The Moon I gazed towards the heavens On a warm summer night And a Smile is what I saw
For as I peered at the sky Up, up, quite high, The moon peered down on me.
~Micheal Wardwell
You're so innocent, Usagi. You can do something with your life. You can be someone other than a princess. Usagi bit her lip as she walked slowly down the street. "I never wanted to give up being who I am. I like flirting! I like boys! I like bunny's and toys and clothes and shopping and friendships! I like getting my low grades! I like not being able to be there! I liked not having the world on my shoulders!" Yelled Usagi defiantly to the skies.
As expected no response but the hollow wind and the soft trills of crickets and cicadas. Usagi was now very late to the study session at Rei's but why did studying matter when she was going to be ruler of Crystal Tokyo? Usagi plopped her tired body on the steps of the Temple. She stared longingly at the stars, at the specks that littered the night sky. Were there other girls with these problems? Of course, the scouts, but they never truly understood her. They only ridiculed her. What type of a life was this that a girl had to think and dwell apon such dismal topics? Look at yourself Usagi, she thought bitterly, What type of ruler would you make? Describe to me my fate! Why can't someone else take this duty? Why can't I just be a normal Usagi? All I ever wanted was to be kind and have fun! Destroying youmas and Daimons and such was not normal for a teenager. I'm not normal. I'm not a teenager, I'm not Usagi. I'm serenity in the body of Usagi. This can't be happening! Why do I have to remember? Can I not just forget everything... go back to how it used to be? It all started with LunaÉ I used to think this was so cool. I used to think that it was awesome and amazing. I used to think I was helping people and that I had a mission and only I could do it and that it was amazing. What happened to me since then? Have I changed that much? I've tried to be better, I've tried to be what I cannot be: A Princess. I've tried to be one but I always end up being just me, a misfit in the eyes of everything. What type of worthiness do I possess? Who am I? Who will I be? And will I ever be the same? Usagi stood up and began to pace the steps. "There's no use of me going to Rei's. I'll just be patronized for my being late."
Usagi climbed down the stairs and walked the night streets of Tokyo. Couples past her, bumping into her. Usagi clasped her sides as she continued walking, vaguely realizing her surroundings. Usagi, Usagi, Usagi, My name is Tsukino Usagi. My name is Sailormoon. My name is Princess Serenity. My name will soon be Queen Serenity. Mamoru calls me Usako and Odango. Who am I? Or am I all? I'm getting sick of all this. If I see another youma or creature, I will scream and snap!
"OdangoÉ Why are you out at such an hour?"
Usagi spun around startled. Haruka was before her on her motorcycle. Haruka slipped off her bike helmet, her blonde hair falling down around her eyes beautifully. Usagi cleared her throat and was about to speak when Haruka raised her eyebrows, "You've been crying?"
Usagi's hand went to her face and she gasped as she saw that she had been crying. Usagi couldn't tell Haruka what was going on. Haruka would be servant to her in Crystal Tokyo. As Queen, She couldn't show her feelings, not for these reasons. Haruka stepped off her bike, extending her hand, offering a ride. Usagi shook her head no and backed up, breaking into a run down the street. Haruka yelled after her in surprise, "Usagichan! What's bothering you?!"
Haruka leapt onto her bike, thrusting her helmet on and raced after her. It was not long before Haruka rode next to the sobbing and sprinting girl. Usagi turned towards Haruka and screamed for her to leave her alone. "I can't do that, Usagichan. I will not do that."
Haruka expertly moved her motorcycle in front of Usagi, trapping the girl in between a store doorway. Haruka leapt from her bike and crouched down at the whimpering Usagi. Haruka was speechless, not knowing what to say. Usagi stood up and quietly muttered, "Let me go."
"Not until we fix what's wrong."
Usagi glared at Haruka, hate piercing from her eyes. "You can't fix what is wrong! No one can fix what is wrong! It's nothing that you can fix unless I end it somehow."
Haruka pondered her strong words, taking a breath, she said, "Well, why don't you come to Michiru and my home for the night and you can tell us how we can help you."
