I am in a privet jet. Right now. And I am flying to Japan.

To Tskuba.

What am I going to do there?

Good question. Really good... A really tricky one.

I will fight for Michael, begging him for forgiveness.

That sounds really pathetic, does not it?

But right now, I do not care a shit about it.

So, maybe I am pathetic and desperate.

So what?

After that whole time I realized I had been totally wrong,

I can´t live without him and

I never stopped loving him.

Never could I have enough courage to just fly over there (through internet or phone would be lame) and tell him how I feel.

But Lilly told me that she is absolutely sure he feels the same way. She said she has proofs.

I hope she is right.

I really hope she is right.

She has to be right.

I mean I´m on my way to japan... she must be right.

I am going to kill her when she is wrong. I am so going to kill her!

That would be so embarrassing, imagine... me standing in front of him telling

him I still love him and then suddenly there would appear his girlfriend or maybe his wife?

And they would totally laugh at me!

Oh my god what if he is MARRIED?

Or maybe he is already a FATHER?

4 years are a really long time.

Really long.

No, that would not be like Michael and if Michael would be married, Lilly would definitely know.

But he still could have a girlfriend Lilly is not aware of... there even might not be any girlfriend, but still it is totally reasonable that he is absolutely over me and does not waste a second thinking about me... Why the hell was Lilly so sure he still loves me?

Maybe I should have asked that before... But I was suddenly so excited when she said that. And so hopeful. I totally forgot to ask her why she thinks so... I just wanted to believe her,

But now it is definitely too late to ask.

I can`t ask her anymore I mean I am already flying.

"Hello?"

"Lily! It is me"

"Who is me?"

"You did not even recognize your best friend? It is Mia, duh."

"Mia? Are you already in Japan? What happened with Michael?"

"No, Lil. I am up in the air. I am still one hour away from Japan."

"Oh. So, why are you calling then?"

"Lil, I need to ask you why you are so sure that Michael still has feelings

for me?"

"He could never stop loving you."

I waited a few seconds.

"IS THAT ALL? I am flying thousand of miles, because you THINK that he could never

stop loving me?"

"Of course, that is all. What did you think? That he told me about his feelings? "
"For example! Or that you somehow found out that he mentioned his feelings for me to Paul or Trevor. Or that maybe... I do not know. Any proof that there might be some feelings left from his side... "

"Duh, Mia. Michael never talks about his feelings with anyone. I just know that he will always love you, because... wait, Mia. Tina is standing next to me and she really wants to talk to you..."

I sighed. I honestly thought about turning the privet jet, if this is possible ( and also if it´s impossible), around and just fly home.

This trip seems to be senseless either way.

"Mia? Are you still there?"

"Yes, I am. Hello Tina!"

"Mia! Listen, you do not need any proof that Michael still

loves you. You just know that!

I know that you know that!"

"Then you obviously know more than I do."

"Mia, deep inside of you, you know that! And besides,

Boris told me Michael asks about you a lot everytime they talk."

"WHAT?"

"Yeah, Boris also said that this can get quite annoying when they are talking,

because all Michael wants to talk about is you and Boris..."

But I interrupted her: "TINA! That is it!"

"What?"

"The hint, I asked Lilly for. At least he still cares a tiny little bit about me..."

"But, Mia..."

"I am sorry, Tina. I will hang up now. I am on my own way to Mic... my boyfriend."

At least he is at least a bit interested in me and my life.

I hope that this enough.

I closed my eyes and started to dream about Michael and about being in his arms again.

And smell his neck.

"Princess! We are landing now", Lars voice made me wake up from my sweet dream.

Hmm okay. We are landing.

WHAT?

We are landing? To Japan? Now?We are finally here and still have not thought what I will tell him.

`When I walked towards the airport, I could not stop thinking that we are in the same city again. Somewhere here, not so far away from me, is Michael.

There are not any thousand of miles seperating us, now there are maybe a few streets between us.

My heart skipped a beat. Mi-ch-ael, Mi-ch-ael, Mi-ch-ael.

Lars and I, got a taxi and I told the driver his address and here we are now, on our way to his street, His house. His apartment. To him.

And suddenly I realized how stupid I am being. Seriously only because he sometimes asks his mate about his ex-girlfriend, it definitely does not mean he wants her back.

Definitely not.

I mean, I still care about Kennys life as well and I do not want him back... well okay, I do not really care about his life, but... but still.

On the way to Michaels apartment I tried to make up some former couples who do not want each other back, but still want to know whats happening in each others life.

Like my mom and dad. Even if I am not so sure if dad is really over mum...

maybe Boris and Lilly?...

Just then I realized that we stopped driving and the taxi driver told me we were at Michaels house.

Well, he did not really say it is MICHAELS house, but you know what I am getting at..

Well, you probably would not since you are just a diary, but..

My hands are getting sweaty, great just great. I do not remember being so nervous before.

In all my life I have never been so nervous about anything. Not even about public speeches in Genovia... Lars is totally laughing at me. Like he is REALLY totally laughing.

I am starting to worry about him, I mean I have heard of dying of laughter and so on.

P:S It is nice to know my bodyguard is always helping and understanding me.

Nice to know he supports me.

"Princess, I am sorry If I am being harsh, but I honestly do not see a point in stand here for an eternity. There are only two options to pick one from: Either you ring the bell or we are leaving. "

"Let me think about it."

Lars and I have been standing in front of Michaels door for about half an hour( maybe it was already a full hour... who knows? ) and I am still searching for the courage to ring his doorbell.

