A/N: Once upon a time, two somebodies (read, frankiemcstein and DinerGuy) forgot another somebody (that would be dominatempore)'s birthday and scrambled to create something as a gift the day before. The gift was completed, but in a very abbreviated fashion compared to what it could have been. Those somebodies have now edited and rewritten said gift, and it is now ready to be shared once again! (And yes, we borrowed a line from an episode, but it fit so well! Totally counts as usable.)

Can't tag them, but this fic also features our favorite FBI agents! Good ol' Taggert and McSweet-on-Parker.

Standard disclaimers apply.

"So this is the place, huh?" Hardison said from the car. "Looks like a normal shop to me." He surveyed the exterior of a nondescript brick building with a metal door reading 'Office' and several rolling garage doors at the rear.

"That's because it is a car shop." Hardison could practically see Eliot's eyes rolling as the hitter's words came over the comms.

Nate's voice broke in next. "Remember, Hardison; you're just going in as a regular customer. Ask a few questions about their business but don't seem like you're prying too much. We don't want to make them suspicious."

"But couldn't I have just snuck in and found whatever they're using to booby-trap the road?" Parker asked. Hardison knew she was sitting with Nate and Sophie in the van parked down the road. He could hear the sound of her munching on something as she complained, "Why does Hardison get to have all the fun?"

"I'd much rather Sophie do this one, thank you very much," Hardison groused.

"Nope, we need Sophie in there later," Nate corrected. "If she goes in now, they'll recognize her when she comes into play later."

Sighing, Hardison pulled the keys from his ignition. "Fine. Make me do all the grunt work," he muttered. "Next time, y'all can take in the dang car by y'allselves."

"Hardison!" Eliot growled.

"I'm goin'! I'm goin'!" Hardison defended himself. Trudging up the short walkway to the office door, he swung it open and ducked inside. He twirled his keys on his finger as he wandered to the desk.

The inside of the shop looked like every other auto repair shop Hardison had ever visited. It was sparsely decorated, with an old television in one corner near several chairs that had seen better days. On the other side of the room sat a desk with an old computer and several stacks of paper. There was a small container of pens and a crooked stack of business cards near the edge.

From where he was sitting in the chair behind the desk, a short, slightly overweight man in a navy polo blinked up as Hardison cleared his throat. "Hi, hello, how can I help you?" the man asked.

"Hey, my man!" Hardison put on the most cheerful smile he could muster. "I am lookin' to get my inspection done on my vehicle right out there, if that's possible, please?" He lifted the finger from which his keys were hanging and jingled them. "Need to get my oil changed too… really just all around inspected, if ya feel me, brother?" He grinned winningly and held the keys out.

The mechanic blinked again and looked him up and down. "Okay…" he said slowly.

"Oh, for heaven's sake, Hardison!" Sophie exclaimed in his ear. "There is such a thing as being too friendly." She sighed. "We've talked about this."

"He's going to get us all killed," Eliot muttered under his breath. "Tell me again why he has to be the customer while I'm the mechanic?" he asked a little more loudly.

Parker's voice came through this time. "Well, I don't think they'll believe it if Hardison's the mechanic."

"Oh, and by the way," Hardison commented in his best 'casual' voice, "how many insurance claims do y'all folks tend to process every month?"

In the next second, the sound of Sophie blowing out a frustrated breath came through everyone's earbuds—just over the sound of Parker's forehead clunking against the tabletop.

As soon as Hardison had walked out of the door, the pudgy man who had been talking to Hardison came bustling through the door into the vehicle bay. He looked around quickly, then hustled over to where a tall, muscular man with close-cut blonde hair was sorting through a toolbox against the far wall.

Eliot watched them with concern knitting his brow. From his interview the day before, he knew that the men were partners in the car business. They shared ownership of the shop, with the pudgy one—Phil—handling the front office and the other—Jack—handling the rest. When the two men continued conversing in low tones, Eliot frowned, then wiped his hands on his rag and slowly started across the room. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that the team's plan had just gone very wrong.

And sure enough, Phil was waving his hands as Eliot got within earshot. "I'm telling you, Jack, he's a cop! No way anyone else was asking those questions."

