cleaning bill...
Alex: Well you know, Death Eater cloaks aren't made of cotton you know. They were my father's, don't look at me like that....
Akili: I'm not looking at you at all...Anyways.....Where did you put that disclaimer?
Alex: I gave it to you, you know after the spider was on it....I DESPISE SPIDERS!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!! Camelot is a silly place don'tcha think?
Akili: Umm....Sure....Whatever you say....But speaking of spiders....You know the song the Itsey Bitsey spider? No? Well you know the spider goes up the waterspout....Why would it do that? Then it got washed out....Why wouldn't it die? Then it climbs again...WHY(Ak) WHY(Al) WHY(Al) WHY(Ak) WHY(Al) (six, one from each of our alter egos) ......WHY DO IT? (actually Akili) Then.....
Alex: Yes, let's stop there.... No more sugar from you tonight....
Akili: I AM 180% AKILI-CHAN, WITH 20% SUGAR THROWN IN FOR THE FUN OF IT!!!!
Alex: Sorry but I have to do this.... I AM 180% GRAPEFRUIT EXTRACT ALEX WITH 20% SUGAR!!!
Akili: Back to singing....I mean....The fic.....
Alex: Yes on with it...
Akili: Don't bother me while sleeping....
Alex:.....um......sure......why not....
Akili: Don't get me started!!! WHY!!!! AND I SAID DON'T BOTHER ME WHILE SLEEPING. DOLT!!!! YOU SOFT HAIRED MULTICOLOURED SPORK!!!! I'm done.
Alex: *walks away muttering* Spork???
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Voldemort stayed behind to glare at his daughter..... "You didn't let us finish the can-can, you stupid girl." He reached out for her.
"Hey watch out, Touch me now and you'll get cut. You're not yet stronger than me, You probably know, I might take my wand out and......START CONDUCTING MUSIC!!!!" When nothing happened Alex looked around, smiled innocently, and ran away.
~ lunchtime ~
Alex ran into the Great Hall of Doom!!!! I mean....of her school..... and tripped over the beanbag sitting in the middle of the floor. "WHAT THE F*...."
Akili looked up and interrupted "Alex, language..."
"What the He...."
"Alex, language..."
"Sod o....."
"Alex, language..."
"Fine, Gi....Pra....I mean.....Estupido baka child"
Akili did nothing, Alex continued.
" !@$@#$@%$!%@^#&^@!^&#&#^!@%!%!%!!$@$^%#&^#&^ (all in Spanish and Japanese) !@$!#%!^&#*&$*$&^!%^!!@%^$@^!#$^!#&!&^!#$ (this is the rant that never ends....Yes it goes on and on my friends.....And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and.....)"
Alex stopped, then she said "why aren't you saying anything? I mean I'm swea....."
Akili cut her off, "Alex, language..."
Alex walked off in a huff, tripping over the beanbag.....again.....When she heard a noise behind her.....
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Akili: Isn't this fun? It is isn't it? Isn't it? ISN'T IT? awww.....it's not....YES IT IS!!!!
Alex: callate baka.
Akili: Never mind her, she's just sore that my alter egos are better than hers.
Alex: No they're not..... At least mine have names!
Akili: Oh, good point....Touche.... (I know there's an accent, I cant make it, so sod off)....Anyways, have you found that disclaimer yet?
Alex: Actually I have....Then I threw it out the window for you to chase to my utter amusement...
Akili: You are extremely easily amused
Alex: *Looks up from pulling at shirt, has stupid stupid grin on face* What's that you said?....Oh well, the answer is YES!!!!
Akili: Anyways.....Me and my three alter egos have to go chase down the disclaimer.....No we don't. Shut up stupid alter ego....You're wasting my time....Let the nice people get back to the fic.... Fine, I will. Now I have locked my alter egos into a room in the back of my mind, they can't get out....Unless they break through the door.....Or the wall......Or the floor to ceiling window......ahem.....oops......
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Akili: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA You thought that just because of that thing up there that we were going back to the fic....I LIED!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm done.
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Akili was standing on the table and she was just about to break into song....Uh oh..... She has changed words....Be afraid...Be very afraid....But don't be sorry...Be aware....And afraid....Can't forget afraid....
Padfoot is famous for freezing to death in Antarctica.
Harry made history by losing two hundred and fifty points
Cornelius Fudge, a national hero for not knowing when to run.
All of these weirdoes are famous, and they're also very dumb.
History is made by stupid people.
Clever people wouldn't even try.
If you wanna place in the history books,
Then do something dumb before you die.
Harry Potter tap danced past the table where Akili was dancing the can-can and said "Hey I'm in history you know....I mean, I have to be in history....I am all important.....FOR I AM HARRY POTTER!!!!!
Akili responded by jumping down from the table, pushing Harry over and saying "I know, I mentioned that" before continuing singing.
