The Volcano Ride
By Atomius
It was a cold wintery day. A sponge was having a snowfight with a starfish and a squid. Phineas, resting his chin on his palm, uttered a low yawn of boredom. It was a lazy Saturday morning, and whilst in every other area the summer holidays were consistent and had no trace of the school terms routine, Saturday morning was still reserved for cartoons, eating tasty and colorful cereal, and playing outside with friends. Ferb was seated at the opposite end of the couch, eating his breakfast of colored ring cereal swimming in a generous serving of milk, which was now stained like a liquid rainbow. Their sister Candace came in and observed them with something of an impatient air.
"Oh, I see" she said.
"See what?" inquired Phineas, temporarily averting his attention from a talking crab having a loud argument with a plankton.
"I see. So you're having one of those 'do nothing' days then? Oh, don't think i'm going to fall for that one! I know you're planning to do something!"
"As a matter of fact I have been having a few ideas of late. But none of them seem just right. Maybe serendipity will offer us a finer prospect"
"I bet you don't even know what serendipity means"
"Actually we-"
"Never mind, Phineas. I'll just go and get some breakfast"
Phineas returned to observing two fish punch a coral. Candace, however, had no time for nautical nonsense, and made her sulky and brooding way upstairs to her bedroom. Colored in tastefully girly fashion, with pink a prime color, she lay down on her bed. Then she smiled. A thought had come to her. Jeremy would be at the mall, working. She'd go to the food court and talk to him when he wasn't serving customers. Picking up her cell phone she raced downstairs at lightning pace and was soon halfway to the mall. The she stopped. She looked back the way she had came. The street was brightly lit, with only a few clouds in the blue sky. Birds sang in the trees. It was a lovely summer's day. She looked back again in the direction of the mall.
"Oh I'm sure that they will still be watching that dumb cartoon" she thought.
So, Candace then went to the mall to meet Jeremy. Meanwhile Phineas and Ferb had finished watching SeaSponge CircleShorts and were now watching Awesome Gopher Android Pack Mega Power Up!.
"I'd better activate super spin if I'm to defeat the Skull Lord" said Android 3 to Android 4.
"Yes- let us activate said move on our evil foe!" said Android 4.
The androids spun round at rocket speed until the Skull Lord had been decapitated.
"Oh no! You've once again defeated me! Well... I'll be back Charo! And when I am I'll totally destroy you!"
The Skull Lord fell into a pool of boiling space lava.
"Ferb, I know what we're going to do today!"
"Destroy the Skull Lord by throwing him into a pool of space lava?"
"No- make a volcano ride!"
Phineas and Ferb set to work building their ride. They recruited help from their friends and converted a nearby mountain into a volcano amusement ride by some ingenious mechanical means, setting up ski-lift style transportation to the summit from the end of the fall in a large lake of fake lava.
"This is gonna be awesome" said Buford, whilst taking a fiver from Baljeet's pocket.
"Phineas, you're a really talented builder!" said an ecstatic and admiring Isabella, hugging Phineas who seemed not to notice the warmth and affection given him, rather, though by no means in an inconsiderate fashion, pushing the girl aside and taking hold of a black painted metal level and pulling down upon it with all his might. The kids looked up at the summit, which was reached by what looked like a shallow road of plastic, and, after a few moments, and a few gurgling sounds like one hears at a blowhole by the sea, the mountain coughed up some fake lava that spat down the distance of the ride in about three minutes, making for a jolly good bit of fun time. The kids screamed happily and got into the lift chairs to take the short journey to the summit, which was about two kilometres away (not taking into account the difference in height).
Phineas had not directed who should ride with who, and as the chairs accomodated two people in each, he was seated not by his own choice with Isabella, although certainly one of the pair had some say in the matter. Isabella and Phineas enjoyed each others company until they reached the top. Buford, who had taken the first chair lift, jumped into one of the plastic logs at the start line. It was operated by pulling a handle once four people were in a log, of which there were six. The lever pushed down upon a mehcanism which pulled down a starting bar, similar to horse racing. The log then, by way of gravitational pull, descended at a fine pace to the base of the mountain in the outskirts of Danville's northern residential district, and by way of the ski lift service this process was repeated many times, with fun had by all. On the fourth ride up the ski lift Phineas turned to Ferb (his new companion to Isabella's annoyance).
