Hello everyone, im sorry for those of you who are waiting for my other fics to be updated, im working on it.Perfection takes time. Well read awwway... this is my first TT fic.
I DO NOT OWN TEEN TITANS
Thirty thousand feet above the Atlantic Ocean a storm raged. Thunder boomed loudly, shaking the tiny suppository of a plane. The lights flickered and went out. All over the plane, nervous gasps and cries echoed in the eerie night. Robin sighed and rubbed his unmasked blue eyes.
Lightening illuminated the plane so bright it seemed to be day for a few seconds. After the light faded, everything it had clarified seemed to be burnt into his retinas. Thunder crashed again and the woman next to him tried to jump into his lap under the pretense of fear and surprise.
The lights came back on and he pushed her away. Work was getting more and more demanding.
"Attention passengers, we will be landing in approximately fifteen minutes," said the captain in an eerie detached voice. Robin didn't understand why he didn't just turn around and say it. The plane was so damn small everyone would have heard him just fine.
Robin laid his head back against the seat and shut his eyes. Not only did he still have to protect the city (though now as Nightwing) now he had the added pressure of keeping up appearances with all the worlds other teams. It was for unity. It was for publicity. It was bullshit.
The plane/suppository gave one last shudder before it touched down. Robin stretched and yawned then began the monotonous task of gathering his carry on luggage. One bag, it held his uniform, his beloved mask. He traveled light.
As he maneuvered the labyrinth-like terminal he let his thoughts drift back to a certain red haired woman he had left at home. Just thinking about her made him smile. He took a moment to remember her face, and the way her hair smelled. She was his love, she was his lust, she was his wife. Starfire.
Robin smiled as he twisted the golden band around his finger. God, how he missed her! He hadn't been home to her in almost a month. That kind of thing can get to a guy. …Suddenly his pants felt too tight.
Great he thought to himself.
He wiped the memories from his mind and stepped out into the cold London rain, letting it soak him until he was thoroughly cooled off.
Robin sighed again as he hefted his luggage on his shoulder and hailed a cab.
"Don't worry, baby. I'll come home as soon as I can. I love you."
I woke up today in London
As the plane was touching down
All I could think about was Monday
When maybe I'd be back around
Back in Jump city, Starfire was crying. She sat alone in her room, clinging to a picture of Robin. She felt like she hadn't seen him in months. His last visit had been so short, it felt longer. She cried harder when that thought crossed her mind. That's all she saw of him nowadays, in short visits. A quick I love you here and there. A kiss, maybe more if she was lucky.
Starfire rolled over onto her back in their large, much too large to sleep in alone, bed. The silky sheets felt smooth against her flushed face. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the roses he had brought he from his last visit. They had already begun to wilt. The original vibrant crimson forsaken to a dull red.
"Robin, I miss you." She whispered to the dark shadows lining he walls. "Come home to me, please?"
She clutched her pillow willing to be Robin-like so she could pretend that he was there, lying beside her. She imagined his warmth and the strength of his arms. The smell of his aftershave. The feeling of his breath on her neck. She sighed, content for a moment in her illusion.
"I love you, Robin," she sighed.
Only silence answered her, reminding her suddenly that she was alone. The tears resumed their falling.
Starfire gave up and climbed from the bed. She wrapped a blanket around herself and padded softly from the room.
The hallway was dark and cold. Starfire shivered and enveloped herself tighter within her blanket. The living room had been her bedroom every night that Robin was away. So she slept in there a lot. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't sleep in that bed without him It just didn't feel right.
If this keeps me away much longer
I don't know what I will do
You've got to understand it's a hard life
That I'm going through
Robin shook the hand of the London teams leader. A man that called himself "The invisible hand". He was eternally glad for his mask that his the dull bored look in his eyes. He smiled lamely for the cameras. They took pictures, Robin shook hands. So tedious.
After the drivel had ended and Robin had returned to his hotel room; he let his thoughts return to Starfire. He hated having to leave her alone so often, but he had his duties to tend to. He needed to keep working. He would make this all up to her somehow.
As Robin lay down on his hard hotel room bed, he wondered what it must be like to be alone in their mansion. They didn't even have a goldfish for her to talk to. She must get lonely.
At that thought he felt awful. What kind of loving husband would keep leaving his beautiful wife all alone. Though, she had her friends, and his credit cards so she could shop to her hearts content. A pastime he knew she loved. So she was never really alone… was she?
