Sea Salt Tears

Suggested Theme:

Main Theme- Always on My Mind by Yoko Shimomura

General Armitage Hux is supposed to be eating his lunch right now. He's supposed to be eating his pea salad that his Lieutenant has so kindly brought him. He's supposed to be in his office eating for the first time today; he didn't get a chance to have breakfast this morning because of Kylo Ren's latest tantrum.

But right now, he is hiding behind a corner and watching as Matt the Radar Technician diligently cleans up Kylo Ren's latest mess. For the twelfth time this month.

Matt is always the one cleaning up Kylo Ren's messes, even if he's knee-deep in a puddle of blood while fixing some wires! Actually, where did the blood come from? There were no Stormtroopers bodies around, so it may have come from Kylo Ren himself. But why was he bleeding? He doesn't matter; Matt is all that matters! Armitage flushes at the thought of his crush. He has had a crush on Matt for almost nine standard months now, and he has never said one word to him.

In fact, he has never seen Matt talk. Yes, he has watched Matt's mouth move before, but no sound would come out from those beautifully big lips. He has looked over Matt's file extensively and nowhere does it say that Matt is a mute. He's even go so far to look back on the security feed and has seen Matt throw a Stormtrooper, JB-007, a particularly colorful curse when the 'Trooper accidently kicked his wrench across the hall.

Matt flared out his big nostrils and had to clench his big hands, looking like he wants to punch out the 'Trooper for interrupting his work. But he didn't, and simply walked over, grabbed his wrench, and returned to working. Hux likes to believe that Matt gets lost in his work and hates interruptions; he knows this feeling because he's like that whenever he's playing his electric guitar or acoustic guitar and someone (usually a comm from Mitaka about Kylo Ren) interrupts him.

And like always, Hux wants to talk to Matt. But he doesn't want to interrupt Matt's peace. He doesn't want to see those nearly-black angry eyes turned onto him. And I'm the General, so if he saw me he'd probably think he was in trouble. And he's probably scared of me like the rest of the technicians. I should've became a Botanical Technician, but, no, I didn't want to waste my Academy years! If I became a technician, I might've, by astronomical luck, met Matt and we could've become friends and I could've been his roommate. And we could've been married and had a son by now…

Hux nearly jumps back from his hiding spot when he sees a bunch of half-melted wires beginning to spark up at Matt. However, Matt just sighs and returns to mending the wires, not at all surprised by their electric bite. Matt looks more down than usual. I mean usually his face is such a blank slate like he's playing Dejarik. Oh, he probably got the announcement that he and the technicians weren't getting bonuses this year! Damnit, Ren, this is all your fault! You literally slashed through our slush funds, my salary, and now Matt's bonus!

Hux face becomes scarlet with rage knowing that Matt was probably looking for a reward for all of his hard work. But thanks to Darth Tantrum, he gets no reward and has to clean up one of Ren's messes again! I can't give him the credits that he probably wants, but I…..I can give him praise? I mean that's better than nothing, right? Plus, he might be less wary of me. And might want to talk to me.

And Hux begins to move stiffly. Towards Matt. Towards his crush. Who is still fiddling with the wires. Who is still working like the good technician that he is. Who finally notices him and turns to look up at him. Woah, his eyes are brown like earth; I could plant seeds in them…don't say that aloud!

In fact, Hux says nothing; he just stares at Matt, memorizing intimate details that the security feeds just can't capture properly. Like his eyebrows are black, so either Matt dyed his eyebrows or, most likely, dyed his hair blonde. And his hair couldn't hide his big ears from where Hux can see. He can see large beauty marks dotting Matt's face; there's one by his right nostril, another higher up on the left side of his big nose, one above his left eyebrow, and a memorizing dot right by his Adam's apple. And Hux finally realizes that he has spent an inordinate amount of time staring silently and intensely at a technician who probably now believes he's about to be yelled at.

"Matt, you have been performing quite excellently these past nine months…." Hux begins to babble off the top of his head, but he finally gives the praise that Matt so rightfully deserves. To be honest, Hux will be unable to recall this praise because his mind is more focused on memorizing Matt's eyes than his own words. The way they just kept getting brighter and brighter, like an ember being culled into a roaring blaze, makes Hux's heart nearly leap into his brain.

Eventually, he stops talking and then silence ensues. Matt looks at him without reservation like he's looking into his soul; Hux has to bite the inside of his cheek to prevent himself from blushing. Oh, Force, I overwhelmed into silence! But I got to give him praise…and his eyes. At the centre of it all!

