Between Breaths
Chapter One
Isolated in a dark chamber, Sayu steadied her breathing as best as she could, even though her heart pulsed madly. Having her sight completely cut off and her mouth muffled with a foul-tasting rag, Sayu clung onto the tentative hope that her father and brother would come save her. It's the best she could hope for, right? She had to remain optimistic in this situation, even if there was sparse reason in the notion-otherwise, Sayu would slowly delve into the throes of madness. The very thought sickened her. Foul bile rose in her parched throat out of reflex and tears stung the corners of her eyes. Her throat painfully constricted as she forced herself to swallow the nauseating taste along with her tears. Once she did this, Sayu then strained her ears to funnel in any stray noises. Only tomb-like silence filled the room, causing involuntary goosebumps to ripple across her flesh.
No…I must stay calm, Sayu thought, trying to alleviate the stress and anxiety that clenched her insides. Onii-chan wouldn't be frightened at all; he'd think of a solution. He always knows the answers to everything. So if only…
If only she wasn't caught in the first place. Sayu seriously doubted Light would allow himself to get kidnapped, anyway. Though, come to think of it, Sayu couldn't particularly remember the details of her kidnapping. She remembered a disjointed series of memories, of the world being viewed at dizzying angles before everything faded to black. Sayu wished she could wrap her arms around herself, though currently, her hands were tied behind her back. So Sayu simply shivered, feeling the chill settling uncomfortably through her skin and to the marrow of her bones. She could feel the dirty floor underneath her, soiling her jeans with grime and whatever filth was strewn throughout this place. Her legs began to cramp after being forced into this kneeling position for so long, though Sayu wasn't entirely sure how long she was here.
Four hours? Five? Not counting the amount of time she had been unconscious, either, though Sayu was never good at estimating time. The air smelled stale through her nostrils, and she could almost taste the acrid scent of steel and concrete and filth. Sayu began wondering why they didn't provide her with something to cover her nose-they did provide her with a blindfold and a complimentary gag, after all. For all the limited mobility of her face, Sayu wrinkled her expression into one of distaste, before wincing as she shifted slightly, hurting her cramped wrists. Her hands already numbed, prickling with pins and needles; not to mention her fingers felt utterly stiff from the constant cold surrounding this place.
She heard the discordant squealing of rusty hinges and jerked her head toward the direction of the noise. Distinct footsteps rang across the room, nearly deafening in the unnatural silence. Involuntarily shrinking back, Sayu then frantically conjured images of brutal Mafia men in her mind-what was this person going to do with her? Sayu knew enough what would possibly happen here; so what would happen if she got molested or worse-
Raped, her mind stated ironically, oddly contrasting with her maddening pulse and sweating skin. You've gotten plenty of male attention before, haven't you? You're a helpless female completely gagged, blindfolded, and bound. It's a perfect opportunity for these greasy drooling men to-
No, she couldn't think of that. She wouldn't. Though when the footsteps drew nearer, Sayu let out a muffled gasp, shrinking away as far as possible, though a brick wall obstructed her from moving any further. She heard an amused chuckle at this, which made her cringe back against the wall while a weak mumble of protest escaped her lips.
"I haven't even touched you and you act like I'm going to rape you," the voice said with a hint of sarcasm. "Do I honestly look like the kind of guy who would do that?"
She simply slid against the wall, sickeningly faint. She practically felt his presence beside her, causing her shivers to become more pronounced. A light sigh escaped from her unknown visitor. "Look, I'm not like the sick bastards around here, all right? They have some pretty low standards-it doesn't matter who the woman is as long as she's available and helpless for an easy fuck."
Upon hearing Sayu's muffled keening, he then added, "You're a cute Japanese girl, actually. Which makes you even more of a target. They'd love making you scream like some Tokyo whore. That's the kind of goddamned sons of a bitches they are."
Sayu knew the strange man hovered in front of her, kneeling toward her level; kissing distance, she supposed, as his breath lightly grazed against her face. He removed the disgusting rag from her mouth, and Sayu choked out the pungent flavor of the cloth, taking in a great gasp of air.
"The blindfold stays," the man said matter of factly. "However, I can always put the gag back on, too. Understand?"
Nodding weakly, Sayu merely bobbed her head, running her tongue across her cracked lips. Afterwards, she parted them open and croaked out. "W...Water…"
"Right, Mello said you'd probably need water. Can't exactly have a dead hostage, can we?"
Sayu didn't bother answering, opting to remain silent. She didn't feel like bantering or arguing with this man-weariness and despondency subdued the poor girl, who suddenly felt the sickening sense of vertigo of the utter surrealism of the situation. She didn't even have enough energy to weep-she simply rested her head against the wall, her own pulse even sounding distant to her ears. She wanted to rest her weary eyes, to let the beloved oblivion of sleep take her far away from this hellhole.
She felt the strange man kneel down next to her, even without opening her eyes. Sayu felt a cup of water lingering near her lips-she could almost taste the sharp scent filtering into her nostrils-though after having endured several hours without water, she gratefully drank as much as she could, nearly sputtering water all over herself. Within a few seconds, she emptied the cup, much to her disappointment, though her lips remained suctioned around the edge, as though to absorb any water droplets still remaining. Afterwards, she let out a gasp of air, feeling the burden of thirst slightly sated, though pangs of hunger began to make themselves known as her stomach clenched and growled.
