"I want to find myself." Yukinoshita said as she was lit orange by the descending sun, she looked determined, and her blue eyes pierced through the orange hue. A face that had been gone for a long time.
That was her request. Finding herself? Although i grasp the fundamentals of what she means to an extent, it was still vague. Finding oneself could be geographical, mental or even spiritual. Although I am sure her one lies more in the latter two.
"What? Yukinon... I don't get it?" Yuigahama says while scratching her head and wiping away her tears. Something that normal people won't do at the same time. But this is Yui Yuigahama, not someone normal. Although I always thought she was the dumb nice girl, my pedestal of her and Yukinoshita shattered today.
Yukinoshita is supposed to be a strong girl.
Yuigahama is supposed to be a nice girl.
I was wrong. This was all that was created by me. My impression of them, maybe I dont even them that well at all.
"Hikki! What does Yukinon mean!" Yuigahama exclaimed.
"I expected Yuigahama san to not fully grasp it but i believe you would understand, Hikigaya kun. At least to some extent" Yukinoshita says as she looks at me with her typical warm smile.
"So you want to understand who Yukinoshita Yukino really is." I said to her as this was how much i grasped her request in a form of wording
She simply smiles but I can tell she is disappointed. Probably because I didn't grasp something important. However I wasn't done.
"I'm sorry. But I can't accept your request. If reliance is your problem then we helping you won't find it. It will be an imprinted by us, tainted by us. You need to do this alone. Be independent. Only Yukino Yukinoshita can find out who Yukino Yukinoshita really is."
"Hikki..." Yuigahama looks at me with worry with a face that was clearly surprised with what i said. God dammit, I wasn't even done yet, don't judge me yet!
I continued. "But it doesn't mean that I'll let you go astray. If you make mistakes or go the wrong path I'll pull you back on track. But I won't hold your hand along the way" This is the only way I know how to do things. Even if she hates me for it. It's fine. Actually that was a lie. I do care.
Yukinoshita slightly blushes. I guess using the words holding your hand was the wrong choice. Do not feel flustered Hachiman I keep telling myself. Instead I turned my head and looked at the sunset.
The three of us silently watched the sun go down. We remained silent as we got onto the train. Awkwardness was evident. Even Yuigahama was silent. An unusual thing indeed. Yukinoshita Haruno was right. We were in denial. This was a sham. But today we took a step toward the real thing, it's probably going to be painful and someone will probably get hurt, but that doesn't matter. As long as it is real.
As Yuigahama left the train it was just me and Yukinoshita. The air was tight. I couldn't breathe. It was tense. However, she broke the silence. As she gave a slight pull on my shirt sleeve, which reminded me of what she said in Destinyland.
"Hikigaya kun, thank you for stopping me from accepting Yuigahama sans proposal" She whispered it close to me. She then gave me her typical smile. But her eyes were different. I dont know what it is but it's different...
"Don't sweat it. I promised I'd save you right?" I said in a whim.
Yukinoshita's face glowed pink...Really you are that flustered from something you made me promise without a choice. Even Yuigahama made me promise something like this.
Instead she reached into her bag to grab something. For a moment I thought she was gonna pull a knife or gun on me. Instead she pulls out a bag of cookies, similar to the ones she shared me the other day and forces it in my hand.
"Whats this?" I asked.
"My first step." She answers softly. First step? What does she mean?
"Yukinoshita...What do you mean?" I ask her
"I wonder..." She then replies me. Really that kind of answer...I expect nothing less from her. Something completely open ended and vague. Basically not answering anything would create the same effect.
As it was now my station. I prepared to reach the exit. However a slight pull kept me from going forward.
"Hikigaya kun...I..." Before she could finish the door had shut between us. What did she want to say. This is going to bug me. As i walked home holding two bags of cookies. I was greeted with my sister.
"Komachi, how did it go today?" I asked about her exam. Typical way to get out of her bombardment of questions. Or else she could see right through me.
"It was fine! I'm more interested at what happened today!" Dammit. She saw through me.
"Oh you have cookies? Can I have one" She approaches me and grabs Yukinoshita's bag.
"Here have this one instead." I said as I pulled back Yukinoshita's bag from her grasp and hand her Yuigahama's instead. Why did I do this? Probably because I have no confidence in her cooking. Sorry Komachi.
"So you made your choice onii chan" She says to me...What choice? It's just a bag of cookies.
"Wait a minute, what do you mean"
"For someone that's so adapt to reading people you can't read yourself can you onii chan hehe. I guess that's worth a lot of points when you finally understand! "My sister slyly teases. She then skips to her room with her newly obtained pack of cookies.
I then return to my room, my sanctuary and lay on my bed. School tomorrow, it's going to be a long day. How is this going to continue? I want to ask what Yukino said to me before the train doors closed. This is bugging me to no end. God damn emotions. Wait...Why did I just call her Yukino in my head. I must be tired. Time to sleep
The next day….
I'm late. Why didn't Komachi wake me! Could it be because she has an exam?! Shizuka sensei is going to kill me. Damn Yukinoshita, what I missed made me lose sleep. Spent my whole damn night thinking about it. Why can't this bike go any faster!?
Finally I arrive. Home room is just over...Great...
"HIkigaya! Why are you late!" She screams at me as she throws a punch which narrowly misses my face. Although I felt the wind or shockwave that it carried. IF that hit me it sure would have caused some damage. No wonder she couldn't find anyone when she's all Tsun and no dere.
"I overslept, I'm sorry." I simply replied. It's better to end this quickly I thought.
"Nothing about society, or superheroes being always late? Giving such a normal answer. Something's wrong isn't there." She says to me.
How did she know? Sometimes it scary how she just knows. Is she so lonely that she's able to read and completely understand how i think?! For god sakes someone just marry her. Although she could be quite wise sometimes. Perhaps I do need probably her help. Maybe I should tell her.
