"How do you burn cereal?" He'd taken off his lab coat and was using it to fan the fire detector to try to get it to stop blaring.
"It's not exactly easy to make hot cereal, Drakken! We can't all be culinary geniuses like you." Shego snarled, dropping the scalding hot pot in the sink and flipping on the faucet. Drakken was staring at her with an unfiltered look of disbelief. "You mean oatmeal?" He asked, incredulously.
"No. HOT. CEREAL. It made sense in my head alright?!" She stormed around him without a glance and out of the room. It was followed by a door slam. He turned off the faucet, massaging the bridge of his nose. Shego had a bit of a hair trigger lately, and he wasn't really sure what he'd been doing wrong.
Later he knocked on the door of their room, before coming in.
"Shego?" He said softly. She didn't respond, continuing to file her nails. He sighed. "Look, I didn't mean to make you upset earlier. I brought brunch in bed, if you want some?" he offered, lifting the tray slightly. She threw him a disgusted glare. "Don't patronize me." She hissed, hand glowing green and zapping the Belgian waffles he made her.
"Gah! Shego!"
"Are you here to rub it in my face, or what?"
"Hmph. Maybe a little." He muttered cheekily, knowing it would piss her off. He dodged another blast of green, accidentally dropping the tray with a crash. He winced at the mess. The food he made her was ruined. "Serves you right." She spat unapologetically, turning her nose up at him. His jaw dropped, before clenching in anger.
"You know what? You're-! You-!"
"What? What am I?!" She dared him, eyes narrowing dangerously.
"Nothing but an evil bitch! I was INSANE to think marrying you was a good idea, all you do is torment me!" He erupted, his vines swaying behind him like a snake. Shego ripped her blanket back, and threw a rolled up magazine at his face.
"OW!"
"Who do you think you're talking to you little shit! You knew I was an evil bitch when you married me, and you loved it! You like being tormented! You think I don't know you get off on it? I bet you used to jack off to all your little high-school bullies. It's your fetish! You masochist!"
With a scandalized gasp, Drakken reeled back at her barrage of slanderous insults, horrified.
"Those are LIES! And I did no such thing! The single life is starting to look a lot more appealing!" he seethed. Shego scoffed.
"Oh yeah, and? Guess what Drakken. Your dick is forgettable. I don't need you!" She spat crossing her arms.
"That's not what you said last night!" He blurted reflexively, then turned away, cringing at his mistake.
"Oh? Oh you mean the same last night when I had you bent over the couch, taking it? Is it that last night?" Immediately a hot blush crawled over Drakken's face.
"Fuck, Shego!" he glared at his feet and swung the door open, about to leave. Shego advanced on him in seconds, slamming the door shut and pinning him there.
"Oh right- excuse me. When I fucked you from behind last night and you begged for more. When we had to stop because you didn't want to cum so soon, because you wanted it to last?"
"Shego!" he squeezed his eyes shut, shrinking into himself.
He braced himself for the next thing she'd say, but he suddenly felt her pull on his ponytail, forcing his head back and crushing her lips against his.
His eyes bugged out in surprise, before he instinctively surged into the kiss, melting into her mouth. He caught himself and abruptly jerked away, running a frustrated hand through his hair which had come loose. "I don't get you!" he snapped.
"And?! You make it sound like that's my problem." she shot back, cheeks flushing.
He stared at her for a beat, before scowling.
"Are you being serious right now?"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"You just kissed me!"
"And? You liked it."
"I-I… I did not!" he averted his eyes.
"What are you, in grade-school? I'm your wife!"
"I thought my dick was forgettable. Are you sure you want to be married to me and my 'forgettable dick'?" He spat, using air quotes.
"W-well, you know. It's—it's alright."
"You're insane!"
"I'm still your wife." She said, raising an eyebrow. He stared at her like she grew another head, before slowly, he began to laugh.
"What's so funny." Shego said flatly. "I-it's just!" he burst into laughter again "I think I'm going insane too." He said, in between chortles.
"You done?"
"Yeah. Yeah, I think so." He said, clearing his throat to hide one last snort.
"Good." She pulled his face down and kissed him. With a surprised groan he kissed her back, holding her up against the door while she wrapped her legs around his waist.
********
"…What just happened." He croaked helplessly.
"We just fucked against the door. And then on the dresser. Then on the bed." Shego yawned, stretching. "Let's order takeout." She gave him a peck on the cheek.
"…Okay." Am I really a masochist? He thought, dazed.
"Oh- and I'm pregnant by the way."
"…Okay." A beat of silence passed.
"Waitaminute, WHAT?"