Nobility are famous for no reason.
Marie Antoinette enjoyed her cake.
She cause a Revolution when she would not share.
And her husband lost his head for that mistake.
The Hindenberg was a giant zeppelin.
Her makers made a minor oversight.
Before they filled it up with explosive gas
They should have fixed the no smoking light.
Causssseeee!
History is made by stupid people. (Harry: Hey!!)
Clever people wouldn't even try. (Hermione: Damn straight)
If you wanna place in the history books,
Then do something dumb before you die.
Tally-Ho! Tally-Ho! (Alex: Umm.....Tally-Ho?)
Our king and country's honour we will save.
Tally-Ho! Tally-Ho!
We're marching into history and the grave.
So, if your son or daughter seem too lazy, (Voldemort: yes she's quite lazy)
Sitting there watching bad T.V. (Alex: Hey! Not all the time..)
Just remember you should be quite grateful
At least they're not making history.
Ahhh!
History is made by stupid people.
clever people wouldn't even try.
If you wanna place in the history books,
Then do something dumb before you die.
Do something dumb before you die
Do something dumb before you die!!!!!
Akili finished with a complex ballet move and tripped over the beanbag, then transfigured it into a computer which took off its head to reveal Buckbeaks, which in turn, turned into the sorting hat, then Voldemort, then changed into rare orange revolting gerbils and they changed into orange jellyfish, then into neon pink jelly fish, merged into one, chased Harry Potter down the hall and beat him over the head and Harry knew no more, then the jelly fish turned into Alex and Akili ran away screaming and ranting about spiders and them going up waterspouts, and Alex asked if you had your socials homework done.
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Akili: Finally I found it!!! The disclaimer!!!! Wait....wait..... Stop it Alex....No don't blow your nose on the paper, don't throw it out the window..... *sits down and cries*
Alex: *Smiles innocently* Oh I'm sorry, did you want that? Oh well, I guess there's no disclaimer for this chapter.....But I hope that you understand that JKR didn't come up with this plot....It was all us....FOR WE ARE PEOPLES!!!!! WITH ALTER EGOS!!!!! I mean.....We came up with this ultra-crackamungo-insaneoapolis-fic of the world!!!! Anyways.....
Akili: Let me take over.....We would like to thank people for stuff we used....But there are too many....If you read this, and you know where stuff comes from....Colour it purple, or make a purple boat that is a micrometer in size, and sod off. We aren't taking credit for stuff that isn't ours. The songs are by the Arrogant Worms though.....Listen to them or the world will implode and you will be glomped to death by Arrogant Worms fans....Like us.....For example......Anyways.....This is actually the end!!! Did you like it? Now review!!!!!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY WE FINISHED THE NONSENSE CHAPTER!!!! YIPPEE!!!! The rest of this fic will be serious, I swear..... *crosses fingers* Really I mean it.....*shifts eyes nervously* *snickers* hee hee.....Maybe not....
Ms. Riddle: Sure looks like it. Now the official Disclaimer.....
Akili:..... It's lost. Please find it and you will be rewarded with a glomping (d..d...do... I mean....don't worry that's not always a bad thing) unless you are a girl. then you will get .... NOTHING~!~ And again, if you are Daniel, you will get glomped to death by Alex after the world implodes.... BAKA!!!!
Ms. Riddle: Please R&R. You will find my friend and I at St. Mungos.^_~*
Akili: Please visit us, we're very, very lonely, at least Ms. Riddle is ^_~*
Ms. Riddle: Are you suggesting something? Seagull! I could rant...
Akili: NO!!! ON WITH THE FIC!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (I must always add an evil laugh at one point or another.) MUAHAHAHAHA (again).
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Alexandrea Riddle was skipping down the hall at her wizarding school in Canada....Cookoocana. She was whistling a tune that she had just recently listened to, Canada is Really Big. Suddenly, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley, James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and Voldemort jumped out from behind curtains and began to sing the song, (with Voldemort trying to kill Harry and James by adding comments, then finally singing).
When I look around me, (Avada Kedav....)
I can't believe what I see (Ava....)
it seems as if this country has lost its will to live (Stop singing...A....va...)
the economy is lousy, (NOOOOO!!!)
we barely have an army (Fine I'll sing)
but we can still stand proudly 'cause Canada's really big (On second thought....)
We're the second largest country on this planet earth (Shut up!!)
and if Russia keeps on shrinking, then soon we'll be first! (as long as we keep Quebec) (Um...)
The USA has tanks, (Damn them)
and Switzerland has banks (Who cares?)
they can keep them thanks, (Back to killing..)
they just don't amount (Damn straight...Anyways...)
