Clara had had a rough night. It wasn't the fact that she was in an unfamiliar bed in a somewhat unfamiliar time or the fact that she was not wearing her own pajamas. It was the fact that her Doctor was gone. He had changed and become a different man. Who was he? Even she didn't know.
She tossed and turned all night. Any sleep she had was filled with nightmares. Always of her Doctor dying; of old age, getting shot, being tortured to death. And without her. Always without her. She supposed she was never with him because he wasn't with her now.
She missed him so much. The soft touch of his lips against hers and the sweet caresses they shared after some of their adventures. The times the had pretended to be married. That thought used to make her happy, but now she was sad. She was sad like she never was before.
This was worse than when her mum died. Her dad was there for her when that happened, and now no one was there for her. Her Doctor was gone, and the strange man who had replaced him could barely remember who she was. He was old and crazed.
Clara judged his age. Usually she didn't mind old people. All the ones she had met were very sweet and they always made her think of her gran, but this man. This old, and insane man had replaced her young one. Taken him away from her. The one she loved.
It was difficult to hear the way Madame Vastra spoke to her. She was happy when she removed her veil, but the words she heard were not easy. True, she had been the Doctor's lover. It had never been spoken out loud before. The fact that it was a thing of the past hurt her deeply.
Clara didn't know who the Doctor was anymore. She wanted to go home and she wanted him to stay away. She was scared of him, and she felt strange… like she needed something, but she wasn't sure what.
Her fear didn't ignite her anger. She knew that usually she had a quiet intensity about her, but she just wanted to yell. To scream. Clara knew what probably caused these emotions, but she didn't want to think about it. To her, it would be too horrible. So horrible.
Despite the rough night, a part of her felt refreshed when she awoke. The day before had been long, if it could have even been called that. Watching her Doctor age before her eyes, going back and forth between him and Christmas dinner, seeing him regenerate, getting stuck in the throat of a dinosaur, having that tiring conversation with Madame Vastra, and watching the dinosaur die. Yes, the few hours she had gotten were a relief, even if she was trapped in her own head. She didn't have to deal with anyone but herself for those few hours. No judging, no danger, no crazed, old man. Just her and her sadness.
Strax was friendly enough to give her the newspaper the next morning, but having it fly through the window to hit her hard in the head was an unpleasant surprise.
Clara got up and sighed, knowing that he didn't know any better. She wasn't going to read it just yet. She wished to get dressed first. None of these clothes were her own, and she certainly hoped that Jenny was around her size.
She opened the wardrobe in the bedroom and was astounded with the multitude of beautiful dresses, blouses, and skirts. They all looked like they would be too tight around her waist. Oh god, she hoped she wouldn't have to wear a corset. Those things were dreadful. She had worn it once when the Doctor had taken her to Victorian Yorkshire. It constantly pinched and squeezed at her middle, and made it hard to breathe. The only upside to wearing it was that the Doctor got to help her out of it later.
She remembered that afternoon fondly. For that afternoon, she was the boss. If only things could go back to the way they had been. She wanted to go back along her time stream and never leave him. She would force him to leave Trenzalore, and she would've known better about his trick of sending her back home.
Damn it Clara! Move on! Move on! Just get dressed without thinking about him. Think about experiencing Victorian London, and just think about the gorgeous dress you are going to find that you can wear.
Clara kept her thoughts held back with great difficulty, and tried to be a total girl when picking out what to wear, and how to do her hair. She had to show Madame Vastra and Jenny that she was alright. She wasn't a stranger.
After choosing a green dress that she thought quite suited her, Clara got dressed with a bit of difficulty, but it would have been worse if a corset was involved. She then found some makeup to put on, and she styled her hair in her in the most intricate way she could think of without taking up too much time. She looked in the mirror that stood against one wall in the room. The face that looked back at her was beautiful, but the eyes were sad. So sad. She forced herself to smile, knowing that there was nothing wrong with wanting to look your best when you felt your worst.
Running into Strax in the kitchen was a bit of a surprise. Clara was happy to see him until he offered her soapy water that he was using to mop the floor as something to drink. It was a struggle trying to explain to him that it was not suitable for a human.
He forced her to sit down and he began examining her. Medically. For anything that could be wrong. When questioned about his motives, he answered that he wants his partners to be strong and he had the feeling that she would be staying with them for a while.
Clara was nervous. Not exactly because a strange alien who sometimes called her boy was examining her, but because she didn't want the examination to continue. She didn't want to find out if her suspicions were true, and she didn't want anyone to know.
If it was true and Madame Vastra and Jenny found out, she would always be ashamed in their presence, even though Madame Vastra had easily guessed at her intimate relationship with the Doctor.
"You will produce large amounts of lactic fluid in your near future." Strax told her after looking at a certain part of her that she liked to keep private.
Oh know. Does that mean? No, it can't.
"Strax, please stop."
"Clara, I am only trying to make sure that you are healthy."
"I am. I am perfectly healthy."
"Good, then you may put your clothes back on."
He had been looking through her clothes?
Shame about what he probably knew and what he had seen made her cheeks redden.
"Um… they are on."
Strax put down the medical device he had been using and jumped.
"Oh, yes. It appears they are."
Clara quickly stood up and left the kitchen after a hastened goodbye to Strax. She ran to an empty room and collapsed against the door once it closed. She shut her eyes and leaned her head back, taking deep breaths to try and calm herself. Her stomach was churning and her lungs wanted to hastily and greedily take in air.
Clara knew that this would be no time to have a panic attack, but she couldn't help it. Strax had confirmed her suspicions, and he would have confirmed them even more if she had let him continue, but there was no ignoring it now. Clara was pregnant with the previous Doctor's baby.