Usagi paused before letting off a snide remark. "Fine. IÉ IÉOh HarukaÉ"
Haruka was once again surprised as Usagi fell into her arms crying. Haruka tightened her arms around the sobbing girl and whispered that things would be all right soon. Haruka leaned her cheek against Usagi's soft blonde hair, smelling the shampoo smell. Haruka lead Usagi back to the cycle and the two rode off for Haruka's home.
Michiru sat on the couch, she leaned back and let loose her tied hair. She had turned on a CD and was now listen to some of Wagner's classics. Haruka entered the house. Michiru smiled and raised her arms like an infant to its mother, "Haruka!"
Haruka smiled and while accepting the open arms, kissed Michiru on the cheek. "We have visitors, Michiru."
Michiru straightened herself up and stared at the shadowed figure in the doorway. Coming into the light, Michiru gasped as she saw the saddened girl, "whyÉ UsagichanÉ what's wrong?"
"IÉ" Usagi took a deep breath and smiled slightly, "Could I please sit down and have a drink of water?"
"Of course," Haruka said immediately, "How rude of us, please sit. I'll get the water."
Haruka entered the immaculately clean kitchen and was running the water when the phone rang. Haruka kicked the phone and the receiver flew up and into her hand. "Moshimoshi...Usagi? She didn't show up to the study meeting? Well, Rei, She's hereÉ"
Haruka looked at Usagi sitting so glumly in the chair. She had the most painfully distant look on her face, a face that was salty with dried tears. Haruka cleared her throat, "Usagi is fine. She merely forgot, you know how her memory is. She'll see you guys tomorrow. Okay? AlrightÉ ByeÉ"
Haruka hung up and stared at Usagi again. She was so beautiful, it tore her heart to see Usagi so broken. Haruka turned back to the faucet, ignoring her own feelings. You brought her here because you love her. Haruka bit her lip as she poured out the water, and refilled it. Her thoughts were killing her. She did have great feelings for Odango. Haruka sighed and pushed the feelings away. She brought the water to Usagi who was spilling everything on her mind.
"I haven't seen her. Haruka said that she was over there."
Minako sighed and leaned back. "If she keeps skipping these meetings then she's going to fail the entrance exam."
Makoto threw a soft pillow in Minako's face, "And you are the prime example of studying?! You're as bad as she is."
Minako answered with a scrunched up face. Rei sat back on her bed, pondering something. She had the look of great discomfort; something was bothering her. Ami cleared her voice quietly and politely said, "Maybe Rei has something to say?"
The group turned to look at Rei who still had that distant look on her face. Minako stood up and tapped Rei, on the shoulder, who looked up startled, "Are you ok, Reichan?"
"FÉfineÉ I just have this dreadful, dreadful feeling. I dunnoÉ I just feel likeÉ" Rei paused, "I feel like crying."
"Did something happen?" The girls said in unison while crowding around their dear friend. Rei shook her head and repeated how she felt.
Rei sighed and said, "Maybe I just need some fresh air. Let's go to Haruka's and pick up Usagi. She's probably eating all of their food anyway!"
The other girls nodded and left for Michiru and Haruka's home.
"No thank you, Harukachan. I'm not hungry."
Haruka shrugged her shoulders and put the ice cream back into the freezer. Michiru frowned, "You _are_ traumatized by this. You know that it _is_ destiny. Something you can't change."
Usagi bit her lip to hold back the tears again. "But what if I could change it!! I could!! Really I can!"
"How?" Michiru gently said.
"By using the eternal energy."
An awkward silence followed after Usagi's surprising statement. Michiru stood up and turned, gently nibbled the end of her lip, and she looked at Haruka. Haruka nodded her head and Michiru left the room. Usagi's sad eyes followed her up the stairs until she could no longer be seen. Haruka sat down and swallowed hard. Using the eternal energy meant the user's death. Haruka opened her mouth slightly and said, "You want to die."
"No. I want to change things."
"Why not accept them?"
Another awkward pause, Usagi shut her eyes as tears threatened to burn them. She yelled out loud, "You don't understand! It's not that easy!"
Haruka sighed and Usagi stood up and began to pace. Haruka tried again, "You help people, Odango, you help save lives. Without you, the world wouldn't be possible."
