Ballad of the Peony
Chapter 1
The Blossoms of Luoyang
"Hmph! Why won't anyone ever tell me?!"
The sound of pots clattered against the stone walkways from being kicked as a young boy growled in frustration and crossed his arms, leaning against a fence, staring out at the kingdom before him.
"Tell you what?" He gasped in shocked as he turned to see a tall brunet walking towards him with a questioning smile, his hair graying. "Yi Cao, now just what are you doing out here in the middle of the night?"
The young boy frowned, looking away as the wind blew against his face coolly and the moon shone down on his pale skin. "I couldn't sleep. I had that dream again, but whenever I ask anyone about it, no one will ever tell me! I'm beginning to feel like a lone wolf in the royal palace…"
The King of Jin gave a hearty laugh, approaching the his young brother and patting his back. "Instead of asking everyone else, have you ever decided to ask me?"
Yi Cao thought about it before looking up to his older brother and shaking his head, "No. I haven't." He frowned again before looking across the kingdom again. "But who am I to ask the King of Jin…"
In response to that, he received a hard slap on his back, making him wince. "Who do you think I really am? The King of Jin, or your most Honored Older Brother, Sima Zhao!?" Zhao laughed, patting Yi Cao, joining him in leaning against the fence. "So, are you going to ask your Brother Zhao or not?"
Yi Cao laughed at him, "Even though you're my brother, I can't help but have to fight the urge to call you Grandpa."
Zhao laughed and agreed, "I guess I am old enough to be your grandfather, but it's not my fault that your mother decided to give birth to you so late in her life." Yi Cao's smile left his face as he stared down from the ledge they stood at in thought. The only thing that kept them from falling was the fence they leaned against. Zhao stared at his little brother and quirked a brow, "You had that dream about your mother again, didn't you?"
"Yeah…" Yi Cao sighed as he looked up at the pale moon, "I did…" A strong but soft breeze blew at his face, pushing the hair back out of the twelve year old's face..
Zhao stared at him, letting him stared up at the sky in thought before chuckling and looking away. "You know, we have all night if you need to ask me something."
"Brother Zhao, did my mother abandon me? Or did she die giving birth to me?"
Sima Zhao stared at his younger brother, watching his eyes droop down sadly. "What do you mean?"
"I dream of a loving mother, who encourages me and takes care of me, but when I wake up, I realize…I don't have a mother at all." Yi Cao sighed and slumped his face on the palm of his hand, being propped up by his elbow on the rail of the fence. "All my life, I lived without a mother, I supposed that all I have, or even had, was Big Brother Shi and you and Sister Yuanji. I know nothing about my mother and I may know everything about my father, but it's still like I don't know them both at all…"
"It's different isn't it?" Yi Cao looked over to his brother. "There is no one who can replace your mother or your father, no matter who it is that raised you."
"No! Brother! That's not what I meant!" Yi Cao grew frantic, believing he may have just insulted the King of Jin right to his face.
Sima Zhao laughed and looked up to the sky. "Don't worry! I know what you meant, you meant well, you didn't mean to insult me, and you didn't. But as I've been trying to say, is that if you just ask, I will tell you the tale of your mother."
"Will you?" Yi Cao stared up at his old brother intently, hoping for answers about his true identity, where he came from, who he could possibly be.
Sima Zhao stared down at his young brother and smiled. "Of course, Sima Yi Cao, I will tell you of the Ballad of the Peony, the story of your mother…
Are you ready?
Now once upon a time…
Brother, please don't start like that…
Okay, I won't. Once upon time—
Zhao…
Okay, okay! Long, long ago, but not that long ago….
Really, Zhao? Really?
Yeah, really…
Whatever…
So long, long ago, but not that long ago…
On the dirt path that lead to the palace of Luoyang, a young woman, by her lonesome approached by foot. That young woman, clad in cotton, wearing a straw hat with a veil…
…was me…
Brother, if you're going to narrate, you probably shouldn't narrate as my mother.
I'm sorry, well then, I won't narrate as your brother as your mother, so then I'll let your mother narrate from now on then.
What? I didn't understand that…
Shh, just listen.