The blonde man shook his head. "It's not that I disagree with you, but what do we do about it? We can't stop him, and we don't even know why he was poking around in the first place."

"Do you think that couple talked?" Phil asked, his voice wavering slightly.

"What could they prove?" Jack scoffed. "It's been months; nobody can prove it was our fault they hit that tree. Their tires blew! Happens to people all the time."

"Yeah, especially on that one stretch of road," Phil interjected. "Don't you see? We're toast!"

Jack smiled at that, and Eliot could see the gleam in his eyes even from the distance between them. "Maybe not. Why, everyone has accidents. Some just happen to be more severe than others."

"Nate, they think Hardison's a cop," Eliot muttered under his breath as he paused to fiddle with the engine underneath the raised hood of a black sedan. "I knew he was being too obvious!"

Hardison made a choking sound. "What?"

"Ohhhhh! They're totally gonna shoot Hardison in the face!" Parker exclaimed.

"'Scuse you?"

"Hm, no, I think they might be more of the 'shoot you in the back' kind of guys," Parker amended her previous statement.

"Parker!" Sophie admonished. Then the older woman gasped. "Oh, oh!" she exclaimed. "Nate, these guys won't want to do it themselves if they don't have to. They're not about to risk getting their hands dirty with a murder. Trust me!" she added, and the rest of the team could imagine the look she was giving their leader as he started to speak. "I've been studying them."

"She's right," Eliot commented, mindful to keep his voice low. "I've been here since yesterday, and these guys don't really read 'killer' to me."

Nate made a small hum of agreement and paused for a moment. Then he cleared his throat and spoke. "So we get them to get Eliot to do it."

"Eliot's going to shoot Hardison?" Parker asked in confusion.

Ignoring Parker, Nate continued, "Uh, Eliot, casually remind them that you have a record, okay?"

Eliot nodded. "Got it." He wiped his hands on the cloth in his hands and adopted an unaffected gait as he walked over to the two men. "Hey, boss, I finished up on that guy's car… uh, not sure where he went?" Holding up the keys in his hand, he shrugged.

Jack glanced over and looked Eliot up and down quickly, as if trying to gauge how much the man had heard. "Thanks, Joe. That was quick; good job."

Nodding, Eliot smiled gratefully at the compliment. "Thank you, Mr. Kelce. I can't tell you how much this means to me. Most people won't give me a chance once they see my record, and well, you know, jobs are so hard to come by, so…" He shrugged. "Thanks for the chance."

"You're welcome; always glad to have a good team player," Jack nodded.

Eliot paused for a moment, glancing between the two men, then nodded and turned to go. He purposely walked as slowly as he could without looking too obvious, counting the seconds in his head.

Sure enough…

"Hey, Joe. Come back here a second!" Jack called after him.

Allowing himself a small grin, Eliot quickly hid it and then turned back. "Yes, Mr. Kelce?"

"I've got another job for you."

"But why can't I drive into the tree?" Parker asked for the umpteenth time. She looked across at where Eliot was in the driver's seat of the tow truck and crossed her arms.

Eliot sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Parker, no one is driving into a tree."

"But we need to stage a wreck!"

"Yes, but that's too dangerous!" Eliot told her. "We're using a car from the junkyard that was already totaled."

Parker made a face at that. "But…"

"No 'but's," he told her. "Parker, you ain't driving a car into a tree." Putting the truck into park, he reached into the backseat for a bag, then tossed it to his passenger. "You can help me stage the accident scene for the pictures though."

Eliot pushed through the doors from the vehicle bay to the office to find Jack and Phil huddled behind the front desk, whispering to each other. When they heard the door, they glanced up quickly, only to smile as they saw who it was.

"Joe! My man!" Jack was happier than Eliot had seen him. Ever. "Great job on that car!"

"You mean the one I sabotaged?" Eliot asked morosely. "I didn't get out of jail on a small felony to go back for murder, you know."

"Oh, who's going to know?" Jack put an arm around Eliot's shoulders. "You did a great job, and now we're all one big happy family. You know our secret, we know yours, and we're all on the same level!"

"But they're the reason for your secret!" Parker complained over the comms from where she was sitting in the waiting room with her nose hidden inside of a magazine. "I mean…" She trailed off.