"Sensei, we have modern Japanese last today before club activities. Could you let me leave 5 minutes early or better yet keep Yuigahama and Iroha Isshiki somehow for 5 minutes?" I asked her in the most polite and serious way I know. I really hope she could take this seriously. But this woman... you never know.
"I can...but why?" She asks. Damn why can't women just say yes. Why do they always need a reason? I guess I should just tell her.
"I want to ask Yukinoshita something privately. I can't keep those two away. I need a decoy" I told her. I really hope she doesn't ask more. Or this is going to go awkward
"Sure, But I won't let you out early because she finishes class the same time as you. But ill keep Isshiki and Yuigahama for 10 minutes. I'll think of something. I trust you are doing something important, since you asked for my help." She answers.
"Thank you" I said genuinely. Despite her marital status and age, she is quite understanding. If she was my age I would probably have fallen for someone like her. Although thinking that alone makes me feel sick.
Then the long day passed. Japanese is now over and I proceeded to walk out.
"Hikki! Wait for me!" Yuigahama says as I tried to leave. Dammit sensei it's time for you do your part.
"Oh Yuigahama san. I have to talk to you for a few minutes. Along with Isshiki san concerning that valentine's chocolate event. So you should let Hikigaya go on first. We should head to Isshiki sans classroom now."
"What about Hikki and Yukinon" she asks. Dammit Yuigahama, just say yes and go.
"Those two know nothing about love and valentines. So you two would servise " Shizuka sensei answers her.
Really that's your comeback. If I wasnt asking for your help I should note that you don't even have a relationship or husband at all despite your age. But since I need her help I better shut up.
"Okay then...I'll see you later then Hikki" Yuigahama says as she leaves walks toward Sensei. Okay it's time for me to go. I have 10 minutes.
I then proceeded to run to the clubroom as fast as I can, trying to savour ever second I had ahead and then I was finally there.
I opened the door and walked in. Only Yukinoshita was there. Pouring herself a cup of tea.
"Good afternoon, Hikigaya kun. Where is Yuigahama san?"She asks me.
"She's talking to Shizuka along with Isshiki concerning the valentine chocolate event thing. They'll be here in a bit."
"I see" she says as she sits down to open her book. I proceed to sit in my usual spot and I finally asked her what was bugging me the whole night.
"Yukinoshita, just ask the train left. You said something to me. But I missed it and It was bugging me all night. Could you please repeat it?" I asked as nicely so she wouldn't give me her typical offensive joke responses.
"I...Just wanted to thank you for snapping me back to reality, whenever I wondered off...And thank you for always putting me back on track whenever i deviate.." She says as she turns slightly pink.
Oh so thats what she wanted to say to me? Why do I feel slightly relieved yet disappointed? What did I expect anyways from her? She was always this strong...No she isnt. She isn't strong, That was all just my impression, A pedestal I placed her on. Dammit. I guess Im going to say something stupid now.
"Well remember in the aquarium how you said you don't have a pillar of support and you nowhere you belong. Well, although I shouldn't and won't help you find who you are and solve all your problems because it's wrong. I am always going to be here as your pillar to support you. Also you belong here, in this club along with me. "
Hikigaya Hachiman, what the hell. Pillars of support. Really? Why the hell would you say that? You just promised to be responsible for her! Why the hell would you do that for someone that constantly fights and make fun of you. And why did you even use the exact words she said it! Why?! And what is she going to think about that.
"Hikigaya kun.." She says as she slightly shivers, as if she's about to cry. Damn don't cry. Without Yuigahama I have no idea how to deal with this.
"Thank you." She warmly says. Which to be honest, I didn't expect. I expected something icier...
"By the way Hikigaya kun...Are you free this weekend?" She then asks me. Which shocked me beyond belief. But why am i flustered? Didn't she do this before anyways? To buy a present for Yuigahama? Why does this feel different?
"Knowing you, I know you have nothing planned, I'm asking it out of courtesy she continued
"Yes I am...But why?" I replied, trying to keep my usual cool and posture, but she could too I am failing at is as she gave out a small giggle.
"Do you want to get something for Yuigahama or Isshiki or something?" I asked her curiously.
"No It's a date." She replies
"With?" I continue to ask as my mind is completely blank at this point.
"Hikigaya kun, How much do I need to dumb it down for you. I asked you to go on a date with me this weekend. Do you understand it now?" She says in her usual demeanor, which I do miss after everything that happened.
Although the contents of her sentence did shock me. But behind all the logically thinking I proceeded to understand her motives or reasoning I couldn't find anything. All I wanted was to say yes. It also made me happy and excited. Damn youth emotions.
"Okay... I'll go on a date with you...just to be sure since Yuigahama asked the same before...Just with you right?" I ask.
"Just us" She replies with a small warm smile
"But why?" I ask her, even though this would probably screw everything up I still had to ask.
The date conundrum. In society this 4 letter word which had multiply meaning has descended into meaning two romantically connected individuals spending a day doing socially confined activities together. Yukinoshita Is not normal at all, so her use and understanding of the word date is probably incorrect and asking her for reasoning would be the best way to avoid misunderstanding.
"Consider it my second step to finding myself" She says as she pours me a cup of tea and places it in front of my hand
"And what do you mean by date?" I continued
"The socially conventional one" She replies with a soft smile.
It again is quite scary that she could read my mind. Perhaps my cynical thinking has made me predictable. She then slips me a piece of paper with some numbers on it.
"What is this?" I ask. thinking it's some kind of puzzle, presumable to insult my intelligence due to my bad maths score.
"My number" She replies softly with a small blush. I am still quite bewildered by this situation and did not know what to do or say so I opted to get out my book and read like we always do.