"Happy Life Day." It takes nearly a minute before Hux's brain can register Matt's first words to him. And in that time, Matt slowly returns to his work, while Hux is staring out into space. When the words finally register, Hux makes a decisive decision. He turns around and heads back to his quarters.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS LIFE DAY!?" Hux screams once he's locked the door to his quarters. He buries his gloved hands into his short, red hair and slightly pulls at it to calm himself down. Think rationally here! Life Day is probably some holiday? That celebrates…something? Maybe it's important to Matt's family…who are probably dead because there is no "next-of-kin" listed in his file. Oh no. Matt's sad that he doesn't get to celebrate this holiday with his family. And he has to work today! No wonder he's sad…

"Okay, uh, most holidays have gifts. So I can get him a present! It's not going to make up for his no-bonus, or working today, or possibly his dead family, but I can probably brighten up this day for him! So what do I give him?" Hux momentarily thinks about giving himself to Matt, but then remembers two essential things. 1. He's a virgin who has only been kissed once, and no one wants inexperience or touch his deformed body. 2. He's not sure about Matt's sexual orientation or if he even likes sex. So Hux marks himself out as Matt's present.

He goes into his closet and sees if there is anything in there that he can part with and can be of use to Matt. He looks at his electric and acoustic guitars, but they mean too much to him and he's not certain if Matt even knows how to play an instrument. He looks at clothes, but they are far too small for Matt. He looks at his tea set, but he's not sure if Matt even likes tea. His eyes then land on a forgotten corner of his small closet. In that corner is a jar of Nabooian sea salt.

He remembers buying it from Cade, his tea smuggler, because it reminded him of his Father. His Father loved to make Sea Salt ice cream for him whenever he was too weak to get out of bed. He can still recall the gentle hair petting his Father would give him with his pale, spidery fingers.

"Sea Salt ice cream is a desert from Naboo. A beautiful world that is blessed with water just like Arkanis. Take a bite, and you can almost feel the Nabooian ocean spray!" His Father always wanted to go to Naboo, not because his father came from there, but because he loved water so much. Armitage hated water because of the near-constant rains on Arkanis, but he would've loved to visit Naboo with his Father someday. But that was when he was a child; the adult knows that will never come to pass.

"The best gifts are the sentimental ones…and it's not like I'm going to use the sea salt for anything but memories. Besides, the food is really bland here, and I bet Matt can use the salt to add some flavor to his food!" Hux grabs the jar of salt and heads out of his quarters. He knows that Matt likes to work slowly; on average, it takes Matt about three hours to fix everything that Kylo has broken. He almost grins goofily as he sees Matt still kneeling and trying to fix another cluster of frayed wires.

"Matt!" Hux calls sharply, making Matt turn his head to him. Matt's earth-brown eyes look at him and then drift to the jar of Nabooian sea salt.

"Happy Life Day, Matt!" Hux announces cheerfully and holds out the jar for Matt to grab. Matt looks from the jar to his face, then to the jar and back at his face. He thinks this is a trap! But it's not Matt; I swear!

"Thank you, sir." Matt mumbles as he takes his gift from Hux's gloved hands. He puts the jar a little ways from him, so it doesn't end up in the blood puddle that he's kneeling in. He then looks up at Hux, clearly waiting for something.

"Well…see you later, Dragon Slayer!" Matt cringes at Hux's awkward delivery. You pfassking idiot! You just couldn't leave without saying something stupid! SILENCE IS GOLDEN, YOU DUMBASS! Hux practically screams at himself and decides it would be best to leave and just return to his shift.

He really, really hopes that Matt doesn't think he's a pfassking weirdo now.

General Armitage Hux is a pfassking weirdo. Kylo thinks as he watches Hux stiffly walk away from him. And nearly an hour ago, Kylo used to think that Hux was a kriffing creep. For nine months, Kylo as Matt the Radar Technician had to endure Hux just staring at him from behind corners, doors, and even Stormtroopers! Seven Sith Hells, Hux would even stare at him in the security feeds! It made his skin crawl and blood boil when Hux would silently stare at him and doing nothing else.

At first, Kylo thought it was because Hux was curious to see if a mere technician would be able to clean up one of Kylo Ren's tantrums. But as the months passed by, Kylo began to believe that Hux was trying to drive him mad. Why else would someone spend a majority of their lunch shifts just staring at him? Kylo knows that his Matt the Radar Technician disguise wasn't attractive or interesting in the slightest; Matt was supposed to be ignored and invisible, like Ben Solo, but Hux liked to waste hours looking at him.