"That's not true. Minako is second in command. She could be such better princess and queen than I. She's Sailor V for heavens sake!"
"No, Usagichan, there is only one Queen Serenity."
"My name is Tsukino Usagi!! NOT SERENITY!"
"Usagichan! But it is your name. You are a beautiful and powerful Queen."
"IÉ I never wanted any of this!"
"None of us did but we all have dealt with being someone else."
Usagi stood up and bowed to Haruka, "Thank you for your hospitality. I think I'll go homeÉ"
Usagi said, and now lying through her teeth, "I have been silly, I accept my position as Serenity."
Haruka smiled and stared wonderfully at the blonde girl in front of her. Haruka nodded and said, "Are you sure you don't want to stay?"
"Thank youÉ I gotta go, my parents are probably worried. Sayonara!"
Haruka waved goodbye as Usagi ran down the street. Haruka turned and faced the stairs. Michiru sat on them, her arms crossed. Haruka walked up and kissed Michiru on the forehead, "Well, she seemed ok nowÉ we'll have to watch her. Poor Odango."
"Haruka no Baka." Michiru said. Haruka raised an eyebrow and was about to open her mouth when Michiru continued, "Even I could tell she was lying."
"What? Are you ok? You seemed a bit disturbed."
"You should also be disturbed. It's not everyday that the Princess threatens to use the powerful weapon she possesses to defeat herself and to get out of her inborn duties."
"MichiruÉ"
"Nevermind. I just wished she would stay here. I worry for her."
Haruka nodded, "We can't force her."
"TrueÉ this is true."
The two women left the stairs for their bed.
"Poor Haruka and Michiru! Can you imagine how rude Usagi is being to them as we speak?"
The other scouts rolled their eyes with a series of nods. "Isn't that Usagi over there?"
The girls turned to see a blonde pony tailed girl running as if it meant her life. She was across the street. The girl stopped and bent down, her arms propped on her elbows. Ami raised her hand and yelled, "Usagichan! Over here!"
Usagi lifted her head and turned pale. Great, She thought, This is all I need. Usagi turned as if she didn't know them and began to walk a little faster. Makoto raised an eyebrow in surprise. "She definitely saw usÉ I wonder why she's not responding. Let's go after her."
Makoto and the others ran across the street. Usagi saw them crossing and dashed down an alley. She quickly grabbed a metal bar and swung herself onto a fire exit. "Wow," She said, "I didn't think I could actually do that! Just don't screw up now, Usagi!"
The group of girls rounded the corner and looked down the alley. "She was just here! I saw her." Minako stated.
Ami nodded and sighed, "What's wrong with her? She must be having some sort of problem."
More than you know! Thought Usagi from the fire escape. A small feather floated down from the sky and landed on Usagi's nose. No, no, noÉ Don't sneezeÉUsagi sneezed louder than she had ever before. The scouts turned and Usagi raced up the escape. Makoto and the others swung on the hanging bar and landed on the fire escape, racing after Usagi. Usagi ran to the side of the building, watching her friends appear on the top of the building. "Usagi!" They yelled.
Usagi clenched her fist. There's only one way to get out of this! I am Tsukino Usagi and I will get out of this! She thought fiercely. Usagi backed up and turned toward the edge. Rei's eyes widened as she figured out Usagi's plan. "No Usagichan!! You won't make it!"
"I must!" Usagi yelled back defiantly, "And I will to show you that I can!"
Usagi began to run and leapt from the tall building. She soared through the sky and for a moment felt at peace. The wind felt nice and the feeling of flight was overwhelming until she opened her eyes. Usagi stretched out a hand and barely grasped the ledge. The other girls gasped and shut her eyes. Usagi pulled herself up and cheered. "I did it!! See! I told you I could! Tsukino Usagi can do it!"
Usagi then turned and ran. The other girls lost sight of her. They tried to follow her from down below but Usagi was no where to be seen.
