TEKKEN SYMPHONIC BAND
Preface
After the conclusion of the King of Iron Fist Tournament 6, the Tekken committee, composed of fighters from previous tournaments decided it would be a good idea to form a symphony band. Wang, the main supporter of this plan also decided it would be best to give everyone random instruments. There was heated debate over this, but after a few KOs, the problem was solved.
Here is the roster:
Piccolo
Wang Jinrei
Sergei Dragunov
Flute
Jun Kazama
Panda
Unknown
Angel
Oboe
Armor King
Baek Doo San
Tiger Jackson
Angel
Clarinet
Kunimitsu
Marshall Law
Leo Kleisen
Craig Marduk
Ling Xiaoyu
Lili Rochefort
Bass Clarinet
Eddy Gordo
Zafina
Bassoon
Nina Williams
Lei Wulong
Michelle Chang
Feng Wei
Alto Saxophone
Lee Chaolan
Dr. Boskonovitch
Christie Monteiro
Bob
Miguel Rojo
King II
Tenor Saxophone
Miharu Hirano
Bryan Fury
Bari Sax
Bruce Irvin
Raven
Trumpet
Kazuya Mishima
Steve Fox
Anna Williams
Lars Alexandersson
Asuka Kazma
Paul Phoenix
French Horn
Julia Chang
Yoshimitsu
Ogre
Roger Jr.
Trombone
Roger
Alisa Boskonivitch
Jinpachi Mishima
Alex
Euphonium
Jin Kazama
Hwoarang
P. Jack
Forest Law
Tuba
Heihachi Mishima
Jack 6
Ganryu
Kuma II
Percussion
Azazel
Jack
Gon
Combot
Gunjack
Jack 5
Mokujin
Tetsujin
Jack 2
CHAPTER 1
TUNING & SLIDES
Today was the first day of band practice for the Tekken fighters. It was supposed to start promptly at 1:00 but for some reason majority of them were late, including the director/tuba player Heihachi Mishima.
"These pee brained idiots can't do any thing right." Heihachi grumbled.
"Give them some time old man. They'll get here." Nina assured, which was slightly out of her character.
So far only Heihachi, Nina, Kunimitsu, Yoshimitsu, Kazuya, Jin, Jun, and Wang were there.
"Even though there are only eight of us here currently, we can start getting our instruments out." Heihachi suggested.
They walked over to the instrument storage room. It looked magnificent, with tall ceilings and rows upon rows of instruments. It was like something out of a catalog.
Kunimitsu, Nina, Jun, and Wang headed toward the woodwind section. Their section was sub-divided by instrument, and sub-sub-divided by brand.
"He said our name would be on a card that is attached to the case, right?" Kunimitsu asked.
"This is true young one." Wang said in a calm, but wavering tone that was characteristic of old people.
"I'm like 50 years old man." Kunimitsu said offended.
"Yes, very young…" Wang paused. "…Especially if you compare your age to mine."
"That's true; you are 50 or so years older than me."
"How are you still alive, and in fighting condition?" Nina cut in.
"Be nice Nina." Jun intervened.
"Oh be quiet Virgin Mary." Nina retorted. "Now where was I, oh yeah; you're over a hundred years old and still fighting. I was wondering why you were fighting back in the first tournament. Why don't you retire and watch Lawrence Welk reruns on TV?"
"Was that really necessary Nina?" Jun asked in her usual soft manner.
"It's okay my dear." Wang assured. "I do enjoy Lawrence Welk, especially that one song. What was it…? (He hums the tune)… Calcutta, that's what the song is."
"I actually like that song too." Nina admitted, as if it were a problem.
"Me too." Jun and Kuni agreed.
"Oh yeah, and that Cissy King and her panties, yes indeed." Wang was now glassy eyed and red.
"Okay…" Everyone else said.
Nina grabbed a rather expensive Selmer bassoon from the back of the cage. It was beautiful, made of mahogany and pure silver. Her reaction to the instrument was very indifferent, like she is to just about everything.
"I haven't picked up one of these since high school." She said to herself and went back out to the band room.