And today, on Life Day, Kylo was hoping that Hux would leave him alone today. He just wanted to fix his mess in peace without feeling Hux's burning, intense gaze for once. He just wanted to forget about today, the holiday that he used to spend with Chewbacca on Kashyyyk as his parents would fight over some banal shit in the Millennium Falcon, and focus on his work.

But he felt chills go down his spine, while he was trying to mend some frayed wires together. He had to resist the urge to run over to Hux's hiding spot and strike him down with his pocketed lightsaber. However, he decided to just ignore Hux and return to his repair job. He became so absorbed into his work that he barely heard Hux's footsteps until it was too late. He then looked up at Hux who just stared at him for exactly three minutes before say something.

"Matt, you have been performing quite excellently these past nine months…." Kylo thought Hux was going to reprimand him for working so slow or to finally tell him why he's been staring at him so much. Instead, Kylo gets five minutes of praise from Hux. Five minutes of praise. Something that he thought would never happen to him. Especially from someone as coldhearted as Hux. And it was magical hearing Hux praise him; for once, the General's voice didn't grate on his ears. And the Generals eyes changed; they flickered from ice-water blue to warm-sea green.

Eventually, Hux stopped and they just stared at each other in uncomfortable silence. So should I thank him? Or wait for him to dismiss me? Man, this silence is awkward. Like more awkward than me! I need to say something…

And the first words out of his mouth was, "Happy Life Day." And he nearly smacked himself for saying that, especially when Hux gave him that blank look. Idiot, of course he's probably never heard of Life Day. The First Order practically outlawed holidays, so of course the First Order Golden Child would have no clue what Life Day is! And Hux said nothing and left, which left him feeling oddly….sad.

He returned to his work, believing that would be the last time he would interact with Hux. But then, Hux returned with a jar of…..salt in his gloved hands. Hux was beaming at him with a smile that Kylo didn't think he was capable of.

"Happy Life Day, Matt!" Kylo could not help but stare between Hux and the jar in disbelief. But he accepted it and thanked him. He got me a present…that was nice of him. Hmm, and it's not a bad one either. I've seen the technicians fighting for spices for their ash-tasting gruel, so this actually a very nice gift. For a technician. Huh, he just couldn't give him credits? No, no that would look like he's paying me off for…services.

"Well…see you later, Dragon Slayer!" And Kylo had to cringe on Hux's awkward delivery to prevent himself from laughing; he had a feeling that Hux wouldn't appreciate being laughed at. And then Hux walked away. Like the pfassking weirdo that he is.

Kylo resumes working. It only takes him two hours this time to clean up his mess, and he heads back to his quarters with Hux's gift. He goes into his kitchen and finally decides to open the jar of salt; he tastes it and arches his thick eyebrows. Wow, he gave me a jar of Nabooian sea salt. I mean he could've just gotten me the cheap salt from the packets, but he gave me gourmet-level salt! Hmm, what should I make with this? Salted pheasant? Salt cod salad? Wookie fried chicken? No, I should do something for Hux. Something sweet…I know! I'll make him Sea Salt ice cream. It's a Nabooian dessert and it should give General Skinny Hips some calories!

And Kylo goes to make Hux his present.

It's nearly 2100 when Hux finally decides to retire for the day, and it's not because Mitaka pestered him to do so and he felt guilty for not eating the lunch that Mitaka brought him earlier. But he did eat the overcooked cod that Mitaka brought him for dinner. He's heading back to his quarters for the hot water shower that he's been dying for; he turns a corner and careens with something that feels like a durasteel wall. He digs his boots into the metal grate floor so he doesn't fall.

"Oh….I'm sorry." Hux's feels his face flush when he realizes Matt was the durasteel wall. And he's apologizing. Woah, he's made of muscles and not an ounce of fat on his bones! And he has some fancy black metallic container in his hand. Is it some kind of thermos? Wait, his hands are shaking like they're cold. So he has a cold thermos? What's in it? Blue milk?

"No need to apologize, Matt. I'm perfectly fine." Your cheeks would beg to differ! Hux hears his mind chide. Matt just blinks at him and opens his mouth, but then closes it again like he wants to say something but decides not to. He then holds out his cold container.