"Parker?" Nate asked at her sudden silence. "Parker, what's wrong?"

"Guys!" Parker finally hissed. "You'll never guess who's here!"

As if on cue, the door squeaked as it swung open, and Eliot turned to glance at the newcomers. He blinked. He was about to ask if the newcomers were who he thought they were, but a glance over to where Parker was now sinking lower in her chair gave him all the answer that he needed.

"Who?" Nate asked.

"Hi!" the younger of the pair of men who had just walked in chirped as he approached the service counter. His dark hair was neatly cropped, and his eyes twinkled with eager friendliness. "Is this where we can get our car checked out? It's making this really weird noise."

"Agent McSweeten," Parker grumbled. "I swear, he's like a puppy. And his partner… What's-his-name. Taggert."

"Yes!" Jack was quick to reply, walking over with a smile. "Come on; let's go see what's wrong with it, and I'll give you an estimate."

McSweeten smiled in appreciation. "Great!"

Eliot watched as the agent and his older partner followed Jack out of the door, then he whirled on Phil. "I know those guys, man! They're feds!"

Phil's jaw nearly hit the floor. "What?"

Breathing hard, Eliot widened his eyes. "They must know what we did! I ain't goin' back to jail, man. I ain't! You're goin' down before I am."

"Calm down," Phil said sternly, although Eliot could see the barely-hidden panic flickering behind his eyes. "Jack will know what to do."

The team's leader had been silent for the past few minutes, but now Nate spoke up again. "Okay. I have an idea."

Parker had snuck out of the waiting room while Taggert and McSweeten were occupied outside with Jack, and now she sauntered back in. Casually slipping off her sunglasses, she glanced around the waiting room, holding the door open for just a split second longer than necessary. Her gesture worked, and both men glanced up at the bright sunlight now spilling into the lobby.

McSweeten immediately smiled widely. "Well hello—!"

Before he could say her name, Parker shook her head and winked. Then she tilted her head to indicate the door behind her and slipped back out.

When the two agents came through the door after her, they glanced to the right and then to the left, where they spotted Parker leaning against the building to the left of the door. She had one foot up behind her, flat against the wall, and her arms crossed.

"Special Agent Hagen!" McSweeten grinned. "Hello again!"

Taggert was less enthusiastic but still quite friendly as he smiled as well. "Fancy meeting you here. Where's Special Agent Thomas?" he asked, glancing around.

Not responding to his question, Parker fixed them both with a look. "Mind telling me why you two are here?" she asked. "Did the Bureau send you in as backup?"

The agents exchanged a look.

"Backup?" Taggert repeated.

Parker nodded slowly, then grinned. "Ahhh, I see. The backup I don't know about. Clever." She tapped a finger to her temple. "Those Bureau people. Always thinking."

"Um, no, we just had car trouble on our way through town." McSweeten was shaking his head. As soon as he saw the disappointed look that Parker put on, he quickly added, "But how can we help?"

"I was hoping you'd ask!" Parker grinned.

"I want to talk to somebody right now!" Hardison yelled, slamming through the shop door.

Phil couldn't have looked paler if he'd seen an actual ghost. "You…"

"You!" Hardison pointed a finger at the man, watching in satisfaction as he paled even further—if that was possible. Hardison's left arm was in a sling, and there were butterfly bandages on his left eyebrow. Sophie had applied makeup to give him the appearance of having a split lip, and Hardison was limping as well. He looked for all the world like he was recovering from a car wreck. "You, sir, ruined my car! I could have been killed!"

At the sound of raised voices, Jack came in through the door to the back shop with Eliot right on his heels. The shop owner froze in his tracks as he looked his angry customer up and down.

"Hey, do you own this place?" Hardison snapped, making sure to amplify his angry expression as he glared at Jack.

"Um, yes, I'm one of the owners," Jack replied, quite obviously trying to appear unfrazzled and only partially succeeding. "Why don't we just calm down, sir?" There was something simmering under the surface, but Eliot couldn't quite distinguish exactly what it was. "You're having car trouble?"

Glancing at Eliot, Hardison was just in time to see the hitter withdrawing his arm from where he had reached back through the shop door. A wrench was firmly clenched in his fist.