Robin turned off his bedside lamp and let the darkness wash over him. It pained him deeply to imagine her under any kind of emotional discomfort. Though she was a lively person, and rarely ever sad, everyone has their breaking point.
He suddenly ached to hold her, to hear her sat his name. He sighed deeply.
"I'm coming home as soon as I can, I promise."
His words melted into the darkness. No one would ever hear them but him. Starfire was an ocean away and could feel no comfort from his promises.
It was thoughts like that, that kept him awake at night.
Robin rolled over to the edge of his bed a dug her picture out of his bag. He traced a finger along her jaw line and smiled. She deserved so much better than what he could give her. She deserved someone who would devote his every minute to making sure she was as happy as possible. He, Robin, could not. She was, in his eyes, perfect.
However, he could go home to her soon, and tell her how much he loved her. Tomorrow even, if he was lucky.
Somehow he knew, if he could just get home, everything would be okay.
And when the night falls in around me
And I don't think I'll make it through
I'll use your light to guide the way
'Cause all I think about is you
Starfire woke up the next morning, lying on the floor in front of a cold fireplace. The embers that had warmed her night left an empty feeling in her that morning. The house was too quiet. Not even a cricket or a mouse dared break the tremulous silence.
Starfire hugged her knees to her chest and sighed heavily. Her breath seemed to echo through the house. She shivered. The cream colored walls of her house seemed to lean in upon her. The silence was deafening.
She shook the thought from her mind and stood up. Her body was stiff and sore from sleeping on the floor so often. But no matter what she tried, she could not bring herself to sleep in that bed. Not without Robin.
She stretched her arms out, popping her stiff shoulders and took a deep steadying breath.
Starfire prepared herself to go "through the motions" that marked her life in Robin's absence.
That was all her life was when he was gone: "motions". A meaningless façade.
Every morning, no matter how long and difficult the past night, was begun with a steaming cup of hot chocolate. She smiled as she thought of her only non-human obsession: chocolate. She walked into the cold sterile feeling kitchen, poured a cup of milk, and popped it into the microwave. Add one package of powdered cocoa and voila. Liquid comfort. God bless America.
It is amazing how much better things seem when the sun is up. Everything is so much brighter. Starfire sauntered out onto the porch to watch the sunrise. The sun glinted smugly off the water near their lakeside home. The cool morning breeze washed across her pale face as if to tell her there was nothing to be sad about.
However, last night's episode was not uncommon. It sometimes seemed that the longer Robin was away, the more Star would cry. She would drift haphazardly through her house, turning on every light and every radio so as to make the house seem less empty. Then she would curl up on the couch with a book or movie and try to pass the time. Often times she would take three or four showers a day and not even realize it. Time seemed to disintegrate when she was alone.
Her friends had noticed. Often times Raven would tell her that she needed to talk to Robin about it. Two people as in love as they were should not hide what few problems they have. Raven had become Starfire's best friend as of late. Sometimes Raved and Star were inseparable when Robin was away. Raven though they should get a dog. Even now, she wasn't very social.
Though, no matter what Starfire suggested she say to Robin, she would not. She would just shake her head and say: "We already spend so little time together, I do not wish to bring up something that will but an awkward moment in whatever precious time he can spare for me."
Starfire would never dare leave the house either. She was always afraid that she wouldn't be here when he finally came home. Their time together was so invaluable that she dare not waste it. No matter what.
Before she knew it, he cup of chocolate comfort had been drained and she was left with an empty mug and the sorrow and emptiness she was growing so accustomed to.
Starfire looked down at her bare feet and tried to thin of something to preoccupy herself with so she didn't drown in her own misery.
That was when the doorbell rang.
Well L.A. is getting kinda crazy
And New York is getting kinda cold
I keep my head from getting lazy
I just can't wait to get back home
Starfire ran to the door. Flinging it open with such hopeful vigor, only to have her hopes smashed when she saw who it was; or rather who it wasn't.
"Hello friend Beastboy," she said trying not to sound as disappointed a she was.
It really wasn't fair to him. She had nothing against the green friend of her childhood. It was more that she knew he had feelings for her. In fact, on more than one occasion, he had tried to tell her how much better for he was than Robin. It was true, he had backed off a bit after the wedding, but being around him without Robin did make her a little uncomfortable.
