Author's Note [3/2/2014]:

If you've decided to read this story, I really appreciate it. Now you're probably curious to know what this story entails, so I'll do a quick summary.

This is a Tavros-centric Humanstuck AU that focuses on his character development. There will be hints of romance, but it will mainly involve family and friendship. Follow Tavros' journey as he's faced with struggles, unwanted flirting, and a crippling reality.

Cover Art by Viria.

A Possibly Terrible Decision

It was common knowledge to anyone who knew me that I couldn't walk without tripping over my own feet, let alone play soccer. And yet, here I was, being forced by my best friend to join the soccer team.

"Please, Tavros, the team is suffering."

"Aradia, you should know better than anyone how t-terrible I am at soccer," I said, grimacing as I recalled my experience with house league.

I never wanted to play the sport, you see, but my father was convinced that enrolling my eleven-year-old self in house league soccer would benefit me. Somehow, he got the idea that since my brother, Rufioh, played soccer and was coordinated, well-liked, and confident; I would magically obtain those skills too.

He couldn't have been more wrong.

I was so shy and insecure that I was glued to my position on the field. That was probably for the best, however, because when I did try to play, it was disastrous. I always managed to get hurt somehow, whether it was from falling, getting hit, or tripping over the ball.

The only bright side of house league was seeing Aradia Megido weekly, my cousin and current best friend. She managed to turn shitty-soccer-Sundays to tolerable-soccer-Sundays.

"But it won't be like before," she promised, determination written on her face. "I know you have bad experience with soccer, but you weren't as bad as you thought."

I didn't think she believed that. Nobody did, not even me. "Vriska s-seemed to think otherwise," I muttered under my breath.

Vriska Serket was the best player on the team; talented, pretty, and a huge asshole. She bossed everyone around and loved to boast about her incredible soccer skills. Every compliment she received was met with a cocky attitude. I didn't mind, of course, until Vriska decided she couldn't stand having me as her teammate anymore.

Once I became her number one target, she instantly turned my tolerable-soccer-Sundays to I-hate-my-life-soccer-Sundays. She never missed an opportunity to laugh at my face or yell about how useless I was; sometimes she even hit me if I was particularly terrible. She easily turned the whole team against me, except Aradia, who defended and supported me no matter what.

I endured and finished the soccer season. Aradia continued to play the sport, but my father got the idea that I was just not cut out for sports and I never played soccer since.

Until, well, now.

Aradia clutched the straps of her backpack and averted her eyes. "Listen Tavros, forget about her. You haven't seen her in five years."

I sighed as I picked up my bag from the ground. My shoulders were slumped; mostly from the weight of that terrible fifth grade summer than my backpack. "I know. She didn't mean a-anything to me."

My best friend gave me a concerned look, fully aware that I'm still not completely over the experience, but let it slide anyway. "I'm sorry, I hate bringing up bad memories, but I only want you to make new friends and joining a team is the perfect way."

I wanted to refuse, but I also didn't want to upset her, so instead I said, "I don't know…"

Aradia sighed, but I knew she would try again later today. "Can you at least sit with me at lunch then?"

I shook my head. It wasn't like I hated being seen with Aradia, far from it, actually. However, I quickly learned in the first couple weeks of transferring to Skaia Secondary School that my presence was unwanted by Aradia's friends. Don't get me wrong, they treated me really nicely, but they just weren't my friends. I was often left out of any group conversations they had, which prompted Aradia to talk to me instead so I felt included. I could tell her friends didn't appreciate it very much, and, having no desire to become a burden, I left.

"I like being alone; it's, uh, peaceful."

She raised an eyebrow, the corners of lip tugging upwards. "What? I can't hang out with my best friend at lunch?"

A smile spread across my face and I looked down sheepishly. Aradia laughed lightheartedly and wrapped her arms around me in a hug. "I'll meet you at your locker. See you at lunch."

I watched her go, smile still in place.

I pulled out my books in first period Math, perfectly content in the peace and quiet of the classroom. The tranquility was shattered, however, by a loud, cranky voice.

"Why don't you do something productive in your sad, useless fucking life rather than shove grass up your asshole?" I didn't even have to look up to recognize the unmistakable voice of Karkat Vantas.

"Shit, brother, that sounds more than motherfucking unsanitary," came the lazy drawl of Gamzee Makara. "I suggest smoking it; that shit's miraculous."

I glimpsed up from my math book to see the pair travel to the back of the class. Gamzee had a carefree smile stretched across his face, unaffected by the cruel insults. He mindlessly observed the classroom lights, his half-lidded eyes red-rimmed from smoking too much marijuana. Karkat, on the other hand, had his characteristic scowl plastered on his ghostly pale face, bright red eyes glaring at the tall, lethargic man.

"I don't even know why I bother with a miserable shit stain like you. Just join the fucking soccer team so the douchebags that run the school don't cancel it."