"Food's not gonna come around until an hour," the man said in a casual tone, as though he was trying to make conversation with her. "So you'll have to wait a bit. Don't expect complementary chopsticks with your meal, either-we don't cater around in a mafia hideout."
Sayu said nothing in response-she wanted to nothing to do with a man who was part of her kidnapping. She was grateful for the small pleasure of water, but that didn't mean she would suddenly forgive such a major transgression. The man didn't seem bothered by her silence and put the cloth in her mouth once more. Then she heard a tiny click, and electronic music filtered into the air. Sayu didn't recognize the video game being played-the only video games she was familiar with were the Pokémon series-though she supposed anything was better than the uncomfortable silence that lingered before. Sayu hated silence, and even though she didn't particularly enjoy the company of her captor, she would take solace in the tapping buttons and electronic music.
I hope everyone's okay, Sayu thought, drifting into her own shroud of introverted isolation. It seems like this guy doesn't want to hurt me. I guess they have enough sense that a dead hostage wouldn't do them any good.
Even though the blindfold covered her world into darkness, Sayu closed her eyes. A sudden weariness overcame her, more profound than anything she experienced before. She didn't want to think of anything-she didn't want to analyze her current situation. Everything up to this point seemed surreal, from her initial kidnapping and the unusual kindness this stranger exhibited to her. Did he actually take pity on her, or did he simply view her as a bartering chip? Before she could ponder further into this, her mind drifted away into the point of no return where Sayu began questioning whether or not she had slowly succumbed to the festering madness she feared.
-x-
As the stranger promised, food arrived an hour later. There were a few exchanged murmurs between the man who kept her company and another stranger, before she sensed the other man's departure. Still feeling the familiar presence of the man who played his video games, Sayu then felt her gag being removed, before her blindfold was finally lifted away. Blinking in disorientation, Sayu tried to adjust to the lights shining from overhead, the sudden shift from darkness to seeing. Before her, she saw a red-haired teen with a cigarette perched between his lips-eyes obscured by yellow-film goggles perched on his nose. Sayu couldn't discern any expression on his features, though there seemed to be an inquisitive quirk of his lip as he asked, "You're not gonna to pull anything funny if I untie your hands, right?"
Sayu shook her head, opting not to speak. Her throat still felt strangely hoarse, her lips still cracked from lack of moisture. The goggled teen merely nodded in response as he unbound her, before shifting back, analyzing her behind the scrutiny of his goggles. Immediately, Sayu rubbed her wrists together, working out the kinks from her joints. She began to eat the Americanized Chinese food-lukewarm, but still edible-shoving in as many mouthfuls as she could manage without choking. She probably made a spectacle out of herself, but she didn't care-as the redhead mentioned to her before, the men around here had no standards anyway.
She would occasionally drift glances toward the unusual figure that returned to his video game ventures, absolute concentration fixated on his visage. He didn't seem to worry whether or not Sayu would pull off some stunt or something. Though considering her position as a hostage in a foreign country, Sayu couldn't blame him. Besides, her ravenous hunger managed to subdue her, for the time being. Once she finished the lo mien and pieces of chicken, Sayu smacked her lips and licked the excess grease staining them. Her hunger calmed, Sayu then began asking questions.
"Why am I here?"
The teen didn't even bother glancing from the screen. "Mello wanted you here."
Sayu almost rolled her eyes. Even though the circumstances certainly weren't in her favor, Sayu still felt a well of frustration, all the same. She bit back a sarcastic response, and asked, "Why did Mello want me here?"
An apathetic shrug in response. Sayu was smart enough that he knew the actual reason, but just didn't feel like telling her. She didn't really expect getting any answers out of him, though she felt inclined to ask, all the same. Somehow, conversation punctuating the silence made the situation more tolerable. More grounded into reality.
"What game are you playing?"
"Final Fantasy Tactics."
Sayu was surprised that he could answer her question so easily, with a certain causality that didn't betray their position as captor and hostage. They could've been anywhere else, outside this filthy hellhole, having this same conversation. Somehow, this seemed far more surreal than the events that have elapsed before. Sayu laughed out loud, thinking of the utter absurdity, the absolute ridiculousness of this situation. She hoped she wasn't going crazy, especially after enduring nearly a day of this madness. Sayu had more resilience than that, didn't she? She began wondering how long it took for people to finally snap, to brace themselves for the freefall into insanity. This led to a progression of more morbid thoughts, as to what kind of methods of torture they would afflict on her. How much would she be able to endure until she screamed and passed out?
"You're not going to kill me, right?" Sayu wondered out loud. The goggled teen probably found her question predictable or downright stupid, or perhaps both, though he seemed to have exhibit some tolerant patience toward her question.
"It would be a waste to capture you and keep you alive all this time if that were the case." A drag on a cigarette, before a light exhale spewed through the room. "Mello's got all this planned out."