"You know who would enjoy this ride, Ferb? Perry. Hey... where's Perry? Must have forgotten to bring him. Still I bet Candace is looking after him"
Perry had found beginning his mission a lot easier that day due to Candace and her brothers absence, and so, avoiding the eyes of Linda and Lawrence he crept into the secret underground room where Major Monogram was looking at him, a small smear of pasta sauce on his lip. Perry stifled a laugh, as Major Monogram seemed unaware of the stain upon his otherwise respectable countenance.
"Ah, there you are Agent P. Doofenshmirtz has been up to some strange stuff lately, and we want you to investigate. Just listen to this list of items purchased by him from Danville Hardware Store. Twenty two thousand beams of wood, a hundred and seventy five litres of house decorating paint, curtains, light bulbs, electrical equipment, plumbing equipment, a kitchen, a bathroom, five doors, two sculptures, outdoor furniture, and what's strangest of all, a licence to build a house. Get to the bottom of this conundrum, Agent P!"
Perry saluted Major Monogram, whipped on his fedora and charged off using his helicopter device. He went to the location of Doofenshmirt'z home in the suburbs. he was out, but a caretaker was there who answered Perry's knock. He was a beefy fellow of a tanned complexion, with greying hair and a small bald patch on the top of his head. He wore a colorful shirt unbuttoned at the first two from his collar downward, and a pair of green shorts. He wore regular white socks and trainers, and had a roughly shaven face and double chin. He spoke in a discernibly Canadian accent.
"Hello, who might I be addressing?"
Agent P showed him his card.
"Ah... come on in. I've been expecting you. You probably don't know me but my name is Steve Lawdon, and i'm from Vancouver. Moved to Danville to be Doctor Doofenshmirtz's caretaker after finding it hard to earn a living straightening crookedly hung pictures. Curse those franchise lectures... They try to con you into starting up an unprofitable business with your own cash... and then if you make even a tiny profit they take it from you... Next time I'm gonna take up that pretzel wagon guy's offer... Oh, I am being rude- Take a seat. I'll get you some coffee"
Perry looked at his watch and shrugged his shoulders. He knew Major Monogram was probably making a big deal out of Doofenshmirtz building a new house. Poor villain probably just wanted a place he could live without a constant breaking in of doors and windows by semi aquatic mammal secret agents. He took a seat on a grey couch of suede and took a coffee handed to him by Steve gratefully, as it was a hot day and a nice cool drink would be refreshing. The coffee had been mixed with some ice cubes and it was really quite cold and enjoyable. Steve looked at Perry with something of an air of observation, as Sherlock Holmes would of a client, and, after some moments of quietness, he walked over to a bookshelf and took down the only book not featuring some sort of evil subject, which happened, as Perry soon saw, to be his photo album.
"This here is Nancy, my wife. She's back in Vancouver running a cleaning business. Doesn't bring in much but... she's a survivor is Nancy. I wish I hadn't left her but... It's best we went our separate ways. You see... I used to be a bit of a gambler... I wish to god I hadn't spent all our money on gambling but... It was so... addictive and... well let bygones be bygones I say. As I said, we needed our distance. Perry, you'll probably know this fellow. That's of course Doofenshmirtz, when we first met in Vancouver during his attempt at taking over Canada. I think he said he got the idea from some fellow called Dracula or something... you probably wouldn't know him... Unless... You heard of Kim Possible by any chance?"
Perry shook his head.
"Ah well... it's all the same with me if you do or don't. Hey... this here will interest you. This is the 1998 Vancouver Platypus Lovers Convention. Ah... I remember Drew Stanley, who formed the club back in 83... She was a good looker. Nice blonde hair and- Oh... But I must be rambling Perry. Here, want a biscuit? I've got creamed or uncreamed... raspberry filling, or vegemite filling?"