Kunimitsu wasn't too far behind her. She had an ebony Selmer clarinet in her hands. For some reason she held it like she held her dagger, which probably isn't the best thing for the instrument.
Wang was a little confused while he was looking for his instrument. He actually circled the whole storage room twice before coming close to his instrument.
"Okay, let me think about this again." He aimlessly rambled for a few minutes. "It should be in woodwinds under the section really freaking old."
He hadn't realized that he was standing in front of the sign, marked in big red letters (all caps), that read REALLY FREAKING OLD.
Heihachi happened to walk passed him and asked if he needed help which is also uncharacteristic of Heihachi.
"Yes, I'm looking for the really freaking old section." Wang stated.
Heihachi couldn't help but laugh.
"What's so funny?" He Wang asked frustrated.
"It's right in front of you."
Wang whirled around faster than a tornado then turned red with embarrassment.
"Thank you Heihachi." Wang said sheepishly.
"No problem." Heihachi walked away.
Wang grabbed his antique, bamboo piccolo and trudged to his spot.
Jun had a delicate sterling silver flute, which she had since she was a little girl.
On the brass side of the room, Heihachi scrambled through countless Tubas to find his custom 100% brass tuba. He fingered the tubing ever so delicately whispering "My precious" over and over again. Jin, a little creeped out by that, went on to get his professional grade Euphonium. Kazuya angrily got his trumpet, which Heihachi made him play as a kid. And Yoshimitsu found his French Horn, which wasn't his first choice. The four of them also entered the band room after they got their instruments.
After an hour or so of waiting, the rest of the band showed up. The last person to come in was Ganryu. He clumsily tripped over someone's instrument case, smashed a saxophone after falling, and dropped his tuba. Fortunately another one materialized out of no where.
"Alright band." Heihachi started. "Good afternoon. I know we are starting practice late thanks to those lazy, good for nothing, idiotic, inconsiderate,-"
"Come on father, we don't have all day to hear your ramblings."
"-people who were late." Heihachi continued. "Christie is passing out your fist piece of music. While she is doing that, how many of you have played an instrument before."
Everyone raised their hands.
"That doesn't involve pots, pans, pencils, or other household items." Heihachi added cleverly.
Three quarters of the band's hands went down.
"Oh god, we are going to sound horrible." Heihachi buried his head in his chest.
"Don't be so dramatic ma'am." Hwoarang yelled from the back.
Heihachi ignored the comment.
"Have you ever played an instrument before, Heihachi?" Yoshimitu asked.
"Yes."
"What was it?"
"The accordion."
"You're such a nerd." Xiaoyu cackled.
"Shut your mouth powder puff."
"Screw you." Xiaoyu said in a gruff voice.
"Any way." Heihachi went on. "Kunimitsu, play a tuning note."
Kunimitsu drew her clarinet to her mouth, and with a great heave she blew into the instrument.
"Ahhh!" Everyone screamed.
A note, so disoriented that it was unidentifiable escaped the horn. It was high and shrill.
"What the hell Kuni?" Bruce yelled.
"It sounds like Anna's sex screams." Nina and Lee said in unison.
Everyone stared at Nina and Lee.
"How do you guys know how that sounds?" Kazuya asked.
"Well I've been living with her for like all of my life." Nina explained.
Now everyone glanced at Lee.
"I've been fucking her for like 20 years now."
"I thought you were gay." Law said.
"Not exactly, though I did mess around with Hwoarang and a few other guys who will remain nameless, I also like women. In fact, I've been trying to get in bed with Nina for more than 20 years."
"Which will never happen." Nina added.
Hwoarang was on fire now. How could he just tell everyone that. He thought.
"Ooo-kay. Now that we know that my son likes it in the ass, can we continue?" Heihachi said exasperated.
"Hold on." Xiaoyu interrupted.
"What?" Heihachi said rudely.
"I got to go to the bathroom."
"Aren't you a little old for this."
"I really got to go potty bad." Xiaoyu whined, holding her self and doing the ever popular pee pee dance.
"Why didn't you go before practice started?"
"I didn't have to go then."