One the dirt path that lead to the palace of Luoyang, a young woman, by her lonesome approached by foot, the sound of a young woman's voice began narrating, That young woman, clad in cotton, wearing a straw hat with a veil…was me…
Oh! I see what you mean now.
Shh, just listen to your mother tell you of her story.
My name is Cao Pei Pei, the daughter of Emperor Cao Pi and Empress Zhen Ji, the younger sister of Cao Rui. Most know, or knew, me as the Princess of Dongxiang. They say I died at a young age, but I actually ran away from home. A few years ago, before the start of this story, before the start of my story, my mother came into trouble with my father's favorite concubine, the Lady Guo Nuwang. As soon as she was in the favors of my father, Lady Guo began attacking my mother, making statements that my older brother, Cao Rui, was perhaps not the his son, but the son of my mother's former husband, Yuan Xi, bringing my father to doubt my mother. One day, as I sat with my mother, embroidering new clothes for my birthday, an order was sent to my mother from my father. She was to kill herself. We both knew that this must have become the doings of Lady Guo. Though I begged my mother not to comply with the order, she told me to leave Wei and never return. She feared that Lady Guo may attempt to get rid of my brother and I as well, but my brother was to stay and try to remain in my Father's good graces.
And so I left, I ran away and never returned. I lived the life of a pauper, was called by a different name. And though I lived by myself by a different name, I have never forgotten who I am, or where I came from. And as my father's eldest daughter, I would return to his side on this day in this year to let him know that I am still alive before he dies.
I hate my father, I hate how he had ordered my mother to commit suicide. Just being there with my mother a week before my birthday and knowing of such an order stabbed at my heart. I couldn't believe my eyes and ears to know of such a thing from a man who loved me so much. He adored me, I was his Princess Pei Pei, who he would always personally pick peonies for. And because I can't forget his kindness either, as well as the fact that he is my father, I will visit him and see him.
"Who goes there!? Show your face."
I stared through my veil, hesitant of what I was doing, if it was alright for me to return or not. But I can't turn my back now…
"Cao Pei Pei, Princess of Dongxiang." I pulled off the straw hat and veil and lifted my face to the guards who were at first staring with confusion before giving me faces of shock. They bowed to me, unable to say anything as they opened the gates and used their arms to gesture that I could enter the palace.
I stepped in with my shabby clothes, looking around the palace. It hasn't changed at least a bit since I was here five years ago…
People stared, either with shock or surprise or confusion.
No one dared to approach, but whistles blew at me as I walked past the training soldiers. I kept my head down as the one of the guards at the gate escorted me up towards the palace. Generals who recognized me stopped their chattering and stared at me in shock. I only looked away and kept my face down, already feeling out of place, looking like a pauper, walking within the palace walls. The guard took me into the palace.
I could hear shouting from within the bed chambers of my father's. It was always this room that belonged to my father.
"But there is the possibility that Rui isn't even legitimately your son!"
"You are still doubting that?!
"Father, shouting isn't good for your health."
"Because of you, I lost Zhen Ji and Pei Pei!"
"It was your own damn fault for ordering her to kill herself, I didn't think that little twit Pei Pei would kill herself as well!"
"YOU are talking about MY daughter!"
The guard coughed to clear his throat before knocking.
"What!? Who dares to interrupt this conversation?!"
The guard pushed opened the door, entering the room, bowing to the seething empress and the heated emperor, sitting in bed.
"I present to you, the Princess of Dongxiang, Princess Pei Pei."
"What nonsense is this, you filthy wret—"
They all stared to me as I stood in the door way. Three men were in the room, not including the guard, and a tall woman, looking as elegant as ever. I recognized her right away. I stepped into the quiet room, silenced by my arrival. I pushed my bangs from my face and stood tall, holding my head up high. Everyone stared at me in either shock or surprise. I ignored Lady Guo as I walked towards my ill father, sitting in bed, staring at me as though he was being visited by a ghost or a spirit.
"Father." I softly got on my knees and bowed to him.