I never expected Yukinoshita to harbour any feelings toward me. Does she? Was I too blind to see it or did I never understand them because I was a novice as these types of things? Was it because I'm a loner with rotten eyes that's why I couldn't see? But then how come I saw Yuigahama from a mile coming and why did I always find an excuse to stop her and I accepted this one!? Hachiman, what is wrong with you. Do I like Yukinoshita? I guess I'll just go and find out. I didn't have to ask so I won't fear the rejection. Damn I'm such a coward.
"I guess I'll see you then." I replied and we proceeded to turn back to our books. Although Somehow I could see that Yukinoshita was smiling. Something she hadn't done for quite a long time, After all the recent crap that had happened.
As I read my book the two of us could hear some soft sobbing noise outside. Yukinoshita and I proceeded to the door and opened it. And there it was. Pain in our path to the genuine thing.
Yuigahama stood there in tears. Trying to hold herself back and failing at that. She did not go in to protest or tried to put on a face. She couldn't, she was broken. I have not ever seen her in such state. She was distraught, presumably from hearing our conversation. I looked at Yukinoshita, She was visibly shaken too from what she had seen.
"Yuigahama san" She said softly. But then Yuigahama just turned around and ran away. The both of us just stood there bewildered and probably felt guilty. Not knowing what to do we just stood there.
Then I start to question myself. Is this all really worth it? Will the real thing really be worth all the pain and suffering that would occur on the path to it? Or is all this just wishful thinking and that I was mistaken all along?
Yuigahama stood there in tears. Trying to hold herself back and failing at that. She did not go in to protest or tried to put on a face. She couldn't, she was broken. I have not ever seen her in such state. She was distraught, presumably from hearing our conversation. I looked at Yukinoshita, She was visibly shaken too from what she had seen.
"Yuigahama san" She said softly. But then Yuigahama just turned around and ran away. The both of us just stood there bewildered and probably felt guilty. Not knowing what to do we just stood there
Then I start to question myself. Is this all really worth it? Will the real thing really be worth all the pain and suffering that would occur on the path to it? Or is all this just wishful thinking and that I was mistaken all along?
Yukinoshita and I looked at each other while Yuigahama ran away. We did not know what to do. I stood and pondered, I was never good with emotions. I was stale. Think! Hachiman, Think!
"Hikigaya kun we have to look for Yuigahama san. Let's split up. Ill head to the roof and you go downstairs!" Yukinoshita commanded me. As all I just saw was the Ice queen in all her glory as she rushed up the stairs despite her low stamina.
Is this really a person relying on me to be her role model? Is her reliance and identity really her fatal flaw? I am confused as all hell.
Where could she have went, I pondered. If I was Yuigahama, where would I go if i was sad? As I ran I got an epiphany. My lunch spot. It's a hidden area that normal people don't go to and only she knows I used to go there!
I messaged Yukinoshita and I headed toward my lunch spot. As I approached I see Yuigahama sitting on the steps with her head leaning on her knees. This is so painful to watch. If this was any other person I would care less, but she is someone I would call a friend. Someone that I care.
As I approached her i slowed my pace. Like I was approaching a wild animal. Why am i even using this as an analogy is beyond me. But this was all I knew what to do.
"Yuigah...Yui, Are you alright?" I said. It was all the words I could think or muster out of all my vocabulary.
"Hikki, it hurts. Does it hurt this much, when it happened to you before." Yuigahama shouted as she continued to weep.
"It does hurt." I said as i remembered the past once again. I could almost feel it, but the present has washed it away.
"How did you make it stop?" She asks
"You can't. But one day, you will just notice it fades away"
"But didn't it change you to who you are now"
"No. I made myself into who I am today. I turned myself into a self-loathing, cynical, monster of logic and twisted philosophy. But you won't, because you have what I did not. Friends and they...We will help you along the way to ease the pain. You aren't alone." I said honestly reflecting on all my choices in my past.
"Hikki...Yukinon" She says, as she stands up as the sun sets.
I guess sunsets aren't exactly the best time of the day for us. The park and now this. I turn around and Yukinoshita walked and stood beside me.
"Yuigahama san, I'm sorry. I was selfish. I know you had feelings for Hikigaya Kun, but still I...If it could make you feel better...I...We...could cancel...our arrangement...We could just stay as we are now." Yukinoshita began.
She was falling into her old shoes again. She's falling back into someone that wishes for stagnation,for something not real just to keep everything together. I have to stop her. Or we would just go back to square one.
I'm sorry Yuigahama,
I'm sorry Yukinoshita.
"No. Even if I do cancel my so called date with Yukinoshita. Nothing will change. It happened. We can't roll back our lives like a save game. We have to move on. Even if it does destroy what we have. Even then we must push forward. Or else it's just going to be a sham and I want no part in it." I said with all the courage I have left in me.
I know it could break us. But I can let them dwell any deeper. Even if it does hurt me. I will take it. Because I don't deserve any of this to begin with.
"Hikigaya kun" Yukinoshita looked at me with her eyes wide open. As if she's begging me to stop. But I can't.
"So, Yuigahama. What is your decision?" I finished my sentence as I took a deep breath.
"Hikki. I understand. I know things can't go back as they are. But you two are still my best friends. If you had already made a choice then I won't ruin it. As your friends, I hope you two could be happy."
"Yuigahama san. Thank you and I'm sorry" Yukinoshita says as she approaches and hugs Yuigahama tightly.
"Yukinon" Yuigahama softly says as she embraces her, wrapping her arms tight and crying onto her shoulders
Although throughout my life the worst always seem to happen and I have grown accustomed to it. It is always nice to see things end in another way.
As the two finally break up their hug Yuigahama slowly approached me with her head looking down. She probably going to hate me. I expect the worse. I did cross a line. I crushed her proposal. Not once but twice. No one could forgive that. I stand still waiting for my punishment.
But to my surprise she grabbed Yukinoshita and pulled us all together. And embraced us both.
"Congratulations, you two" She muttered loudly. Her voice was blurred as her face was stuck on our shoulders.
