Just Like Old Times, or Sanzo and the Two Idiots
By Leokitsune
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A/N: This is a side fic to 'Hakkai's New Astronomy Lessons.' This fic might make more sense to you if you read the other fic first, but I don't think that's necessary. It's merely something I alluded to in the other fic that I decided had to be written. Because I love an angry, irritated Sanzo, beset upon by the inane and childish antics of his travelling companions. Especially the ones in the backseat. Oh, wait a minute. ONLY the ones in the back. Not you, Hakkai, sorry 'bout that. Set post-journey.
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"Tell me why I'm here again."
"Because you said if it was left up to me and Gojyo, the porch would fall in the first time anyone stepped on it. If it got done at all."
"Then would you two shut up and work?" Sanzo snarled at Goku and Gojyo.
Goku blinked at him with big gold eyes, and Gojyo looked unimpressed and a little miffed. "Asshole monk," he muttered. "He actually said that?"
#BANG# #BANG#
"AHHHH! I'm goin', I'm goin'!" Gojyo and Goku scurried off to get to work on the front porch.
"Damned pests," Sanzo muttered angrily. He put his Smith and Wesson away and picked up the pack of Marlboros sitting on the stack of wood. Why HAD he agreed to this? The sawdust was making his eyes water, the sun was hot, that good-for-nothing Gojyo had drunk the last beer, and those two were up to their usual antics. They were going to drive him crazy, he just knew it.
Sanzo hadn't known what he was getting into. If he had, he would have refused to have anything to do with this. However, this morning it had been been a different story . . .
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This morning—
"Sanzo, Sanzo!"
Sanzo sighed to himself and turned to face the boy who had hailed him. "What is it, Goku?"
"Gojyo asked if I could give him a hand with a project he is doing. Can I, can I?" Goku danced around Sanzo, giving him a headache.
"Do what you want," Sanzo told him.
"Thanks, Sanzo!" Goku ran off, then stopped and ran back. "Hey, Sanzo, why don't you come along and help too?"
"Why? What are you guys up to now?" Sanzo realized that he probably wasn't going to be able to go to the temple right away as he had intended, so he leaned against the walkway's railing and took out his cigarettes.
"We're building a porch!"
"A porch? What for?" Sanzo lit his cigarette as he spoke. He waited for Goku's answer, his eyes showing a jaded wariness. The insanity will start any moment now.
"For Hakkai, of course."
"If it had been so obvious, I wouldn't have had to ask, would I?" Sanzo said.
Goku didn't understand that, so he forged on. "Come on, Sanzo! It'll be fun."
"There's no need," Sanzo said dismissively. "Hakkai will have everything under control."
"Oh, Hakkai doesn't know about it! It's a surprise." Goku bounced around in excitement.
Sanzo took another drag of his cigarette. Goku. And Gojyo. Unsupervised. Various tools of construction. In the hands of those two, more like destruction. "If it's a surprise, how are you two going to hide the construction from Hakkai? He lives there too, in case you've forgotten."
"Well, that's why Gojyo needs help. He wants to get this done before Hakkai gets back from class."
Goku. And Gojyo. Unsupervised. Various tools of construction. A short time frame. Add all these together and they equal T-R-O-U-B-L-E. Sanzo pitched the cigarette butt into the fish pond. "I guess I've got to go then. If it was left up to you and Gojyo, the porch would fall in the first time anyone stepped on it." He had a mental image of Goku and Gojyo fighting, work forgotten. "If it got done at all."
Not to mention going with Goku got him out of another long, boring session with the head priests, but Goku didn't need to know about temple matters. Besides, anything was better than listening to those boring old men natter on self-righteously.
--end flashback
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Now Sanzo remembered there was something worse than listening to boring old farts drone on. How could he have forgotten? He wanted to go back in time and put a bullet in his brain to spare himself the misery he was now having to undergo. The moment that Goku and Sanzo had arrived, it had been like old times. Unfortunately. Goku and Gojyo had started squabbling immediately. Gojyo had been annoying the moment they laid eyes on each other. He had suspected that would be the case, but not so soon.
He was pulled from his brooding, self-pitying thoughts by the sound of an escalating argument.
"I want to cut the boards!"
"Get real," Gojyo smirked, holding the saw out of Goku's reach.
Goku jumped around him, trying to reach it. "What makes you think YOU can do better than me?"
"More experience and a steady hand."
Hah! Most nights you can't even WALK in a straight line, much less cut one, you wobbly red cockroach!"
"WHAT!" Gojyo lowered the saw to brandish a fist in Goku's face. "What did you say, you stupid monkey?"
"SHUT UP!" Sanzo judiciously applied his white fan to a pair of thick skulls. He snatched the saw out of Gojyo's twitching hand. "I'll cut the boards. You two get to work on digging holes for the support posts."
Gojyo sat up, rubbing his head. "Who died and put you in charge?"
Sanzo let the clicking sound of the hammer on his Smith and Wesson answer for him.
"Okay, okay." Gojyo ambled over and got a shovel. "Oi, monkey boy! Get the wheelbarrow! You're on dirt detail."
"I want to dig!"
"Get real," Gojyo smirked, holding the shovel out of Goku's reach.
Sanzo smacked himself in the forehead. It was going to be a long, long day.
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Hakkai wearily trudged home. The after-class tutoring session had turned out longer than he had anticipated. Still, Hiro showed marked improvement towards the end. That was why he taught, his goal as a teacher. He was tired but pleased. He stopped in his tracks at the sight that greeted him in front of the house.
A brand-new porch graced the front of the house, providing shady coolness for anyone wanting to sit outside and enjoy the sights and sounds of the forest. And in front of the porch was Goku and Gojyo, trussed back-to-back, gagged and unconscious. Hakkai rushed over to them. As he did so, he nearly slipped on something small and round. He picked it up. A shell casing, a very, very familiar one.
In the light cast from the house, he could see the bright gold glints of other casings scattered all over the ground. Next to the unconscious duo was a broken and abused fan. Hakkai smiled as he set about untying Goku and Gojyo. Sometimes, the smallest things told the whole story. "Thank you, both of you," he said to the tied-up two. "I guess I'd better give Sanzo a few days to cool off, then thank him too."
He paused to think for a moment. "Although I don't know which I should thank him for more, the new porch or not killing you two. Probably both." He laughed, a sound so rarely heard. He thought that no one had heard it tonight. He was wrong. A face that was as unused to smiling as Hakkai was unused to laughing smiled slightly as the sound reached him on his way home.
Sanzo stretched, trying to rid himself of the knots in his shoulders. He was definitely going to be sore tomorrow. He turned and headed back to the temple. No one had better wake him tomorrow. He was going to sleep in, damn it. He lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. It had been just like old times. He could live with that. Every once in a while.
--Owari