"Rise." I looked up at him, trying my hardest to not cry. I pulled myself up back to my feet, standing in front of him. "Come closer…" I looked him in the eyes with mine. "…my child…" For some reason, it began to feel like I could not breathe… I could see the tears rim his eyes and just that sight brought tears to mine. And like old times, at the same time, we both reached to dry each other's tears. "Pei Pei…"
"Baba…"
"Pei Pei…" His rough hands caressed my cheeks. It was clear that he had fought many battles… "…you're alive. You look just like your mother…"
"Yes, Baba, I'm still alive…"
"But I thought you…"
"I ran away because I feared you'd ask me to do the same…" I bit my lip.
He stared at me in shock and disbelief. "I could never ask my Peony do to such a thing…" My hand held onto his.
"Stop this nonsense immediately!" We all turned our attention to Lady Guo who stood there, glaring at me. "You are not Princess Pei Pei! How dare you impose on us, you imposter! And even if you really are Princess Pei Pei, do not forget it was you who left the palace on your own! Cao Pi! Get rid of this wench!"
I stared at her, my brows furrowed at her as I stood up tall. "How dare you…"
"Excuse me?"
"How dare you speak to the Emperor of Wei with such a dirty tongue! Know your place before you speak to my father that way! You have no right to order the Emperor at your will!"
She gasped, appalled by my behavior before seething at me with her teeth. "How dare you speak to me that way, you good for nothing whore!"
"Nuwang!" Her angered face short towards the direction of my father's. "This is my daughter who you are speaking of!"
"Why wouldn't it be true? She's been gone for five years, who knows how many men swam inside her!"
"You speak with such ease for a concubine…"
She stopped, staring at me in shock before raising her hand, narrowing her eyes at me. "Why, you—"
A hand grabbed onto her wrist, the tall man stared down at her with a soft but warning smile. "Lady Guo, perhaps it would be unwise to ignite fire between the aged you and the young princess, what would your people think? You squabbling with Lady Zhen's daughter, let alone, being unable to mother a son or even a daughter yourself. If you would like for your people to see your better nature, perhaps you should show a bit more elegance in the nature of being an Empress. Harming Princess Pei Pei would be unwise."
I stood there, confused as to what was going on, but tried to look and remain strong. Lady Guo only glared at me more, yanking her hand away from the tall man clad in blue. My soft eyes locked with Lady Guo's infuriated ones until she raised her hand and slapped me before storming out of the room.
"Pei Pei!" As I fell, holding onto my cheek, I was caught in the arms of my armored brother. "Are you alright?"
I looked up at my brother before looking down, "Big Brother…" I sobbed quietly as I was pulled into his embrace.
"As long as you're alive and home, that's all that matters right now."
"Rui, take Pei Pei and find a servant to get her washed and dressed. I'd like to have supper with her in my room tonight."
"Yes, Father."
Cao Rui pulled me up with him and lead me out of the room as I stared back at my father who watched me leave with my older brother. My eyes traveled to the mysterious man who remained in my father's chambers. He bowed to me, but I caught a glimpse of something in his eyes. Mischievousness? When I blinked, I saw that he was only bowing with his eyes clothes. Perhaps I was just seeing things.
I yelped as a sash was being pulled on tighter and tighter on me. After five years, I had forgotten how uncomfortable these clothes were, pushing up our bosoms to give the illusion of having cleavage. And at the same time that the servant girls were putting clothes on me, other servant girls were combing through my hair, yanking at the knots.
"My, you're so thin! I couldn't imagine how you must have lived out there by yourself!"
I bit my lips, trying not to scream from the pain of my hair being pulled left and right, the sash being tied tightly into a neat bow behind me, whatever was left of the sash would have to drag behind me.
The doors opened from my chambers to reveal my older brother who waited there for me. "Big Brother!" I pulled up the robe above my feet a little, revealing jeweled shoes, and ran to my brother, clad in my favorite colors, purple, blue, and green. The robes gently fluttered and flew behind me. And when I stopped beside my brother, I lifted my hands to make sure the hair ornaments decorated in my hair, were still there. I especially felt the large peony that sat on my head.
"My sister, you look beautiful this evening." Cao Rui smiled down at me.
I grinned at him, looking down shyly before bowing to him.