I could feel her tears still streaming down into my uniform. Yuigahama is not only just a nice girl. She is also a strong girl. Probably stronger than any of us and probably more emotionally mature than the two of us combined.
I recall what I said before and still firmly believe.
"I hate nice girls. Just exchanging pleasantries with them makes me curious, and texting each other makes me feel restless. If I get a call, for the rest of the day, I'll keep checking my call history with a stupid grin on my face. But I know the truth. They're just being nice. Anyone nice to me is nice to others too. But I always find myself on the verge of forgetting that. If the truth is a cruel mistress, then a lie must be a nice girl. And so, niceness is a lie. I would always hold expectation. I would always misunderstand. At some point, I stopped hoping. An experienced loner never falls for the same trap twice. A lone warrior, surviving hundreds of battles. When it comes to losing, I'm the strongest. That's why, no matter what happens, I will always hate nice girls. "
Yuigahama Yui is a nice girl, but I do not hate her. In Fact, I dare call her my best friend. But what will happen tomorrow remains unknown, what will happen the service club now?
Yukino Yukinoshita on the other hand, still needs me as her pillar.
"Learn to love yourself Hikki" Yuigahama says as she pushes Yukinoshita onto me. She bumped into my chest, our gaze clashed. She went bright red as did I. Dammit. I didn't have time to hold my damn emotions in check.
Yuigahama then disappeared, she left us together despite her broken state.
"Hikigaya kun, could you stop holding me...it's embarrassing and I fear for my chastity" Yukinoshita says softly.
Shit, I must have grabbed onto her shoulder when she was pushed onto me. I better let her go before she calls the police or kills me herself.
"Uh, sorry " I said, hoping to defuse the situation
"Hikigaya kun. Thank you again, I clearly have a problem as I relapsed again, I almost fell back into accepting a fake stagnation despite knowing it was wrong." She says as she slightly smiles
"Pillar? Remember"
She remained quiet for a moment, as if she scared to ask something. What could It be this time? I mean she did go snow queen again a while back. Does she have a split personality or something?
She finally talked after what felt like forever.
"Are you really cancelling our da...arrangement... this weekend" She asks softly.
"Do you want me to?" I say. She does have a dependency problem after all. Better not give her my answer and in case she does want to cancel, it would give her an easy and awkward footing.
"No, Hikigaya kun. I don't" She answered firmly and sure.
"Alright then, by the way, we should go. " I say as I proceeded to walk to the bike stand to grab my bike.
"Yukinoshita, do you want me to walk you back? It is late after all, more than usual"
"Sure, I would like if you accompanied me" To be honest, I expected a response with some form of offence. Probably concerning my eyes, or being a rapist or something along those lines. But she didn't.
We then walked silently out of our school and proceeded to walk home.
As we arrived to the lobby of Yukinoshita's apartment she broke the silence as she walked inside.
"Hikigaya kun. You are cynical and you do have a twisted logic and philosophy, not to mention many other flaws. But you are not a monster, nor a bad person... Goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow"
I flustered...Dammit...so she heard me...crap...As the lift doors close I could not say anything...I should have at least said goodnight to her, maybe I'll call her later tonight.
Then I continued to walk. The snowing has finally stopped. I guess spring will be here soon
Sigh...Another day...Another service club meetup. I stand outside of the door, sincerely wishing all this drama would just go away for one day...
"Hikki, why are you standing outside the door? Go in" Yuigahama demanded.
If you really did want me to open the door you wouldn't have pulled it open before you finished your sentence.
"Yahallo!" Yuigahama announced
"Good Afternoon", "Yahallo, Yuigahama san and senpai." Yukinoshita and Isshiki replied respectively
She ran in and sat where I usually do. Really Yuigahama, all this just so that I would be forced to next to Yukinoshita. Well thankfully there's another seat...oh wait. Isshiki is on it. Damn.
"Senpai, you are late" She moaned as I was forced to sit next to Yukinoshita. She blushed a little and so did I. As we are aware of Yuigahama intention. She then proceeded to continue to read her book.
"So Hikki, Have you and Yukinon decided where you are going for your date this week end?!" Yuigahama spat out.
"What? Senpai and Yukinoshita senpai? Why would she say yes to someone like you..." Isshiki blurred out.
Someone like me huh, that's basically trying to offend me without specifying. Oh and Yukinoshita stop giggling, you asked me dammit.
"Actually Isshiki san, it was me that asked Hikigaya Kun. As he would not dare to ask me something like that due to his prior life experiences." Yukinoshita slyly said while emphasising on the word "dare".
Really demon super woman, you had to throw that in there. Gee thanks. This is a bad idea, I could still call this date off.
"What do you see in senpai...I mean he's...uh.. Third rated at best"
Really Isshiki, When you said third rated it took you a long time. So how close am I to lower than that. Not far i guess based on your wording. And Dammit Yukinoshita defend me. Or Yuigahama, stop looking at your phone!
"What do I see in him? I wonder? Perhaps here hikigerms infected my perception" Yukinoshita saids
"So you two haven't decided where to go at all?I mean your dates tomorrow..." Yuigahama reminds us. In which Yukinoshita is suddenly stunned silent. Did she really forget, wow...
"Well, I have two tickets to that Pan san movie" I said hoping to improve our situations
"Hikigaya kun..." Don't look at me with your eyes wide open... It's almost cute...DON'T BLUSH HACHIMAN! Damn I failed.
"Well, I told Komachi last night about or arrangement and she gave me this. I am only watching it with you because I don't want her hang out with Kawazaki's brother." I explained,
I'm not going to tell them that I begged and bribed her for it. Because it's sold out nationwide.
"Hikigaya kun, so you are using our date as a way to stop your sister from interacting with her friends. Even for you that's low." OH shit. Ice queen. She is angry, she isn't even hiding it like she usually does.