'cause when you get down to it, (Ava...)
you find out what the truth is, (Maybe I won't...)
it isn't what you do with it, it's the size that counts (You know, they aren't that bad)
Most people will tell you (I mean when you get to know them)
that France is pretty large (They're pretty cool)
but you can put fourteen Frances into this land of ours! (And Harry's really cute....)
(it'd take a lot of work, it'd take a whole lot of work) (I mean....He's the most horrible....)
We're larger than Malaysia, (...Stupid little twit)
almost as big as Asia (Damn straight...again)
we're bigger than Australia and it's a continent (No duh)
so big we seldom bother (Um yeah)
to go see one another (Yeah, the others suck)
but we often go to other countries for vacations (Only to kill...maybe see...or pet.....I mean)
Our mountains are very pointy, (Yeah, I poked myself once, it hurt...)
our prairies are not (So does thinking)
the rest is kinda bumpy, (Yeah, REALLY bumpy)
but man do we have a lot! (Oh yeah, tons really, just tons)
(we've got a lot of land, we've got a whole lot of land) (Maybe I should stop commentating...)
So stand up and be proud (Fine I'll sing but not yet...)
and sing out very loud (Now I'll sing)
Everyone including Voldie: we stand out from the crowd, (I despise that nickname)
Everyone including Voldie...I mean....Voldemort: Cause Canada's Really Big (Damn straight, for the third time).
Everyone starts to can-can, with Alex looking strange like she always does....I mean....innocently on.... Yeah, that's right. Alex took out her wand, and everyone scattered like they always did before the very powerful, yet extremely weak, witchling...
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Akili: HEY I FOUND IT!!!! NOT YOU, ME!!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA (insert own evil laugh here...) Anyways, I found the disclaimer....wait a minute....No, this is Alex's dry cleaning bill....WHAT!!!! $500 FOR DRY CLEANING!!!! ALEX!!!!!
Alex: You rang?
Akili: Stuff it Lurch, I called you to talk to you about this atrocious dry cleaning bill...
Alex: Well you know, Death Eater cloaks aren't made of cotton you know. They were my father's, don't look at me like that....
Akili: I'm not looking at you at all...Anyways.....Where did you put that disclaimer?
Alex: I gave it to you, you know after the spider was on it....I DESPISE SPIDERS!!!! AHHHHHH!!!! RUN AWAY!!!!! Camelot is a silly place don'tcha think?
Akili: Umm....Sure....Whatever you say....But speaking of spiders....You know the song the Itsey Bitsey spider? No? Well you know the spider goes up the waterspout....Why would it do that? Then it got washed out....Why wouldn't it die? Then it climbs again...WHY(Ak) WHY(Al) WHY(Al) WHY(Ak) WHY(Al) (six, one from each of our alter egos) ......WHY DO IT? (actually Akili) Then.....
Alex: Yes, let's stop there.... No more sugar from you tonight....
Akili: I AM 180% AKILI-CHAN, WITH 20% SUGAR THROWN IN FOR THE FUN OF IT!!!!
Alex: Sorry but I have to do this.... I AM 180% GRAPEFRUIT EXTRACT ALEX WITH 20% SUGAR!!!
Akili: Back to singing....I mean....The fic.....
Alex: Yes on with it...
Akili: Don't bother me while sleeping....
Alex:.....um......sure......why not....
Akili: Don't get me started!!! WHY!!!! AND I SAID DON'T BOTHER ME WHILE SLEEPING. DOLT!!!! YOU SOFT HAIRED MULTICOLOURED SPORK!!!! I'm done.
Alex: *walks away muttering* Spork???
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Voldemort stayed behind to glare at his daughter..... "You didn't let us finish the can-can, you stupid girl." He reached out for her.
"Hey watch out, Touch me now and you'll get cut. You're not yet stronger than me, You probably know, I might take my wand out and......START CONDUCTING MUSIC!!!!" When nothing happened Alex looked around, smiled innocently, and ran away.
~ lunchtime ~
Alex ran into the Great Hall of Doom!!!! I mean....of her school..... and tripped over the beanbag sitting in the middle of the floor. "WHAT THE F*...."
Akili looked up and interrupted "Alex, language..."
"What the He...."
"Alex, language..."
"Sod o....."
"Alex, language..."
"Fine, Gi....Pra....I mean.....Estupido baka child"
Akili did nothing, Alex continued.
" !@$@#$@%$!%@^#&^@!^&#&#^!@%!%!%!!$@$^%#&^#&^ (all in Spanish and Japanese) !@$!#%!^&#*&$*$&^!%^!!@%^$@^!#$^!#&!&^!#$ (this is the rant that never ends....Yes it goes on and on my friends.....And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and.....)"
Alex stopped, then she said "why aren't you saying anything? I mean I'm swea....."
Akili cut her off, "Alex, language..."
Alex walked off in a huff, tripping over the beanbag.....again.....When she heard a noise behind her.....