He held his arm out to me. "So then, shall we go?"
I looked up at him slowly before smiling softly at him, "Yes, Big Brother."
As we walked down the hallway, from a distance, I saw the beautiful woman, dressed extravagantly. And as we got rid of the distance between us, Rui only kept his face forward, ignoring Lady Guo. But I couldn't… My eyes were locked with Lady Guo's glare as her ladies in waiting trailed behind her.
We passed by, and instead of looking back at the empress who stole my mother's title, I simply gazed down at the wooden floor boards. "Do not let Lady Guo get to you." I looked up to Cao Rui and smiled, nodding. He lead me through the palace as I stared out the windows. "Because of our mother's incident, most of our people feared that you followed her path five years ago, I believe they were all waiting for the day that you would return." I said nothing to my brother. Luoyang was the same as always. "You are as beautiful as mother." He looked down to me as we reached my father's chambers. I looked up to him and smiled, giving a small kiss on his cheek before the guard opened the doors and announced my arrival.
I stepped into the room and turned around to see my brother walking away. "Big Brother!" He stopped and looked back at me. "Are you not joining us?" He only chuckled and shook his head at me before continuing his retreat. I looked down nervously before entering the room. The man from before was still there, our eyes locked for a moment as I walked past him. He smiled at me. I stood in front of my father and bowed to him. "Father."
He used his hand to gesture me to sit in the chair that sat across from him. He had a square table set up at his bed where he sat. The table was set for two. I sat down in the only chair in the room, sitting across from my father who sat on his bed. "Pei Pei." He smiled at me. I bowed my head to him. "Please, eat." I nodded my head before looking back at the other man in the room. I remember him, he had always been here with my father and grandfather…hmm…how old is he really? He's looks quite young for someone who must have lived in the lifetimes of my grandfather.
"But what about him?" I pointed to the man in the blue robes. I saw him turn his head to look at me and he laughed out loud before turning his back to me again. I looked at my father as he laughed as well.
"It seems you've learned to become humble in the past five years."
I covered my mouth and stared at my father in shock. "I have forgotten my manners!" I bowed my head down, unsure of how to apologize and who to apologize to.
"It is alright, please, feast on what you like." I looked up to my father and back at the man before looking down at the food, a steaming bowl of rice sat in front of me. The sun was beginning to set.
I grabbed the chopsticks and reached for some vegetables and fruits, never once had I reached for any piece of meet. I looked to my father as he stared and watched me eat by myself. "Father, are you not eating?"
He only smiled at me and shook his head. "I already had my fill before you arrived. I looked down at the food. His bowl of rice had not been touched. Everything looked untouched until I arrived. I picked up a vegetable piece and set it in my father's rice bowl.
"Baba, please eat with me."
He smiled and picked up his chopsticks, eating the lettuce with a bit of rice. "I see you haven't picked up any piece of meat."
I stared at him in surprise before looking down at the food. "Oh! I didn't even see them." I smiled sheepishly and chuckled beneath my breath. "I've grown so used to vegetables and fruits that I couldn't help myself."
Father stared at me before pulling up the sleeves of his robes a bit, to wipe something at his eyes. I heard him sniffle a little before he used his hands to pull off the leg of the whole boiled chicken. He placed it in my bowl. "Five years, and my daughter ate nothing but fruits and vegetables." I stared at him with furrowed brows before my lips quivered. Though my eyes watered, I stared down and at the chicken leg with my hand, using chopsticks to eat rice with. No matter what, I didn't want my father to hear or see me cry so I stuffed my throat with food and kept my face down. I swallowed down the lump that began to clog my throat.
The life of a pauper is not a bad life. It's just not as privileged.
"Eat to your heart's content." At those words, I choked and began to cry, realizing what a poor life I lived by myself, defending myself. I felt my father reach his arm over the table to pat my head with his hand, making my heart ache even more. "Eat so that you will become strong."
To think I hated such a man who loved me so much, worried about me so much.
Because I could no longer breathe, I stopped chewing and swallowed whole what I had in my mouth. I took a sip of water in the attempt of helping me wash down the food. I coughed into my sleeve and kept my face down, afraid of asking a question I had always hoped to ask.
