Disclaimer: Why do I have to do this? Everyone knows I don't own LoK or any
of it's characters. Oh, and updates may take a long time because I'm going
to replay Blood Omen 1 for better accuracy. This is my first fic, enjoy!
_______________________________________________________________________
KAIN PRESENTS: BLOOD OMEN 1
In the streets of Meridian:
Helpless Peasant: Help me, please!
Kain: Die! (Kain kills him and sucks his blood. Then he sees that the peasant was
holding a shiny object and he picks it up)
At Kain's throne:
Raziel: Um.(sees Kain coming and tenses up) Hey Kain!
Kain: What're you doing wrong?
(Zephon walks out from behind the throne with a six-pack, of blood of course, then
sees Kain)
Zephon: (nervously) Hey Kain! What's up?
(Melchiah, Rahab, Dumah, and Turel also walk out with six-packs)
Turel: Um.hey.
Kain: What the hell are you doing!?
Zephon: Y'see, a Sarafan had stolen your six-packs and we were returning them.
Kain: (stares at Zephon)
Zephon: Want one?
Melchiah: (to Zephon) Let me deal with this. (to Kain) They made me do it!
Kain: Give me those!
(Kain snatches his six-packs back)
Raziel: So.what're you here for?
Kain: I found this device. You know how when you live and go forward in time you can
never get those past memories back?
Zephon: what.?
Dumah: I do!
Kain: Well, with this device, you can "record" time and replay it.
All except Rahab and Kain: Wow!
Rahab: Kain, I never knew you kept a diary!
Zephon: Kain's a little girl so keeps a diary! (sees Kain look at him) I'm so sorry!
Rahab: Hey, it has pictures!
Zephon: Oh! Lemme see!
Kain: Enough! Since I can relive moments with this device, I'm going to present to you
the story of when I became a vampire. I have the perfect name for it: Blood Omen.
Turel: (trying to suck up the blood from the can from afar like Kain does when he
feeds, then Kain hits him in the head with the can) Sorry.
Raziel: Well, this sounds cool and all, but can you remember all the dialogue?
Kain: Nope. I've got the cast for this 'movie.'
(Vorador steps from behind the throne with a six-pack)
Vorador: A movie!?
Kain: Damn it Vorador!
Vorador: We've been spotted, come on out Janos. (then Janos came out of hiding)
Kain: Why?
Vorador: I wanted a drink and so did Janos.
Janos: So, what's the cast?
Kain: Okay, Kain will be played by me. Raziel, you're Mobius.
Raziel: You're joking!
Kain: Nope!
Dumah: Can I be Mortanius?
Kain: Sure. Melchiah, you're Nupraptor.
Turel: Can I be you when you were a human?
Kain: If you want. Rahab, you're Bane.
Zephon: Can I be Ariel?
(Everyone stares at Zephon)
Zephon: Ok, I take it that's a yes. Did she wear a bra?
Kain: Zephon, you are so freakin' stupid.
Zephon: I'm gonna need to dress just like her, so I gotta go steal her clothes, bye.
(Zephon runs off)
Raziel: Is he gonna do what I think he's gonna do?
Dumah: Probably.
Kain: Turel, you're Hash.
Vorador: What about me?
Kain: Vorador, you're Vorador. Idiot.
Janos: Who am I?
Kain: Anacrothe and Malek.
Janos: What?
Kain: Stop whining!
Raziel: I have a problem with this script.
Kain: You don't know what happened, so stop fussing!
(Zephon ran into the room in the same clothing as when he left)
Zephon: Wow, it's hard to sneak up on a spirit, much less steal one's clothes. I didn't
think of that before. Now I'll have to find fake clothes. Do you think that she wore a
push-up bra?
Kain: SHUT UP! I WILL IMMOLATE YOU!
Zephon: (scared) Ooookay dada.
Vorador: When are we gonna start filming?
Kain: Very soon. We've just got to get Zephon a Dejoule outfit.
Turel: Sir Kain, no more girly outfits left sir,sir!
Kain: Damn it.
(Zephon came walking up in a brown robe with high heels on, a push-up bra with a
definite attempt to show cleavage)
Kain: Dejoule wasn't a WHORE!
Zephon: Oops.
(Dumah came up with a cheap skeleton Halloween outfit on under a black robe)
Dumah: Why does everyone wear robes?
(Rahab came up dressed in a robe)
Rahab: It's so easy dressing up for this. Just put on a robe and you're a new person.
(Raziel came up in a robe with the words "Time Streamer" written on it)
Kain: Why do you have the words "Time Streamer" written on your robe?
Raziel: Well, cause everyone is wearing robes, and without a label, someone might get
confused.
Kain: Mobius had a stomach.and a bottom jaw.and any other muscles that got
destroyed when you fell into the abyss.
Raziel: .asshole.
(Melchiah walked up in armor, a cape, and that's it)
Kain: Your head looks nothing like Nupraptor's head.
Melchiah: Well, what can I do about that?
Kain: I still have his head; maybe you could borrow it.
Melchiah: No friggin' way.
Kain: I think I'll do that.
