So this story takes place in Japan's house. Got it? Good. Now our little friend Japan here was minding his own business inside his own house. But unlike normal people, he was drawing a yaoi manga like the perverted old bat he is. Now, Kiku was enjoying the only chance he'd ever get at having a real relationship by staring deeply at the guy he drew and using his right hand. If you get my drift.

BUT WATS THIS? America just walked in? Now what. Well let's see. America snuck up behind Japan and yelled "BOO". Cuz that's how Americans roll. Japan pretty much shit his pants getting caught in an act not decent in front of the eyes of children. Oh by the way. Children under the age of zero should probably not read this story. Go away children! Go find a double rainbow all the way across the sky that's so bright and vivid to stare at. I'm sure England wouldn't mind going with you. Maybe he'd even let you ride on his unicorn on the double rainbow! But he'd probably be drunk so if he offers you some booze say no children under zero!

. Where was I? Oh yeah. So America was all liek,

"What'cha dooooooing Jaaaappaaaaaaannn?"

And Japan was all liek,

"I'll kiiiiiiiiiilll you if yooooooou don't leeeeeaaavvveee!"

JK. Japan isn't like that. Well he was right before World War II….you know what I won't go there. So Japan just sat there quietly and kept apologizing. America looked and saw Japan's yaoi manga. He made several faces that not even Japan could recognize.

"Is that me?" America asked, pointing at the yaoi manga's main character.

"H-Hai. It is." Japan barely replied. His face oh god it must have looked like somebody set it on fire it was so red.

"I look sexy! What do you think?" America leaned his face right in front of Japan's. Japan didn't answer, making America lean in closer. You had to of been there man. It must have looked liek Kiku was constipated. He probably had an orgasm by jizzing in his pants or something because he totally had this hilarious nose bleed that shot out like a ninja star I swear! It blasted all over Alfred's face, man. You should've seen it. Oh man, America got nailed!

"IMMA K33L J00." Alfred roared. Not yelled. Rawred. He then stabbed Japan's arm with a spork. You know. Becuz sporks are awesome. Who wouldn't want to get stabbed by a spork? I sure would. That be an awesome story to tell everybody you know in your life. Hey guess what happened to me today? I got stabbed by a spork! Hey guys. I tripled dog dare whoever is reading this to go up to one of your teachers during one of your classes, oh and it has to be during the class, and tell them a story about how you got stabbed by a spork. (And if you've never been stabbed by a spork, then go do it. Just don't sue me if you get your arm sliced off) After you do my little dare, review and tell my your stories of it. Don't worry. I'll be here. I'll wait. OOOH! You'll also get bonus points if you make your spork stabbing story hetalia related! :D

Back to my crack story that I keep getting distracted. Well actually, screw it. Since I'm all caught up in the mood of spork stabbings, I'll just tell you a story about how the Hetalia gang have a huge spork battle. That would be the most awesome thing on the planet and I think the world would explode from pure awesome.

So let see. Korea was sneaking around doing some recon. A bright shiny spork in his hand. He was tracking down his beloved Aniki or whatever. SUDDENLY Prussia jumped out from a tree or some shit and stabbed Korea in his ass with his spork. Korea roared out. Not yelled out. Rawred. So he quickly turned around and tried to stab Prussia but instead stabbed Latvia who Prussia grabbed as a shield.

Latvia cried and his cries attracted Russia who rolled in because he was so fat. I mean come on. The country of Russia is freaking HUGE. That land mass has to go somewhere…. But don't tell Ivan that he's fat right to his face. He'd probably rape you or something. Well….pretty much every hetalia fan is a Russia fangirl (and that one occasional fanboy) so they'd probably enjoy being raped by the almighty Mother Russia. Hmm…you know…If Russia doesn't rape you if you call him fat, then I don't know what he'd do. Maybe he'd just go off and cry. Great going. You made Russia cry. That's why you don't call him fat. (Even if everyone on the planet knows that he is.)

And where the fuck did Canada go? Was he even in the spork battle? Eh, nobody knew or cared really for that matter. And while I'm somewhat on the topic still…Isn't Canada like, the second largest country? Why isn't he fat like Russia too? I'M SO CONFUSED. They make him skinny even though he's the second largest country? WUT UP WITH THAT. Oh wait. I think Romano just stabbed Canada with his spork.

FALSE ALARM. It was just America. America went to stab him back but got stabbed in the ass by Prussia who then got stabbed by France who got stabbed by Italy. Turkey and Greece just continued to stab each other, happy to finally be able to kill one another without using their hands. Wouldn't that be a funny story to here? Picture this. "BREAKING NEWS. Turkey was stabbed and killed by a spork." What would normal people think? I bet they would think of a Thanksgiving Turkey first. Most people probably haven't even heard of the country of Turkey. If somebody mentioned it to them they'd probably be like, "that sounds liek a great idea! Let's go to KFC." Because you know. You can get Turkey there. JK. Actually I don't know. Can you?

So Spain was in the spork stabbing game but wasn't really trying at all. All he was doing was playing with his balls.

…that he stole from a kid on a playground. Hah. Tricked you there didn't I. As Spain played endlessly with his balls he always had a bunch of fun with his cock.

