I sat down at my desk. I stared at my hands. They were hands that not so long ago were held by the most beautiful, amazing, perfect girl in the entire world. The girl that I loved, so deeply and unimaginably. The girl, who caused me pain in every gesture, word, laugh. The girl who I know I could be with forever, if she'd only give me the one chance. The girl, who already had her true love and he wasn't me.

Pen. Pen. I fumbled for a pen, scratching two and coming up with nothing. Finally, a pen! It was red, and didn't have too much ink left, but it was enough. The redness might even remind her of her damned bloodsucker. The bloodsucker who was ruining my life.

Beloved Bella

What am I doing? Beloved Bella? SERIOUSLY.

Darling Bella

I swear that my hand is working on its own.

Dear Bella,

Okay, that's fine, it's fine.

I love you.

Dammit.

I feel broken.

I'm trying to tell her what I feel, but not in a dumbass way.

I remember you, I have always remembered you, and I will always remember you.

Okay...

Do you love me back?


STUPID.

I guess that you're sitting in your room thinking that I'm crazy. You and your bloodsucker.

Okay, I'm being stupid. I'm sorry, I'm just gonna tell you straight up what I've wanted to tell you for so long.

Dear Bella,

We were friends before, a long time ago. You were closer to my sisters and...yeah, but now we're friends right? So, that time, at the beach...did you like me? Or were you just kidding? I really never knew. And now, Edward. He left you Bella! He left you, and I was the one there for you. Is this how you thank me? I was there, I was your best friend and he was nothing! NOTHING. He left. He was a ghost and I was there, flesh, burning hot blood and all!

CRACK.

Oh damn. The pen. Where the hell am I gonna find another pen? Okay, pencil. Fine.

I was the one there for you Bella. I am the one who's always going to be there for you. He's just the pretty little boy you fell in love with. If you fall, get up again! Bella, just please, make up your goddamned mind and just choose one of us.

Jacob

P.S: If you choose him, don't bother even telling me.

The door slammed. Dad's home.

"Dad!"

"Yes, Jacob?"

"Can you bring this up to the Swan place next time you go? It's for Bella"

"Sure, I'm just about to go now."

He left. I went back to bed, and lay down. Did I do this correctly? Should I have just called her? Should I have gone down and used a computer? Is my handwriting terrible?
And all the time, while I thought about those trivial things, I kept wondering.

Should I have asked at all?