Summary: Cassian takes pride in his relationship, but growing closer comes with growing pains. Navigating the power imbalance between droid and human is a rocky path.
Notes: A nybble, also nibble, is a half-byte, a computer architecture mostly used in early microprocessors. That's kind of the stage of their relationship.
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Nybble
by Artemis1000
"So, what's it like? Dating a droid?" Cassian had been asked just the other week by the slicer who had joined K-2 and him for a particularly tricky infiltration.
He had been flustered, first by how personal the question was and then by the realization that he had no simple, short explanation for it. He could think of a thousand little moments and feelings which made their relationship what it was, but he didn't wish to share a single one of them, and on their own they all struck him as pale and insignificant anyway.
Unsurprisingly, Cassian had told the man to keep his mind on the job, and refused to speak another word on personal affairs.
Weeks later, it still bothered him that he didn't have an answer.
Cassian Andor's life was full of uncertainties and conflicted feelings, but if there was one aspect of it in which he took nothing but pride, then it was his love life.
You would not think of him as someone who had any kind of love life at all, but he had, and for all that it had been a nerve-wrecking gamble, it was paying off.
"Is it terrible that I can't tell?" he asked K-2 one evening as he sprawled on his bed, flexis spread out around him. K-2 was supposed to help him write a mission report, but he had gotten distracted by sorting out the frankly terrifying heap of flexis that had piled up in his quarters, and K-2 was far more interested in being a pest than a help.
"Most relationship guides on the holonet would say so," K-2 told him, and made an amused noise when Cassian kicked him. He caught his foot, gently but firmly wrapping metal fingers around his ankle to trap him once more, and trailed the fingertips of his other hand over the bare sole of his foot.
For what had to be at least the seventh time tonight – the seventh! – Cassian twitched, and squawked, and made helpless noises that sounded like he was being choked in his most valiant attempt not to giggle. He kicked at K-2's wrist with his other foot and snapped, "I told you to stop it, Kay!"
"I'm analyzing your spasmodic responses to surface nerve stimulation. Gathering data for strategical analyses is one of my imperatives."
Cassian looked up from the flexi, background info on a mark long buried and forgotten, and shot him a very dirty look. "It is not."
K-2 bobbed his head in an imitation of Cassian's own grim nod. "I'm also having fun at your expense."
Cassian growled at the back of his throat. "Now that is an imperative of your programming alright…"
The droid's fans whirred to life with a low purring noise which Cassian had come to learn spoke of contentment. Very often, it spoke of smug contentment. Cassian loved to bask in that noise.
When everything was too much after a terrible mission, and his own skin felt too tight and just all around wrong, he liked to focus on nothing but the steady hum of Kay's core and the whirring of his ventilation systems. K-2 was remarkably patient with him then, just sitting there, not talking, not even touching Cassian if he didn't reach for him first.
When Cassian hadn't been so jaded yet, he had needed K-2 to stand guard over his bed all night. Cassian worked through the panic faster these days, but K-2 still watched over him.
For all that they started out nightmarish, these nights were precious to Cassian. Every important step he had taken in their relationship had been taken on one of these nights, when he was too raw and vulnerable to hide behind the dozens of layers that normally guarded his heart.
At first, Cassian had feared his own moments of weakness, and the courage he found within him only once he was too desperate for K-2 to recall all the good reasons they shouldn't do this or that.
He didn't anymore.
Cassian had had a thousand fears, he had worried he would be stripped of the spy he was, that his dedication to the Rebellion would falter or his love would be a vulnerability everyone could see at first glance and use against him. But disaster hadn't struck, and Cassian's confidence in himself and their relationship had grown.
"Kay." He leaned forward, capturing the droid's hands in his own. Cassian caught the droid's gaze and calmly held it. K-2 hadn't been built to be expressive, but he could have sworn he saw his own affection reflected at him.
"Cassian." K-2 sounded bemused.
His lips curled into a small smile. He released K-2's hands and picked up the next flexi. "Nothing."
The droid vented a puff of hot air. "You are ridiculous."
"Sure," he murmured, very close to laughter, and stubbornly kept looking at the flexi.
He had barely made it halfway through it when Kay pushed up his left pant leg, and exasperatedly exclaimed, "and your legs are furry, that is ridiculous, too."
.
.
Cassian wasn't naturally prone to displays of physical affection; his love showed itself in quieter, far more practical actions. A new bottle of grease before K-2 even noticed he was running out, subtle changes to their schedule to give him an extra hour at the charging dock when he was being run ragged, running interference when his sarcasm had ruffled feathers.