"Why did you order my mother to kill herself?"
My father stared at me sadly, looking down to his hands.
"I had prepared myself countless times for this question today." He stared at me, his brows furrowed sadly. "I knew that sooner or later, you'd question me about your mother." He sighed… "I married your mother due to love at first sight…
"…I stole her from another man all the while having a concubine…
Her beauty enchanted me and she immediately became my wife… About eight months after our marriage, your brother, Cao Rui was born, rumors began to rise that Rui was not my son, but the son of her former husband. I did my best to ignore them…your mother even told me that her former husband had been neglecting her for months, and so I believed her.
I can still hear and remember her voice in my head…
"My beloved Lord…"
But now it feels like a ghost whisper upon my ear…
"…I will wait for the day you die…"
It was around the time that your grandfather died that Lady Guo was always at my side, and whilst being beside me, she began to convince me that your mother told me lies, lies that Rui was legitimately my son. I was troubled by such a thought, and then we had you. My little Princess, in which the peonies of Luoyang can never compare to, and I believed in your mother again.
A few years later, I found something I could not remove from my mind. Lady Guo presented to me with a poem from your uncle, a love poem to your mother. And though your mother argued she had no affinity for or even with him, your uncle admitted to writing the poem. I could not decipher if they had an affair or not, but I was angered, and I was jealous, and I was heartbroken…
…what if you were not my daughter?
I would not see your mother for days on, I couldn't without feeling angered. I would only see you, or not at all if you were with your mother.
Not only had I been seeing Lady Guo, I had been seeing other concubines as well, all to get my mind off of your mother and you and Rui.
And so then your mother complained.
I was neglecting her, just as her former husband did.
It never occurred to me that perhaps your mother was really faithful and true to me…
I denied her entry to the Royal Court, and when she complained to me again, displeased by this, I sent her an order to commit suicide…
And that night…I had a dream…
My body rose high in the sky and almost touched the heavens…
I was told that "there are many noble maidens in the land, but it may mean that one of them is fated to die due to a false crime against her".
Not soon, but immediately, after I was told this, a messenger came to notify me of your mother's order to commit suicide. I tried to sent another messenger to cancel the order as soon as possible, but it was too late. Your mother had complied and you were no where to be found…
But you are my daughter! Rui is my son. Why did I ever doubt that?
Your mother was not only neglected by her former husband, but by me as well, I can no longer blame her resentment...
Lady Guo says that my sudden illness is due to your mother's vengeful spirit, as though I've been cursed by your mother."
…and even if I was cursed by your mother, I do not blame her." He stared up at me. "But now that I've seen you, and now that I know you are still alive, I feel that I can rest in peace when I meet your mother in the afterlife, in hopes that she can forgive me."
Silent tears streamed down my cheeks as I wiped them off. I was breathing in and out deeply, do my best to not cry aloud. "Baba…I don't want you to go…"
He chuckled slightly, "Pei Pei, there is a time for everything, and now that I've seen you, your presence is the greatest wish that has been granted…"
I couldn't help but burst in front of him, sobbing like a child as he sat there and watch me.
"I have asked Rui to watch over you. I am happy that the Jade Emperor granted my one dying wish. I could not ask for anything more than to see your beautiful face again. You are as beautiful as your mother…"
I sniffed and stared at him as he smiled and closed his eyes before falling over to the side. "Father!" I stood up in alarm and ran to his side, grabbing a hold of him as the man within the room turned and quickly approached. "Baba!" I shook him, trying to wake him up. Such a joke was not funny. "Don't play a dirty joke on me! Baba!" The man only stood back and watched as the guards came in with my brother and my step mother. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
I cried…
I had never thought that the first time I would see my father in a long time…would be the last time I will ever see him…
It was a quiet funeral for my father, buried as an emperor should. My brother, who had just become the crown princes became emperor and Lady Guo became Empress Dowager Guo. All of Wei was here for my father's quiet funeral.
My heart filled with regrets, but there is nothing I can do about it now. What had happened in the past has been done…
As humans, we can only hold onto our regrets and remember them… For regrets is a part of who we are…