Hey. :)
First off, Happy March, and I hope you have an awesome month, filled with good luck, good times, love, friends, family and lots of smiles. Love you!
This will be a more serious story. I…I recently read Thirteen Reasons Why, and that book really shook me. Congratulations, Jay Asher, you made me laugh and cry. I love you.
And now…I decided to write this story based on his amazing book. I know he'll never see this but I want to thank him for changing the way I look at people.
This is for you, Jay Asher. This is for you, anyone who suffers from depression or is suicidal. This is for everyone willing to read it. I hope you enjoy it. I really worked hard on this, so if you like it, I'll be more than thrilled.
By the way, this will be a three-shot. Hope you like it…:)
Thank you.
Enjoy&Review!
A package.
That's what's on my doorstep. That's what got me out of an awesome dream at eight in the morning. I groan, get the package, then drag it upstairs where I dump it down on my bed, and sit next to it. I grab the pocket knife on my bedside table, and slit the box open.
I glance inside. Photographs, a bunch of them, spill out onto my lap. They show me with Dez, Trish and a bunch of girls I've gone out with. Some I hardly recognize. There's no picture of Ally and me. I continue looking. There's an old tape, one for a walkman, and it feels strange, because I don't think I've ever seen one. I put in next to the pictures. Next, there is a note. I'm about to open it, when I see something on the bottom of the box, which catches my attention.
Bye in bold red letters is written there. I freeze. It's Ally's handwriting.
My heartbeat starts racing, and I feel it thumping in my head. What is this, I think. I try to calm down, without success. It feels like the word bye imprinted on the back of my eyelids, because I see it every time I blink. I pull on my jeans and the first t-shirt I see. What does she mean by this?
Leaving the box behind, I grab my motorcycle keys and race down the stairs, out of the house, and into the garage, where I immediately start the bike and zip away and down the road. My mind has naturally thought of the worst thing possible: suicide. But she wouldn't do it, I tell myself. Never.
She's probably just moving. And I'll be able to convince her to stay. And if I can't, I'll go with her. Yes, that sounds good. Everything will be ok. But my heartbeat doesn't slow and I don't calm down.
Finally, after a traffic-filled ride, I see Sonic Boom in the distance. Unable to wait anymore, I stop the bike and sprint towards the store. The distance is greater than I thought, and soon enough I'm out of breath. I realize I've been muttering the same words over and over in my head: No. I'm sorry. No. Bye. I'm sorry. When I get there, I'm so exhausted that they start mixing up in my head I'm Bye; No sorry. I see that the door is locked. But I know Ally is in there, because she always spends the night here.
Unless she already left. I push the thought away.
No. I'm sorry. Bye. No.
I see that the window to the practice room is open, and I glance at the tree next to me. It looks like an easy climb, so I shake off my helmet and jump to the lowest branch, then haul myself up. I remember climbing when I was little, but I was much lighter than now, and climbing was much easier.
The window is finally on the same level as me, and the branch I'm on is close enough, that all I have to do is stretch a little and then I'm on the window sill. The gap is big enough for me to squeeze through, and with a lot of grunting and swearing, I manage to jump in.
Panic fills me when I look around. Ally isn't in the practice room, but the lyric sheets are scattered all over the piano, so she must've been here today. She always cleans up before leaving.
She must be in the bathroom.
Of course. The bathroom.
I know I shouldn't come in right away, so I knock a little. When there's no response, I have no other choice then to come in, so I do. At first I think the bathroom is empty, until I look down.
This time, only two words are in my mind.
No.
No.
No.
Ally.
No.
She's there, on the floor, but it's not my Ally. Because my Ally isn't dead and still and not breathing. My Ally is alive and buzzing with energy and smiling and singing and alive.
No.
No.
No.
I'm sorry.
Ally.
No.
I fall to my knees next to her. I have to do something. Maybe I'm just dreaming. Ally would never do this. But then I notice three pills in her hand and I realize that I'm not dreaming, because dreams aren't this bad.
My hands fumble for my phone. I dial Ally's dad. He picks up immediately, because he knows I never call unless it's serious.
"Mr. Dawson," I start saying, and it's then I realize that I'm crying, because the words I mean to say don't come out. I hear Mr. Dawson say he's coming, and then he hangs up. I call Trish too, and I sob something into the speaker, and she says she's on her way as well.
No.
Ally.
No.
You wouldn't.
No.
Why?
NO.
I curl up next to her and press her close to me. She's already cold. It feels horrible, holding someone and feeling your heartbeat drum against an empty shell. I hear footsteps pound against the stairs and I realize that Mr. Dawson is coming, and I think I should let go but I can't, because it's the last I'll get of her.
When he comes, I'm screaming her name, and he places a hand on my shoulder, which startles me. "Stop saying her name," he says angrily, and tears stream down his face but he ignores them. "She's not here anymore."
He takes the pills from her hands and throws them out the open bathroom window with a cry. Then he takes off, leaving me alone again. I've stopped calling her name, because it's no use; she'll never hear me.
Trish comes in at some point, followed by Dez, and I feel bad for not calling him too, because by the way his eyebrows are furrowed, I know he cares about her too. We all do. Finally I let go off her body and get up. Dez and I exchange glances and he hugs me for a moment, and then kneels next to Trish. She has her head between her legs and I don't know if she's crying but I hear her screaming the same words, over and over again.
I'm sorry.
Dez tells her it's not her fault, but she continues, her whole body shaking. It's too much for me. I leave. On my way out, I grab the walkman sitting on her desk, and I remember how we made fun of her for it, and I wonder what that tape will show. I'm anxious what I'll see there, because I don't know if I'll be able to take it.
I run down the stairs and then towards my bike, walkman in hand, completely forgetting the helmet near the tree. It doesn't matter. Nothing fugging matters. Ally's gone now.
The ride home seems like forever, even though the traffic has vanished. Finally, I'm on my street, and then I'm at front of my door, and then I'm climbing up the stairs, ignoring my mom who asks me what's wrong. I go up to my room, and lock it, because I don't want her coming up and asking if I'm ok. Because I'm not, and I don't want her to know.
Jumping on the bed, I grab the tape and put it inside the walkman, then plug the yellow plastic earphones into my ears. Her voice fills my head suddenly, and I feel myself crying.
I hear he sigh into her speaker, and then she begins talking first slowly, and then all at once:
I'm sorry.
Yes, that sounds like a good way to start my suicide note. I'm not even sure you can call it that. But I want you to know that I'm sorry. I know you're wondering why the hell I did this to myself, and that's why I decided to record this. Happy listening.
Ta-daa! :D
Ok…I hope you liked it. I'm sorry if it sucked. It's just something I really wanted to write. I'm interested what you have to say about it. Was it bad? Good? Tell me in the reviews! I'll continue only if you want me to.
Take care. Thanks a bunch. Love you all!
Stay awesome and #LOUD!