But K-2's fascination with his body continued, and Cassian wasn't blind to it. In fact, he found himself growing hyperaware of even the smallest touch, and it did things to his head which Cassian had never known to brace himself for.
When they became lovers he had considered the physical limitations that came with their respective bodies, acknowledged them as a fact of life and moved on. By their very nature Droids had very different needs than humans; there were limits to how well they complemented another.
Lately, Cassian had begun to second-guess his own quick assumptions. The kisses he yearned for would forever remain impossible since K-2 didn't have a mouth, but everything else…
What did he truly know about how a droid's mind worked? How could he claim to know what he was capable of feeling, of wanting, or where the limits of his capability to learn and adapt were?
He couldn't even tell where his own mind's limits were, it turned out. Cassian had always taken it for granted that he would feel attracted to people outside his own species, but he hadn't necessarily included droids in that pool of others. He knew some organics had sex with droids, there were models built to appeal to human eyes and his job had taken him to enough seedy bars to know all the uses droids could be put to, but that had only ever disgusted him.
Droids could be programmed to perform a great number of tasks without it ever being more than pulling on a puppet's strings.
Even now, when his hands lingered on K-2's frame a little longer than necessary, he couldn't shake the fear that he was unwittingly pulling Kay's strings.
K-2 did not come with a ridiculous sultry voice setting or flattery programming to pick from a number of ready-made personality matrices, but Cassian still wondered how much was K-2 doing what he wanted, and how much was K-2 doing what all droids were programmed to do: to serve their Master the best they could.
Years had passed since Cassian last wondered if K-2 was at his side because he wanted to be, or because his programming compelled him. Now that they were lovers, he found himself doubting all over again.
Cassian was well aware he should be discussing this with K-2, not brooding in silence while he found excuses to keep K-2 at a distance. But he had always been better at hating himself quietly than talking about his problems.
"Doesn't it ever bother you?" he finally blurted out one day while they were firing side by side on the shooting range. It was late, they were the only ones left on the range, and facing the targets gave him the perfect excuse to avoid K-2's eyes.
"Does what bother me?" K-2 asked, sounding vaguely bored. Cassian couldn't blame him, it was boring to shoot at simulated targets with training blasters when you were used to fighting for your life. But K-2 would just have to deal, it wasn't like Echo Base came with any conventional places for dates.
"That I reprogrammed you."
K-2's blaster went silent, while Cassian kept up the pretense of being challenged by the blips projected on the far wall.
"That I reprogrammed you, and now we are…" Alright, there was nothing to it. He flicked his blaster's safety on, and gestured vaguely at the both of them with the nozzle. Cassian's forehead was creased into a deep frown. "Don't you ever wonder if I did something to you?"
"I don't understand," K-2 said, and his frustration was genuine, but Cassian could tell his words for the lie they were.
"Because I wonder," Cassian continued, his voice tight and curt, almost angry from sheer frustration. Frustration with himself, with all these extra difficulties burdening their relationship just because of what they were, and now frustration with Kay being obtuse on top of that. "I keep recalling every step I took, I question every subconscious choice and wonder if I programmed more into you than I meant to. If I…"
"If you programmed me to love you."
"To believe you love me." His hold on the blaster tightened enough that his fingers ached. "Or to give you no choice but to." Cassian sighed heavily. "I was terribly lonely until you came into my life. And then… I wasn't alone anymore. But did I make a friend… or did I make myself a friend?"
K-2's systems whirred gently as he stepped towards him. "Cassian, you know you will never find an answer that satisfies you."
He lowered his gaze, lips pressed together. It was true. He could have all the proof he wanted, proof which was impossible since his botched reprogramming couldn't be perfectly reproduced in the computer lab, but even if he could have that proof black on white he would still be doubting himself. "I won't."
"If you can't trust yourself," he said, sounding distinctly annoyed now, "you could trust me instead."
But that was the point, he wasn't sure if he could. Cassian kept his gaze lowered. He gulped. "I've been thinking. Maybe we shouldn't be partners in the field anymore. It doesn't feel right, being lovers as long as you're my droid."
K-2 reared back, his left leg that hadn't been fully repaired yet after the last mission made an ugly grinding noise. "You can't make that choice for both of us." His mechanical voice shook with static.
"I can. And that's the problem."
He thrust his training blaster at K-2 and left.
.
.
Three days later, Cassian was on a shuttle with K-2SO.
I don't want to hear it, Andor, get a grip and go back to work, was all General Draven had had to say when Cassian asked to have K-2 reassigned to Corporal Maddel. If there was anyone he trusted to treat K-2 well it was her, but the General hadn't even let him state his case. They were the best team in Operations, and Draven wouldn't see it weakened.
