…And We All Have A Hell
PROLOGUE
World War Me
I'm on the verge of self destruction
Suffering because of my selfish voices
I'm on the verge of self destruction, suffering
Because I gave up on myselfand everyone
The truest of all facts about life is that it never has been and never will be easy. We are set upon the earth to face as many trials as whatever deity there is out there can throw at us.
Almost every newborn baby comes out from the womb red-faced and screaming. Doctors theorise that this is simply to test out their newly-developed lungs and respiratory system. Other people say they scream in protest of being forced out of the warmth and comfort of their mother's womb. Only a small group of people think outside the box enough to consider that they are screaming from fear, petrified of the harsh outside world they have been brought into.
The vast majority of people following this theory are pokémon trainers.
After all, youthful minds are a lot more sensitive to psychic visions and senses than older. Those who study the power of psychic people and pokémon believe that this is because a mind is still not closed off to such abilities. At birth, a child could be witnessing their future and frantically trying to block every trauma from ever resurfacing again. A baby's cries could just be their desperate attempt to lock that psychic part of the brain away. The theories are endless, but considering the fragility of such an infant mind, it is impossible to explore with a simple psychic probing.
The main point is that everybody goes through hardship. Trainers, however, know more than any the perils of the world. Every trainer – young or old, rookie or veteran, boy or girl – goes through multiple struggles in their career, some sooner than others. Most trainers give up after the first hardship, incapable of dealing with the guilt and pain the memories deal. Some go on for a few months, pushing their feelings to the back of their mind and pressing on regardless. The fact remains, however, that almost every trainer that you will ever encounter will retire or quit because of the same reason: it all just became too hard.
Trainers set out on their journeys for different reasons, but no matter the glory or the money or the fame, a trainer will always wear war wounds that dig miles deeper than the skin. The scars stay forever – abandonment, death, fear, destruction, heartbreak – the memories do not fade. These feelings are experienced by trainers daily through both the incidents themselves and the memories created from them. Blocking memories like these is impossible when you travel all day, every day with nothing but battles to distract yourself.
All trainers deal with these feelings differently. Some trainers go insane, see hallucinations and wander aimlessly in their own little world. Others trigger senselessness within themselves, blocking any and all emotions and waging war on the world. Many go rogue and vent their hatred, fear and sorrow onto every other being they see, even to the point of murder. And every trainer, without a doubt, cries.
Myself? I write. I don't do it to warn others of the world's dangers and I definitely would never do it to relive the memories myself. I do it to keep myself sane. Since I was a young child, I was always told to let everything out. I was told to share my every pain, physical or otherwise, and hope to any God that it would help ease it all. I'm still not sure if it's just a placebo effect, but writing helps me vent without whining to my pokémon or forcing another trainer to relive their nightmares.
A great woman once said, "Memories are not recycled like atoms and particles in quantum physics, they can be lost forever". While trauma sinks into your skin and becomes your entire being, the happiest times can slide off you as easily as butter. Even as writing allows me to vent negativity into the pages, it also lets me relive the happier times of my life as a trainer. More than anything, I cannot allow the light to be shrouded in darkness. I'm scared to think of how I would change my inner demons win over me. I already know that I've changed enough without it.
But without darkness, how can I defend my light? We all know the road to hell is paved with good intentions. And we all have a hell.
This is how I found mine.
Author's note.
General disclaimer goes here blah blah Pokémon is not mine.
This is going to be dark. Enjoy.