"Dang right I'm havin' trouble!" Hardison yelped, returning his attention Jack. "My car flipped over on that curve about three miles from here! Right after y'all inspected it!"

"Sir," Jack spread his hands and stepped forward, "I'm sorry, but there could be many reasons that happened. If all we did was an inspection—"

"Oh! Now I know my car didn't flip over by its own self!" Hardison yelled, gesturing with his right arm.

"Okay, good, Hardison," Nate's voice came through the team's ears for the first time since the confrontation had begun. "Now, let's start tightening the net."

"Y'all are all goin' down for this," Hardison barked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a badge. "I'm FBI, and this shop is now being investigated for fraudulent workmanship!"

Phil's eyes bulged, but Jack calmly stepped forward and reached for the desk drawer. Hardison had no time to process the movement before Jack withdrew a revolver.

"Well now, this is unfortunate," the man said calmly.

Parker and the two agents were poised right outside of the shop, waiting quietly as voices rose from inside. Peeking through the window, Parker saw Jack raising his gun. As soon as the man began to threaten the others, she waved at McSweeten and Taggert, stepped forward, and swung open the door.

"We're not going down for anything," Jack was saying as the trio entered. His gaze flicked up and took in the others. "Glad you could join us," he added smoothly, even as his voice grew hard. "Now we don't have to go track you down later. Put up your hands. All of you." He waved his gun at them, still as calm as could be.

In contrast, Jack's partner was now sweating bullets and looking between everyone anxiously. He was grasping his gun with both hands that were visibly shaking. "You sure about this?" Phil asked, swallowing deeply.

Jack glanced over at Eliot. "Joe, I have a spare weapon in the desk there."

Eliot put on a panicked expression that was just slightly calmer than Phil's. "What are you gonna do, man?"

"Simple," Jack responded. "We're going to fake an accident and get rid of them all. Now come on; you're as much a part of this as either of us."

"We're not gonna get away with that a second time!" Eliot exclaimed. "No, no, no… no, that's not gonna work."

"It worked before. It'll work again," Jack returned.

McSweeten blinked. "Wait, are you admitting you staged an accident over a murder before?" he asked.

"Shut up, Fed!" Jack snapped.

"There's four of 'em, man!" Eliot protested. "You ain't thinkin' this through."

And then it happened. Phil's shaking hands proved to be too much, and he squeezed the trigger.

They were all watching for it, and everyone dove aside as they saw his finger tighten.

Eliot sprang into action, raising his wrench as he moved. He was on Jack in the blink of an eye. Even though Jack tried to bring his weapon to bear on the new threat, he hadn't been expecting an attack from that angle, and he wasn't fast enough. It only took two swings on Eliot's part for the man to slump to the floor unconscious.

Meanwhile, Taggert was closest to Phil, and he jumped forward to take the gun from the man's hands as soon as Eliot had rushed forward. At that point, all the agent had to do was catch the weapon, because Phil's hands were shaking so badly that he nearly dropped the gun before the agent got to it.

In less than ten seconds, the chaos was over.

McSweeten glanced from Eliot to Parker. "Who's this?"

"Oh. Uh. Undercover agent," she nodded.

Eliot offered a smile and a small wave. He dug in his pocket and then handed a flash drive to McSweeten. "Here. Recordings of everything," he said simply. "Should have plenty of evidence there." He winked.

"Ah, I see," McSweeten smiled slowly and winked back.

"Hey, so, uh, we gotta go," Hardison said, reaching out to shake first Taggert's hand and then McSweeten's. "We got a thing, ya know? But it was great to work with y'all again."

"Yeah, great!" Parker grinned and nodded, shaking their hands as well. She pointedly ignored the look McSweeten was giving her and just smiled. "You know how these Bureau things are. You guys got it here?"

"Oh. Oh yeah!" Taggert nodded.

"Great to work with you both again!" McSweeten added with another wide smile at Parker.

She made a face somewhere between a smile and a grimace, and then ducked out the front door with one last wave. Eliot mumbled something and pushed past the others to follow Parker, and Hardison was right on his heels.

"Live long and prosper, y'all," Hardison paused at the door to nod at the agents. "Whoo, go team!" his shout drifted through the door as he disappeared after Parker and Eliot.

Fin.