Barrels of Whine

Summary: This is a stand-alone comedy piece about Legolas, his two friends and a barrel of wine.

A/N: In this story, the friends are around fourteen years of age in human terms. I've been on a huge angst writing streak and wanted to break it up for my own sanity and hopefully get someone else to laugh too! Please send along a review if I'm successful!

"Do you think he heard us?"

"Never, for we are stealthy Mirkwood warriors." Whispered another having just watched the guards leave the room.

"Ssshhhh! Be quiet or would you rather go back to the halls above and listen to my father yell at the dwarves some more?"

That shut them up effectively. Legolas knew his friends would rather clean thistle bushes than listen to his father make one of his speeches and with twelve dwarves sneaking about the forest; he had plenty to yell about. Conveniently, they made for a perfect distraction for a prince and his two friends so get into some mischief.

Pointing ahead, Arnatur saw their intended target and began to slowly move in the general direction. Celmo smiled at their luck for it looked like they had hit the jackpot.

One behind the other, they tip toed single file towards their goal. Arnatur lead the group with his bright gray eyes clearly focused on their prize, Legolas followed excited by the threat of being caught and Celmo was third thinking more about what he was going to do after being confined to his room for sneaking in places where he was not allowed.

In Mirkwood, little was loved more than fine wine and it was always brought in day and night in great wooden barrels. Elves do adore the drinking of tasty wine, but do not often share with their elflings. In fact, as the children will tell you, the adults NEVER share with their children this treat.

This causes none too little friction between parents and children and the wine cellars are a good place to often find a mischievous youngling attempting to steal a drink of the forbidden fruit.

These three friends were counting their blessings for a barrel appeared ready for the plundering, sitting next to the ramp that lead to the hole in the dock where empty barrels were pushed to go to Laketown. The barrel was capped, so there had to be something left inside for them. Since it was forgotten by the grown-ups that meant it was fair game for any and all children!

"Come on, Celmo, don't drag your feet!" Legolas said frantically.

Celmo instead twirled a strand of his golden blond hair on his finger. It was done in the fashion of all who had not yet reached their majority, with a child's braid going down the back and the rest left loose. When they did reach their majority could they finally wear the warrior braids on the sides of their heads. "How long can your father go on yelling at dwarves?"

The Prince spun on his heels and gave him a look that spoke volumes; that said, 'You did not just ask that question?'

"Okay, okay, we have time." The young elf relented, letting go of the strand of hair.

Arnatur was busy paying attention to their goal, finally reaching the barrel of wine. He stood triumphantly, and with him standing tall it was obvious that he was the tallest and broadest of the three. Here was an elf that had encountered his first growth spurts way before his friends and never seemed to stop. His shoulders were broader, but he still had the grace and structure of an elf.

"Success." He exclaimed as loudly as could be in their given situation. "Now we shall have wine like the elders, but have much more fun than they do."

Legolas beamed and strode forward, "Let me open it."

His friend though would not give up his leadership that easily, "I shall open it, Legolas." Reaching into his pocket, Arnatur produced a wood lever and prepared to open the barrel.

"You should keep a watch out, Arnatur, you can stop anything" Legolas slipped the lever out of his friends hands and began to open their prize. Arnatur would not be outdone and quickly went to grab it from Legolas and soon a tug of war was beginning. Celmo sat back and was prepared for a wait while the two fought again. They were all the closest of friends, but at this age they could easily get on each other's nerves.

The pulling began to expand away from the tool and onto their tunics and arms and the lever went flying without the pair even noticing. Shoving and pulling, Arnatur yelled for Legolas to give him the lever while Celmo saw the object of their fight sitting on the ground near the barrel. He rose from his position and picked up the lever, quickly cracking open the barrel. The other two simply stopped once they realized the barrel was open and went to poke their heads into the wine, their skirmish forgotten.

Three pairs of bright eyes peered into the barrel and encountered: darkness.

"Where is the wine?"

"Shut up, Celmo, it's down there somewhere."

"Could it be invisible? Could a passing wizard have placed a spell on it?"

"Come on, Arnatur, wizards have better things to do than that."

"So, wise old Legolas, you tell me where the wine is."

Legolas thought about it, "Maybe it's towards the bottom, maybe this is almost drained and that's why it's sitting here."

"There should be some left." Arnatur thought and pulled his feat off the ground the poke his head in further.

"I can get further, let me look." Legolas said and before they knew it, both were reaching way down into the barrel to get all the way to the bottom and soon they were chest to chest and still without a drop of wine.

"Legolas, I cannot breathe, get your body out of his thing."

"I can't! I'm stuck in between you and the wood!"

Soon, four legs were fighting and pulling to get themselves out of their predicament and all the twisting and pulling was soon too much for the barrel and it began to topple.

"Legolas, Arnatur, the barrel is beginning to move."

"We know, Celmo." Came an echoed reply.

Suddenly, the barrel tipped over and went down the nearby ramp and into the river, four legs still sticking out of the top.

Celmo, deciding this was way too exciting for him, swiftly retuned to the halls above, but not before giving them a word of luck on their barrel ride.

Finally, Legolas was able to push off of his companion, turn around and stick his head out of the top of the barrel. When they were both positioned upright they stared at the retreating fortress of the Woodelves behind them.

"Look what you've gotten us into!"

"I've gotten us into? You started this, Legolas!"

"Did not!"

"Did so!"

The pulling and tugging began once more as the barrel rocked back and forth on its journey down the river and to more adventures in the town of men.

~Fin