Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Author's Note: Written by Mits. It's quite disturbing, and I've even surprised myself by how gross I can be. Enjoy.
Bloody Tampons
Edward's POV
Today was going to be one of those days where everything just plain ol' sucks. Bella, my lovely girlfiend, had her period today, and all I wanted to do right now was eat one of her tampons. I know it's disgusting for a human to understand, but it's the only thing that's been on my mind lately. The smell of her blood even through her pants just gets to me, and it takes all of my amazingly strong self control to not attack and eat it right there.
What would she say or do if I riped off her pants, threw them to the other side of the room, and stuck my hand inside. If i did it fast enough, she wouldn't know it, right? But what if I couldn't stop? I'd have to eat all of her tampons to satisfy my intense throat-burning thirst that I'm dommed to have for the rest of my life –er I mean existence.
But my love, my Bella, was just sitting here right next to me on the couch in my lap. She was sleeping quietly resting her head on my shoulder. It wouldn't be that hard to just reach in and grab it, now would it? I brushed the hair away from her eyes testing to see if this small action bothered her. It didn't. Quickly moving as fast as a snake underwater I lifted her off of my lap and placed her beautiful sleeping body on the couch.
I looked down at her sleeping form. She looked so good just lying there, but I wouldn't get distracted by her beauty. I needed this right now. Lucky for me Bella was wearing a short skirt today. On any other day I would've scolded her for acting like such a slut, but today, it only worked in my favor.
I placed one hand on her thigh and the other was positioned right on her skirt, ready to pull it up quicky. She moaned my name once, and I knew she was still fast asleep. In one second I had her skirt up and before the second was up, I thrust my hand up into her and pulled the tampon out. She didn't move once in her sleep, so I know I did it well.
I was just about to dig in on my wonderful new snack when some idiot had to call my cellphone. I looked at the caller ID, and it was my pixy of a sister Alice.
"What the fuck do you want, Ally?" I screamed into the phone.
"Relax, Eddie-Poo, I just wanted to see what you were doing," she said
"Hey! Only Belly can call me Eddi-Poo, remember? And I'm not doing anything, so shut up"
"Relly? Because I just had a vision, and I know what your about to do!! mwuhhahah" She laugh all evil.
"Oh No!" I screamed.
"Oh yes!" she replied
"Oh No! You can't tell Bella! She'll eat me, which is weird because I should be the one to eat her!"
"I won't tell her if you give me half of the tampon!"
"Deal!!!" But you can't tell Bella!" I said.
Ten seconds later, Alice came home and we were trying to deicide the best way to cut the tampon in half evenly. I went into the kitchen and got out the knives Esme uses when she makes our dinner.
"This should work!" I sad as I took the tampon and put it on the counter. I held it between my two fingers as i try to cut it in half. i accidentally cut my own hand and screamed, "FUCK!"
I watched as my blood began to mix with the blood on the tampon. What would it be like to drink my own bloody? I had never thougt of it before. Maybe I wouldn't have to drink animals if I could just drink myself! Then vampires all over the world could be friends with humans because they won't have to worry about getting thirsty!
I'm such a genius!! I couldn't wait to tell Alice of my new master plan.
"ALICE ALICE COME HERE!" little did I know that she was actually right behind me watching me think my epiphany.
"What is it Edddie?" she said in a fake happy voice.
"ALICE I think I might be the smartest person in the world!" I screamed
"Why's that?" she asked.
I then exclaimed to her how my genius plan of how vamps would drink there own blood would work. She was so excited that she started jumping around and dancing. We were so distracted by the dancing that neither of us noticed Bella's scream.
She was upset. She came in the room crying and pointed down to the hug red stain on her white paints. "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TAMPON?! I THINK MY VAGINA ATE IT!!" She screamed so loud, I thought I'd be dead.
All I could do was stare at that beautiful stain on her pants. Against the white the red just stood out. Almost like black on white. I couldn't look away. The tampons weren't enough to satisfy my craving anymore.
I threw Alice out of the way and launched me at Bella. She didn't even have time to scream before I had pulled her pants off to get at the stain.
Without even looking at Bella, I was back in the kitchen, looking for ingredients to mix the pant stains with. I finally decided on garlic and ketchup because they taste so good together. I chopped up the gartlic and put in right over the stain before I sank my teeth in it.
I then noticed Bella watching me and I, being the nice person, (er vampire) that I am offered her a piece. She nodded her head in approval and began digging in with me.
Carslie and Esme came home, and when they saw we were eating, they joined us. Esme made a salad to go with it, and we ate together as a family. Bella still didn't have any pants on, so her period was getting everywhere all over the rug, but, for once, Esme didn't mind.
I pointed at the stain and said, "Look there's the desert!"
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