"Thank you for the Nabooian sea salt, sir. Since you were so kind to give me such a generous gift, I made you a gift in return. I….I hope you'll accept it." Hux feels the blush in his cheeks spread across his face. Awwwwwwwwwwwwww! Matt made me a present! And he's acting so shy like he's afraid I'll reject him. I would never do that to Matt; I'd let him do whatever he wants to me, but I doubt he wants me…

"Of course I'll accept it, Matt!" Hux hears his voice go up an octave and prays that Matt didn't notice. He takes Matt's gift from Matt's outstretched hands; Hux regrets wearing gloves because he can't feel Matt's hands. I bet they're rough from working on…wires and radars and other things. I bet the tips of his fingers have goose pimply burns! Okay, stop staring at his hands, you pfassking weirdo!

"Well….I better be on my way." Matt gives him a thumbs-up before leaving like it's his special way of saying goodbye. Hux watches as Matt enters one of the turbolifts, not looking at Matt's poorly concealed big muscular ass. Hux finally goes into his quarters. He puts Matt's gift on his desk and heads for his tiny bathroom for that much longed for shower.

After his shower, he goes to his closet and puts on his leisure clothes. This time he's feeling…fanciful. It's not every day that he gets a present. Especially from his secret crush…..which is why decides to put on his fanciest clothes. A suit from Naboo because it's comfortable and it's literally the only fancy clothes he owns, aside from his uniforms. He puts on the greying, homespun blouse; there are tiny, moth-eaten holes throughout the worn sleeves. He then puts on the zig-zag-designed, black and white vest with the russet ascot. He laces up the black pants and then ties the aquamarine sash around his thin waist. He's certain that these clothes once belonged to a strapping, mountain boy because the outfit slightly hangs off his spindly body.

"Okay, now that I'm sufficiently fancy, time to open Matt's gift!" He goes over to his desk and grabs the cold container. He reflexively tries twisting it like a soda bottle, but it doesn't budge. He then tries to find a button or a concave spot that will open this thing up; he finds a button, the exact shade of the container, at the top and hits it. The top pops up and sees a Popsicle stick. Okay, I guess he made me a Popsicle? Well, I could use the calories. Hux smiles and then pulls out the Popsicle.

"It's….blue like Sea Salt ice cream, but I bet he just used some food coloring. There's no way he knows how to make Sea Salt ice cream!" Hux tries to halfheartedly convince himself. He puts the tip of the ice cream bar to his lips and bites. It tastes sweet at first, but then it becomes salty. He takes another bite, sweet and then salty. And another bite, sweet and—

"It's salty…." Hux croaks and breaks into tears.

Kylo is trying on his dress that he just finished sewing. It has taken him nearly a standard month to complete because it's very time consuming to sew little pink rose buds and sequins to tulle fabric. He adjusts pastel ribbons on his yellow sleeves and then goes to take a look of himself in the mirror.

He sees his grandmother's golden, flowery dress constricting tightly against his body like a corset. He loves how the gold makes his pale skin look almost luminescent white; he's a moon wearing a son, with little black dot craters to match. He's glad that his hair is the color of flax because his black hair would clash with the golden color of his dress. Oh, how he wishes that he inherited his grandmother's hair! And her smaller features, especially her small nose.

"Hmm, this looks better without the white flats, but I don't like having my feet…naked. Maybe I should get some foot rings and little golden chains; I'm pretty certain that Nihl Ren has some I can borrow. I wish my hair was longer so I could make grandmother's hairnet, but I could make her headband. But the green would clash with my skin—" Kylo doubles over when he feels an intense sadness in the Force.

Ooooooooooh, it's like…me. No, it's like Ben Solo. Abandoned by his father, ignored by his mother, and unwanted by his uncle. But it's so concentrated! Like someone bottled up decades of sadness! Where is it coming from? No…it can't be. It's coming from Hux's quarters! But Hux has never felt…this strongly before! It's like his shields are…down. SOMETHINGHAPPENED! And Kylo uses the Force to run out of his room and to Hux.

Hux is in the fetal position on his cold, cold floor with the Sea Salt ice cream stick in his gloveless, mismatched hands. Tears are streaming down his face and his breaths are just choked sobs. All he can think about is his Father and how he'll never see him again. And it's because of him. It's all because of him.

They left me. Father and the Commandant. They left me. And I don't know why. Wasn't I good? I didn't yell or break things. I ate everything on my plate. I showered every day. I was just…weak and sick, and thin like paper. But I got stronger and the Commandant said I was stronger than him, so why did he leave me!? Wasn't I good enough? WASN'T I WORTHY OF THEIR LOVE!? Hux coughs into sleeves and sees the telltale signs of his medical condition: blood.