"This reminds me of that time Kazuya, Lee and I went to the amusement park and Kazuya had to go to the bathroom really badly. I ignored him because I thought he was lying, but he was really telling the truth and peed on himself. Lee voluntarily went with him to the pool showers so he could rinse off."
"When was this?" Jun asked.
"About two weeks ago." Heihachi chuckled.
Everyone in the room erupted in laughter. There was so much laughter that Ganryu shook like Jell-O.
"I hate you Heihachi." Kazuya said darkly.
Lee smiled at Kazuya suggestively.
"Hey Jun." Lee started. "Did you know Kazuya has a mole on his left butt cheek and on his right ball."
After a while of thinking Jun said; "I knew about the one on his cute little butt cheek, but not on his testicle. And to think I didn't notice after all of the time I spent down there."
Kazuya sank in his chair. He was on the verge of turning into the devil and killing everyone, except for his beloved Jun.
"That's gross. I think I'm going to throw up." Jin winced.
"Can I go to the bathroom now?" Xiaoyu asked, now in a desperate plee.
"Yeah, hurry up. I don't need you soiling my floors." Heihachi yelled.
Xiaoyu made a mad dash to the bathroom.
"I hope she doesn't pee herself trying to find the bathroom." Wang sighed. "She always had a problem with that, since she was a little girl."
"While Miss Ling is um…relieving her self, we will try tuning again." Heihachi announced. "Jin play concert B flat."
"What's that?" Jin asked confused. "How can a note be flat? What is the B that you speak of?"
"Shut up and play the god damned horn!" Heihachi exploded.
"Okay, okay." Jin said, a look of annoyance on his face.
Jin blew fast into the luxurious Euphonium, producing a warm, bassy low B flat.
"Good Jin. I thought you were going to screw up."
"I'm glad you think so much of me." Jin said sarcastically.
"Just continue playing B flat wretch."
"That's not nice." Jun stated.
"Who asked you?" Heihachi replied rudely. "Tune with Jin."
Jun's b flat matched Jin's perfectly.
"Now everyone else."
A jumble of notes swept across the room. The sound was so horrible, it would pierce your eardrums.
Xiaoyu walked back into the room and immediately joined in. Surprisingly she played the right note and was in tune.
"To think that prissy air headed girl would be the one to do it right." Heihachi said.
"Who cares." Nina snapped. "I'm in tune too."
"So." Heihachi replied. "Evryone stop."
They still played the horrible death chord.
Heihachi whistled.
Death chord continues.
"Cease!" Heihachi screamed at the top of his lungs.
Everyone stopped.
"Okay, I see I have to teach you numbskulls how to play your tuning note."
"Watch it father time." Bruce said.
"I'll ignore that." Heihachi said bitterly. "Let's start with the instruments in b flat."
Heihachi walked over to the board and drew a chart displaying what everyone's concert b flat was.
"Now let's try this again." Heihachi said nervously.
They all played b flat. This time it was very beautiful sounding, except for a few people.
"You're fat… I mean flat Ganryu." Nina said.
"No, you were right the first time. I'm fat." Ganryu said.
"No, your instrument." Nina tried to explain.
"My instrument isn't flat, it is 3D like everyone elses." Ganryu said stupidly.
"I'm going to kill you." Nina gave up.
"Push in." Michelle said.
"I thought you would never ask." Ganryu said excitedly. He ran behind Michelle and thrust himself against her.
Michelle turned around and hit him with the blunt end of her hatchet. "I meant your instrument pervert."
"I can't push my wee wee in my instrument. That would be gross."
"Nothing out of the ordinary." Anna quipped.
"She means your tuning slide." Bryan added.
"Whats that?"
The whole band spent three and a half hours trying to explain the concept of a tuning slide and what to do if you are sharp or flat. By the end of the three hours, he only understood what the slide was.
"We will have to continue with teaching you about your slide next time." Heihachi concluded. "That is it for this practice. You can all take your sorry asses back home. I'm through with you for to day. See you tomorrow."
End of Chapter 1. I hope you enjoyed it. Just to let you know, I made P. Jack play the euphonium by using computer generated sounds coming from a machine shaped like a euphonium. We'll see how things pan out in later chapters with the Tekken Symphonic Band.
P.S. Please review.