Two times I had been really close to do it.. seriously.

Once my hand was almost at the doorbell.

"I can not stand this anymore!", Lars mumbled and then he... rang the doorbell!

"LARS! No..! how could you? I mean, this is not... lars! "

"I am sorry princess, but this is definitely for your best."

,Lets run. I want to get away from here."

"What? No!"

When I turned around and was about to start running, some strong muscular arms stopped me.

"We have not been flying here and causing so much co2 for nothing.!"

I sighed. Maybe he is not at home.

And then it happened, oh my god, it happened.

I heard Michaels voice through the speaker.

He said something on Japanese.

I starred at the speaker in my thoughts I was begging it to let

me hear Michaels voice one again.

And it heard me! Again there was his voice, this time in english: "Hello? Is there anybody?"

I starred at the speaker and my eyes widened and my heart skipped faster and faster.

I probably looked completely insane.

"Michael, hi it´s Lars. May we come up?"

I love my bodyguard with all my heart, but at that moment I swear I could have killed him.

I mean if I had a chance to do so because he is 4times stronger than I am...

Maybe 5times.

Michaels voice did not answer.

I started to worry...

"Lars? From New York? What a nice suprise... who is...äh... who is with you here?"

"The princess"

A few seconds it was silence and then he opened the door.

We entered and I felt like I would fell unconscious.

We entered the lift, left it, went left... all of it seemed like a dream to me. Or if it was not me who was making these movements, as it was someone else and I am only watching.

"Lars! Mia! How nice to see you. What brought you here?". Michael said.

Michael stood in front of me. He was in front of his door and was smiling at us.

God, how much I used to love his smile.

He seemed so relax and cool, but still friendly. I felt welcomed in his apartment.

But welcomed as a guest, as a good old friend and that was the moment I realized it.

Michael is my friend.

He has not any feelings left for me, but he is still interested in my life and wants to be good friends again. That is the reason he asked Boris so much about me... not because he is in love with me.

Of course.

I am so stupid.

So stupid.

I never felt so stupid before.

"Wow., Mia. It has been forever. You are so grown up now", Michael said.

I nodded and answered: " So are you."

My biggest wish at that point was to get out his apartment and to start crying and making plans how to kill Lilli.

At least, this was all her fault.

Fine, maybe not all of it.

But I needed someone to blame.

"How are you doing? Where are you studying?, Michael asked.

"Would you maybe like something to drink?"

"Hhm... Water?"

He gave me a glass of water.

I tasted and started to talk and tried to behave as normal as possible.

"Right now, I am studying at the Sarah Lawrence college, literature."

"How cool! But I always knew that you would do something like that.

You are such a talent."

"Why, thank you. What about you? Are you working on a new project or is it still the robotic arm?"

"Still the same robotic arm. We are trying to do it better and better, but right now I am only working in office … "

I nodded.

"I never congratulated you, Michael, to your big success. So, congratulations!"

"Thanks. But also congratulations to you. I mean 3 published books is very much for a 20 year old."

I was shocked.

"How do you know about my books?"

"I asked Boris. And by the way, you are an amazing author even if it is not my genre."

"Thank you. But you can not know that. You have never read anything from me."

He looked me in the eyes and I was sure I was going to explode.

At the living room I heard the football game which Lars was watching right now.

"Of course I have read something from you. I have read everything."

"You have read my books?"

"Yes, I have them here in this shelf."

"You also bought them?"

"Sure. I mean they are still your books."

I know that all of that was just nice from him. Nice and not loving.

He was a friend now and at that point I should have realized that again, but that did not happen.

Instead, I kissed him.

I could have killed myself for that.

He was just a nice, kind friend and me?

Instead of saying thanks and smiling, I start to kiss him.

And here comes the strange part.

He kissed me back!

But I know, it had nothing to do with love. Not from Michaels side. He probably already has another girlfriend. So many years had gone by since we broke up and he is so nice and so handsome and smart and thoughtful and successful. I can imagine all the girls being head over hills for him.

He must have a girlfriend.

I broke the kiss which was the perfect kiss by the way, ,,Michael do you have a girlfriend?"

He only laughed and shook his head and was about to kiss me again (!), I guess he was about to do that ., but I did not let him. I still had some serious questions to ask.

"Married?"

"What? No!"

"do you have kids?"

"Kids? Mia, what is it about with those questions?"

"Answer, Michael. Please. Just. Answer."

"Mia!"

"Michael!"

"I do not."

"What? You do not want to answer or you do not have kids?"

"The second."

I kissed him.

"At least I do not have any kids I know about."

I pushed him.

"You are a jerk."

He laughed and as we were kissing again he suddenly started to talk.

"Have you got a Boyfriend?"

I laughed

"Mia, I´m serious."

"No, Michael. I am single. And I do not have any kids."

"Not any you know about", he joked.

"I think I would remember being pregnant and giving birth .."

"You have a point there."

We kept on kissing for a while. To me it seemed like we kissed for a few seconds, but

When Lars came in and interrupted us, it was already dark outside.

"Princess, I am sorry to bother you, but I need to know what we are going to do.

Are we planning to stay, should I book a room or something or would you like to fly back?"

"What? No! You can not leave this fast! I mean you just came here today and spent hours and hours flying and you have not even seen Tskuba, have you? It is really beautiful!"

"I do not know, Michael"

"Think about how much co2 you produced flying here. It would be a waste of it!"

Somehow the co2 argument always convinced me.