However, she was lonely and a friend was a friend, so she stepped aside to let him in.
Beastboy looked around the large entry way and carefully put his coat on the rack. He seemed to be waiting for something.
"Is Robin still not home?" he questioned obviously having been waiting to be greeted by his leader.
"No, sadly, he is not," she said as she led him into the living room. She frowned, "Though I expect him home soon."
It was a lie. He knew it.
"Why are you still with him Star?" Her back went rigid. She stiffened and turned to face him. "He is never around. All you have of him is that stupid ring on your finger," he pointed at her hand, almost shouting.
Starfire flinched, but recovered quickly.
"It is because I love him," It was a simple enough answer. And it was true. She loved him with all her heart. What else did she need to know?
"Yeah… love," the word dripped like acid from his lips, it stung her.
She sat there looking into his eyes. He wasn't angry; he was just trying to comfort her… in his own weird way. He was trying to help.
Suddenly she felt sorry for having hurt him. Tears welled up in her eyes. She sat down on the couch and looked down at her hands clenched in her lap. She was trying to hide it. When she spoke again, her voice was shaky and high pitched.
"I do not know what to do, Beastboy. Sometimes I feel so alone," she looked up into his eyes and held his gaze. "I love him, I really do, but it hurts so much when he is away."
Beastboy suddenly regretted pushing her. He crossed the living room and knelt at her feet. "I'm so sorry, Star. I wish there was something I could do. Do you want me to talk to him?" He wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her shoulders.
She hadn't meant to do it. She hadn't meant to hug him back. She hadn't meant to allow herself to kiss his neck, or flick her tongue across his ear. She really hadn't meant to tempt him. But sometimes, no matter what lies in our hearts, our body still takes control. And she needed this. More than she would ever admit.
Beastboy was taken aback by her actions. He knew he should pull away. But he had always loved her. He had always wanted her. Even back when she was just an awkward Tameranian girl on an alien planet. Robin just moved first. So now, when she was licking his neck, he leaned into her. Urged her on.
He reached up behind her head and placed a hand behind her neck. As if she had just realized this was wrong, she tried to pull away.
He leaned her over and onto her back. His hands slid up her stomach leaving behind a trail of goose bumps. Starfire shivered.
'This is so wrong,' she thought to herself. But she needed to be touched like this. She missed it. Robin was always away. She just couldn't bring herself to stop him.
Beastboy was suddenly on the prowl. He drug a fang gently across her neck sending chills up and down her spine. Star shuddered; her body was beyond her control. Beastboy carefully undid her pants, giving her plenty of time to stop him. When she did not, he slid his hand below the hem.
She moaned and arched her hips against him, "Robin."
Beastboy stopped for a moment in disbelief. A growl escaped from his lips. Why was she still calling his name? Why, when it was he, Beastboy, who was going to make her scream? He swore he would make her forget Robin had ever existed.
Starfire whimpered, "Please, do not stop."
He couldn't take it anymore. He lifted her from the couch and carried her up to the bedroom. So many times his fantasies had led him up this staircase… now it was all real.
And all these days I spend away
I'll make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it's all too much to bear
Robin opened the door to his house, with a dozen of the scarlet roses that he knew she loved clutched in his hand.
He couldn't wait to see her. To run his fingers through her hair and hear her say she loved him. He really missed her.
Suddenly eager beyond eager to see her face, he broke into a jog up the stairs. He took a deep breath as he lay his hand on the doorknob.
He froze. Ice ran through his veins. Starfire was not alone.
For a moment, Robin didn't know what to do. He was torn between his options. He wanted to run back down the stairs and out the door. He wanted to burst into the bedroom and slaughter whatever man was with her. He also wanted to cry and beg Starfire's forgiveness for whatever heinous crime he had committed to make he stop loving him. He wanted to beg her to take him back. He couldn't lose her, he was nothing without her.
So instead, he just stood there, transfixed, listening to the moaning of the woman of his dreams, not knowing what to do.
Finally, he turned the doorknob and silently strode into the room, facing his worst nightmare.
"Robin?" Starfire's eyes grew wide with dread.
The dozen roses he had brought her fell to the floor. Beastboy climbed out of the bed, Robin said nothing.
"Hey man… I … I'm sorry," he could think of nothing else to say. There were just not words that could be said to ease the pain of what he had just done to the man he had once called friend. He had betrayed Robin, in the worst sense of the word.
