God I haven't written anything in such a long time it's strange :L but just a note to say this is based on my feelings for a guy at my sixth form rearranged to fit in with FMA and Roy's feelings for Ed and originally formed from a note I wrote on my laptop to myself to vent my frustration and jealously so please read it and let me know what you think but you have been warned so don't blame me if it is shit :P

Disclaimer – I own nothing to do with FMA - (cries into a pillow)

Roy Mustang's Internal Monologue

When I look at him, I see everything I have ever wanted, in a single heartbeat. When I first saw him it only took me a second to realise I wanted him in my life and I did not care how I got him or who I would have to hurt or would hurt to get him. I needed him! And in those first few seconds after laying my dark obsidian eyes on him I had fallen hard and fast and he became my world.

When we first spoke, I don't really know what happened, I just remember it felt like being young again and everything was so much simpler, and making friends, and falling in love, were the most simplistic things to achieve, in a small amount of time. It was like being back in playschool where you just talk to someone and even though you have never met them before you just can talk and talk it was so easy to be myself around him.

I sound crazy and I even sound stupid but what I sound like most is a infatuated teenager but hell when you're in love is it really wrong to sound slightly crazy now and then.

The thing is I don't even really know why I love him but I have my assumptions. It's not because he is cute that's just a bonus and it's not because of his laugh however adorable it may be. It's because for once I looked into someone's eyes and I saw something there – I could see everything and nothing.

I saw into his amber soul through his golden eyes but instead of seeing just colour, I saw beautiful pictures and an amazing chemistry that seemed to appear out of nowhere and that neither of us would ever admit to having.

It was like a flicker from a candle or a ripple on the water, it only takes a second to make it appear but it can last for so much longer. A flicker on a candle can go on for as long as the candle burns, if you blow on it and have the effort to blow on it till it burns out you can nurture it but blow too hard and you might blow the flame out completely and with no flame there can be no flicker.

Love is sort of like that – you can blow on it and it will flicker but blow too hard and it can disappear as quickly as it started. So in a way love matched the candles ability to shine through the darkness but die quick if you try too hard for it.

But god do I love everything about him. I worship his very being and I devoted myself to him the day I met him. For me there is no one else out there in the world for me. I want him! And I am selfish enough as to admit that. It sounds horribly stupid and girly and miserably crazy, hell I am miserable but happy at the same time because I am in love and love is worth risking all the emotional damage just so you can see that person everyday and even though you cannot be with them you know deep down it is still worthwhile.

The way that his laugh, his cheeky little grin make it worthwhile amazes me – even the way he insults me makes me fall harder because they do not even sound insulting to me. His amazing thoughts always make me smile myself and his personality and his eyes – those beautiful amber eyes and his amazing subtle looking lips.

All this time, of course, he'll never love me and I do not expect him to but I also do not want to give up i wouldn't be Roy Mustang if I gave up that easily. I'm constantly telling myself though that it is wrong, to fall in love with my subordinate, especially a much younger subordinate. But my heart will not let me give up. He has taken it in his grasp and he is holding it tight. Until I let him go, and how can I do that when he does not let know my feelings for him. I want to tell him and someday soon I will because Fullmetal I love you and you're in my heart.

And I fear until the day I can pluck up the courage to tell you, I will just kept telling myself what I cannot bring to say to your face and that is I love you! I love everything about you and I think about nothing else but you.

Thank you to everyone who has read this story I won't bore you with personal stuff I already did that up top but if you could take a moment of time to review or favourite or something this story it would be much appreciated flames are welcomed :P

Much Love to all the amazing people out there who take the time to read these stories without you I would not have my inspiration to write :D

Love you all Mickey aka Emma xxxx