"Wow...senpai...I couldn't thought you could do any worse!" Dammit Isshiki don't put more oil on the fire...or in this case ice on the snow.
"Really Hiki? That's not what I heard from Komachi chan, she said that you begged her on your knees and promised to help her with every piece of homework for the foreseeable future, give 10 percent of your pocket money and buy anything she wants for all her birthdays."
Yuigahama, everyone believes you. You really don't have flash the entire conversation as evidence by handing your phone to everyone. What is this a court case?!
"Well...then Hikigaya kun...I take back my words..." She says softly...Stop looking at me like that...I'm blushing...
"Well senpai, I guess you're aren't that bad after all." Really Isshiki...again... "That bad" Typical vagueness due to interpretation. Which could be very bad to some people and okay to other people depending on the scale.
"Well I do like Hikigaya Kun because ...he's not a bad person and he feels...different...from the rest..." Yukinoshita says softly with a completely insecure and pink face...Although your reasoning is obscure and terrible. This is probably the first time you say it out aloud. Dammit I'm turning red again. Why did you have to act like this when you say it?
"..." Yuigahama looked like she tried to hold something in. I looked at Yukinoshita. We know we screwed up. We shouldn't be doing this now. Her feelings won't heal after just one night. Dammit, we screwed up.
"Anyways, Hikki... Do you like Yukinon?" Yuigahama. Don't make me answer that you idiot. I don't want to hurt you. Yukinoshita do something? I signalled her by staring at her but she was too busy being flustered. I guess I'll just have to answer it truthfully without hurting neither parties.
But do I? What do I feel? I need to look inside of me. Whenever she is there. How do I feel? I feel warm. I feel excited. I feel somewhat happy. I feel jealousy. I feel anger. I feel sorry. But it does boil down to a really simple answer. Ever since that night, where she asked me to save her. That night she captured my heart.
So my answer, if it is genuine is...
"Yes...I do..."
Really Hachiman, that's the best you got? What happened to all that logical thinking?
"Thank you." Yukinoshita says. As she looks down at her legs. I can't believe she gets so weak and flustered over this stuff, granted I'm not doing an amazing job either.
"Yuigahama senpai, Lets plan a date plan for these two, since they probably suck at it" Isshiki says. Not bothering to even slyly hide that one. Although I don't really disagree.
"Where would you two want to go?" Yuigahama asked.
"Whatever she/he likes" Yukinoshita and I say in sync.
Dammit this coincidence isn't going to help us endure this clubroom session
"Wow... together huh...I guess you could do something you both like...like shopping." Isshiki suggests
"I hate shopping"
"I don't like shopping"
Dammit again...
"Well how about you two go to a zoo of something. I mean there's bound to be animals there you two like, Like felines...and ...uh...bears!"
Dammit Yuigahama, using Yukinoshita weakness to cats. But just because I wrote about wanting to be a bear doesn't mean I actually like them. But if Yukinoshita does like it I guess we have to go.
"Hikigaya kun, what do you think of their suggestion?" You might as well command we go instead of asking me, knowing your personality.
"Sure, I don't have anything against it, what about dinner, since we will probably skip lunch for the movie." I asked Yukinoshita
"Uhm, I don't believe I know any options you could afford Hikigaya Kun. At Least for now." She answers
"Well even in the future, as a stay home husband I will rely on my wife's income so its fine."
But she's right I probably count afford any of her options ever. So the best bet is to bring her to something she's never tried that much before.
The other two face palmed while Yukinoshita slightly giggled.
"Well, I do know this really nice traditional ramen place. I guess we could head there."
"Really...Ramen...Senpai you suck"
"Hikki...even I agree with Iroha chan..."
"You people know nothing. Yukinoshita only ever ate ramen once before...during that Kyoto class trip. The place I know is even better than there."
"I don't remember eating ramen there?" Yuigahama asks as she scratches her head like she's desperately thinking child.
"Well we ate it together at night. We kind of snuck out. Sorry for not bringing you...there was a reason." Why am I even defending our irresponsible sensei that forced us out?
"Oh..." Oh don't do that Yuigahama
"So senpai, you and Yukinoshita san, already kindled your love so long ago?! Sneaking out at night...awww"
Isshiki I swear to god, don't make this any worse
"Hikigaya Kun, shouldn't we tell them about sensei forcing us." She whispers to my ear making sure no one could hear it. I could see that she was still visible flustered and blushing. So was I probably if I could have seen my own face.
"She is a sensei after all, and loudmouth Isshiki is bound to spread it, then we are screwed." I whispered back to her in a similar manner
"Senpai, just because you two are dating doesn't mean you should hide stuff from us!" Serves you right nosy fox.
Yukinoshita and I then nod in sync as we know our decision is correct.
"Yukinoshita, you don't have any issues with the plan right, If you like we could change it."
"The plan is fine. I don't have any problems with it." Of course you don't have any problems with it, I mean look at your face, Have you been not flustered for the entire club session.
"I guess that's it for today's clubroom session, I will see you all on Monday." Yukinoshita announced
"Except for Senpai you mean!" Isshiki says as she sticks her tongue out like a small child. While she slowly approached the door
Yukinoshita then let out a strong stare at Isshiki, I bet she hit her limits on being teased. Which made her leave the clubroom due to fear of the ice queen.
"Yuigahama san could you accompany me home? I require your assistance in some matter." Yukinoshita says as we exit the school gate"
"I'll see you tomorrow then Yukinoshita and Yuigahama I'll see you Monday." I said as I got onto my bike.
"Bye bye Hikki!"
"Goodbye Hikigaya kun...see you... tomorrow..."
As I rode my bike back home, I noticed what I had done today. I admit that I liked Yukinoshita, I said it without denial. Maybe she is that genuine thing that I have always desired. And in a way, it does make sense.