My ears perked at the sound of 'soccer team'. Out of all people, Karkat was one of the last people I expected to play. He wasn't exactly the definition of a good sport, much less be able to cooperate with ten other players.

"I would love to up and motherfucking help, but I just don't remember how to play that shit," replied Gamzee.

Karkat sighed in frustration, and then grumbled, "As much as my throat wants to choke itself admitting it, you were actually pretty decent."

Somehow, the smile on Gamzee's face seemed to get larger and he lifted Karkat in a bear hug, much to the shorter boy's displeasure."Aww thanks Karbro."

"Put me down you gigantic brain dead douchefuck!"

When the drugged teen set him down, Karkat spat a plethora of outraged insults.

Unfazed, Gamzee continued, "Your kicks were motherfucking wicked. The ball flew so fucking high, like a falling star travelling the whole, wide world."

Just then, the teacher, Mrs. Orser, entered the room, flipping through her notes. Without lifting her head, she said, "As poetic as your similes are, Mr. Makara, last time I checked, this was a math class."

"Sorry, sister." Gamzee gave her a large grin, no hint of shame or embarrassment. Karkat growled and shoved his best friend into his seat. "Just shut up and sit."

Mrs. Orser shook her head in exasperation, and then turned to the chalkboard to teach the new lesson. I tried my best to pay attention and take notes, but my attention kept returning to Karkat's and Gamzee's conversation. I considered turning around and asking them about it, but I quickly rejected that idea. I knew that any communication with Karkat would be received with annoyance. I didn't want to be the cause of anybody's anger, so I sat through the rest of the period, eagerly awaiting lunch with Aradia.

The rest of the morning went very similarly to my math class: people trying to persuade others to join the soccer team, getting rejected, and then trying again. A nice, small girl with an affinity for cats had approached me about the team, although she hadn't gotten too far when an intimidating, muscular teen had dragged her away.

I walked down the crowded hallways, still wondering about the soccer team and why everyone so eagerly wanted others to join when, ironically, a pair of students stopped me in the halls to do just that.

"Hey, I'm Jade," exclaimed a quirky girl with bright green eyes and a friendly smile. I recognized her as the optimistic, outgoing girl from my English class. She pointed to a boy who looked similar to her, and said, "And this is my brother John!"

"Oh, err, hi," I said, returning the smile.

"I know this is probably a little weird, but we're trying to save the soccer team from being cancelled and we were wondering if you'd like to join," she said, handing me a sheet with the sign-up details for the team.

"I, um, I guess, I'm n-not sure though."

"Don't worry bro, we only have around eight people who are trying out so you'll probably make it," Jade's brother, John, cut in. He gave me a thumbs up and said, "The soccer team is totally awesome, trust me."

"Um, thanks, I think. I d-don't really—I mean, I'm not so good anymore, so I won't be g-good." I internally groaned at my inability to express myself, made a mental note to start talking to people more often, and tried again. "Sorry, I m-meant, I won't be, uh, very useful."

John gave me a confused look. "Sooo, is that a yes or a no? I don't really understand what you're trying to say because of your stutter."

Jade frowned at him. "Be nice, John." She turned to me, looking apologetic. "Well, it's okay if you aren't the best! You can get better in the team practices, just please give it some thought. Thanks for listening, see you later...?"

"Um, Tavros," I provided, not very surprised that she didn't recognize me. I tended to sit on the sides of the classroom, minding my own business.

"Right! Hope to see you there, Tavros!" With that, she turned away to hunt down the next soccer team victim, her brother close on her heels.

As I approached my locker, I spotted Aradia's long, wavy black hair—which wasn't very difficult with the amount that she had. How she kept her head up without breaking her neck still baffled me.

She was conversing with Sollux, her 'close friend'. Nobody actually believed the two were just friends, no matter how many times she assured everyone.

Aradia caught my eye and waved at me, garnering the attention of the aforementioned 'close friend'. Sollux looked at me and nodded in acknowledgement—or, at least, I thought so, it was difficult to tell what with his bi-coloured glasses.

"Hey Tavros, I was just telling Sollux to join the team." I wasn't really surprised at the statement, more like I was expecting it. Soccer has been the only topic of conversation for the whole day so far.

"I don't really want to, AA," replied Sollux.

"Oh come on, not you too! Please, Sollux, for me?" Aradia said, refusing to give up.

"Nobody wants to join, the team is fucking shit," he stated, slight lisp revealing itself. Aradia gave him a pointed look and he shrugged. "I don't even know why you bother; the team never qualifies for city championships."

"And we can change that! All of us, and yes, you too Tavros," she reassured me, and I gave her an appreciative look. "Listen, this is a good opportunity for both of you to stop mindlessly playing computer games every day."

Sollux and I gave her an accusing look; we both knew that she played almost as many computer games as we did. Just yesterday, she and I played the popular live action role playing game FLARP. She seemed to be aware of her hypocrisy and smiled sheepishly. "All I'm trying to say is give it a chance."