Perry shook his head and pointed to his watch.
"Ah... guess I've been keeping you, have I? Sorry to be a nuisance but... I don't see much company these days... Not since Nancy and I went to New York. I think that's where our marriage began to-"
But Perry had gone. Steve sat down and lit a cigar.
"Well... I suppose he's a right to leave this old timer to his ramblings. Hmm... better get that arthritis checked up at Doctor Fildworth's"
Perry zoomed at great speed over to Danville Lake and the woods surrounding it, a popular place for wealthy people to build summer houses and hunting lodges. Doofenshmirtz was there, allright, instructing a foreman to direct his crew. When he caught sight of Perry he waved to the platypus as Perry's jetpacks enabled a smooth touchdown on the gravel road, named Lakeside Drive, if the sign nearby was an honest gentleman.
"Ahh- perry the platypus! So good to see you again. So, how did you find me? Oh... wait... let me guess- Steve! Hahaha... That one's a right talker, isn't he? He just loves to chat... Still he doesn't have too many friends since his wife left him after the burglary"
Perry picked up his little furry ears.
"Yes... still I guess his coin problem was partly to blame. Poor fellow just couldn't stop buying rare coins... Poor man"
Perry looked in a Daria Morgendorffer fashion at Doofenshmirtz.
"What? Are you trying to say Steve told you something else? Oh... the gambling story. Yes... that's one of his favorites. I bet the Canadian accent fooled you too, eh? It's fooled real Canadians, if you'll believe me. No, he's actually an out of work truck driver from upstate New York. Or was that another of his stories... No wait... I think he's a lobster fisherman from Maine... no wait a murder mystery writer from Cabot Cove... No wait... was he a safety patrol officer at X Middle School with his cool partner Ingrid Third, solving all manner of fun and exciting mysteries? No wait that was definitely Fillmore. I'm gunna have to get back to you on that one... At any rate, Perry, now that you're here you can witness my latest creation! I give you, Doofenshmirtz Towers! Well... actually it's a little early in the constructive process at present"
Perry stared with mild interest at the pile of bricks on a flat piece of dirt.
"But here is my blueprint drawing! No... that's too boring and technical... Here's my artists impression! Done by Vanessa... who suffice it to say is by no means a Van Gogh or Da Vinci... but I'll call her an artist for the purpose of this conversation. So, behold- Doofenshmirtz Towers!"
He unfurled a one metre by one metre sheet of thin cardboard on which Vanessa had drawn (albeit almost certainly grudgingly) a pretty and quaint little hotel of the English style. It had some chimneys to complete the effect. The tree lined roads of Danville lake and the trees about all the properties would mask the surrounding area, giving the effect of a authentic English hotel. All this was told in a few proud words by Doofenshmirtz who then went on to mention he was the chief designer and creator of the project. Then, as if to make a final grand gesture, he drew another sheet of cardboard from within a portable metal chest of drawers and presented an inside view, showing every detail of the lobby and rooms, from a mooses head hung up on the wall to a disgruntled American gentleman ordering a Waldorf salad.
"You see Perry I am not committing any evil or criminal act here... It's a purely business matter... And I have a mild interest in hotels... But... for the sake of tradition I have prepared a small device I call my Color Change-inator Ray... if you would kindly step over here so we may battle"
He took Perry to a cloth covered device which he uncovered, presenting a device similar to his usual inventions, with a ray gun nozzle and controls, complete with a self destruct label.
"And now Perry, I will change the color of Lake Danville to red! That way I will finally have a more interesting view for my tourist guests!"
Perry fought with Doofenshmirtz and won.
"Curse you Perry the platypus! And be sure to come for a all expenses paid stay at my hotel when it's completed! Completion date April 2010!"
Perry raced back to Phineas and Ferb, noticing whilst flying the giant volcano ride they had made. He got to the base of the ride just in time to catch Phineas and Ferb descending by way of one of the plastic logs. They got out and noticed Perry.
