1988 September 14
The teacher is forcing us to start a stupid journal. She wants us to write about our day and our 'feelings'. This morning I was woken up because Carl Powers and his friends were making too much noise. Of course I have to live so close to that fucking swimming pool he always goes to. Mum didn't pick me up from school today, so I had to walk home again. Figures that it's so far away. Not so bad though, there was still left over soup from last night in the fridge.
1988 September 20
Math is so easy. I have no idea why everyone complains. Teacher said that she wants to move me up a grade. I don't see the point. The next grade is just full of idiots too.
1988 October 2
Karl is getting on my nerves. I saw him fall off of his bike in front of my house and he skinned his knee badly. My mum went out and helped him up. Him. That bastard. Whenever I fall down she never bothers to help. I hate Karl. I hope the next time he falls off of his bike, that he breaks his legs.
1988 October 19
I found a dead bird. I took it inside and took it apart to see how it worked. The organs were so small and the texture felt good on my hands. I wanted to show someone but I was a bit scared of how they'd react, so I drew a few pictures of them and showed them to mum. I told her that I drew it all from my mind, that I had no idea what they actually looked like. She thinks that I could be an artist.
1988 November 1
I met a girl today at the park. She was my age and smoking. She gave me a cigarette. Her name was Kitty, I think. I talked with her for a while, but she just wasn't very interesting. Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Everyone I meet is just so boring. Do other kids feel like this?
1988 November 2
The teacher was so impressed with me because I rank at the top of my class. She asked me to tutor someone in math. The person she assigned me to is terrible at everything.
1988 November 6
I wanted to draw again, but couldn't find any dead birds. I had to kill one. It had an injured wing already so all I had to do was snap its neck. I drew some pictures of the body, did some of the heart. I showed it to my mum again, but she didn't like them. I don't know why, they were even better than the last ones. She told me to stop drawing dead things.
1988 November 7
I found a mouse. I killed it and drew it.
1988 November 10
I like the way my neighbor's parrot looks. Cool feathers. I snuck into their house while they were out. They never lock their doors anyway. I took the parrot and I'm keeping it in the shed. Its noisy. I'm calling it grape because its green. Karl's bike got stolen so he took mine. I hate him.
1988 November 11
School has never been easier. How can anyone fail classes at this place? The kid I was tutoring begged to be put with another tutor, cried over it. Probably because I told her that I wanted to snap her neck like a little bird's and draw her. It was supposed to be a compliment. Now my teacher doesn't tell me I'm smart anymore. I think that she is scared of me.
1988 December 20
Dads coming home for Christmas. Mum is excited. I don't want my dad here. He doesn't like me. I know it. Grape got sick today and I don't know what to do. I don't want him to die. I drew a picture of a dead fox.
1988 December 21
Grape is feeling better. But, I wrapped a blanket around him just so he stays warm. Its pretty cold outside after all. Karl and his stupid friends were having a snow ball fight when I was walking to the park. They hit me with snow and called me a freak, laughed at me. I hate his laughter. Its drawn out and high-pitched. I hope he freezes to death in the snow.
1988 December 24
Christmas eve. Both dad and a couple of my uncles came over. Mum made a lot of food. They didn't look at me much. I don't mind. I went out for a walk by the stream and saw a dead body washed up on the shore. It looked kind of cool. I drew a nice picture of it, though I still couldn't get the eye shape to look right so I had to rip one out to see it properly. Drawing people is harder than drawing animals. When I got home, I showed Grape the drawing and he just kind of made a weird squawk. I think he likes it. I taught Grape how to say hello.
1988 December 25
Grape is dead. Dad found him and shot him. I hate dad. I hope my dad fucking dies. I wanted to do a funeral for Grape but my dad just threw his corpse into the other person's garden. I punched him. He punched, kicked, and made me bled. My mum didn't say anything when I saw her watching from the window. I hate Christmas. I want my friend back.
1989 January 3
Dad is living with us now. He hits me for no reason sometimes. I went down to the stream to see if the dead person was still there and it was rotting. It smelled bad, but I drew it again, this time from a different angle. I really like drawing. I want to be an artist.
1989 February 3
Karl ripped up my drawing pad and said I had no talent, said I was creepy for drawing dead things. Also, the teacher that is scared of me said that she is concerned in that I still haven't made any friends in school. I had a friend, he is dead. I don't need friends, they just get sick and get shot and leave. I don't want to be an artist.
1989 June 10
I haven't written anything for a while. Haven't had time. But, I've been in the library a lot, reading about different poisons in this informational book. It was interesting. If I were to kill someone, it would be with poison. No one would ever catch me. There was this one that caught my eyes. I'm going to try to get some of it.
1989 June 17
Dad came into my room last night and was drunk. He said he was sorry for all the things he did, that he loved me, that I was his son and he cared. He hugged me for a long time. He touched me in that place where that speaker at school talked about. I punched him in the face and this time he didn't hit me back. He just doesn't want me to tell everyone that he is a pervert. I got the poison today, keeping it in the back of my closet.
1989 June 18
Mum didn't believe me about dad. Stupid bitch.
1989 June 19
Dad came into my room again.
1989 June 21
Dad came into my room again.
1989 July 1
I've been thinking about who I want to kill. I really want to try this poison before it goes bad. Karl threw rocks at me when I tried to go outside and I know it has to be him. He is the one I'm going to kill. One less stupid person in the world.
1989 July 2
Planning is hard. But, I like the challenge. I found out his schedule, when he eats, when he sleeps. He has got a swimming tournament in another town coming up and I've been brain storming. I want it to happen there, in front of all of his friends and fans and family. I can't wait.
1989 July 5
I was at the store, getting a soda, Karl was there and he laughed at me because I was wearing a suit in the summer. He said I looked ridiculous. I'm only wearing it because I was coming from that tedious family photo. I can't wait to see him thrash in pain in that pool and die. The store owner said that I need to wear a suit with pride, that it says a lot about a person. Confidence is everything he said. He might be right.
1989 July 6
Dad left last night when I was sleeping. Mum cried a lot. I don't care. I'm glad that he is gone. Tomorrow is the day. I'm so excited that I don't think I can sleep tonight.
1989 July 7
Karl is dead. I don't want to stop. I see so many people with the same look in their eyes as me. I want to help people. I want to help them from their own incompetence, do the things they can't for them. I overheard a classmate saying how much she hates her aunt. I think I can help her.
2010 January 1
I found the most interesting website today.