Perhaps, I'm just not worthy of them. I'm just not worthy of their love. I'm just not worthy of anyone. Especially Matt…Matt would never want someone like me. I don't even want me. I'm just a pfassking weirdo who stalks some poor technician trying to do his work. And I'm crying on the floor with a stick in my hand, how pathetic can I get? No wonder they left me. His eyes and head hurt so much. But not as much as his heart and soul. And his pride.

"Shh, it's okay. I'm here." Hux feels his head being lifted up and cradled onto a firm, muscular lap. He sees a blur of yellow in his teary eyes. He coughs and sees red droplets staining the pretty, glittering fabric.

"M-M-Matt?" Hux mumbles into the lap. He feels a large hand smooth back his wild hair.

"Yes. It's me, Hux." Matt says softly like he doesn't want to upset Hux further.

"Armitage….please, call me Armitage." It's always the General or Hux, no one ever says my ridiculous first name here. Hux muffles another sob into Matt's lap.

"Okay, Armitage, just breathe. That's good, keep breathing." Armitage obeys him and breathes. And keeps breathing. His tears begin to subside and he doesn't feel like coughing his veins out. Matt just keeps stroking his hair back like he's trying to calm a crying gualama.

"Matt….I'm sorry." Armitage manages to say without cracking.

"For what?" Armitage looks up and sees Matt. He has such a calm and benevolent expression on his unsymmetrical face. He's an Angel. Armitage marvels at him. Matt's face is freed of his big glasses and his hair falls across his eyes like a halo's light.

"I made a mess of your dress." Armitage looks away, ashamed for staining Matt's nice dress with his blood. Matt smiles mercifully.

"And I made a mess of your mind." Matt pushes Armitage up, and Armitage passively lets him. Even when we're sitting, he's taller than me. By maybe two centimeters or so. He could be part Angel.

"My mind has always been a mess." Armitage tries to laugh but it comes out like a dying whimper.

"Here, let me help you." Matt leans in, and Hux believes he's about to be kissed. OH MY FORCE, I'M GOING TO GET KISSED BY MATT! But, I don't know how to kiss properly! Oh, and what if my mouth tastes too salty from all the ice cream I ate. Oh no, I'm going to taste terrible—

Matt's thick arms wrap around his gangly body. Matt is hugging Armitage.

"Uhhhhhhhhh." Armitage manages unintelligently; his cheeks are burning with embarrassment. This isn't what I quite had in mind, but it's nice. And less complicated. And he's warm and smells like starblossoms. Armitage closes his eyes and hugs Matt back. He feels like a sapling hugging a mighty oak.

"I love hugging you. May I keep hugging you?" Armitage's face turns a delightful shade of pink at Matt's polite request.

"Of course." Armitage would let Matt do anything he wants to him. Even let his secret crush hug him all night.

And Matt did.

Author's Comments- Here are the links:

This is how Matt views Hux up until Hux decides to give him praise. He views Hux like Palm Siberia (the woman who looks like she could be from the Ring) where Hux creeps him the fuck out: a href=" watch?v=rdkgqgGqypQ"Link/a

This is the sea salt ice cream that Matt gives to Hux after receiving a jar of sea salt from Hux as a Life Day present: a href=" . "Link/a

This is the outfit that Matt/Kylo finds Hux in. And, yes, it's the same one that Anakin Skywalker wore when he and Padmé were posing as refugees, except there's some holes in the sleeves and it looks washed out: a href=" . "Link/a

This is the dress that Matt/Kylo wears when he goes to Hux's private quarters. One of my headcanons is that Kylo is a gourmet chef and a fashionista. He loves sewing his grandmother's costumes and of course loves wearing them in the privacy of his own rooms: a href=" . /-8GDlmnbVthE/T-YSk75yaDI/AAAAAAAADV4/SBJDATlNOTY/s1600/Padme+ "Link/a

YES, I got this done in like two days just in time for Christmas! WOO! IT FEELS GOOD TO MEET A DEADLINE! Anyways, this might have turned out more saccharine than I had planned, but I felt like being sweet and a bit corny. Also, I wanted to dress up Kylo in pretty, pretty dresses, and have Hux eat. Like seriously. He needs to eat more, it's one of the contributing factors to him coughing up blood in my stories.

Oh, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!