Starfire rose next, clinging the blanket to her naked body. She looked into the eyes of the man she loved.
Beastboy shamelessly grabbed his clothes and marched from the room. Starfire could fight her own battles, the damage had been done.
Robin closed his eyes and listened until he heard Beastboy shut the front door.
He couldn't for the life of him figure out why she would do this to him. She might have well just killed him. I would have hurt less.
He looked into her beautiful green eyes, he wanted her to take him back. He didn't know what he had done to make her want to cheat on him but he was so sorry for having done it. A single tear slid down his cheek.
Starfire wanted to beg forgiveness. What she had done was wrong. She wanted to scream "I love you!" and she also wanted to curl up in a ball and die from shame. She had not the strength for either.
The silence stretched on for what seemed like house when in reality was only a few minutes. Robin wanted her to say anything, anything to apologize to him. To show that she felt regret. He didn't want their love to end like this. He didn't think he could take it if it did.
She said nothing.
Robin turned on his heel and left. Without a goodbye. Without an I love you. Without an explanation of any sort. He just walked out of the room; and out of her life… forever.
Starfire fell to her knees. Tears falling like rain. She reached out and grasped the forgotten roses he had brought for her. They were her last reminder of the love they had shared. She squeezed them to her face, inhaling deeply the fresh scent. Blood trickled down her wrists. She relished the pain… she deserved it.
"Robin… please. Do not go. Do not leave me like this." She sobbed. He was gone and he was never coming back. Robin had been the love of her life, the man of her dreams, and she had broken his heart. All in the name of what: Loneliness?
She was so foolish for believing that Beastboy could fill the space left by Robin. Even when Beastboy had pushed her over the edge she had still be screaming :"Robin" She had pictured his face and his hands. Beastboy, in her heart, had never been there.
"Please, Robin. I love you."
And when the night falls in around me
I don't think I'll make it through
I'll use your light to guide the way
'cause all I think about is you
Robin stepped solemnly out into the cold rain. He couldn't get that image out of his mind. The woman he loved under another man. Another man touching her. He was heartbroken.
The city loomed mockingly above him. He had never felt so alone. She had been his life, his everything. He was nothing without her. So what did he have to live for now that she was gone?
Robin wandered the darkened streets of Jump City. People that weren't really there stared at him, laughing. Shadows leered, "I told you so" "You never deserved her." "It was only a matter of time" The worst thing was… he believed them.
What a fool he had been to believe that Starfire would hold out for him. She could have any guy she wanted, she was beautiful and perfect. He hadn't deserved her in the first place, right?
The rain fell in icy torrents, reflecting his dark mood. Robin wandered into a deserted alleyway. He just wanted to get away from the staring. He stumbled and fell, his face smacking hard on the wet cement. The taste of blood filled his mouth. Great.
She had been the reason he got up every morning. She had been his life. Without her, he had no purpose. He was a broken hero.
Robin reached out to lift himself back up. His hand touched cold metal. He looked up. It was a small handgun. Discarded, probably thrown here by a murdered.
To him, it was salvation. A way to end the pain. A sweet release from the empty shell he was fast becoming
He never thought twice, he just picked up the gun, put it to his head, and pulled the trigger.
"I love you, Star."
And all these days I spend away
I'll make up for this I swear
I need your love to hold me up
When it's all too much to bear
Starfire looked down at the lonely grave. Her eyes, red and puffy from countless hours of crying.
"I never meant to hurt you"
The wind blew across her face. It was too late. She collapsed to her knees and dug her nails into the fresh dirt.
"Why did you have to leave me? Why did you have to die?" She pounded her fists on the cold dirt. "I love you Robin, I swear it, and I always will!"
She lay there crying, feeling more alone than she ever had before. Even when Robin was away some part of her always knew he would come back to her and wrap his arms around her again. Now he would never come back. She was now, truly, alone.
"I am so sorry, Robin." She stood and ran her hand across the headstone, tracing her fingers along the name. "We will be together again one day," she promised.
On top of the stone, she lay a tiny golden ring. "Goodbye, my love."
With that she turned and walked away, leaving a piece of herself behind, and disappeared into the mist.
And when the night falls in around me
I don't think I'll make it through
I'll use your light to guide the way
'cause all I think about is you