Title: Shades of Insecurity
Pairing: Mike "The Miz" Mizanin & Alex Riley
Rating: T
Summary: Slash. Mike's jealousy rears its ugly head.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the story.
A/N: This is the fic I alluded to in the description of "it feels like jealousy." The beginning is a bit different than I had imagined but the part of this story that I wanted to write stayed the same so that's all I really care about. Hope it's a good read.
Mike sits in his quiet room and it doesn't matter how expensive the suite is or that he's staying in the most prestigious hotel in all of Manhattan, it all appears quite drab now. Mike's emotions overtaking his surroundings, transforming everything around him to shit and all he can think about is what he witnessed earlier in the lobby as he returned from a busy day of interviews and photo shoots. His boyfriend, Alex, was acting entirely too friendly with the girls he was talking to. Mike walked right past, doing his best to go unnoticed and now he's just waiting, deliberating whether or not to confront Alex about what he saw. Confrontation, however, is in his nature so when Alex walks through the door, Mike wastes no time.
"Hey baby," Alex greets his boyfriend with a charming smile.
"Where were you?" Mike snaps with a sharpness to his tone that catches Alex off guard.
Having nothing to hide, Alex answers without hesitation. "I was in the lobby waiting for you to get back." He's visibly worried and instinctively steps closer to Mike even though he knows it would be best to just wait for him where he stands.
An unidentified fear deep inside Mike keeps him from hearing the truth Alex speaks and he's forced to remain on the defense, taking a step back.
"Yeah, I saw you alright. Talking to those girls-"
"Okay, am I not allowed to talk to girls now?" Alex looks blankly at Mike waiting for a response, unsure of what he just walked into.
Mike doesn't really know how to defend what he's feeling inside, all his thoughts and emotions swirling around, colliding into each other forming a jumbled mess of confusion. So he says nothing.
Alex almost laughs in disbelief but something tells him this isn't a joke so he holds back, a serious exterior is all that presents itself. "Do you not remember how long I waited for you to grow a pair and end things with Maryse? You think I'd ever do a damn thing to jeopardize what we have?" Alex searches Mike's eyes but it's a look he's never seen from the man before. "Everything was so good."
Mike refuses to acknowledge that that might actually be what the problem is: that everything was so good, too good. His subconscious need to sabotage everything good and right in his life is what made him lash out at Alex. Alex isn't even attracted to girls, Mike knows this and yet he still instigated a fight.
"What are you doing, Mike?" Alex questions, such sorrow on his face and in his voice. His attempt to break down the cold wall keeping him from his boyfriend fails and not even a dent is made.
"Can you sleep in your room tonight?" Mike finally utters.
Alex exhales sharply. "This is my room," he counters desperately.
"Alex," Mike sighs. "I just need some space."
"But Mike, I can't-"
"Please," Mike begs shutting his eyes tight as if it hurts to even face the situation anymore.
Alex feels like he could cry out of sheer frustration. He waits a couple seconds just in case Mike wants to change his mind but it's no use so he turns to leave. He decides he can't risk making things worse, even though he didn't do anything wrong, but he gives Mike the space he requested nonetheless.
Mike hates himself for what he just did. It's like he couldn't stop himself from saying what he said and the look on Alex's face haunts him as he lies in bed for hours unable to sleep. He keeps thinking about how angry he was with Alex but mostly, about how angry he is with himself for being so irrationally insecure. Ironically, he's able to see things more clearly now that it's dark, now that he's on the brink of losing the one person he could never live without. He denied Alex for so long and if he's completely honest with himself, he knows it's the main reason he stayed with Maryse for as long as he did, knowing he couldn't possibly get his heart broken if he was in a relationship where one wasn't needed but now, it's all different. Alex holds his heart in the palm of his hand and at any given moment he has the power, the authority, the ability to completely destroy him. How he has allowed a single person to possess this much control over his happiness, over his whole life, is something he has no answer for. It's just his reality now.
Suddenly Mike hears a click and it startles him from his thoughts. A light floods his room and then it's gone with another click. He feels his chest tighten and the air around him grows thick and heavy when he realizes that Alex came back. The guy's told him on more than one occasion that he can't sleep when they aren't together, so really he shouldn't be surprised but he still finds that he is. Mike doesn't move, just remains on his side with his back to the door. He's too embarrassed and ashamed to face Alex right now. Just then, he feels his body dip backwards slightly, Alex slowly getting into bed right beside him. Alex moves just close enough so his arm touches Mike's back. Even just this little bit of pressure applied to Mike is comforting and it doesn't take but a minute for him to finally fall asleep.
The next morning, Mike wakes up to find himself in Alex's embrace. His head resting on his boyfriend's warm chest. An intense feeling of security washes over him and he thinks he can finally trust in what he and Alex have. His outburst from the night before finally expelling all those negative feelings he held inside. He places a tender kiss to the soft flesh he had been sleeping against. Moves up just a little and kisses the sleeping man's neck in the same way, so grateful Alex came back, even if it was against his verbal wishes. Mike moves up a little more and kisses Alex's chin, his lips grazing coarse stubble. Mike turns towards the window as he snuggles into Alex, holds his arm with both of his own, kisses Alex's strong bicep. The sun's just starting to rise, a dim light peering through the space where the curtains should meet. He watches the beam of light grow brighter when finally, he feels the man behind him start to stir. He didn't intend for Alex to wake up just yet, wanting to stay in the moment just a bit longer, but in no way is he disappointed.
Alex turns his head in Mike's direction. It takes him a second to appreciate the fact that Mike's still there and didn't up and leave him some time in the night but when he does, he nuzzles his face against Mike's soft hair and kisses him. Alex breathes Mike in deeply, not realizing the guy's already awake. "Michael," he whispers achingly.
"Alex," Mike breathes. He runs his hand down Alex's arm until he reaches his hand. Interlocks their fingers so perfectly and holds him tight. "I'm so sorry for the way I acted last night."
"I thought I was going to lose you," Alex confesses with a gravely voice.
"Never. That was just a moment of weakness but it's over now. It won't happen again." Mike punctuates this promise with another kiss.
Alex is overcome with relief. "Just so there isn't any confusion," he begins, "I only ever want to hold you in my arms." He shifts slightly, pulling the arm Mike's been holding onto away so he's able to curl in close behind the guy and wrap his free arm around him.
"And my lips only ever want to taste you," he adds following it up with a sweet kiss, his warm, moist tongue pressing against Mike's naked shoulder. He listens contently as Mike moans with subtle satisfaction.
Alex rolls Mike over to face him and he positions himself between Mike's inviting thighs. He loses himself in Mike's loving blues for a few long seconds, the sun shining in on them like a spotlight directly from Heaven and he feels as if he's being pulled right into the man's soul. "And my eyes only ever want to see you next to me," Alex whispers, his breath trembling as he tenderly caresses Mike's glowing cheek, runs his thumb over his parted lips. Alex lowers himself just a bit and rubs his nose against Mike's before he kisses him slowly and deeply with an all-consuming passion.