"I have better things to do than kick a stupid ball around a field, AA," he said bluntly. Aradia seemed more disappointed than offended, but I knew that she wasn't going to let it go. "Anyway, I have to go meet up with KK. See you around AA, Tavros."

Not long after he left, Aradia turned to me and smiled. "Let's go to The Secret Garden; I want get some fresh air."

I quickly agreed and we set off down the hallway.

The garden was in the middle of the school, surrounded by glass walls. Skaia Secondary was built with the intention of leaving out a portion of the center for gardening and fresh air. It was mine and Aradia's favourite place to eat lunch due to our love of nature. Her natural curiosity drew her to the garden, while I enjoyed the serenity that came with it. Naturally, it was the primary destination for lunch.

We wandered a little deeper into garden until we found a bench. The surrounding fauna and flora blocked us from view of any students, which prompted us to name the place 'The Secret Garden'. The novel by Frances Hodgson Burnett was one that we both enjoyed. Aradia often compared me to Dickon Sowerby due to my close relationship with animals, but that was as far as similarity went. As much as I hated to admit it, I thought I was more like Colin Craven—weak and pitiful.

I sat down beside Aradia, pulling out a peanut butter sandwich from my lunch bag. "Are you, uh, sure that you don't want to be with your friends?" I asked, unable to suppress my worry. To my eternal gratitude, Aradia reassured me every time, no matter how repetitive and annoying it became.

"No, I missed eating lunch with you; you make it such a point to get out of my way that I hardly see you during school," she said, frowning.

"But I haven't even been in this school for that l-long," I reminded her.

"Yeah, but we used to eat outside when we were in elementary school all the time!" reminded Aradia, laughing as she recalled our adventurous childhood together. "Don't tell me you forgot."

I grinned, previous worries disbanded. "I could never forget," I said easily.

There was no doubt in my mind that elementary school was the best years of my life. There were absolutely no worries; appearance, social status, grades, or the future didn't matter. On top of that, those were the days when mine and Aradia's friendship was at its strongest. We were glued to the hip and spent almost every minute together playing, exploring, and going on adventures. Unfortunately, we grew a little distant when we separated in middle school. Although we still saw each other often, she went on to make new friends and interests, while I became a victim of bullying and harassment.

"I wish I could live in my childhood forever," I sighed wistfully.

"Like Peter Pan?"

A smile tugged at the corners of my lips at the mention of my favourite story. Anyone who knew me knew that I loved Peter Pan, but nobody understood this as well as my cousin. From the day my mother read the story of the boy who never grew up, I was hooked.

"Now I'm just getting nostalgic," I admitted. Aradia agreed, and she recounted her morning instead.

She expressed her love for her ancient civilizations class; explaining how she adored her teacher and her kind classmates. She went on to talk about second period biology, a class she shared with Sollux. The computer genius was better at chemistry, so Aradia often helped him grasp certain concepts. She continued to tell me all about her morning, leaving out no details. I really liked listening to her stories, so I welcomed anything she had to say.

"Enough about me," Aradia finished. "Tell me about your morning, Tavros."

I was about to tell her that my morning wasn't anything special, because they usually weren't, until I remembered how I was constantly bombarded with soccer advertisements.

"Well," I started, "a lot of people asked me to, um, join soccer."

That definitely caught Aradia's attention because her dark eyes widened hopefully. "So does this mean you're going to join?"

"I, uh, don't think so. I'm just c-curious why nobody wants to join."

Aradia's expression went from hopeful to dejected. "It's because Skaia's soccer team is one of the worst in the region. Most people quit and nobody wants to join because the team isn't very successful. If the team fails again, they're going to stop funding the sport. This is probably our last chance."

She turned to me with that familiar look of determination. "Tavros, I really think joining the team will benefit you. I'm not only saying this so enough people can join to form an official team; I'm saying it because I want you to make your own friends. I want you to actually experience what it's like to be part of a friendly community."

I understood what Aradia meant; she wanted me to actually get a life. She was often concerned about my well-being and I tried convincing her it was fine because really, it was. Even if I was lonely, I learned to live with it. "I'm already okay with being alone."

She looked at me seriously. "I understand you like being alone because I do too, but there's a difference between being alone and being lonely. I know you can handle yourself, Tavros, but I also know that this is the best option."

I sighed; I knew Aradia was right but I didn't want to admit it. For most of my life, I experienced everything alone with the exception of my family. It left me empty and hollow; a feeling, I decided, that I wanted to forget.

"Okay," I agreed. "I'll try it."

Aradia whipped her head in my direction, her face radiating joy. She threw her arms around me. "Thank you, Tavros! I can't believe you're actually doing this."

Neither can I, I thought as I returned the hug. I just hope I don't regret it.

Feedback would be very much appreciated. I strongly encourage constructive criticism, so don't be afraid to tell me your opinion or point out any mistakes that you think should be made. I really hope you enjoyed and that you read the story until the end.

Thanks for reading.