Disclaimer: I do not own Haikyuu! as much as I want to. Credit for cover image goes to artist, let me know if I should take it down.
"I ship them! I ship them!" Tendou ran into practice Monday morning waving the newest volume of Shonen Jump.
"SHUT UP AND PRACTICE. YOU ARE LATE," Wakashijou bellowed. Tendou looked affronted.
"But I MUST ship them! They are perfect for each other! I wonder if one day I will find my true love…" He trailed off, fluttering his eyelashes and succeeding in looking like he was having a seizure.
He bent over backwards, staring at Shirabu with huge eyes. "Right, Kenji-chan?"
"Shut up."
"Wah, so mean. Wakatoshi understands my need to ship, right, Waka-chan?
Wakatoshi blinked. He blinked again. "… Ship. Why would you need a ship?"
Tendou gasped and put a hand to his chest. "You- you don't know what SHIPPING is?"
"Of course I know what shipping is. It is when a package arrives at your door with the polite postal man."
"You need re education, Wakatoshi. Shipping is an important part of life. Come, and I will teach you the ways of the otaku."
Tendou led Ushijima outside the gym.
Wakashijou hollered, "Don't take too long; other schools are coming!"
Semi sighed "Somehow, I feel like something bad is going to happen."
Outside the gym:
"Shipping is the art of wanting things to get together. For example, I ship our Shirabu and our Tsutomu as a couple."
Ushijima frowned. "You want to ship two of our players?"
"Yep!"
"Where are you shipping them?"
"They would be so cu- Wait, WHAT?"
"Where are you shipping them?"
"I want them to be a couple, not send them in a box!"
"Oh." Ushijima's expression did not change. "So I can ship anything."
"Yep!"
"I ship… this wall with the floor. They should be together."
"Um." Tendou deadpanned.
"I ship… the volleyball with my hand. They also should be together."
"Okay, this is getting out of hand. Waka- "
"I SHIP TENDOU X TENDOU"
"OKAY, WHAT?"
That day at lunch, Tendou flourished his arms. "I, Satori-sama, have succeeded in teaching our beloved ace to ship."
There was a smattering of sarcastic applause.
"Please, demonstrate," Shirabu snarked in a voice dripping with sarcasm.
"I ship Oikawa and me. He should always set to me. He should have gone to Shiratorizawa."
"You… want to date OIKAWA?"
"He should set to me. Therefore, we should be together."
"Um… I don't think that shipping works like that, senpai," Goshiki put in hesitantly.
"I ship the wall with the floor. They should be together forever."
"Oh my god. Tendou, what did you do?" Kawanishi looked distraught.
"Tendou taught me how to ship. I ship you with volleyball. I also ship coach with Shiratorizawa. You all should be together."
"Tendou…"
"What? It isn't my fault Wakatoshi is so sweet and innocent! At least he hasn't started saying that again."
"What is that?"
"It was-"
Ushijima's voice suddenly got louder.
"I SHIP TENDOU X TENDOU! I SHIP THE TREE WITH THE DIRT! I SHIP PACKAGES TO TOKYO!"
"Ushijima-san, you can't ship Tendou with himself!"
"I SHIP TENDOU X TENDOU!"
"Okay. Fix it." Kawanishi glowered.
"What?! I don't know, he just understood wrong! I bet he doesn't even know what sex is!" Tendou shrugged.
"I know what sex is. It is gender. Flowers transfer pollen from the male sex to the female. It is very important for gardening."
"Kami-sama, if you are up there, please save us all." Shirabu mumbled.
As if to spite him, it began to rain.
OMAKE:
"Hey hey hey!" Bokuto, accompanied by Fukurodani and Nekoma arrived at Shiratorizawa.
"Oya oya oya!"
"Hey hey!"
"Oya oya!"
"Hey-"
"Shut up." Akaashi sighed and entered the school first.
They suddenly heard a loud voice coming from the gym.
"I SHIP TENDOU X TENDOU!"
"That was… Ushijima's voice," said a stunned Akaashi.
A/N:
I love Shiratorizawa. Particularly Ushijima and Tsutomu. They are so cute and innocent! I feel like Goshiki, Hinata, and Lev should make a "wannabe ace" club. Also salty Shirabu. Enough said. I had to include Akaashi at some point. More Haikyuu! coming, and I also will try to work on my World Trigger story.