…that he stole from a farm. He named him Clucky. As Spain played with his balls and cock, Romano walked up all angry and pissy. You'd think he was on his period or something if you saw him. He was tired of being stabbed by endless sporks so he stabbed Spain's balls and then Spain's cock, Clucky. Spain cried. Russia rolled in. Romano left. And Prussia stabbed both Spain and Russia in their asses.

And then Russia rolled over Prussia. It would have killed a normal person with all that weight but I mean…Prussia wasn't a country anymore so it didn't really matter. Prussia continuously tried to stab his spork into Russia's ass trying to get him to roll off of him, but Russia couldn't feel a thing so he stayed put.

China off in the distance was running away from Shinatty-chan who held up liek, five sporks trying to stab China. You can't trust old men in those costumes maaaan. What were you thinking China? That cat thing broke into your house in the middle of the night and you befriend him? You probably befriended some kind of rapist or serial killer! Real smart China. Whatever happened to "stranger danger"? As china was running he tripped and fell because when you're 4000 years old that's what happens. I don't care if your immortal or not. You can't even touch your toes China. Oh, and Shinatty-chan just stabbed China repeatedly laughing manically.

BUT WATS THIS. Korea suddenly stabbed Shinatty-chan because stabbing his Aniki was prohibited and only he was the one allowed to stab him because it originated from Korea or something like that. So Korea pretty much saved China from getting ass-raped by Shinatty-chan. But that didn't mean that would stop Korea from doing it instead. HOLD UP. I have a hunch that China's a virgin. Anyone else agree with me? Anyone! Wutevah.

But not only did Korea want a piece of China rape. Hong Kong appeared and Japan appeared and Russia rolled in and France appeared and America appeared and England appeared and I think Prussia slipped in too. Since everyone wanted a piece of China's virginity, they all got into a spork fight. Which kinda failed because Hong Kong cheated by attaching his sporks to firecrackers, throwing them at everyone. America and England stabbed each other and ended up raping each other forgetting all about China. Japan and Korea stabbed another and France tried to stab Russia which didn't work cuz he couldn't feel it.

Oh yeah and Prussia was just stabbing everyone in the ass. Why does he keep doing that? Don't ask me. I have no idea. I just wanted some random character to stab everyone in the ass so I chose him. My guess would be taht he'd actually do it too. That loser. So as everyone fought over China, he ran away. So they were all fighting for no reason since that pansy left. He probably went off to play with Spain's dead cock.

Is anyone still reading this? I hope so. I like when people read my crack. It makes me feel special. So back to sporks….Has anyone told their teachers that they got stabbed with a spork yet? I'm curious to see if anyone does this now. I'm still waiting here. So REVIEW and tell me what you told your teachers. I'll wait patiently.

BTW. Poland was totally liek, having a totally like, fabulous like, time to the like, max with stabbing people with his totally fabulously like, hip, neon like, pink like, spork like, to the max. MY GOD POLAND. WAI U TALK LIKE THAT. It takes too much time to write like he does so I'll stop trying. I'm pretty sure Poland just continually stabbed Lithuania and Lithuania took it like a bitch. Because he is one after all. BUT WAIT. Lithuania was Russia's bitch. Russia is displeased. So he rolled in attempting to stop Poland from stabbing his bitch. But it didn't work because he rolled in between two trees, wedging himself in there. I think Prussia stabbed his ass but how would Russia know?

Is this story dragging on? I think it is. So I'm going to end it. Every hetalia country that participated in the spork battle had to go to the mental hospital because who in the world gets into a spork fight? Although I would love too and I would think it to be the most awesome thing you could do with your free time LIEK, EVER. So yeah. Oh and when they were in the mental hospital China lost his virginity. So it didn't really matter. The doctors removed Russia's fat because they couldn't get him into the room. Belarus appeared and had sex with Russia's fat. Don't ask me how it works like that but it does.

America and England continued to rape each other or something. Lithuania became Poland's bitch and Russia was disappoint. Spain kept sobbing over the loss of his cock and balls. Romano and Italy made pasta out of sporks. Korea and Japan…I have no idea what the fuck happened to them. Greece and Turkey had a nice chitchat with a cup of tea and cookies. Haha. Wouldn't that be nice. No they kept stabbing each other with sporks in the mental hospital. Latvia probably seemed the most sane at the moment. Canada may or may not have been there.

AND PRUSSIA HAS JUST INVADED YOUR VITAL REGIONS WITH A SPORK. YOU SHOULD FEEL SO SPECIAL THAT HE CHOSE YOUR VITAL REGIONS OUT OF EVERYONE ELSE'S TO GET INVADED BY HIS AWESOME SELF WITH A SPORK. GOOD JOB. By the way I'm still waiting for your guy's stories.

A/N: WUT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN…

This is what happens when I want to write crack late at night. Um…don't take offense to any of this it was just for fun. BTW. Honestly, if you do tell your teacher you stabbed by a spork I will love you forever. Just throwing that out there. Because I'm still sitting here patiently and waiting for your reviews. You wouldn't want me to sit here for eternity would you? How cruel. I let Prussia invade your vital regions with a spork. The least you could do is review. B(