Seven weeks later, Usagi paced her apartment. She had been happy for a while, but it was all pretenses. If she were truly happy, she would show it in her face more often. She had written a letter to Mamoru, addressing all the scouts in it's content. Mamoru was probably sad. She left no return address. Riane and Mori, her best friend and new boyfriend were on their way over. Usagi cleaned up the place a little bit so it was more presentable. Usagi had become very good at cooking, not as well as Makoto mind you, but well enough to get her a job. Usagi had been receiving a home tutor. The tutor didn't have much work and said that he would teach her, if she would work at his store over the weekends. Her apartment was a deep red. Her bed was an ivory color. All the bunny's and nice pinks of her old life were gone. This was a new Tsukino Usagi. Usagi had chopped her hair to a very short length, shorter than Haruka's. Not only had she changed her persona, she changed her name to Tsukino Layla. Layla was more Americanized for her location. The bells chimed and Layla folded a dishtowel before answering. She opened the door to Mori and Riane. Mori hugged her and Riane just moved right in and opened the refrigerator. Mori had short green hair that looked so incredibly natural. His eyes were a bright glossy silver color, very strange among humans but still beautiful. He lifted Layla's hand and kissed it sweetly. "Hello watashi no ai." "Hello Mori. How're you?"
"Wonderful. My band just got a record deal yesterday, I tried calling you but your phone was off the hook."
"I know," Layla said, "I had it disconnected. Its too much money."
Mori placed his hand on his chest in feigned surprise, "No more talking to my loved one?!"
Layla playfully swatted Mori. She turned and walked into the small kitchen. Mori followed her, still holding hands. Riane had made a large sandwich and had the cookie jar open, and nearly empty. "Layla, those were some good cookies. Did you make them yourself?"
"Yeah, an old recipe from a friend. She tried teaching me, I forgot most of it so I just improvised."
Riane nodded her head in approval. Mori moved to the TV room and sat down. He by accidentally hit the table and one of the drawers opened. A few pictures and an object fell out. There were pictures of Mamoru and Usagi, one of her and the inner scouts and one of her with Chibiusa. Lastly there was one of Haruka and Michiru by Haruka's red sports car. Mori flipped through them. He came to the one with Michiru and softly touched his own hair. Mori yelled for Layla, "Layla, who are these people?"
Layla rushed in and quickly grabbed the pictures, "They'reÉ They are old friends who I left in Japan."
Mori nodded and lifted up a stick, "What's this?"
Layla's eyes widened as she saw her old henshin stick. "That'sÉ That's just an old paperweight. That's allÉ I swearÉ Let's go out to eat tonight. I'm sure Riane is still hungry."
"I am!" Yelled Riane from the kitchen. Layla and Mori laughed together and left the room. Layla placed her henshin stick into her pocket. Close one, Layla, Close one.
At dinner, Mori kept noticing a distant look on Layla's face. Whenever he questioned it, Layla kept switching the topic and repeated that she was fine. After dinner, Mori was driving everyone home. Layla's mind began to drift back to the days of Usagi. Mori sighed and parked the car on the side of the highway. "Alright, we are not moving until you tell me what's wrong and tell the truth, Layla, I know you well enough to know when you're lying."
Layla looked up startled and brushed a hand through her hair, She bit her lip and tears began to form in her eyes. Layla turned away from Mori. Riane tried to calm her a bit, knowing what was coming, "Layla, We're your friends, we're here for you if you need anything. Remember no secrets, no pain."
No secretsÉ thought Layla bitterly, I'm living a secret. "Please, don't call me that."
"What?" Mori inquired, "Not call you what?"
"Layla! It's not my name!! Leave me alone!! I'll get out here! I'll walkÉplease!!"
The tears broke her and she bawled openly. Mori tried to reach out to her but Layla tore from his grasp and ran out of the car. Mori started the car and followed her, driving at her pace. "LaylaÉ Please, come back into the carÉ We'll talk this out. What have we done? What can we do?"
"Erase my past? Erase my future. I can't get away from fate!"
Riane bit her own lip and mildly said. "Do you need professional help, Layla?"
"Shut up, Riane. I need to run away again."
"LaylaÉ" Mori started until Layla screamed at him.
"MY NAME'S NOT LAYLA!"
"Then what is it."
