Yes this is my little randomly college-aged Kikyou talking about how love sucks with a nice Kikyou/Suikotsu squishings moment, hopefully I kept both characters as IC as possible...I dunno, do tell me
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AU, college is never really easy. Neither is love, Kikyou explains why what guys say and what guys mean are never the same and why she shunned love, and then the day that changed her opinion all together.
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Men are shallow everyone knows that. They get what they want and leave pretty much. Love is the same way, I think, it gets you so involved, so hell-bent on that shallow man that you lose your sense of self and then the proverbial 'poof' your heart is broken.
Trust me I knew, but the past is the past no matter how hard it is to move on. Personally I still hadn't budged from my 'lingering in the past' as my grandmother called it. It was the sophomore year of college now; it had been almost 5 years since I had 'stopped time' if you saw it like that.
But for a while I noticed one guy, he was in a good few of my classes and we talked a bit. He was very kind, he always said hello to me in the halls, and sometimes if I dropped my books he'd just pick them up, utter a friendly hello and continue walking.
Not many people are that nice to me, really, they see me as rather distant. But he was very kind and polite to me. And I returned the gestures; of course, I'm not evil.
That brings me to my point, most men do not experience true love in college/highschool. When they say 'I love you' or 'I care about you' it means, quite simply 'I wanna get in your pants' men do not experience the feeling of love until they realize that it isn't always about getting in your pants- and that takes a while.
Not that there aren't exceptions- see, I had gotten to know that kind and polite guy that I mentioned. And he is very kind, smart and everything else guys liked to pretend they are so they can tell the school you're a good screw. But he wasn't faking; he was every bit as sincere as any other guy wasn't. But then he wasn't.
No, I'm not saying he tricked me into sleeping with him- don't get your hopes up. One day he changed, he looked crazy, I watched his friends restrain him and a shorter man gave him a shot that ultimately knocked him out.
One of his friends then explained to me the complex personality disorder he suffered from.
"I'm sorry you had to learn about it that way," he had told me. "I was going to explain." He added, he looked ashamed.
"Why are you sorry? You don't have to be." I told him.
"I'm sorry because..." he started looking me in the eyes with that innocent- almost naïve look and he smiled a little. "I'm sorry because I care about you Miss Kikyou." He finished.
I don't think I had ever been so close to crying, but I wasn't upset or even overjoyed. It was the sincerity that leaked from that one sentence that nearly drove me to tears. I blinked and the next thing I really realized I had locked him in an embrace- I didn't really even know why. I just felt like it was- ...nessasary.
He hugged back, then I realized- we were late for class. I made note of it and he laughed a little, so we got to class.
So maybe love is real after all.
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Sappy ending...kinda cheesy I know... :-p