Its 10pm. I laid in bed Date tomorrow huh... Why is my phone ringing? Who the hell is calling me this late? I grab my phone. Yukinoshita is calling me? I better pick up or she's going to kill me tomorrow. Never underestimate the Yukinoshita family.
"Hey, Yukinoshita"
"Hikigaya kun, I am sorry for calling you this late."
"Its fine, I'm not asleep yet. What's up?"
"I just want to tal...I mean I just want to confirm our meeting location tomorrow."
"Uh, how about outside the zoo?"
"Could I interject?"
"Sure"
"What about outside my apartment building? As I am unsure how to get to the zoo"
No need to take this as a misunderstanding, her directional awareness is horrible, her concern is probably true, and perhaps she never lies.
"Sure. I'll see you then, 9am right?"
"That is correct and if you are late I will cancel our date"
"Sure, I could sleep longer" I teased.
"I shall make sure Komachi san wakes you anyways." She retaliated with a slight giggle
"I still won't turn up" I joked
"Well then I guess you lose your one chance to lose your loneliness"
"Same goes to you demon superwoman"
"Well then maybe you could embrace your Hiki-gay-kun side"
"At least I will still have someone unlike you lonely cat-lady"
"With those eyes of yours I doubt you'd attract any males or females."
"Who said anything about attraction?"
"I will call the police. Please keep your rape fantasies to yourself. I think we really should cancel tomorrow. I fear for my chastity" She replies with a faint giggle
"Who said anything about rape? Why would I take the risk when you could pay for those things?"
"Hikigerma kun then"
"That one seemed forced. By the way isn't your sister in your apartment?
I fear for my life what will happen to me if she finds out that that Yukinoshita and I is having a date. She is unpredictable. I don't really know how to deal with her to be perfectly honest.
"She went back home. For some unknown reason"
"I see..."
As I looked at the clock it was almost 11 we talked for almost an hour, if I don't want to feel Yukinoshita's wrath tomorrow I better go to sleep soon.
"Hey Yukinoshita. I'm going to sleep. I don't want to be late tomorrow."
"I'm glad to see that you are capable of being punctual. Goodnight Hiki froggy kun"
"Goodnight Yukipedia, I'll see you tomorrow."
As I cut off I placed my phone on the nightstand. I received a text from Haruno Yukinoshita as I set down my phone.
"I guess you finally know what to do. You really are interesting Hikigaya Kun. Please take care of my younger sister."
Is she omniscient or something, I bet her reason for going back is because she learned of me and Yukinoshita development in terms of our relationship. How is she getting all this information? Does she have spies or something? And the last part of her message "Younger sister" I guess she does care after all. I hope she's not playing the Uchiha Itachi card.
I then laid down and tried to go to sleep. Sleep always made me curious. We fall asleep but how come we can never recall the exact moment we actually fall asleep, it just sort of happens, like a time skip.
The next morning.
"Onii chan wake up! You have a date with Yukinoshita san" As I open my eyes to Komachi's barrage I look at my phone. Seeing the time. 7:30Am. What the hell.
"Komachi san...It's not even 8 yet Let onii chan sleep I complained"
"Idiot Hachiman, It's going to take a long time to make you look good, perhaps people like Yukinoshita san would want her man to be slightly early."
Did that demon super woman put you up to this? I better should ask so I could back off.
"Did Yukinoshita, tell you to wake me up the early?"
"Of course not, I'm doing this for you. She might be your only chance in not ending up as a 50 year old lonely virgin"
Ouch Komachi, Ouch. Only because you are my sister I will take this. That should be worth some points.
I then go in and took a shower, as I got out Komachi has laid out a set of outfit on my bed.
"There Onii chan chan. Wear these"
I actually had no idea that my clothes could be put in such a matching combination. I mean my typical black pea coat, red scarf, black pants and white shirt. I almost look like an anime character.
As I placed my clothes on I looked into the mirror. This isn't actually half bad, maybe she'd be okay with it too. Wait. Don't fluster. Today is just two acquaintances hanging out? Nothing more.
"This should be worth a lot of points!" she shouts while making a cute pose. I let out a small smile then scuffed up my sister's hair, but I was thankful for her.
As I ate breakfast as careful as possible to not spill or ruin my clothes. I then walked and proceeded to Yukinoshita's apartment. When I arrived I was 15 minutes early. I guess I should notify her that im here and say something about taking her time so she won't be annoyed. Yes I actually know some social protocols, Thank you romance light novels.
I rang her intercom.
"Good morning, who is this?" Yukinoshita says
"It's me. I'm here. Just take your time. I just want you to know I'm early so you won't kill me later."
She then let out a small giggle. Weird...
"Alright Hikigaya Kun. I'll be down soon"
For a girl, be down soon means on time at best or 30 minutes or more later in the worse. Yukinoshita probably falls in the best case scenario but I'm not expecting much, better find somewhere to sit down.
"Hikigaya kun" I hear a voice call me as I walked away.
"Yukinoshita? That was quick" I answered as I was well surprised.
"Unlike you, I'm punctual"
"Hey, I was early today!"
"I'm not talking about just today, I'm talking in general"
"Okay you got me there. Shall we go?" I said as began to walk.
This is weird. This doesn't feel like a date at all. I'm probably doing something wrong. I'm probably walking to fast. I'm way in front of her. I take a deep breath and stopped wait for her to catch up then waked in her same pace.
"Hikigaya kun...you really don't need to slow down for me."
"No, I wasn't being considerate. This isn't how this is supposed to work right. I should atleast try to do it properly. More or less"
"I'm surprised Hikigaya Kun... you are actually being considerate."
"Don't be surprised, I'm always considerate to Komachi "
"Well you are a complete Siscon..."
"There are no such thing as a siscon, only brothers that don't love their dear sister enough" That's definitely a lot of points.
"I can also see that Komachi san has sorted your outfit today, you are actually wearing acceptable clothing."