Layla turned and looked into his hurt face. Damn you, Layla, Usagi, Serenity, whoever the hell you are. Layla stopped and backed away a bit. She had hurt Mori too much. She had hurt the scouts too much. She had hurt Mamoru too much. "My name is Tsukino Usagi. I'm from Tokyo and I'm trying to escape people there."
Mori sat back a bit, "So you lied to us. Who are you? What else have you lied about?"
"Nothing."
Riane raised an eyebrow, "I doubt that. Get into the car. We're going home to talk."
Once again as Usagi, She shrunk her shoulders and whined, "No... You don't understand! Leave me alone!"
Mori nodded his head, "Well then," and with great malice, "Usagi-sama, We'll leave you. Don't expect to ever hear from us again."
"MoriÉ" Usagi whispered. She really had hurt him. He would never forgive her for the lies she based her relationship on. Mori turned away, to the brink of tears and drove away, white knuckles clutching the wheel. Usagi kicked a stone and sighed. She sat down and crawled up against the small hill of the highway. Cars flashed by her, screeching their engines. She received several honks and a few people stopped. Usagi screamed in terror and ran up the hill into a small forest. Usagi's eyes were filled with tears. She was alone, once again, without a soul to talk too. She had no way home and hated herself the more she went into the forest. Suddenly a hand jerked her back and forced her to a tree, causing her to stop. Usagi screamed and thrashed until a hand was placed over her mouth. God, I'm going to be raped. Usagi's eyes widened and she thrashed harder. A familiar voice said, "Odango, calm down. It's only us."
Usagi opened her eyes and saw Haruka, Michiru and Mamoru by her side. Haruka removed her hand from Usagi's mouth. Usagi shut her eyes in defeat. "How'd you find me?"
Michiru softly said, "We've had posters up all over Japan, then Mamoru remembered that you once had relatives living in Boston. He thought you might have come here. We saw you in a car and turned around. Then we saw you on the side of the road. Before we could stop, you turned and ran away."
"UsakoÉ we've missed youÉ whatever is wrongÉor was wrong. We'll fix it together." Mamoru said.
Usagi stood up and straightened her posture. "I left to be alone and to get out of being a princess. I hate it, and I refuse to be Serenity. I've hurt too many peopleÉ. Poor Mori."
"MoriÉ" Mamoru asked and then quickly hid his hurt feelings. It was too late, for Usagi saw them and bent her head in shame. Haruka gently grabbed Usagi's shoulder to show Usagi to the car when Usagi jerked away. "No!"
"Usagichan?" Haruka questioned.
"My name's not USAGI! It's Not Layla! It's not Serenity!! I'm no one! Leave me the hell alone!" Haruka raised her eyebrows and reached for her once again. Usagi quickly transformed into Sailormoon with her henshin stick. Before the others could even act, Usagi sent her tiara flying towards Haruka. Haruka leapt out of the way, the tiara grazing her arm. Michiru bent to her side and nursed the wound. "HarukaÉ Usagi, look whatÉ"
Usagi smiled with bitter animosity, she turned and fled through the forest. Haruka leapt to her feet and chased after her, Michiru and Mamoru not far behind. Usagi de-transformed and bit her lip as she saw Haruka approaching her with ease. Usagi zagged and leapt over a tree, pushing it into Haruka's way. Haruka leapt it with more ease and grabbed Usagi's shoulder. Usagi struggled and Haruka yelled, "Stop it!! Usagi!! Come with us now!!"
Usagi stopped struggling and began to convulse in sobs. Usagi followed the others to Haruka's car. Usagi sat in the back, in Mamoru's arms. It was the first time in months that she felt safe. It was the first time that she felt that things would go all right. She sobbed harder as she thought of the pain that she caused others. Suddenly Usagi stared up and smiled. With people like these, who would travel around the world for her, she could get through this. Usagi cuddled closer to Mamoru. Mamoru looked at her with surprise. He stared at her short blonde hair, and hr blue tear stained eyes staring up at the night sky. "UsakoÉ"
"Yes Mamoru."
"What are you smiling at?"
"The Moon."
Email: questiesrule@juno.com