(Vorador walked up dressed as.Vorador)
Kain: Couldn't you use makeup and look younger?
Vorador: Well.
(Zephon was walking by a heard the question)
Zephon: You know, I can get you some perfume from the women's room.
Vorador: No thank you.
Zephon: All right. (then Zephon walked away)
Kain: You're not getting any younger.
(Next came Janos in armor and helmet, but looked more like the tin man from Wizard
of Oz)
Janos: This armor is so stiff.
Kain: I'm not gonna insult you.
Janos: If it rains, you're in trouble.
(then Zephon walked up in a robe with fake long hair going down to his knees with lip
stick on, high heels on, and filing his nails. Kain just sighs)
Zephon: You know, dressing up like a woman can be a Zen-like experience.
Melchiah: I too have a problem with this script. It says that Nupraptor and Ariel were
lovers.
Kain: (amused) Yes.
Zephon: I'm sorry, but I can't love a man like that. Especially my own brother.
Kain: Get over it. Now, for a voice session. Raziel, can you sound like Mobius?
Raziel: (in a very pissed off tone) No!
Kain: That was perrrrrrrfect.
Raziel: I hate you.
Dumah: I've got a problem.
Kain: What?
Dumah: With this mask on, I can't see a thing!
Kain: I can fix that. (pokes the eyes of the mask because there are no eye holes)
Better?
Dumah: Ow! Nope, still no eyeholes.
Kain: I can try again.
Dumah: No thanks. And, since Mortanius is just a skeleton, how can he talk?
Kain: I don't know. Next!
Melchiah: (in an old, shriveled tone) I'm Nupraptor!
Kain: Good enough.
Turel: (in deep Scottish accent) Ay, Kain!
Kain: I'm NOT Scottish!
Rahab: (old voice) Top of the morning to you Kain! Why is everybody old?
Zephon: (in smooth female voice) Hello, Kain.
Kain: Next!
Janos: (in scratchy voice) Hey, you evil vile vampire bastard!
Kain: Good! We can start.now!
Turel: Wait a second! Can this be a musical?
Kain: No!
Turel: C'mon, musicals are fun!
Kain: No one pranced around in tights singing while fighting in my journey.
Turel: Aw, c'mon. It can be like West Side Story!
Kain: Not a chance in hell!
Turel: Aw. (to himself) It would be cool if there was a musical of Romeo and Juliet.
Kain: Okay. Let's just start this thing already.
Zephon: Showtime! (Zephon starts to drink one of Kain's six-packs then realizes what
he's doing and stops)
Note: I don't dislike any of the characters (except maybe Mobius) just in case you wondered if I disliked Raziel for making him Mobius. Please review!
_______________________________________________________________________
KAIN PRESENTS: BLOOD OMEN 1
In the streets of Meridian:
Helpless Peasant: Help me, please!
Kain: Die! (Kain kills him and sucks his blood. Then he sees that the peasant was
holding a shiny object and he picks it up)
At Kain's throne:
Raziel: Um.(sees Kain coming and tenses up) Hey Kain!
Kain: What're you doing wrong?
(Zephon walks out from behind the throne with a six-pack, of blood of course, then
sees Kain)
Zephon: (nervously) Hey Kain! What's up?
(Melchiah, Rahab, Dumah, and Turel also walk out with six-packs)
Turel: Um.hey.
Kain: What the hell are you doing!?
Zephon: Y'see, a Sarafan had stolen your six-packs and we were returning them.
Kain: (stares at Zephon)
Zephon: Want one?
Melchiah: (to Zephon) Let me deal with this. (to Kain) They made me do it!
Kain: Give me those!
(Kain snatches his six-packs back)
Raziel: So.what're you here for?
Kain: I found this device. You know how when you live and go forward in time you can
never get those past memories back?
Zephon: what.?
Dumah: I do!
Kain: Well, with this device, you can "record" time and replay it.
All except Rahab and Kain: Wow!
Rahab: Kain, I never knew you kept a diary!
Zephon: Kain's a little girl so keeps a diary! (sees Kain look at him) I'm so sorry!
Rahab: Hey, it has pictures!
Zephon: Oh! Lemme see!
Kain: Enough! Since I can relive moments with this device, I'm going to present to you
the story of when I became a vampire. I have the perfect name for it: Blood Omen.
Turel: (trying to suck up the blood from the can from afar like Kain does when he
feeds, then Kain hits him in the head with the can) Sorry.
Raziel: Well, this sounds cool and all, but can you remember all the dialogue?
Kain: Nope. I've got the cast for this 'movie.'
(Vorador steps from behind the throne with a six-pack)
Vorador: A movie!?
Kain: Damn it Vorador!
Vorador: We've been spotted, come on out Janos. (then Janos came out of hiding)
Kain: Why?
Vorador: I wanted a drink and so did Janos.
Janos: So, what's the cast?
Kain: Okay, Kain will be played by me. Raziel, you're Mobius.
Raziel: You're joking!
Kain: Nope!
Dumah: Can I be Mortanius?
Kain: Sure. Melchiah, you're Nupraptor.
