This is a short one-shot companion piece to my story Not Your Savior, id 2779700. It probably won't make any sense unless you've read that, but as a quick catch-up: The narrating Harry is 19, has weird powers, has been utterly defeated and changed by war, and just came back through time to kill Voldemort before the second war starts.
I wanted to write this because in the story, I only told the younger Harry's thoughts when the two met. Really, older Harry's thoughts are more interesting. Enjoy!
Reflections Across Time
Harry watched his younger self; a normal boy screaming sadness from every averted gaze, hatred from every clenched fist, hopelessness from every inch he slumped. For the older Harry, empathic against his will, younger Harry was a sun going supernova, bursting behind his eyes. All of this due to the mere death of a loved one, Sirius. He could hardly conceive of ever being so naïve, so thin-skinned, so gentle. Death happened every day. What makes this death special?
He mentally shook his head. He knew he was barely human at this point; too long had he eavesdropped on the emotions of others until he could barely manifest any of his own, and so many deaths had brought him to the point of accepting each one as given, fated, and unmoving in time. People mattered to him…just not as much as they used to.
He remembered caring. He remembered throwing tantrums and sinking into depression and consistently showing "moral fiber." That was the boy in front of him, golden as the Slytherins labeled him, radiating fear, hatred and hopelessness like a normal person should, untouched by the damnation of the near future.
Some tiny spark of the young Harry Potter remained in the bitter old shell of the nineteen-year-old. He believed in helping people and saving them whenever he could. But individual lives had lost value along the way. He did not mourn for those he could not save.
He pressed the Portkey button into the sixteen-year-old's sweaty palm, watching him fade away to the too-near future. If he failed to kill Voldemort, that would almost be okay. He managed to save himself. One less person to mourn.