"Oh there you are Perry"
Isabella came up and patted the creature.
"Isn't he adorable"
"Yeah I guess he is"
"He's so soft and furry and cute, aren't you Perry?"
Perry uttered his noise and Isabella continued stroking him.
Meanwhile Candace had returned from the mall with Jeremy and Stacy and was going to part ways with them when she saw, overlooking the horizon of buildings of downtown Danville, a giant volcano erupting bright red lava. She called Linda on her phone.
"Mom! Phineas and Ferb have made a volcano!"
"Oh that's nice. Tell them to make sure they clean up any spilt vinegar or baking soda"
"No... I mean a REAL volcano! Right here in Danville... Well technically speaking Danville Heights... Look mom, look out the window of your car!"
"I'm at the office dear"
"Well... look out of the office window"
Linda did so casually and saw the volcano. She saw the red lava flowing. She saw the ski lift. She saw the logs, for the office was only four kilometres from the mountain ride, and the logs of a good size.
"Oh is that a new ride? Phineas and Ferb would love it"
"No mom, they BUILT it!"
"Oh don't be absurd Candace, how could two boys build a giant thing like that? Oh... Oh I see. They designed it"
"YES! Yes! Now do you believe me? Now do you?"
"Of course dear. Why I remember as a girl designing a playground with some crayons and sending it to the Mayor. He replied and said it was a very good drawing but that playgrounds were designed by people who had gone to college and taken Playground Design"
"Yes but Phineas and Ferb DID design and build it"
"Well if their design won that's wonderful... Such imaginative boys, designing a volcano you can ride! They must get these ideas from that Spongebob show"
"It's SeaSponge"
"I thought you said you thought those cartoons were silly dear?"
"I do. I don't care about stupid cartoons mom"
"You really shouldn't be so mean"
"They're just cartoons. If WE were cartoons of course we'd care about each other but... Look the point is they designed it"
"Good for them"
"And built it"
"Oh dear they just mean they designed it and sent in their entry. They didn't actually put it together"
"But... I... you... they..."
Jeremy put his arm round Candace's shoulder.
"Maybe we should go and get a milkshake at the diner... You look tired... You need to have a rest"
"You mean the diner Phineas and Ferb built and which mom didn't believe they built because she thought that the PAF in PAFDiner stood for Pure Awesome Food..."
"Ye-es... Well why not go home and watch some tv? I'd love to see your pet platypus"
"It's not mine it's-"
But, seeing how Jeremy wanted to spend time with her Candace agreed to put to rest her 'insane' thoughts and enjoyed his company. Stacy stayed with them and the three had a good time watching reruns of Get Smart and Bewitched and drinking soda. Phineas, Ferb and Perry got home just before Linda and Lawrence and sat by Candace and her friends on the couch. Some mild conversation was had and then they all sat down and watched a movie. And so Linda, Lawrence, Phineas, Ferb, Candace, Jeremy, Stacy, Perry, Isabella, Buford and Baljeet and the entire Fireside Girl troop sat down and watched Back to the Future II.
The next day they arose and Phineas looked out of his bedroom window. Perry lay on his lap and uttered his noise but in an awakening half yawning fashion, flickering open his little platypus eyes he looked with Phineas outside to the mountain they had decorated the last day in fun ride equipment. It was no longer there.
"Well Perry... Let's see whether Ben 10 is on or not"
Phineas went downstairs and sat on the couch with Ferb. They turned on the television. Ben 10 played and then was interrupted by breaking news.
"Good morning viewers, in breaking news the popular Mount Phinerb volcano ride attraction has been shut down by authorities after environmental groups proclaimed it was affecting local wildlife. In other news local businessman Heinz Doofenshmirtz is planning to open a hotel on the shores of Lake Danville..."
Ferb put down his cereal.
"It's a terrible world to live in when people put the interests of a rare type of mountain bird above those of everyday kids"
He took up his cereal again.