Right, Mello was the mastermind behind all this. She began to wonder what kind of person Mello possibly was. Was he some grizzled man with a scarred face and a hulking figure? The way this person kept on talking about Mello, Sayu assumed that this was the head of the Mafia. It also felt a bit odd that there was a vague sense of familiarity between this Mello and the person keeping her company, though she shrugged off these thoughts. She was thinking too much, it seemed.
Out of subdued recognition of her position in this place, Sayu then asked, "You're going to blindfold me and tie my hands again, right?"
This time, the gamer did look up from the electronic screen, as though he just realized this himself. What kind of person was he, to be so laidback and uncaring? "Right. I thought a hostage would want to escape rather than ask to get tied up again."
"I've already accepted the situation," Sayu said with relative calmness that she didn't feel herself. "The best thing I can do is endure, until my father and brother come save me."
"Endure, huh? Most hostages would be screaming and pleading and begging for their lives."
"I've thought of that, actually. But what good would it do?"
"Heh." The red-haired teen tapped some ash from his cigarette, before roving the cigarette to the other side of his mouth. His eyes remained obscured behind the yellow-lens goggles he wore, though Sayu imagined that he took in the sight of her. She imagined that his eyes didn't miss anything, and this discomforted her more than his sardonic laugh. "That's probably good for you, then. Mello hates screamers. 'So fucking annoying', he says. But that's probably a normal reaction when you're under the mercy of the Mafia."
He took in another drag from his beloved cancer stick, blowing out smoky plumes from his lips. Eyeing her again, he then held a gloved hand towards her, extending the cigarette towards her lips. "Care to try?"
Sayu involuntarily wrinkled her nose in disgust. She didn't like the smell of smoke, and she couldn't understand how someone could choke their lungs full of ash. But all of that was secondary to the fact that his lips were on it. The unusual thought of a transferred kiss came to her, and Sayu almost blushed at the thought. Didn't they have a name for this? Stockholm's Syndrome, wasn't it? Light would know. He always knew everything.
"No thanks. I don't like the smell of smoke."
The teenage boy seemed to smirk a bit, before putting the cigarette back in his lips once more. "It's a bad habit to pick up. Shortens your lifespan."
"Then why do you do it?" Sayu asked, despite herself.
He calmly blew out another plume of smoke. "Considering my circumstances, a bullet to the head is much more effective than smoking a pack of cigarettes every day."
Fair enough. She walked right into that one. "I guess I deserved that. Still, I was just trying to make conversation."
"Well, doesn't seem like there's much to talk about, in your sort of situation."
"I suppose that's true, too."
"Still, you're a sight for sore eyes. I get tired of looking at the ugly mugs of these Mafia men. It's a total sausage-fest."
Sayu snorted. "You know, maybe if you didn't look like such a dork, I would think you look kind of cute."
"Really now?"
"I was being sarcastic."
"Ah. Fair enough, then."
Silence stretched out between them, with only silvery streams of smoke punctuating the intervals. Sayu attempted to sit in a more comfortable position, though having sat in the same position for several hours made her joints stiff. That, and the filthy floor made her knees ache. Sayu was determined not to relate to her captor-after all, he was the one who was involved in her kidnapping in the first place. She recalled a strange figure who wore the yellow-lens goggles and the criminal black and white striped shirt with a fur-lined vest who walked up to her with the utmost casualness, effectively cornering her and putting a chloroform-laced rag to her mouth. Some other part of her, however, noted that this person wasn't particularly sadistic-he didn't seem to derive any pleasure from torturing or harassing her-he was simply doing his job.
And I'm just a bartering chip, Sayu thought. I hate being in this position, not being able to do anything. I just…hate feeling so helpless, and causing trouble for Light, my father…everyone.
Sayu shook herself. Despite her position and situation, she would not allow herself to go in a depressive tirade. Her trademark optimism and unbeatable spirit never failed her-and she won't lose faith now. There was nothing that she could do about this situation, but she had to have faith that things would turn out all right. She was still alive, wasn't she? Another darker notion lingered in the back of her mind, taunting her with the possibility that maybe, just maybe, it would be better off if she was dead. Because what waited her was far worse than death could possibly be.
She always thought that she would die old. That she would be lucky and pass away peacefully in her sleep. Sayu always wished to go that way. The notion of death was scary, and Sayu sometimes contemplated to herself the fragility and mortality of human lives. How life would suddenly come to an abrupt end when the heart made its final beat, and the last breath pushed past one's lips. Just darkness, and the deep lunge into a scary abyss. Nothing but the loss of sensation-just a sense of weightlessness that forever drifts in an empty cold void. Sayu liked to think that there was an afterlife-that heaven awaited for those who led righteous lives. People like her mother and father. Light.
Those who live righteously are welcomed to the gates of heaven, she remembered her brother telling her once. Though unfortunately, Sayu, there are those who are not righteous. People who condemn themselves with their criminal actions. Because of this, they are punished from their own doings. These people suffer and reflect upon their sins in Hell.
Thinking of her brother makes the tears come. Almost. She would swallow these tears, all her sadness and despair. She couldn't break down, not right now. She had to have hope, have faith in her brother and father. They would save her. She knows this.