Turel: Can I be you when you were a human?
Kain: If you want. Rahab, you're Bane.
Zephon: Can I be Ariel?
(Everyone stares at Zephon)
Zephon: Ok, I take it that's a yes. Did she wear a bra?
Kain: Zephon, you are so freakin' stupid.
Zephon: I'm gonna need to dress just like her, so I gotta go steal her clothes, bye.
(Zephon runs off)
Raziel: Is he gonna do what I think he's gonna do?
Dumah: Probably.
Kain: Turel, you're Hash.
Vorador: What about me?
Kain: Vorador, you're Vorador. Idiot.
Janos: Who am I?
Kain: Anacrothe and Malek.
Janos: What?
Kain: Stop whining!
Raziel: I have a problem with this script.
Kain: You don't know what happened, so stop fussing!
(Zephon ran into the room in the same clothing as when he left)
Zephon: Wow, it's hard to sneak up on a spirit, much less steal one's clothes. I didn't
think of that before. Now I'll have to find fake clothes. Do you think that she wore a
push-up bra?
Kain: SHUT UP! I WILL IMMOLATE YOU!
Zephon: (scared) Ooookay dada.
Vorador: When are we gonna start filming?
Kain: Very soon. We've just got to get Zephon a Dejoule outfit.
Turel: Sir Kain, no more girly outfits left sir,sir!
Kain: Damn it.
(Zephon came walking up in a brown robe with high heels on, a push-up bra with a
definite attempt to show cleavage)
Kain: Dejoule wasn't a WHORE!
Zephon: Oops.
(Dumah came up with a cheap skeleton Halloween outfit on under a black robe)
Dumah: Why does everyone wear robes?
(Rahab came up dressed in a robe)
Rahab: It's so easy dressing up for this. Just put on a robe and you're a new person.
(Raziel came up in a robe with the words "Time Streamer" written on it)
Kain: Why do you have the words "Time Streamer" written on your robe?
Raziel: Well, cause everyone is wearing robes, and without a label, someone might get
confused.
Kain: Mobius had a stomach.and a bottom jaw.and any other muscles that got
destroyed when you fell into the abyss.
Raziel: .asshole.
(Melchiah walked up in armor, a cape, and that's it)
Kain: Your head looks nothing like Nupraptor's head.
Melchiah: Well, what can I do about that?
Kain: I still have his head; maybe you could borrow it.
Melchiah: No friggin' way.
Kain: I think I'll do that.
(Vorador walked up dressed as.Vorador)
Kain: Couldn't you use makeup and look younger?
Vorador: Well.
(Zephon was walking by a heard the question)
Zephon: You know, I can get you some perfume from the women's room.
Vorador: No thank you.
Zephon: All right. (then Zephon walked away)
Kain: You're not getting any younger.
(Next came Janos in armor and helmet, but looked more like the tin man from Wizard
of Oz)
Janos: This armor is so stiff.
Kain: I'm not gonna insult you.
Janos: If it rains, you're in trouble.
(then Zephon walked up in a robe with fake long hair going down to his knees with lip
stick on, high heels on, and filing his nails. Kain just sighs)
Zephon: You know, dressing up like a woman can be a Zen-like experience.
Melchiah: I too have a problem with this script. It says that Nupraptor and Ariel were
lovers.
Kain: (amused) Yes.
Zephon: I'm sorry, but I can't love a man like that. Especially my own brother.
Kain: Get over it. Now, for a voice session. Raziel, can you sound like Mobius?
Raziel: (in a very pissed off tone) No!
Kain: That was perrrrrrrfect.
Raziel: I hate you.
Dumah: I've got a problem.
Kain: What?
Dumah: With this mask on, I can't see a thing!
Kain: I can fix that. (pokes the eyes of the mask because there are no eye holes)
Better?
Dumah: Ow! Nope, still no eyeholes.
Kain: I can try again.
Dumah: No thanks. And, since Mortanius is just a skeleton, how can he talk?
Kain: I don't know. Next!
Melchiah: (in an old, shriveled tone) I'm Nupraptor!
Kain: Good enough.
Turel: (in deep Scottish accent) Ay, Kain!
Kain: I'm NOT Scottish!
Rahab: (old voice) Top of the morning to you Kain! Why is everybody old?
Zephon: (in smooth female voice) Hello, Kain.
Kain: Next!
Janos: (in scratchy voice) Hey, you evil vile vampire bastard!
Kain: Good! We can start.now!
Turel: Wait a second! Can this be a musical?
Kain: No!
Turel: C'mon, musicals are fun!
Kain: No one pranced around in tights singing while fighting in my journey.
Turel: Aw, c'mon. It can be like West Side Story!
Kain: Not a chance in hell!
Turel: Aw. (to himself) It would be cool if there was a musical of Romeo and Juliet.
Kain: Okay. Let's just start this thing already.
Zephon: Showtime! (Zephon starts to drink one of Kain's six-packs then realizes what
he's doing and stops)
Note: I don't dislike any of the characters (except maybe Mobius) just in case you wondered if I disliked Raziel for making him Mobius. Please review!