Crack Story OVER 9000

A/N: This is a crack crossover my brother asked me to write. Plot- Dr. Eggman has plans to take over the world using his giant Magikarp. After he steals Squidward's clarinet, Squidward teams up with Slender Man, Sebastian, Keroro, Sonic and many other characters to thwart Dr. Eggman, travel the world with the help of Squidward's iPhone 5's Apple Maps, and take back his clarinet. Rated T for swearing and some slight yaoi scenes, if you squint. This chapter will be realitvely short, as it's the introduction. Also, I know that rape jokes aren't funny. They are never funny and will never be funny.

Chapter One: The Kidnapping

It was a typical day in Bikini Bottom. Squidward woke up, got a cup of coffee, and tried to spend the rest of his day at work trying not to kill that neandrathal SpongeBob. So when work finally got out and Squidward was able to go home, the deformed squid relaxed with his "wonderful" clarinet playing.

"Ah, home sweet home," the blue sea creature sighed, and picked up his clarinet. Then suddenly, a wild storm appeared! As Squidward was contemplating about how the hell it could storm in the bottom of the ocean, he heard something that jolted him out of his thoughts.

"WUAHAHAHAHA!" a laugh called in the distance, and some sort of ugly-ass fish came out of nowhere. It was huge, and... had a crown? Was that a crown? Squidward couldn't tell. It was mostly red, with yellow feeler like things and a crown like thing, and as far as Squidward could tell, had a person just as ugly on top. But the squid couldn't tell. The damned thing was bigger than his house!

Out of the darkness and lightning, one of the giant feeler thingys reached inside the tiki house, knocking our dear friend Squidward down. The fish grabbed the black instrument, and Squidward's cartoon eyes widened in suprise.

"MY BABY!" he screamed, scrambling to try to get the instrument back.

"I AM DOCTOR EGGMAN," a sound emmited from the fish,"AND IMMA TAKING YOUR CLARINET AND DESTROYING THE WORLD WITH MY GIANT MAGIKARP!" The...Magikarp?... retracted its yellow thing and flew away, leaving the blue squid in shock and crying.

"M-my house. . . My clarinet. . . MY BABY!" he sobbed, and curled himself into a fetal position and bawled his eyes out. Then, a sudden thought occured to him. What if he called his cousin to go get revenge on Dr. Eggman? In a flash of rainbows and sparkles, his iPhone 5 (listen up. This iPhone actually gets almost important in the story) manifested into his tentacles. He dialed the number, 666-555-6666, and a low, malicious voice answered.

"Why hello, cousin. Wanna play a game?" it asked slowly, adding to the overall creepiness of the man on the other end.

"Cousin Slendy. It's been a long time since we've talked," Squidward replied, wiping the tears from his face and sucking in the snot from his giant nose. The voice on the other end softened and chuckled.

"Heh, you never fell for that. What's wrong? You sound like crap," Slender Man asked, and Squidward slowly sighed. The squid cleared his throat and swallowed.

"Well, some guy named Dr. Eggman took my clarinet and threatened to destroy the world. And I want it back. . ." the tall man laughed.

"Oh, that ass. Yeah, he took my other suit, and I kind of need that. Gotta look nice before you tentacle rape little girls, y'know?" Slender Man chuckled, and cracked his knuckles. Squidward laughed.

"Okay. So yeah, we're gonna get the clarinet back. And your other suit. I'll be there later." Squidward concluded, and Slendy agreed and hung up. Squidward sighed, and got a glass bowl and put it on his gigantic head.

"Well. . . To the land we go," he mumbled, crawled into his cannon, and blasted himself onto the continent known as North America.

~~~~~CHAPTER: END~~~~~~