Actually I must admit, that she looks very nice too. While most of what I'm wearing is black she is wearing white. Even the scarf is red. It's almost looked like we planned it. Maybe I should complement her. It's what I'm supposed to do right?
"Actually, you look really nice today too"
"Really? Thank you" She goes into a light shade of pink as she look down at her boots.
"Yuigahama san, helped me picked it out last night" Oh so that's why you asked her to accompany you home. Now wait. Komachi and Yuigahama talks allot. Oh that means they probably planned to make our outfits matched beforehand and that's why Komachi was acting so strange this morning! Those two devious girls.
I then felt a slight pat on my shoulders.
"Hikigaya kun, Are you alright, You just suddenly went blank. More than usual" She said as I snapped back into reality.
The train had visibly more people now as Yukinoshita was squeezed upon my chest.
"What happened? Why is there suddenly so many people?"
"You spaced out for 2 stations, Hikigaya kun. I was concerned that you had finally snapped"
"Oh I was thinking about something"
Yukinoshita then slightly pouted and looked away visibly upset. Annoyed that I wasn't paying attention to her probably.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." I apologised.
We then got off at our station. I kept the same pace as Yukinoshita and we proceeded to the zoo. She was notably still annoyed at me because she was looking away on purpose. Now how do I make her stop being pissed? Hell, I'll do what I do to Komachi to her, probably works.
"Yukinoshita" I said. Causing her to stop. I then placed my hand on her head and very gently brushed and petted it. I was worried if I do the usual thing to Komachi it will make her even more pissed, better not ruin her hair.
"I'm sorry for spacing out. Won't happen again."
Her face went bright pink. And she made a few fake coughs. "I guess I was in the wrong too, for being upset in such trivial matters."
I was visibly shocked and I stared at her. Is this really Yukino Yukinoshita? Did she just act reasonably to a situation in which I was at fault? I guess that Komachi trick really does do wonders.
"Stop staring at me with your rotten eyes Hikigaya kun" she said she she slightly blushes and the ice queen is back...
As we walked into the zoo I paid the entrance fee much to her annoyance. I proceeded to the feline area as It was better to get it out of the way to to keep her waiting and happy. Orelse it's going to end up making me unhappy.
The first thing we saw was the lion's den. To be honest it stank. But Yukinoshita still held on the railings desperate to see those huge wild cats. I guess anything with cats work on her. The lions were still sleeping like I wish I was...as a stealthy yawned, making sure Yukinoshita didn't know.
We then saw the cheetahs and the tigers and they were met by equal fascination by Yukinoshita. Her eyes shined like a typical 17 year old girl. To be honest it was nice to see her this way, rather than always being teary eyed.
I then noticed that the baby tiger feeding was now opened and I approached her
"Having fun?" As I pulled out a drink I bought as I noticed her lips were slightly dry.
"Thank you, how much"
"Don't worry about it. I don't want to have that conversation we had in Destinyland again"
She nods and takes a sip.
"The baby tiger feeding is open now, want to head there? I mean they are the closest thing to cats here."
She was clearly excited but held it in.
"Sure let's go"
As we arrived there was a queue there. Yukinoshita was never good with crowds. she was evident that she wasn't feeling comfortable and probably felt slightly claustrophobic
"Hey are you okay? I know you are not good with crowds..."
"I'm fine, there's no need for concern, Hikigaya Kun" She said with a faint smile.
"Idiot. Don't force yourself"
"I'm going to be fine, although some tips to ease the situation would be great."
"Uh focus on me or talk about random things to ease your mind?"
"What should we talk about?" She said looking me straight into the eye and ignoring the crowd around us.
"Uh your favourite colour?"
"That's the best you got? Hikigaya Kun...As your sister says. Dimwit Hachiman" Really using my sister's vocabulary won't make it any worse or better
Yukinoshita and I then talked about random menial things for the next 20 minutes in the queue. Favourite food, favourite places, colours, tv shows, movies all that kind of crap. Although it was intended to just ease her anxiety. These 20 minutes allowed me to know allot about her and allowed her to know allot about me. Details that we normally wouldn't talk about in the club.
Finally it was announced out turn..
She grabbed a milk bottle and placed it gently in the baby tiger's mouth, while I held that beast like a baby. I still cannot comprehend something as small as this would grow to a man eating in less than a year.
"Nya"
"Nya"
"Nya"
She let out as she fed the tiger cub.
"You knows it not a cat right..."
"Be quiet, Hikigaya kun. No human or animal would like to hear your condescending tone during their meal." She barked.
Rude woman, Rude. I REGRET ALL OF THIS.
"Aw look at that couple feeding the cub together, I bet they'd make great parents" Some voice in the queue said. I looked at the queue to try and scouted for that foul human that made such comment.
This made Yukinoshita flustered and lost her composure. As did i. As i continued to look for the source of the comment we bumped heads. I gazed into her eyes as she did in mine. It reminded me the time in the infirmary and I bet she felt the same, but the difference is I didn't pull back like i did last time.
Instead it was the care take that remind us our feeding session was over.
We got up in embarrassment and then proceeded to walk out.
Yukinoshita and I? Married? Kids? Ridiculous. Who would be able to handle her? The demon ice queen of Chiba with huge family problems. But her husband would be a lucky guy though, after all she is as close to Yamato nadeshiko as humanly possible.
After we finished with the zoo we proceeded to the mall to see that Pan san movie. Throughout the whole movie she was silent and glued to the screen, even at the times when she took a sip from her drink. She is kinda cute I guess. Only when she's not talking though.
Although I've watched a movie before with Orimoto. This time it feels different. It felt like we weren't close. Even though we were sat next to one another she leaned toward Hayama, trying to protect her personal space from an intruder. It was forced and uncomfortable.