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Akili: Isn't this fun? It is isn't it? Isn't it? ISN'T IT? awww.....it's not....YES IT IS!!!!
Alex: callate baka.
Akili: Never mind her, she's just sore that my alter egos are better than hers.
Alex: No they're not..... At least mine have names!
Akili: Oh, good point....Touche.... (I know there's an accent, I cant make it, so sod off)....Anyways, have you found that disclaimer yet?
Alex: Actually I have....Then I threw it out the window for you to chase to my utter amusement...
Akili: You are extremely easily amused
Alex: *Looks up from pulling at shirt, has stupid stupid grin on face* What's that you said?....Oh well, the answer is YES!!!!
Akili: Anyways.....Me and my three alter egos have to go chase down the disclaimer.....No we don't. Shut up stupid alter ego....You're wasting my time....Let the nice people get back to the fic.... Fine, I will. Now I have locked my alter egos into a room in the back of my mind, they can't get out....Unless they break through the door.....Or the wall......Or the floor to ceiling window......ahem.....oops......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Akili: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA You thought that just because of that thing up there that we were going back to the fic....I LIED!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Akili was standing on the table and she was just about to break into song....Uh oh..... She has changed words....Be afraid...Be very afraid....But don't be sorry...Be aware....And afraid....Can't forget afraid....
Padfoot is famous for freezing to death in Antarctica.
Harry made history by losing two hundred and fifty points
Cornelius Fudge, a national hero for not knowing when to run.
All of these weirdoes are famous, and they're also very dumb.
History is made by stupid people.
Clever people wouldn't even try.
If you wanna place in the history books,
Then do something dumb before you die.
Harry Potter tap danced past the table where Akili was dancing the can-can and said "Hey I'm in history you know....I mean, I have to be in history....I am all important.....FOR I AM HARRY POTTER!!!!!
Akili responded by jumping down from the table, pushing Harry over and saying "I know, I mentioned that" before continuing singing.
Nobility are famous for no reason.
Marie Antoinette enjoyed her cake.
She cause a Revolution when she would not share.
And her husband lost his head for that mistake.
The Hindenberg was a giant zeppelin.
Her makers made a minor oversight.
Before they filled it up with explosive gas
They should have fixed the no smoking light.
Causssseeee!
History is made by stupid people. (Harry: Hey!!)
Clever people wouldn't even try. (Hermione: Damn straight)
If you wanna place in the history books,
Then do something dumb before you die.
Tally-Ho! Tally-Ho! (Alex: Umm.....Tally-Ho?)
Our king and country's honour we will save.
Tally-Ho! Tally-Ho!
We're marching into history and the grave.
So, if your son or daughter seem too lazy, (Voldemort: yes she's quite lazy)
Sitting there watching bad T.V. (Alex: Hey! Not all the time..)
Just remember you should be quite grateful
At least they're not making history.
Ahhh!
History is made by stupid people.
clever people wouldn't even try.
If you wanna place in the history books,
Then do something dumb before you die.
Do something dumb before you die
Do something dumb before you die!!!!!
Akili finished with a complex ballet move and tripped over the beanbag, then transfigured it into a computer which took off its head to reveal Buckbeaks, which in turn, turned into the sorting hat, then Voldemort, then changed into rare orange revolting gerbils and they changed into orange jellyfish, then into neon pink jelly fish, merged into one, chased Harry Potter down the hall and beat him over the head and Harry knew no more, then the jelly fish turned into Alex and Akili ran away screaming and ranting about spiders and them going up waterspouts, and Alex asked if you had your socials homework done.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Akili: Finally I found it!!! The disclaimer!!!! Wait....wait..... Stop it Alex....No don't blow your nose on the paper, don't throw it out the window..... *sits down and cries*
Alex: *Smiles innocently* Oh I'm sorry, did you want that? Oh well, I guess there's no disclaimer for this chapter.....But I hope that you understand that JKR didn't come up with this plot....It was all us....FOR WE ARE PEOPLES!!!!! WITH ALTER EGOS!!!!! I mean.....We came up with this ultra-crackamungo-insaneoapolis-fic of the world!!!! Anyways.....
Akili: Let me take over.....We would like to thank people for stuff we used....But there are too many....If you read this, and you know where stuff comes from....Colour it purple, or make a purple boat that is a micrometer in size, and sod off. We aren't taking credit for stuff that isn't ours. The songs are by the Arrogant Worms though.....Listen to them or the world will implode and you will be glomped to death by Arrogant Worms fans....Like us.....For example......Anyways.....This is actually the end!!! Did you like it? Now review!!!!!
YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY WE FINISHED THE NONSENSE CHAPTER!!!! YIPPEE!!!! The rest of this fic will be serious, I swear..... *crosses fingers* Really I mean it.....*shifts eyes nervously* *snickers* hee hee.....Maybe not....