It Will Never Be Her
(One)
She pretends she doesn't care. She says that she's happy for him because it's easier. She smiles when he tells her that she's the one that he wants, because even if he didn't want that other girl, she knows that it would never be her anyway.
He leaves the day before graduation, something about following his dreams to California and she doesn't ask him to stay. She didn't have any right. The next time she sees him it's three years later, by chance at some crappy coffee house she decided to stop in at on a whim. They hug, like this whole situation isn't awkward as hell, and take a seat at one of the small tables near the back. She still loves him. It took her all of two seconds to realize it but it still doesn't matter. They're not even friends anymore.
He has everything he'd ever wanted, apparently he worked his way up from the mail room to become the vice president of some company that she'd never even heard of. It's embarrassing really, that he has this great life and she's bartending, barley making ends meat off of guys that come in just to stare at her tits. They exchange numbers quickly as he stands, apparently his lunch break was over 10 minutes ago and he leaves.
"You didn't call." The voice on the other end says when Rachel picks up the phone three weeks later. She'd just gotten off the worst shift ever and she was ready to fall into bed but of course, just like old times she couldn't resist picking up when his name flashed across her screen. She realizes that she tuned him out when she hears him yell her name through the speakers and he wonders where on earth he is. "Come have a drink with me." He says finally and she laughs, of course he wants to go have a drink.
"Where are you?" she asks, the phone is on speaker as she looks through her closet for something to wear.
"Nicks on third." Came his instant reply, and she pulled the black tank top over her head and slid on a pair of ripped jeans.
"I'll be there in 20." Traffic is heavier than she expected so it takes her about 45 minutes to get to the bar. She figures he's probably left by now but she notices him immediately upon walking in the door. She barley manages to get out a "sorry" before he's shoving a drink into her hands.
She assumes he came straight from work because he has a suit on, the top button is undone and she he's ditched the tie as well. "You look nice." She notes as she takes a drink, immediately making a face, clearly, his drink taste hadn't improved. He laughs as she sets the glass on the bar-top in front of her. "I forgot, we never really agreed on drink choices did we?"
"Only because yours suck." She replied, motioning to the bartender and ordering a new drink.
She holds her glass out when the bartender slides it over and they clink them together, she doesn't have to work tomorrow and apparently neither does he so they're not really worried about the hangover they're both gonna be suffering the next day.
She wakes up in his bed. They didn't have sex or anything but he asked if she wanted to sleep over and she was to drunk to realize she should have said no. It's not like they got totally trashed, she remembers getting to his apartment, and trying to make some nachos before they both made there way to the bedroom and passing out. She groans a bit when she feels a rough hand slide up her back where her shirt had ridden up just a bit and his quiet laugh fills the room.
"Still not a morning person I see." He teased as she wings her arm out to smack him in the chest.
"No. Leave me alone." He continues to run his hand up and down her back just to be a pain in her ass and she keeps pretending that it annoys her instead of setting off butterflies in her stomach. She falls asleep just like that, her head swimming with thoughts of what they could have been.
When she wakes up hours later her body is pressed against his chest and it's fucking freezing. His arms tighten around her as he sleeps when she tries to move and she figures he must be cold to, because that's the only way he would ever be holding her like he is. But then his eyes slowly flutter open and instead of letting her go like she assumed he would he pulls her even closer with a smile on his lips.
"I missed this." He admits, "You and me."
She nods in agreement and he raises his brow at her. "You okay?" he asks.
"Yeah." She replies, he could still see right through her it seemed. "I'm fine, this has been fun."
"You're not telling me something." He argued, both of them sitting up in the bed, "You know, just because I haven't seen you in years doesn't mean I don't remember that face."
"What face?" she asked.
"The one that you get right before you make an excuse to leave." He says simply, he's not wrong she supposes, she was just about to make an excuse to get out the door. "Just tell me. We're not in high school anymore, Rach. We should be able to talk."
"Did you miss me after you left?" she asked quietly, "Did you think about me at all?"
"Rach." He said, dragging the word out. "Of course I missed you, we were friends."
"Really, because it takes about 5 seconds to pick up a phone and you never did it. Not once."
"I didn't think you'd want me to." Came his reply, "You seemed so angry, I figured you'd be better off."
"I was only angry because-" she stopped herself, standing up from the bed, "Just forget it."
"Stop! Rachel, what is your problem? I don't know what to say to you right now. I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose you again."
"Why?" she asked, and he looked at her like she was crazy. "Jake, I can't be your friend, I don't want to be."
"What do you want me to do?" he asks, clearly annoyed, "If you didn't want to hang out then why are you even here. I called you, you didn't have to answer."
"That's what you don't get." She snapped, "I did have to answer, I always have to answer because I keep letting you pull me back in. I let you get into my head when it's obvious that we're not on the same page anymore, we never were!"
She picked up her purse from the floor and made her way out the door, slamming it behind her.