However, with Yukinoshita. It feels like we have no walls between us, we were seeing it together, despite her being silent and we both subconsciously leaned toward the direction of one another. I was not an intruder. I was accepted into her space, into her proximity. It feels nice to be accepted and close to someone, that actually cares and matters.
What the hell happened to you Hikigaya Hachiman, since when did emotions get the better of you? Why am i completely out of character? Youth is a lie! Love is a sham! Yeah thats more like it.
As we walked out of the theatre after the movie the mall intercom rang.
"Hey that movie was pretty good, better than I expected."
"Of course it was going to good, it took..." Before Yukinoshita could finish she was cut off by the sound of an alarm.
"There is a snow storm proceeding this area. Please exit immediately. The trains and bus operation will be seized soon."
"Yukinoshita. I guess we have to call it a night."
"Its fine Hikigaya kun. I had alot of fun today..." She says as she slightly blushes.
Although we rushed to the train station. The train service and bus services had already seized. The mall also closed. Damn we are stranded. I could see Yukinoshita was shivering and panting due to her bad stamina. So I wrapped my scarf and placed my coat over her.
"Hikigaya kun, you don't have to"
"Just shut up. You're shivering"
I looked around, finding a place we could use as shelter and there was one. A damn love hotel.
As we approached to its lobby Yukinoshita got more and more flustered.
"Hikigaya Kun, this is a... "
"I know what this place is. But it's either in here or out there. Just because you are called Yukino Yukinoshita, does mean you will fare well underneath the snow."
She let out a slight giggle which eased her tension.
I then approached the counter.
"Could we have two rooms please, we just need shelter from the snow nothing else"
"Sorry. Just one room left" The innkeeper said while looking at Yukino Yukinoshita then looking at back at me.
What he's saying with his body language is basically, how someone that looks like me land a girl like her. And what idiot would not take this situation in his advantage. Though he is right, I'm not that much of a scumbag. Perhaps I'm not ready to face the wrath that is Yukinoshita Yukino, If I was to pull something funny.
"Fine. I'll take it" I then hand him money for the night while Yukinoshita is cleaning the snow off her body.
As we entered the room, it was gleaming with normal love hotelness. Light pink walls. Pink hued lights. One bed and a pack of condoms in the nightstand, Not even a chair which I could sit in. dammit.
"Yukinoshita, Take a shower or something. The melted snow must be cold."
"But Hikigaya Kun, you leant me your coat and scarf you should be freezing!" She said with concern. Yes I was cold, but I'm the one that put her in this awkward situation. So I will pay for it.
"Just go first. I'm going to be fine." I said with a smile.
I texted Komachi telling my predicament and all I got from her was to wear safety...damn sister.
"Yukinoshita then walked out and she handed me my scarf and coat
"Thank you" She said as she handed it to me and proceeded to sit on the edge of the bed
I then walked in for a shower. Damn this feels so much better after all the snow. As I finished I walked out and Yukinoshita was still sitting in the edge of the bed in the same position. She looked at her knees while her face was red. Even she could sense this is going very wrong.
"Uh Yukinoshita, Just sleep on the bed tonight. Ill figure something out on the floor or the bathroom."
"There's no need for that Hikigaya kun. We could just share it."
"No! You idiot."
"It's not like we are doing anything inappropriate. In this situation it is just a normal cause of action in this extreme situation." She explained.
"But still you are a girl"
"Do you not like me Hikigaya Kun? I believe an average male would not disagree in a situation like this."
"It's because I care about you that's why I don't want to you Idiot, what would people say."
"No one is here. Hikigaya Kun. It's fine. Perhaps I don't mind." She says as she looks slightly away. Her typical reaction when she's blushing. Great...
As we both laid on the bed we faced away from each other. It was very awkward and I tried my best to use the least space I can as well as avoid any physical contact. Think logically Hachiman, control yourself. I thought to myself.
"I'm sorry about our date. I guess it ended quite badly" I said to her
"It was fine Hikigaya kun. I had fun. To be honest my expectations were pretty low."
"Wow, thanks... I guess we won't be doing this again"
"If you mean the love hotel situation, I would refrain from repeating it. But I wouldn't mind to continue on da...dating you." She said the word dating. It must be hard for her, I am such a damn coward. She had to muster the courage to say it before I even properly asked her out. I guess it's time to man up Hachiman.
"How do you feel when you are with me?" I asked
"I feel...warm...happy...when I'm with you. I also feel anxiety...embarrassed.. and when there's other girls I feel jealousy...fear...Initially I thought I just relied on you, like my sister said...But it wasn't that... I know that now after our encounter in the infirmary. I was felt this strange ache seeing you hurt. But I was relieved that you were okay...I feel pain when you sacrifice yourself, like a stab in the heart. I...Just I know and I can't describe it with words and I have never felt this way toward anyone else but you in my whole life."
Our feelings were mutual. Is this Genuine? Because if it is not, then I don't know what is.
"Yukinoshita, before it's too late. Let me ask you this. Even though I will probably cause you allot of pain in this path to find the genuine thing. Even though people will probably despise it and think that it's wrong. Even If it doesn't last and it ends as bad as it could be imagined. Even if the world and society condemns us for it. Will you be my girlfriend?"
She paused for a moment. Probably going to reject me but thinking of a nice way. At least I manned up to do it. Something I didn't have since middle school. Courage. True courage to pursue happiness.
"I will, I will be your girlfriend... Sorry I took a pause, I could not help but laugh at the way you confessed." She says as she lets out a small giggle. At least she's happy about it. I can't believe she actually agreed, especially at the way I put it.
"Demon superwoman" I said as I exhaled my breath.
"Hiki..boyfriend Kun" She then said. That was the last thing I remember that night as I soon fell asleep.
The next day we got on the morning train and headed back to our respective homes. I dropped her off at her place then proceeded back to mine to finally have a change of clothes. I bet Komachi is not going to shut up about it.