How to Annoy the Akatsuki for Dummies.
PART 1: KISAME HOSHIGAKI
Hello readers, in order to complete this task of how to annoy Kisame Hoshigaki you must first start by making sure that as you scroll down this page, you do not develop Carpal Tunnel. Also, it's strongly recommended that under any circumstances you do NOT attempt any of these without proper protection against the Akatsuki. 1Skadu3 IS NOT and WILL NOT be held responsible for any damage done to the reader. Now please place your hand/finger over the mouse/touch pad and scroll down to begin reading. If the reader is unable to understand the text, then he/she should just stop wasting their time and leave this page so that he/she does not pop a blood vessel. Once again, 1Skadu3 is NOT responsible for the welfare/death of the readers.
Now, in these simple lessons, we will go over step by step on various ways to annoy Kisame Hoshigaki. If you are unable to comprehend this text, then you should have stopped reading by the second or third sentence of the text above, and immediately contact the nearest medical board, for you may be suffering from "Dumbass Syndrome". It is a very common, yet catchy illness that may affect anyone from the ages 12-83. If you understand perfectly, then please continue with the lessons:
LESSON 1: SAMEHADA
We all know how our favorite blue man adores his "baby", so if you truly wish to annoy him, this is usually the quickest way to do so.
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POINT TO SAMEHADA, AND TELL KISAME TO BUY A BETTER TAMPON.
There is no need to feel ashamed. It's about time someone has pointed it out to Kisame that his Samehada does indeed look like and oversized Tampon. (if the reader is unaware of what a Tampon is, then please return to your sex education classes or tell your parents that you are ready for the "Birds and the Bees" talk.) It is best for the reader to stand at least ten feet away from Kisame as you tell him this. If you told him this as you were reading it and have not gotten to this part by the time you have told him, then it is strongly recommended that you run as if your life depends on it. (Because it does.)
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SINCE SAMEHADA WILL NOT ALLOW ANYONE BUT ITS OWNER TO TOUCH IT, TALK TO IT. EVEN IF KISAME IS CARRYING THE SWORD.
If you can't touch it, talk to it! Do not look at this page funny. You saw what was written correctly. Speak loving words to the sword. If Kisame asks what you are doing, simply glare at him, and tell him to give you and Samehada "alone time". At first Kisame may attempt to ignore you, however, after about five to ten minutes he should be irritated by your mere presence and/or shove you through a wall. If this still doesn't happen, then sniff it. This task should take no more than ten minutes to complete.
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LURE KISAME AWAY FROM THE SWORD, AND WITH A STEEL POLE, ATTEMPT TO PUSH IT INTO A BOX, AND THEN SEAL THE BOX BEFORE HANDING IT TO YOUR LOCAL UPS OFFICE. MAKE SURE THAT THE ADDRESS OF THE BOX WITH KISAME'S SAMEHADA IS ANY ADDRESS AT RANDOM, AS LONG AS IT ENDS UP IN STOCKHOLM, SWEDEN.
Hej! If we can't go to Sweden, why not send Samehada? Just be sure, that while you are doing this, have a friend come over and keep Kisame distracted as you prepare to ship the box containing the sword. However, it is more than likely that Kisame is standing in your doorway at this very moment glaring at you while holding the corpse of your now dead friend. This is when you run. If you have no place to run, then please exit through the nearest window.
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PAINT YOURSELF BLUE AND CREAT YOUR OWN SAMEHADA.
It would also help if you sing the song "Blue" by Eiffel 65. If possible, follow Kisame as you do this and declare that you are his twin. However, if you cannot follow him everywhere he goes, then wait and sing "Blue" whenever he enters the room.
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Thank you for reading Lesson one of 'How to Annoy Kisame Hoshigaki'. Please take a few days rest before continuing on with the next lesson.