Here's another short one-shot. Seriously, I think this is the saddest thing I've written. So don't think this is going to have a "happily ever after" ending, because it doesn't. The other thing about this story is that it changes POV through out the whole thing just so you know.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

I'm
Taking a ride
Off to one side
It is a personal thing
Where
When I can't stand
Up in this cage I'm not regretting

Life is painful. Sometimes the pain is unbearable. Sometimes people can stand it—strong people, that is. I'm not one of them. I'm weak. I'm flimsy. I'm not strong. And for me the pain is unbearable. I know what I'm going to do is leave behind all the people that meant something to me at one time. But they don't and can't understand what I'm going through. I don't want to seek help. I don't want that. I want to die. I need to die. I'm not the boy that I used to be. I'm not the kid who once starred on Mackenzie Falls. I'm different now. I'm irritated all the time. I'm harsh and misanthropic. That's not way to treat your soon-to-be wife. I'm going to miss her, sure. But I can't live this way anymore.

I slowly lift my hand to my head. I'm not afraid. I'm ready to take my life. I look around the room one last time and pull the trigger.

I don't need a better thing
I'd settle for less
It's another thing for me
I just have to wander through this world
Alone

After the funeral my life did a 180. It was perfect before. Everything was perfect. Or so I thought. He never showed any signs of suicide. It was like he just got up one morning and said, "I'm going to kill myself today." Yeah, you're going to kill yourself and leave your fiancée.

Everyone said to me, "If you ever need any help feel free to call."

I don't want or need help. I want to be left alone. I just have to be alone now. I'll be fine alone.

Stop
before you fall
Into the hole that I have dug here
Rest
Even as you
Are starting to feel the way I used to

I watch her from afar. She's a wreck. It's been two long weeks since I died and she's already messed up. Her once-beautiful hair is now greasy and messy. Her skin is oily and pale. It's obvious to anyone that she hasn't taken a shower in days.

People have tried to talk to her, but she isn't answering her phone. It makes me upset. I did this to her. And there's no way I can go back and try to fix it. I didn't want her to do this. She's turning into me. She's feeling the pain I did.

I don't need a better thing
Just to sound confused
Don't talk about everyone
I am not amused by you

My mother's rambling again. She's trying to make me feel better. Yeah, she's "helping" me by telling me how my (happy) family is doing.

She's saying this like, "Oh, what's-her-name had her baby!" or "You're father and I just got a new puppy. You'll love her!" and "You're coming to visit us soon, right? You said so before . . ."

"Yes, before my fiancé decided to kill himself," I snap.

"Sonny . . . we know you're hurting . . ."

"But it doesn't mean I have to snap at people? Is that what you were going to say? That I should be nice after someone I loved killed himself? Are you kidding me? Mom, I can't stand it anymore. I just can't . . ." I hesitate a moment. "Just . . . leave . . .," I say, showing her out of my house.

"Sonny, just remember I love you," my mom says, and walks out.

I don't say anything. I just watch her leave.

'Cause I'm gonna lose you
Yes, I'm gonna lose you
If I'm gonna lose you

She lost it. She hasn't moved from her bed in days (except to use the bathroom). I want to get away from this limbo I'm stuck in, and go back to the real world, and tell her everything is going to be okay.

As I watch her, she moves and goes down stairs. That's a good sign, right? Maybe she's getting something to eat. I think she is, seeing she's walking into the kitchen right now and taking out a knife. Oh, God, no. No, no, no. She cannot be doing what I think she's doing. Oh, God . . . .

'Cause I'm gonna lose you
Yes, I'm gonna lose you
If I'm gonna lose you

"Did you see what you did?" I yell to the air. (As if Chad could see me.) "Do you see what you did to me? All of my friends are happy, but me? Am I happy? No. You ruined me! I'm a mess. Everyone says it's going to be 'all right.' But it's not going to be 'all right.' It's never going to be 'all right,' is it?" I shake my head. I'm going nuts. I'm crazy. How could he do that to me? After all we've been through. What's his problem? Well, I don't know. And I'll never be able to ask, either.

"I hope you're happy now. I quit. I give up. I—I can't live without you," I whisper, and then I take the knife and bring it to my skin. I watch the blood flow out of my skin. It hurts, yes. But I like it.

And soon everything goes black.

I'll lose you now for good

Lose You by Pete Yorn

All right, wasn't that sad? If anyone doesn't know: The song I used is the song in "House" after Kutner dies. Anyway, review . . . please?