As long as they could focus on the job they worked together as fluidly as always, but on the way back silence settled heavily over them in the cockpit.
Cassian had always treasured their ability to be silent together, but now he felt like he was choking on it.
When he couldn't stand it anymore he got up, announcing, "I need a shower," and fled to the small refresher. It was the most transparent of excuses and Cassian knew it, he hadn't even broken sweat on this mission.
It gave him time to calm his jittery nerves, though, and transition from the clear-cut comfort of mission mindset into the much more tumultuous waters of being K-2's lover.
It was nothing short of frightening, but lovers was what they were, and K-2 deserved better than what he'd been getting. If nothing else, Cassian had always excelled at doing his duty.
When he walked back into the cockpit Cassian felt more like himself than he had in three days.
"Hey," he said quietly, not exactly stepping up to K-2's chair, but hovering close to it. He waited for K-2 to turn to him, and when he did he held his gaze for long moments. K-2's shoulders slouched, head tilting forward curiously as he, in turn, studied Cassian's body language. There was nothing relaxed about it, but he had lost his previous stiff military posture. Cassian coughed awkwardly, and looked away first.
"Cassian."
"I chose you." His rough voice didn't shake, but it was a close call. Cassian hooked his thumbs into his belt to keep from fiddling. "That hasn't changed. It won't change."
"I don't want you making choices for both of us again."
Cassian gulped. There wasn't even a hint of his usual sarcasm to K-2's voice. Neither had there been any on the shooting range, he realized now. That should have been his first clue that they were steering wrong.
"You are organic and I am not." He stood up, easily towering over Cassian. Normally K-2 tried to get as close to eye level as he could when he spoke to Cassian. Today, he didn't. "I know that. I don't need you to remind me that you are my master."
He flinched. "I'm… Kay, I don't think of you…"
"You were going to give me away."
Cassian felt bile rise in his throat. He shook his head weakly. "I wasn't… I…"
"You were going to give me away," K-2 repeated. His bright eyes burned into Cassian's.
Slowly, it fell into place in his mind. Whoever was K-2's partner was his handler, and would have all the power over him that came with it. K-2 was Alliance property, not his personal property, and that was the only reason Cassian had ever found it conscionable to become his lover at all, but with all such teams he still got to make the day-to-day calls, and could expect to get his way on things he needed permission for.
In daily life you could forget, or make yourself forget, that it wasn't the normal command structure at work. But it wasn't. Commanding officers couldn't order to have your memory wiped, or have you scrapped for spare parts.
"I didn't think about that," he whispered. He had only thought of his own discomfort, and how to ease it.
"You don't need to think about it. You aren't a droid."
It stung. Cassian pressed his lips together, and nodded. It stung, but all the most important lessons in life were painful.
K-2 shuffled towards him, and Cassian crossed what little distance remained. He leaned his forehead against K-2's metal shoulder.
On normal days K-2 would have taken it as wordless permission to caress his hair or wrap his long arms around Cassian and pull him into a hug that always left him feeling a little bit squished – accidentally on purpose, as he couldn't help but suspect.
He gave his hair a little ruffle now, but his hand didn't linger. "I'm still furious with you."
"I know."
"I chose you, too, Cassian. But right now I am furious."
He inhaled deeply. Tears burned in his eyes, but he blinked them away. It was time he stopped making this about himself, and his moral qualms. So much in their shared life was already about his crimes, his nightmares, his needs.
When he raised his head Cassian felt composed enough to meet K-2's optics without flinching, or feeling the need to plead with him. "That's fair." His eyes flickered to the console, though there was no need to check on it. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry." It was worth very little, he knew. Apologies wouldn't have fixed anything if Draven had agreed to the swap.
"I'm sure you are." There was judgment in K-2's voice; Cassian couldn't blame him. K-2 knew that Cassian was sorry for many of the things he did, but kept doing them anyway since he considered them necessary.
"Don't ever try to give me away again."
He met K-2's photoreceptors. "I won't. Not unless you ask me to, that is."
K-2 took a few seconds to respond, Cassian assumed he was running simulations. He nodded solemnly. "I believe you."
Before the silence could get awkward again, Cassian returned to his co-pilot chair. "We've got time before the next jump. Do you want to get a head start on our report?"
"No. But as you're going to make me help anyway, I might as well do it now."
There. Sarcasm. Cassian felt the knot his stomach had twisted into loosen slightly. They would be okay. Maybe. Hopefully. No. They would be. He just didn't know how long it would take for broken trust to be rebuilt, but they would be okay.
Cassian still couldn't say what dating a droid was like, but maybe that was altogether the wrong question. He was dating K-2SO, and not a droid.
The End